Vanity bits and bobs
by thegirl20
Summary: Little Vanity drabbles and ficlets. Mostly from prompts on tumblr. (Charity/Vanessa)
1. Snoring

As she draws closer to consciousness, she becomes aware of a muffled noise just below her ear. It's fairly rhythmic, with the occasional staccato burst. She opens one eye to try and wake her brain up a little more so that she can decide if she needs to investigate this noise further. It's dark, so all she can see are the outlines of furniture that, although not her own, has become familiar to her over the last few weeks. **  
**

A soft snort makes her smile as the noise starts to makes sense; Charity's snoring. Her face is pressed into Vanessa's neck, an arm tight around her midsection, deep in slumber. It's dark enough to indicate that there's no need to get up just yet, but she needs to do something about the noise. As gently as she can, she eases Charity's arm away from her and turns so that she's facing the other woman.

In the sliver of moonlight that's coming through the curtains, she can pick out Charity's features, relaxed in sleep. Unable to help herself, she draws a finger along one of Charity's eyebrows and down her cheek to her chin before leaning in and kissing her nose. The movement makes Charity wrinkle her nose, snorting once before turning her face away and easing onto her back.

The new position must open up her airways, because the snoring stops. Vanessa takes a few more moments just to watch Charity sleep before tucking herself into her side and laying her head on her shoulder. She slides a hand across her belly, letting it rest on the warm skin there, and closes her eyes.

She smiles a few seconds later when Charity's arm wraps around her shoulder and pulls her closer.


	2. Bye babe

"Have fun, love," Vanessa says, bending to press a kiss to Johnny's head as he flings his jacket off and thrusts it into her hands. "Be good and Auntie Tracy will pick you up later, okay?"

"Okay," Johnny says, already on his way into his designated room at nursery. "Bye babe!"

Vanessa frowns, unsure she's heard him correctly. She shakes her head and resolves to get a hearing test done.

* * *

She gets home from work a little later than planned, grateful for the text she received from Charity earlier telling her that she'd picked Johnny up from Tracy and had given him his dinner. At first Charity had been hesitant about spending time around Johnny. Her insecurities surrounding her skills as a mother, coupled with neither of them really being sure where the relationship was going meant that she was reluctant to get too deeply involved with him. That had all become irrelevant when Johnny decided Charity was the best thing in the whole wide world. Now the two of them are almost inseparable and it's lucky that Johnny's bedtime is well before Charity leaves to go home, on the nights that she doesn't stay over at least. Otherwise there'd be tears and tantrums.

She pushes open the door and rolls her eyes as she hears a familiar theme tune ringing out. Sure enough, Charity and Johnny are on the couch, watching Paw Patrol. Johnny seems to be explaining something to Charity in quite a bit of detail. Charity nods and makes wide eyes at him before turning to look at Vanessa, giving her a wink and holding a finger up to her lips.

"-and then Rubble saved the chicken and the pups went back home and it was all okay."

"Well, thank goodness for that, eh?"

"Uh huh. Rubble is the best."

"I like Zuma," Charity tells him.

Johnny nods his head, weighing this opinion up. "I like Zuma's car," he decides. "But Rubble is the best."

"Fair enough," Charity tells him. "Not sure I'd want a puppy to be operating heavy machinery around me, mind you. Although, Chase is _definitely_ better at catching folk than the cops around here, that's for sure."

Vanessa laughs, alerting Johnny to her presence. He turns and beams at her. "Hiya babe!"

Charity lets out an undignified cackle, which she tries, unsuccessfully, to turn into a cough. Vanessa manages to keep a straight face as she moves around the sofa and crouches down in front of Johnny.

"Johnny-" she begins. "I'm your Mummy. You call me Mummy, yeah?"

"But-" His little brow creases in confusion. "Charity calls you babe."

Charity's eyes are now watering from trying to hold back her mirth and Vanessa glares at her. She ruffles Johnny's hair before standing up. "I-uh…I'll go and put the kettle on b-… _Vanessa_." And she slinks off to the kitchen. Vanessa sighs and turns back to Johnny.

"I know, darling," she says, with a smile. "But you don't call me Vanessa, like Auntie Tracy and Rhona do, do you?"

He giggles, as if this thought is hilarious to him. "No," he shakes his head, vehemently.

"No, because I'm your Mummy. So you call me Mummy, okay?" It suddenly hits her that there'll come a time when he won't call her mummy anymore. She'll be 'mum'. She presses that down, she'll deal with that another time.

"Okay Mummy," Johnny says with a smile.

"Good boy," she leans up and kisses his forehead before pushing to her feet and heading to the kitchen. Charity's leaning against the worktop, her hand covering her mouth.

"I thought I was going to wet myself when he came out with that," she mumbles from behind it.

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "He said it earlier today as well," she tells her. "I just wrote it off as me hearing him wrong." She advances on Charity, pinning her to the counter. "But no, it's just him copying his favourite person."

Charity's hand falls away from her face, her smile slowly fading. She looks down between them, her hands coming to rest lightly on Vanessa's hips. "Well, that's a habit we really want to get him out of before he's much older."

Vanessa tilts her head in question. "What is?"

"Copying _me_." Charity meets her eyes again. "The last thing you want is him turning out like me."

Vanessa sighs. She lifts a hand to Charity's face, tracing fingertips over her cheek before taking her chin between a firm thumb and forefinger. "Charity Dingle," she begins, her voice stern. "You know I hate it when you talk yourself down like that." She leans in and presses a kiss to pliant lips. "I wish you could see what he sees when he looks at you."

Charity rolls her eyes, but the edges of her mouth twitch in a smile. "And what is it you think he sees?"

Vanessa smiles. "Someone who has deep and meaningful conversations with him about Paw Patrol." That earns half a smile. "Someone who makes him laugh and reads him stories and cuddles him when he's upset. Someone who's there for him when he needs her. Someone he _loves_."

Charity's shaking her head as Vanessa speaks and it breaks her heart that Charity thinks so lowly of her skills in this area. "He shouldn't-…that's not-"

" _That's_ what he sees, because _that's_ what you've shown him."

Charity's eyes flick to the couch where Johnny is happily watching the telly, her lips turning up into a smile at the sight of him. She looks back at Vanessa. "And what is it _you_ see when you look at me?" she whispers.

Smiling, Vanessa leans closer, lowering her voice. "Pretty much the same as Johnny, to be honest." Charity's arms tighten around her back.

"Well, now you come to mention it, I had been meaning to talk to you about Paw Patrol." Vanessa laughs, pressing a kiss to Charity's cheek as she continues to speak, face completely serious. "I mean, who's paying for all these gadgets and rescue equipment for a bunch of puppies to blunder about with, instead of funding proper emergency services in Adventure Bay?


	3. Near far (wherever you are)

Vanessa's minding her own business, eating breakfast with Charity at the kitchen table in the Woolpack, when a newspaper is thrust in front of her. Charity jabs her finger at it, grinning.

"Date night's sorted for this week, babe."

Vanessa leans over, squinting at the section Charity's finger is half covering. The words come into focus and she wrinkles her nose. "Oh. God. Charity. No."

Brow creased in confusion, Charity's grin fades and she looks at the paper. "Why not? It's Titanic!"

"Think you answered your own question there," Vanessa mumbles, shoving another spoonful of Rice Krispies in her mouth.

"It's a classic," Charity presses. "And it's, you know-" She rolls her eyes. "-all romantic and stuff. And Kate Winslet gets her baps out. I thought you'd be well up for it."

Vanessa can't help but smile at Charity's enthusiasm. And her reasons for thinking Vanessa would enjoy it. "You have _awful_ taste in films," she says, fondly. "Why is it even on? It's ancient."

Picking up the paper, Charity shrugs. "Some James Cameron festival or something." She tosses the newspaper back on the table and leans back in her seat. "It's fine. Just thought you might fancy it."

Something twinges in Vanessa's chest; Charity's disappointed. "Well…I suppose I _could_ be persuaded," she says, setting her cereal down and picking up the abandoned paper. "I mean, it's three hours alone in the dark with you, right? That definitely has appeal."

Slowly, Charity's smile reappears. She leans forward, elbows on the table. "I could book us seats in the back row?" She lifts her eyebrows. "Been a while since I had a grope in the pictures."

Vanessa laughs, rolling the paper up and using it to swat Charity's arm. "Hopeless romantic, you are."

Tilting her head, Charity smiles. "Oh, I dunno." She stands up and moves so that she's standing behind Vanessa's chair. She leans down and presses a kiss just below Vanessa's ear. "I'm beginning to understand why she gave up her seat in that lifeboat."

Vanessa's eyes fill with tears.


	4. Long lost siblings club

"Vanessa, can I ask you something? It's…a bit private, like."

Noah's request takes her by surprise, and Vanessa immediately looks around the pub for Charity to see if this is okay. She's got enough problems with people inserting themselves into her kids' lives right now without Vanessa doing the same. Unfortunately, Charity's nowhere to be found. Probably skiving in the cellar playing that daft game on her phone that she's addicted to this week.

Vanessa's not spent a great deal of time with Noah, but they'd bumped into each other in the hall a couple of times back when she was sneaking around with Charity. And now they do the odd breakfast when Vanessa spends the night. But that doesn't give her the right to be talking to him about 'private' things.

"Uh, course you can, mate," Vanessa says, trying for a confident smile. It's fine, she tells herself. If he asks her anything too weird, she'll just tell him he needs to speak to his mum about it. "Do you wanna-" She gestures to an empty booth with her head. He nods and heads in the direction indicated. She takes a deep breath and follows, smiling as she slides in opposite him.

"So. What was it you wanted to ask me?"

He looks at the table and shifts in his seat before meeting her eyes. "Do you think you could talk to mum about me and Joe?"

That was the last thing she expected to come out of his mouth. " _Me_?" The word is almost barked and she quickly follows it up in a softer tone. "Why would you want me to talk to your mum about that? I…I don't really even know much about-"

"No, I mean, like," he rushes to explain himself. "You know how you and Tracy never grew up together, right?"

"Yeah," she says slowly, still a bit unsure of where this is going.

"And now the two of you are, like, best mates."

"Well, don't let Rhona hear you saying that," she tells him with a smile. "But yeah, okay."

"So, can you maybe tell mum that it was a really good thing that you got to know your sister?"

"Oh, Noah, love," Vanessa says, biting her lip. "That's…I don't think it's the same kind of situation. I don't know all the ins and outs of it, but I _do_ know that your mum isn't trying to keep you away from him for no reason. She's worried about you. She's trying to do her best by you."

He huffs and sits back in the booth, arms crossed. "That'll be a first," he mutters.

"Be that as it may," Vanessa continues. "I can understand where you're coming from too. I didn't exactly welcome Tracy with open arms at the beginning, but when I stopped being upset that my Dad had lied to me…yeah, I started to want her in my life."

"Mum doesn't get it," Noah continues. "She doesn't have brothers or sisters so she _can't_ get it." He looks up at her and for a moment she sees Charity shining out of him. "Please can you just talk to her a bit? She listens when you talk."

"When it suits her," Vanessa says, with a rueful smile. She sighs. "Look, I'll give it a go, okay? But I'm not making any promises because, as I said, your mum's doing what she thinks is right to keep you safe."

He breaks out in a grin. "Thanks Vanessa."

"What's all this, then?" Vanessa looks up to find Charity approaching, looking between them in concern.

"Nothing," Noah says, too quickly. He stands up and flashes Vanessa another smile. "Vanessa was just helping me with my homework."

"Oh, so you _have_ been to school this week, then?" Charity asks. "Wonders will never cease."

Noah ignores her and heads through to the back of the pub. Charity slides into his place and lifts an eyebrow at Vanessa. "So? What's the real story?"

Vanessa shrugs and gives Charity a lopsided smile. "I think we've just founded a long lost siblings support group."


	5. You are my destiny

Having called the Vets and coaxed Pearl to tell her Vanessa's whereabouts, Charity Dingle finds herself driving up an endless dirt track full of potholes and puddles. Not for the first time, she asks herself when she became the type of person who thinks to bring someone a flask of soup just because it's a bit parky outside. She rolls her eyes. She knows the answer to that question; when she allowed Vanessa bloody Woodfield to inveigle her way into her heart, that's when.

Spying the familiar blue Beetle parked by one of the barns, she draws to a halt beside it. Just at that, Vanessa comes out of the barn door, dressed in those ridiculous green overalls that she somehow manages to make look sexy. Charity leans down and grabs the flask she brought, just as Vanessa catches sight of her car and grins.

The wind is strong and she has to fight with the car door to get out, but finally manages it as Vanessa arrives beside her.

"To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?" Vanessa asks, briefly going up on her toes to press a kiss to Charity's cheek. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, except the smell up here." Charity's nose wrinkles. She thrusts the flask at Vanessa. "Marlon had made that soup you like and I thought you might like some, you know, on account of it being brass monkeys."

Vanessa's smile is enough to chase away the cold that's seeping into her bones from standing in a gale force wind. " _You-_ " Vanessa points at Charity. "-are a lifesaver. I was literally just thinking of nipping back into the village to get something warm to eat, but I'm way behind with this worming and that would've put me even further behind." She tilts her head. "Thank you."

Charity rolls her eyes. "Whatever. It's nothing exciting. S'just soup." When Vanessa continues just to stand and look at her with a dopey smile on her face, Charity pulls her scarf tighter around her and nods to the bar. "D'you think we could maybe get in out of this wind, babe?"

"Oh! 'Course," Vanessa says, linking her arm through Charity's. "C'mon."

They're almost at the barn door when Vanessa freezes, pulling Charity to a stop with her. Charity turns to look at her. "What's wrong?"

Vanessa's whole face scrunches up. "Uh, on second thought, maybe a barn isn't the most hygienic place to have lunch? Let's sit in one of the cars, eh? Yeah." She tries to tug Charity back the way they'd come.

"Don't be daft, I'm only staying a minute," she says. "I just don't want my head blown off in the meantime." She tries to pull Vanessa to the barn, but she won't budge. Charity frowns, slipping her arm out of Vanessa's hold. "What've you got in here that you don't want me to see, eh?" She walks backwards to the door, eyes wide. "Will I find Northam with his kecks around his ankles?"

"Oh, Charity, as if!" Vanessa's nose wrinkles in distaste. "He's seventy if he's a day."

Reaching the door, Charity yanks it open and hears Vanessa's sigh and then her footsteps, indicating that she's following. The barn is warm and not all that much more smelly than the outside. Some of the cows in the nearest pen shift and moo at her arrival, but soon quieten down. But it's one cow in particular that catches her attention. It's in a pen all on its own, lying down in the straw. She approaches it slowly.

"Vanessa...is that-" On the cow's head is a bright pink bra, one of the cups is covering an eye, the other is cut out to let it see. She turns back to find Vanessa biting her lip. She points to the cow. "Is that my favourite bra?"

Vanessa hugs the flask to her chest, eyebrows tilted in concern. "Look, don't go mad. I had to improvise earlier when Destiny got hurt and that was in the glove compartment of my car from when we-" Vanessa flushes a deep red. "You know...that day we-"

"I know what day you're talking about!" Charity almost bellows, frightening some of the animals. She points back at the injured cow. "You didn't have _any_ bandages in that massive bag you lug around with you? My _very_ expensive bra was the _only_ thing that would work?"

"It just...it was the right size and I-"

"The right _size_?" Charity plants her hands on her hips. "Well. Now I don't need to bother getting measured, eh? I'll just tell the shop assistant that I need a cow-sized bra, shall I?"

Vanessa rolls her eyes, finally opening the flask and pouring a cupful. "You're overreacting. You've got dozens of bras and you look amazing in all of them." She hands the cup of soup to Charity, who accepts it without thinking. She looks down at it, confused, before looking back at Vanessa.

"I brought this for _you_ ," she says, unsettled at having the wind taken out of her rant by Vanessa's compliment and now her generosity.

Holding up the flask itself, Vanessa smiles. "I'll swig it straight from here. Your hands have gone blue so I thought holding that might warm them up."

Charity's heart melts a little and she wiggles her eyebrows. "I could think of better ways to w-" She frowns at herself. "No. We're not doing the cute flirting thing. I'm still annoyed about the bra." She sticks her bottom lip out.

Vanessa sighs and rolls her eyes again, walking over to stand beside Charity. "I'll buy you a new one. I'll buy you two new ones. Deal?"

Making a show of thinking about it, Charity finally smiles. "That sounds fair." She slips her arm through Vanessa's again, and they both sip their soup in silence. Something about their conversation hasn't been sitting well with Charity and it pops back into her head.

"Wait. Did you say that cow was called Destiny?" she asks and she feels Vanessa tense up a little.

"Uh...yeah."

"So, not _only_ has she ended up wearing my favourite bra," she begins, narrowing her eyes at the cow in question. "She's _also_ the one that kicked you in the head and nearly killed you?"

"She didn't mean it," Vanessa says, squeezing Charity's arm and looking up at her with big, imploring eyes. "And the bra thing's hardly her fault, is it?"

"Hmmm," Charity remains unconvinced. "I hate that bloody cow."


	6. Thunder only happens when it's raining

It's raining hard; battering off the roof and blurring the light coming through the window into some Van Gogh-esque canvas of blues and yellows. They'd fallen into bed together the minute they'd come through the door, far too preoccupied with each other to bother with closing the curtains.

Vanessa smiles as Charity snuggles closer to her, murmuring something unintelligible against her neck. She tightens her arm around Charity's shoulders, her thumb stroking smooth skin. Even after almost a year together, she still appreciates times like this, when they're curled up together, warm and happy.

A flash of lightning illuminates the whole room, making Vanessa's heart speed up with its suddenness. She counts in her head. One...two...three...four...five… And then it comes, a crack of thunder that sounds like it's ripping the sky in two. Charity jolts upright, the covers falling away and revealing her naked body in silhouette. She's shaking. Vanessa frowns, reaching out to touch her back, to offer comfort, but Charity twists away from her hand, looking around wildly until her eyes land on Vanessa. She seems to calm a little at the sight of her.

"You okay?" Vanessa whispers. "The thunder woke you up."

Charity's head whips to the window, absorbing the sight of the rain. She nods. "I'm fine," she says, her voice tremulous from being woken suddenly. "Just...just startled, you know?"

"Yeah," Vanessa says, with a nod. She beckons with her hand, nodding to her shoulder where Charity had been resting peacefully before. "C'mere."

Slowly, Charity lowers herself to her previous position, glancing at the window every few seconds. Immediately Vanessa knows something's wrong; there's tension in Charity's frame that wasn't there before. She's almost rigid when Vanessa tries to pull her closer.

"Charity are y-" Lightning flashes again and Charity is up and pushing herself backwards until she's seated against the headboard, her knees are drawn up to her chest and she's hugging them. Her face is hidden in her arms. Vanessa's so shocked that she doesn't move for a few seconds. But when the thunder rumbles again, Charity's whole body goes tense until it stops.

Vanessa gets up on her knees, inching closer, afraid to touch in case she startles her more. "Charity," she says quietly.

"I don't like storms, alright?" Charity's voice is harsh, but muffled from where her face is hidden. "Daft, I know. Go on, take the piss."

Vanessa's seen animals react like this, not just to storms, but when they're exposed to reminders of trauma. "Why would I take the piss?" Vanessa asks, gently. "You're upset. I don't like seeing you upset. All I want to do is see if I can help you."

The lightning brightens the room once more and it must make it through the barrier of Charity's arms because she tenses again, waiting. This time, Vanessa reaches out and takes hold of Charity's foot, just so that she's touching her in some way when the thunder sounds. She feels the jump when it does, the tremors that pass through Charity's entire body. She squeezes Charity's foot as tightly as she can, making her presence felt. When the noise stops and the rain is all they can hear, she strokes her thumb over Charity's ankle.

"Charity, talk to me," she murmurs.

It takes a few seconds, but Charity turns her head so that she's looking at Vanessa, her head still resting on her arms. "Cain always took the piss," she whispers.

Vanessa's lips form a thin line. "Well, I'm not Cain," she says, moving closer. She sits against the headboard and risks wrapping an arm around Charity's back, glad when she moves a little closer. "And I'm never going to take the piss out of you when you're scared." She leans closer. "Even if it's of silly things like clowns."

Charity lets out a clipped laugh. " _Killer_ clowns," she corrects, just as lightning flashes. She turns her face into her arms again, but this time Vanessa pulls her close, pressing her forehead against Charity's temple. The thunder is closer now, with hardly any gap between the flash and the noise, so she holds Charity tight until it passes, feels her whole body trembling. After a few seconds, Charity turns so their foreheads are resting together.

"When I was...when I was little, my dad used to tell me that storms were God being angry and stomping around in heaven," Charity says. Vanessa tightens her grip around her shoulders but stays quiet; Charity rarely mentions her parents. The only time Vanessa can recall them coming up in conversation was when Charity was telling her about the events leading to Debbie's birth. "And...when I was...on the streets to begin with...I...there was a big storm and I was huddled in a doorway, trying to keep dry-"

Vanessa's chest starts to ache like it does whenever Charity talks about this period of her life. She forces herself to picture it. It's so much easier to block it out and not think about it, but Charity had to live it so the least Vanessa can do is try and imagine what it must've been like for a thirteen year old kid to be out in the rain and wind with nowhere to go and nobody to care about her. Tears burn her eyes and she presses a kiss to Charity's cheek.

Charity's lips quirk into a tiny smile before she continues speaking. "-and I just remember thinking, being _positive,_ that the lightning was gonna hit me because I was bad. I was a bad person."

"Oh, Charity," Vanessa whispers, shaking her head.

She _hates_ Charity's parents so much. She cannot imagine ever letting Johnny, or Noah or Moses, feel like that. She can't imagine _anything_ that any of them could do that would make her throw them on the street and leave them to fend for themselves. Lightning strikes again, this time with virtually no gap until the thunder sounds. Charity buries her face into Vanessa's neck, and Vanessa lifts a hand to cup the back of her head, whispering reassurances into her ear.

"Nothing can hurt you here, okay? You're safe. I've got you."

At that, she feels a sob move through Charity's chest. Then another, and another. Vanessa rocks them, both, continuing her constant stream of comfort through each crack of thunder until Charity's crying subsides. She sniffles and rubs her face, sitting up a little and avoiding Vanessa's eyes.

"Sorry," she mumbles. "I...I don't know where that came from."

"Hey," Vanessa says, gently, waiting for Charity to look at her. Her eyes are always greener after she cries. "Doesn't matter where it came from." She lifts a hand to cup Charity's cheek, rubbing at a tear track with her thumb. "And if it comes back again, that's okay too. I'll be here."

Charity rolls her eyes, but turns her face further into Vanessa's hand, rubbing her cheek against her palm. "We've enough kids between us as it is, you shouldn't have to listen to me blubbering an'all."

"I don't have to," Vanessa tells her. "I _want_ to." She leans in and presses a firm, chaste kiss against Charity's lips. "And I don't see that changing anytime soon, okay?" She learned early on not to speak in terms of 'always' or 'forever' with Charity.

There's a long pause where she thinks Charity might continue to protest. Instead, Charity's head falls to rest on her shoulder and a quiet 'thank you' is murmured against her skin.

"No need to thank me, you wally," Vanessa says, kissing the side of Charity's head. She eases them both back down until they're lying flat, Vanessa pressed against Charity's back. She sweeps Charity's hair aside and kisses the side of her neck. "Go to sleep. I'll be here."

Charity reaches around and grabs Vanessa's hand, pulling it around her waist and linking their fingers together.


	7. Johnny 1

When she heads down the stairs, a bag containing whatever she could fit into it on her shoulder, Johnny's sitting on the bottom step playing with two toy cars. Vanessa's over by the sink, her shoulders jumping every few seconds with silent sobs. Charity's teeth clench as she fights to keep from going to her and offering comfort. Vanessa's the cause of this, after all. She's the one who thought the worst. Jumped to the conclusions. Said the hurtful words. She's the reason Charity can't stay.

She looks away, down at the top of Johnny's head as he causes a crash, making the noise and letting one of the cars fall to the floor. Her throat tightens. She's never had to do this bit before. Somehow, in her multitude of romantic entanglements, she's managed to avoid getting attached to anyone else's kids. But, _God_ , she's attached to this one. She loves him like he was one of her own and the thought of having to say goodbye to him is crushing her heart slowly. She moves down the stairs and drops her bag, taking a seat next to him on the bottom step.

"Where you goin'?" Johnny asks, looking up at her. "You _just_ came home."

Home. He thinks she's home. She thought she was home too. It's not like she even officially lives at Tug Ghyll. She just spends the vast majority of her nights here and had most of her clothes stuffed into Vanessa's wardrobe and drawers.

"Chas needs me over at the pub," she tells him. "So I'm gonna stay over there tonight, okay?"

"Okay." It's like he knows, the way he's looking at her; he knows something's not right. "But you'll come back tomorrow?"

She swallows. She could just say yes and leave it at that. He's, what, three and a half? Kids have no concept of time when they're that little. But one look into his big trusting blue eyes and she can't bring herself to lie to him.

"Ummm, listen, mate, I…I might not see you for a little bit, okay?"

He frowns at her, as if this is the worst news in the world. If only her own kids felt that way about her. "Why?"

"Well, because I…I'm gonna be staying at the pub for a while and I…I might not be able to come over." Vanessa's sob cuts into her heart, but she can't stay. She can't stay here knowing that Vanessa's just waiting for her to put a foot wrong.

"But the pub's just there." He points his finger in the direction of the Woolpack. He smiles hopefully. "Me and mummy can come and see you there."

Her throat seizes up and her eyes fill with tears. She's not good at this. And she shouldn't have to do it. This isn't even her fault. She shouldn't be the one to break his heart. Vanessa can do that; she's good at it. So she makes herself smile and she ruffles his hair. "Yeah. Yeah, maybe."

"I'll bring Rubble and I can play with Moses and-."

"Johnny," Vanessa says, coming over and holding out her hand. "Come on, love. Charity's got to go now." She meets Charity's eyes and the remorse in them almost makes Charity's resolve crumble there and then. She doesn't want to go, doesn't want to leave this house where she's felt more at home than anywhere in her life. But she can't stay. Not right now.

She nods and pushes to her feet when Johnny takes Vanessa's hand and steps away.

"Well." She hikes her bag onto her shoulder and looks at Vanessa. "I'll-" She swallows the 'see you later' that she'd normally throw out when leaving. "-be off, then."

She bends to kiss Johnny's forehead, leaving her lips against his skin a little longer than she normally would, drinking in the smell of the watermelon shampoo he loves. "Be good, little man," she says as she stands back up and turns to leave before she really starts to cry.

"What about mummy?"

The little voice makes her turn back around. He looks so confused; they never leave the house without kissing each other goodbye.

Vanessa's face is pained as she jiggles Johnny's hand to get his attention on her.

"Johnny it's-"

"No, he's right. I forgot," Charity says, interrupting whatever Vanessa had planned to say. No point in unsettling him further right now. She reaches out and cups Vanessa's cheek, leaning in and pressing their lips together for the briefest of seconds. Vanessa's hand comes up to rest on her wrist, squeezing it. It would be easy to let her hold on. It would be easy to stay. But it's still too fresh. She steps back and Vanessa's hand falls to her side.

"Bye." It's hard to even get that tiny word out past the ever growing lump in her throat.

"Bye." Even in a whisper, Charity can hear the roughness of Vanessa's voice.

"Bye," she whispers, turning to leave and actually making it to the door this time. She doesn't look back at them. If she looks back at them, she'll stay.


	8. Johnny 2

She's coming back from David's shop when she sees them coming towards her on the other side of the road. Her heart lifts before falling into her stomach. She's not ready to face this again. She can't see Johnny's hopeful face and Vanessa's apologetic one right now. She'll cave in and it still really _hurts_. Before she can think of how to avoid them, the choice is taken away from her when Johnny spots her.

"Charity!" His face lights up and he shakes his hand free of Vanessa's.

What follows happens in a split second that lasts an eternity. Johnny darts out into the road towards her. Movement at the edge of her vision tells her there's a car coming at the same instant that Vanessa screams Johnny's name. She's not really conscious of dropping her bag or telling her legs to move, but before she can think, she's sprinting towards the little boy now frozen with fear in the middle of the road. She scoops him into her arms, turning her body so that she'll take the impact of the approaching car. But nothing happens.

She opens her eyes and sees Vanessa running towards her, crying and saying Johnny's name over and over. Johnny's got a death grip on her neck and she turns to look over her shoulder, seeing a very shaken Bob staring at her through his windscreen; the car not three feet away from her back. Vanessa reaches them and buries her face in Johnny's shoulder, sobbing and scolding him and kissing him.

"Oh my God, Johnny. You can't do that! You mustn't-…I've _told_ you you've got to-…I can't…I can't lose...mummy would be _so_ sad if anything happened to you."

"I'm sorry mummy," Johnny's lip starts to tremble as the shock wears off and he starts to wail. He tightens his arms around Charity's neck and presses his face into her hair.

"Shhhh, I'm sorry for yelling," Vanessa tells him, stroking his hair. "I just...I got such a fright..." Fresh tears spill over Vanessa's lashes and she shakes her head.

Charity gradually becomes aware that Vanessa's other hand is twisted into the back of her shirt. She wants to comfort Vanessa, wants to hold her, but her arms won't let go of Johnny.

"He's okay, Ness. He's fine, it's okay." Her voice is a lot more steady than it should be. Maybe she's in shock.

Vanessa looks up at her then, face streaked with tears and eyes full of emotion. "Thank you," she whispers.

"Is he okay?" Bob's shaking voice comes from beside her, interrupting the moment. "I…I didn't see him…he just came out of nowhere."

"He's fine, Bob," Charity says, with a nod, her arms tightening around Johnny as a picture of what might have happened flashes through her mind. "He's fine. Sorry for, you know, scaring the life out of you."

Bob nods and reaches out with a shaking hand to ruffle Johnny's hair. "Hey, scamp. You've got to hold mummy or Charity's hand when you're crossing the road, eh?"

"I'm so sorry, Bob," Vanessa says, wiping tears from her cheeks. She presses her forehead to Johnny's, chin grazing Charity's chest. "He just…he got away from me and-"

"Hey, no harm done," Bob says, rubbing Vanessa's shoulder. "Happens to the best of us." He inclines his head towards Charity, giving Johnny a wink. "Lucky SuperCharity was around to save you, eh?"

Johnny nods, letting out a laugh that's more of a hiccup. Vanessa's hand tightens its grip on the back of Charity's shirt and she lets out a shuddering breath that Charity feels in the depths of her soul.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I need a stiff whisky now." He fidgets slightly "And maybe a change of undies. I'll leave you to it," Bob says, heading back to the car. It's only then that Charity realises they're all still standing in the middle of the road. She finally unwinds one arm from around Johnny, her muscles are tight and trembling from the grip she'd had on him.

"C'mon, let's get out of the road, eh? Best not chance our luck too much more today." She puts her free hand on the back of Vanessa's neck, beneath her ponytail, thumb stroking over smooth skin. It's the first time she's touched Vanessa in days and it makes her want to weep. "C'mon."

The three of them shuffle to the pavement, wrapped around each other and unwilling to let go just yet. Charity dips her head to try and get Johnny to look at her.

"How about we go and get you a hot chocolate at the pub, eh?"

He nods, rubbing a fist into one of his eyes and sniffing. "Can I, mummy?"

Vanessa glances at Charity. "If...if that's okay with Charity," Vanessa says. "I can, uh, I can come and pick him up in a little wh-"

"You're coming an'all you idiot," Charity says, finally giving in to what she wants to do and pulling Vanessa closer, kissing her forehead. "I'll even ask Chas to stick something strong in your hot chocolate."

Vanessa gives her a tentative smile. "So…does that mean..."

Charity sighs, taking a moment to look into Vanessa's eyes, . "I miss you," she murmurs. She nods to Johnny. "I miss him. I don't like being away from the pair of you."

"I miss you _so_ much," Vanessa says, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I haven't slept since you left. I'm so sorry, _so_ so sorry, for what I said and what I thought, I didn't-"

Charity cuts her off with a kiss, soft and sweet. "Shhhh," she soothes, flattening her hand against Vanessa's back and rubbing gently. "It's fine."

"No, it's not," Vanessa says. "And I _need_ to talk to you about it."

"Later, yeah?" Charity says. "We've all had a scare, so let's go and drink hot chocolate and calm down a bit first. We'll talk later."

"Promise?" Vanessa asks.

"Promise," Charity says, with a nod.

Johnny sniffs and holds up his pinkie. "You've got to do the pinkies," he tells them, and Charity's heart melts.

She links her pinkie around Johnny's and raises her eyebrows at Vanessa, who winds her own around both of theirs so that it ends up a weird tangle of digits. Charity grins. "Happy now?" she asks Johnny. He nods, resting his head against hers. He's slumped now, the adrenaline crash and crying jag have taken it out of him. He lets go of their pinkies, but Vanessa tightens hers, keeping them linked as they start to

"Can you come home with us after the hot chocolates?" Johnny asks, yawning against her neck.

She feels Vanessa's hand tense up. "Uh, Johnny, that's-"

She cuts her off. "Yeah, babes, I'm coming home."

Vanessa's pinkie lets go of hers, and she takes her hand instead, linking their fingers together and squeezing. She looks at her to find a hopeful smile waiting for her. Vanessa lifts her eyebrows. "Yeah?"

Charity nods and squeezes Vanessa's hand in return. "Yeah."


	9. Little shih tzu

She doesn't bother to knock. She never does, lately. The house is quiet; no noise from the telly or from Johnny banging about with his cars or bricks. Vanessa's sitting on the couch, and she doesn't turn at the sound of the door closing. Charity sighs.

"Okay," she says, heading into the living room and crouching in front of Vanessa and looking up at her. "You sounded proper grumpy on the phone." She places her hands on Vanessa's knees, shaking them gently. "What's up?"

Vanessa looks at her, brow creased and eyes wide. "Are you joking?"

"No. I'm asking you a question," Charity says. "Is it still about Lisa, or has something else happened?"

Sighing, Vanessa places the empty wine glass she's holding on the table by the couch. It's only then that Charity notices the white bandage covering her index finger. She frowns and reaches up to take her hand.

"What's this?" she asks, brushing her thumb over the digit.

"Dog bite," Vanessa says. "Shih tzu."

"Yeah, seems like a right little shih tzu," Charity says, and when Vanessa draws breath to correct her, she pushes herself up and kisses her, just the slightest brush of lips against lips. She pulls away enough to murmur. "I know it's a breed of dog. I'm trying to get a smile out of you." She kisses her again, feeling Vanessa's mouth turn up under her own. Sitting back on her haunches, she lifts the hand she's still holding to her mouth, kissing the injured finger. "There. All better."

Vanessa sighs, her smile fading, but turns her hand to cup Charity's cheek. Her eyes have grown shiny. "I wish that was true," she whispers.

Charity slides her hands up Vanessa's thighs to wrap around her waist. She turns her face to kiss Vanessa's palm. "Right. I'm gonna make us both a brew, and then you can tell me what's wrong. Deal?"

Vanessa nods, pressing her lips together, eyes swimming again. Charity stands, but leans in and kisses Vanessa's forehead, cupping the back of her head. When she speaks, her lips are still against Vanessa's skin. "I can't promise to fix whatever it is, babe, but I can promise to give you a cuddle, if that helps?"

Letting out a shaky laugh, Vanessa nods. "Yeah. I think it does a bit."

"Good," Charity says, pressing another kiss to Vanessa's head. "I'll get us that brew."


	10. Pre-Vanity Singles Night at the pub

She watches Ross head over to talk to some random girl, shaking her head. The timetable for Moses is still up in the air. Not that she's really got much going on in her social life at the moment, but that could change. She swirls her G&T round in her glass and casts her eyes around the room. As singles nights go, it's pretty awful. The fact that Rodney and Rishi are on offer as eligible bachelors is an indication of the quality. She'll have to remember and give Tracy an earful for her organisational skills. Although, in fairness, there's a not bad sized crowd and they're all drinking, so she shouldn't complain too much.

Her gaze lands on Rodney and Vanessa seated a couple of tables away. Rodney's yanking a string of hankies out of his sleeve and Vanessa looks like she'd rather be anywhere else. Charity smirks as the vet downs her pint and stands up, clearly using her empty glass as an escape route. Rodney's face falls as she backs away. Vanessa's not looking where she's going, so when the backs of her legs hit the chair Ross has just vacated and she stumbles, sitting down hard across the table from Charity. She turns her head to see who she's sitting with and practically recoils. Charity's hackles rise at the reaction. She's always hated girls who think they're better than her, and Vanessa has a bit of that air about her. Up herself.

Charity lets her eyes drift down Vanessa's body and back up, her lip curling. "Sorry, babe, not quite that desperate."

Vanessa chokes out an indignant huff. "As if I'd give you the time of day."

"It's not really the time of day I'm on the look out for tonight, to tell you the truth." She makes a shooing gesture. "So, you know, keep moving. I think Rishi's date's ditched him if you wanna give that a go."

Vanessa turns to look over her shoulder to where Rishi's moping at the bar and Charity takes the opportunity to appraise her. It's not that she hasn't noticed that Vanessa's pretty; there's really no denying it. They're a very good looking family, although she can't see much of Frank in either of his daughters so they must look like their mothers. She knows from experience that he likes good looking blondes.

She takes a moment now to consider Vanessa. She decides that she falls into that weird healthy, outdoorsy kind of good looking. Not outdoorsy in the same way Moira is. Moira's more weatherbeaten and knackered. Vanessa's more bright eyes, big smiles and pink cheeks. Like she's constantly just back from a bracing hike. It's not a terrible look.

Vanessa turns back around and rolls her eyes at Charity as if they're friends sharing a confidence. "Slim pickings or what?" She sighs. "I _told_ Tracy this was a terrible idea."

Charity tilts her head in fake sympathy. "Oh, so that's why she organised this, is it? Trying to marry off her spinster sister in case she's lumbered with looking after you in your dotage?"

Vanessa's eyes narrow, her hand tightening on her empty glass. "Not like you've exactly been fighting men off with a stick lately either, is it?"

Now, that's certainly true. She sits back and regards Vanessa, pursing her lips. "Well, like you said, slim pickings and all that." She lifts an eyebrow. "Of course, in your case that's probably down to the lack of teenage boys in the village, eh?" Vanessa's mouth drops open and Charity hurries to continue. "I mean, there's our Noah, but he's probably a _bit_ on the young side even for you. Give it a couple of years though and who knows, eh?"

Vanessa's shaking her head, her lips twisted in a sneer. "You are unbelievable."

"I have heard that said before, yes." A slow smile makes its way across her face as some village gossip about Vanessa and Rhona from a while ago tickles the back of her mind. "And look, you're still sat in that chair. Stay there much longer and I'll start to think you're chatting _me_ up."

Vanessa barks out an incredulous laugh. "Tell you what, Charity, if I ever fancy being blackmailed and almost sent to jail, I'll give you a call, yeah?"

Charity raises her eyebrows. She quite likes it when someone puts up a bit of a fight. She leans her elbows on the table between them, lowering her voice. "Problem is, buttercup, that you need to have done something _interesting_ to get blackmailed, don't you? So that rules you right out."

Mirroring Charity's pose, Vanessa leans in towards her. "If a one night stand with you is what counts as 'something interesting', I'll pass."

Charity shrugs. "I wasn't offering, babe, but you don't know what you're missing."

"I saw my dad after you were done with him," Vanessa spits. "So I _do_ have a pretty good idea of what I'm missing, thanks."

Something shifts in Charity's chest. She's used to being painted as the bad one, but Frank was not some poor little victim in that whole situation. She tilts her head, holding Vanessa's eyes. "And how could dear old daddy have avoided that whole thing, do you think?" She pretends to consider her own question for a bit and then widens her eyes. "Oh, hey, here's a thought! Maybe by _not_ sleeping with me when he was shacked up with someone else."

Vanessa looks down at her glass. "I-I'm not saying he was blameless-"

"Good, because _I_ wasn't the one cheating on anyone," Charity cuts her off. She throws her hands out. "But maybe I'm just _that_ irresistible men can't help themselves, eh? It's unfair to expect them to, really." And then it happens; Vanessa's eyes drift from Charity's face down to her chest. Charity's heart speeds up; she's just scented blood in the water. She reaches out and drags her forefinger over Vanessa's wrist. "Not just men, mind." Vanessa's eyes snap back up to meet her own and she pulls her hand away.

"Wh-what's that supposed to mean?" Vanessa's voice is a little shakier than it was, less sure of herself.

"Well, you're a little bit _flexible_ yourself, aren't you?" Charity winks. "Better not sit there too long, just in case you succumb to my abundant charms, yeah?"

Vanessa shoves her seat backwards, eyes blazing. "I don't know where you've got that from, but you heard wrong," she says, her voice trembling now. "I'm not _flexible_." She stands, making Charity look up at her. "And even if I was, you'd be the _last_ person on earth I'd ever go for."

She spins on her heel and marches over to the bar, slamming her empty pint glass down. Charity watches the rapid rise and fall of her shoulders with interest. Her words have definitely hit home. She lets her gaze drift down Vanessa's back, down her legs, and up again. She quirks an eyebrow.

Well, this could be a _lot_ of fun.


	11. Charity & Tracy

After the girl scarpers, they're left alone, looking at each other. Charity's breathing hard and when she brings a hand up to sweep her hair back, it's shaking.

"Charity," Tracy begins, unsure what she's going to say. Charity shakes her head.

"I'm fine," she says, the words clipped and tight. "I just...I don't like that word." She nods to the half-finished graffiti on the door. "Nobody has the right to call you that. Not when they don't know the circumstances."

Tracy knows this isn't about her. Not entirely, at least. She doesn't doubt that Charity wants to be supportive, but there's something deeper going on. That haunted look in the other woman's eyes isn't there just because some little kid called Tracy a name. Tracy's not daft. She's heard the gossip around the village about Charity's past. She doesn't know the detail of it, but she knows enough to be sure it was far more prolonged and unpleasant than her own experience.

She takes a step closer, frowning when Charity retreats, cowering almost. "Listen, let's go back inside, eh?" She holds up the bottle of wine. "We can neck this and play something my dad'll be rubbish at. Twister or summat."

Charity gives her a smile that barely reaches the edges of her lips. "I think Vanessa'd have us all beat at Twister," she says. "That woman is _bendy_."

Tracy scrunches her face up. "I didn't need to know that," she mutters.

"Anyway, I don't think a game where I could potentially end up straddling your dad or Megan would be the best choice right now, do you?"

The door to Tug Ghyll opens and Frank steps out, followed by Megan. "Speak of the devils," Tracy says, nodding her head when they wave. Vanessa catches sight of them and heads after Frank and Megan, parting ways at the end of the path and carrying on towards Tracy and Charity. Without any verbal agreement, both women move to stand next to each other, shielding the door from Vanessa's view. Charity puts her hand that's still holding the can of spray paint behind her back.

Vanessa smiles, lifting her eyebrows. "What you two up to over here?" She wraps her arms around herself against the chill of the wind since she's come out without a jacket.

"Nothing."

The word, spoken in unison and far too quickly, clearly raises Vanessa's suspicions. She frowns, looking between the pair of them, her eyes finally settling on Charity. "Charity?" Tracy feels the sigh Charity lets out just before she steps to the side, showing Vanessa what they'd been hiding. Shock, then anger, wash over Vanessa's face and she elbows her way past them, as if getting closer to the writing might shed some light on it. She stands in silence for a second, before turning back to face them "Who the hell did this?"

"It was Phil's kid," Tracy tells her. "I caught her in the act when I was coming back from the pub."

Vanessa looks around. "And? Where is she now?"

"Charity-" Charity catches her eye and gives her a tiny shake of the head; clearly not wanting Vanessa to know how she reacted. "-chased her off. Gave her a right earful, an'all. I don't think she'll be back."

"Awwwww." Vanessa tilts her head, walking the few steps between herself and Charity. "Look at you, coming to the aid of damsels in distress." She wraps her arms around her waist. "Proper hero, aren't you?"

"Hardly," Charity snorts, but she wraps an arm around Vanessa's shoulders and Tracy watches as the tension she'd been holding in her body seems to leak out of her. She rubs Vanessa's arm. "You're freezing, lady."

"I was just saying to Charity she should come back and help us drink this?" Tracy says, holding up the wine again. She doesn't think it would do Charity good to be on her own right at the moment.

Vanessa nods, looking up at her girlfriend. "They've gone. The coast's clear. No need to stay on...well, I was gonna say your best behaviour, but-"

"Hey," Charity interrupts, frowning. "Any _behaviour_ on my part was only reacting to _their_ behaviour, alright?"

"I know," Vanessa says, squeezing her tighter. "And I'm sorry they were like that. And I'm really happy that you came at all, never mind kept your temper with the two of them going on like that."

Charity sighs, leaning her forehead against Vanessa's briefly. Tracy looks away from the private moment, swallowing down the memories of the easy ways she used to touch David without even thinking, all those little ways that communicate more than words can.

"Fine. I suppose I could come back for a drink," Charity says, and Tracy looks back up to find them smiling at each other. Vanessa stretches up and presses her lips to Charity's.

"Good." She turns back to Tracy and her face falls as the graffiti comes back into view. "What are we going to do about that?"

" _You_ are going to call David," Charity tells Vanessa, as she starts to lead her away, beckoning with her head for Tracy to follow. "And you are going to tell him someone's spray-painted his door and he needs to deal with it."

"I can do th-" Tracy begins, but Charity shakes her head.

"No. It's best if Vanessa does it," she says. "Cleaner that way." And Tracy gets what she means. If she were to speak to David right now, if she were to hear sympathy or concern in his voice, she'd want to go to him.

They make their way into the house and Vanessa takes the bottle of wine into the kitchen to open it. Tracy and Charity take their jackets off and hang them up.

Tracy catches Charity's arm as she goes to walk into the living room. "Thanks." She nods to the door. "For before."

"Don't mention it," Charity mutters, her eyes flitting around the room before locking on Tracy's. She leans in closer, lowering her voice. "And I mean that, _don't_ mention it."

Tracy nods. "I won't," she promises. "But if you, you know, ever need to...talk, or whatever."

Charity seems genuinely surprised by the offer, her eyebrows go up and she smiles. She looks like she might be about to say something, but is cut off when Vanessa calls "Wine time!" from the kitchen.

"We're coming," Charity tells her. She turns back to Tracy with a half smile and winks. "Noted, kid."


	12. Superhero AU

Vanessa's not having a great afternoon. She can feel sweat beading on her forehead even as she smiles at the people cheering her on from the ground below. She's currently holding up the side of a building that's lilting dangerously after some drilling disaster in the foundations. This super-strength thing isn't really her forte. She's not got it properly, anyway, not like her dad and her sister. They'd have had this stupid block of flats standing back up and have gone for their tea by now. Not that they would have bothered catching it in the first place, of course. Being supervillains and that. But still, part of her wishes her powers were a bit more geared towards the brute strength side of things sometimes. Communicating with and controlling animals is all fine and good, but it has limited application in most disaster situations.

Grunting, she summons every ounce of her mediocre super-strength and pushes, feeling the structure under her hands move slightly in the desired direction. The crowd cheers again and she groans with exertion, her energy depleting rapidly.

All of a sudden, the building starts moving rapidly in the direction she wants it to and her hands actually lose contact for a second before she follows it, more guiding than pushing now. It settles down in its previous place and Vanessa frowns as the cheers increase increase in volume.

Letting go of the building, she hovers in mid-air, surreptitiously lifting her mask to wipe at the sweat on her forehead before turning to wave at the crowd below. She offers them a wide smile and a salute before flying higher, surveying the area. Her eyes land on a lone figure, decked out in a dark grey leather catsuit, on the next roof. Vanessa grinds her teeth at the casualness of her companion's body language; lounging against an ornate piece of the stone structure, examining her nails. Vanessa comes down to land, adjusting one of her yellow knee high boots.

She storms over to the other woman, cape fluttering out behind her. "What was that?" she demands, hands on hips.

"Saw you were struggling, babe," Charity says, her eyes finally leaving her nails to meet Vanessa's. "Thought I'd give you a hand."

"I had everything under control," Vanessa huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. Although the redness in her face surely gives away her lie. "I didn't need a hand, thank you very much."

Charity lifts her eyebrows. "You don't usually complain about me giving you a h-"

"You need to not be here," Vanessa says, feeling her face grow even warmer at Charity's innuendo. She throws her hands out, indicating the space around them. "This is far too public. You need to go before someone sees you. Sees _us_."

"Awww, but babe," Charity whines, moving closer to Vanessa and sliding her hands onto her hips. The heat of her skin easily permeates the thin spandex of Vanessa's costume, causing her breath to hitch. "I just got here. An' I hardly ever get to see you these days. You're always off being heroic or whatever." Charity's hands leave her hips and move to her face, sliding her mask up into her hair. She cups Vanessa's cheeks and leans in, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. Vanessa's ire melts away as soon as their lips touch.

"I know. I'm sorry," Vanessa murmurs against Charity's mouth, wrapping her arms around her waist. She pulls back a little so she can see Charity's eyes, always a mistake because those bloody eyes are absolutely her downfall. "But you know your Marlon's always got them stupid flying robots out and about. Spying on everybody. All it'd take is for one of them to see us like this and your lot would have me strung up by my ankles and dangling over a shark tank."

"Oh, Ness. You're so seventies," Charity scoffs with a roll of her eyes. She wraps her arms loosely around Vanessa's neck, leaning their foreheads together. "We're much more inventive than that these days. Although I do think Zak keeps a couple of sharks out the back. Just for, you know, nostalgia."

"That supposed to make me feel better, is it?" Vanessa asks, nudging Charity's nose to the side with her own and bringing their lips together in a chaste kiss. For someone who's chastising Charity about the possibility of her supervillain family seeing them, Vanessa's not exactly trying very hard to hide.

"I'd protect you," Charity whispers, warm breath ghosting over Vanessa's lips. "I wouldn't ever let anyone hurt you. You know that, yeah?"

"I do," Vanessa confirms,looking into Charity's earnest eyes. She's aware there aren't too many people who would take Charity Dingle at her word, but Vanessa does. "I _do_ know that, Charity."

She sighs. All her life she judged her mother for falling for a supervillain. And here she is, treading the same path. She can only hope she doesn't end up marrying a geography teacher called Geoff and moving to Leamington Spa as well. Not that she can see herself with anyone but Charity in the future, despite how daft that is. She's a superhero, Charity's a supervillain. It can't work. It _shouldn't_ work. And yet, nothing's ever felt as right for Vanessa as this does.

Charity sighs too, her arms falling from Vanessa's shoulders to slide around her waist, underneath her cape. "You better go," she murmurs. "No doubt your adoring public will be arranging a big knees up in your honour as we speak." Charity rolls her eyes. "You've got them all eating out of the palm of your hand." She tilts her head to the side in question. "You sure that power of yours doesn't extend to humans?"

"Positive," Vanessa says, her lips twitching into a smile. "Just animals and supervillains, as far as I can tell."

Lifting a single eyebrow, Charity draws her a dirty look. "And how many supervillains is this we're talking about?"

"Just the one," Vanessa assures her. "Don't think I could handle more than the one I've got."

"Yeah, and don't you forget it, lady," Charity says.

"But you're right, I'd better go," Vanessa says, reluctantly taking a step away from Charity. She finds it difficult to think when she's too close. Charity steps with her, though, and just as she's about to protest, Charity reaches out and slides her mask back into place over her eyes.

"There. Secret identity intact." Charity leans in for a final kiss. "Until next time, yeah?"

"Let's try and make next time indoors. With a couch and some wine, eh?" Vanessa asks. "Something normal."

Charity smiles and pushes herself up into the air, taking flight and circling around above Vanessa. "If you wanted normal, you picked the wrong girl, buttercup." She winks.

Vanessa shakes her head, but she's smiling. "Bye," she whispers.

"Bye." Charity shoots off. Vanessa watches until she's nothing but a dot on the horizon.

"Bye," she whispers again, into the wind.


	13. Shower

"Oi, you! I want a word."

Charity startles at the voice from behind her, the pages of the magazine she's holding rustling as she involuntarily tightens her grip. She turns and narrows her eyes over the back of the couch at the source of the noise.

"Good morning to you as well, Chas. I'm fine, thanks for asking. And how are you? Still mardy as hell, I see?" She shakes her head and turns back to her magazine. "It's not my fault the brat's kept you up all night again," she mutters.

Chas moves around the couch and comes to stand in front of Charity, plucking the magazine out of her hands and chucking it on the floor. Charity looks down at it and then back up at her cousin, bewildered. Chas holds up one finger. "Okay, first things first," she says. "Call my daughter a brat one more time and I will belt you so hard Lydia will still be hoovering up your teeth come Christmas." Charity scoffs, but it's half-hearted because she wouldn't actually put it past a sleep-deprived Chas to punch her in the face. "And secondly, please, _please_ , can you clean the shower after you and Vanessa have been in there?"

Now that she hadn't been expecting, she frowns up at Chas. "Eh? What are you on about? Are you saying we're-"

"I am _saying_ , that when I was in the shower this morning, and the glass wall thingie got all steamed up, there were two hand prints along with two-" Chas wrinkles her nose. "-well, what I can only describe as boob prints, staring right back at me, clear as day."

Charity presses her lips together to keep herself from laughing. "And what? You're worried Paddy'll clock them and remember they're for more than just feeding the br-" Chas's eyes flash dangerously. "-little angel?" She shrugs. "Anyway, they're not mine."

"I know that," Chas barks, and holds a hand up, pre-empting Charity's next question. "They're not at the right height. But I bet I can guess where you were stood when they were put there."

"Oh, Chas, lighten up," Charity says, leaning forward to scoop up her discarded magazine. "Some people have sex in the shower. Get over it."

"I never said you had to stop, I just requested that you clean up after you, that's all." Chas sighs. "Even just thinking about it makes me tired these days."

"Fine," Charity huffs, rolling her eyes. "I'll waste my nice afterglow choking on Mr Muscle just so as you're not confronted by evidence of people with an actual sex life."

"Thank you, that would be appreciated," Chas says, offering Charity a fake smile. A cry sounds through the baby monitor and she closes her eyes.

"At least someone's desperate for your baps, eh?" Charity says, with a wink.

"Shut up," Chas murmurs as she slopes out the door. Vanessa's on her way down the stairs and she calls out a cheery 'good morning', only to get a grunt in response. Entering the living room, she nods her head back towards the door.

"'S'up with her?" she asks, dropping a kiss on Charity's hair before heading to the kitchen to stick the kettle on.

"Hard to pick a reason these days, but seems like it's your fault this time, babe," Charity says, flicking through a few pages of her magazine.

"Me?" Charity bites the inside of her cheek at Vanessa's indignance. "What did I do? It's barely eight o'clock! I can't have annoyed her already."

"Oh yeah, left quite a mark on her morning from what I gather," Charity says, nodding solemnly. She keeps her eyes on the magazine, knowing Vanessa's waiting for more. She doesn't have to wait long.

" _Charity_!" Vanessa whines. "What have I done?"

Hiding a smile, Charity tosses the magazine to the coffee table and turns her attention to her impatient girlfriend. "Well, you know that scene in Titanic? The one where they're in the car and Kate Winslet slams her hand against the steamy window? You know, so you know that they're at it like rab-"

"I know the scene you're talking about, Charity," Vanessa says, rolling her eyes. "You've made me watch the bloody thing often enough. Why is it relevant?"

"Well, seems like Chas got an eyeful of something similar when she was in the shower earlier," Charity says, widening her eyes. "Only, it wasn't just _hands_ , if you know what I mean." She gestures to her breasts and Vanessa's eyes widen, her cheeks flushing.

"You mean...from when we…" Vanessa closes her eyes. "Oh _God_."

"Yeah, that's what you were saying at the time, if I remember rightly," Charity says.

Vanessa's eyes fly open and she glares at Charity. "Right. That's it. We are never having sex in that shower again."

Charity frowns. "What?" She's up on her feet before she knows what she's doing. "Ness, come on, I was only teasing. Chas wasn't even that bothered! Just asked if we could give it a wipe after we were done. No need to make hasty decisions, babe." She's rambling so much that she fails to notice that Vanessa is smiling until she's standing right in front of her. Charity points at her face. "Okay. I'm confused. What's the smile for?"

"I didn't realise no sex in the shower was such a terrifying prospect for you," she comments, reaching out to take Charity's hand, lacing their fingers together. "What I _meant_ when I said that was-" She looks up into Charity's eyes with such warmth and love that it almost takes Charity's breath away. "-move in with me." Charity frowns, thrown by the change in subject and Vanessa hurries to continue. "It's daft us always going back and forth and having to remember changes of clothes and find babysitters and-" She clears her throat, laughing softly. "-getting told off for leaving pornographic prints in the bathroom." She squeezes Charity's hand. "Move in with me. You and Noah and Moses on his nights."

Charity waits for the panic to come, to wash over her and make her want to run. But as she looks into Vanessa's eyes, the answer seems obvious; inevitable, really. She smiles.

"Yes."


	14. Fainted

She opens her eyes and finds a number of heads looming over her. The angle makes her feel queasy and she closes her eyes again. A hand squeezes her shoulder.

"That's alright. You stay down there long as you need, love."

Her eyes spring open and she frowns up at the owner of the voice. "What the hell is going on?" she demands, her eyes flit around until she finds Chas, hovering worriedly with a phone to her ear. "Why am I in Gerry's lap?"

"You fainted," Chas says, like Charity couldn't have figured that much out. She turns away and speaks into the phone. "That's her awake. Yeah, seems fine, so you can ease off on that accelerator a bit, eh? No point in you wrapping yourself around a flamin' lamppost getting here, is there?"

"You fainted. Straight into my arms." She looks back at him. He waggles his eyebrows and she groans. Of all the bloody places she could've picked to faint. He continues talking, oblivious to her displeasure. "You know, if you wanted my attention you could've just said summat. Didn't need to go to all this bother." He winks and leans in closer to her. "Easier to explain away if Vanessa asks any questions though, eh?"

She's just about to give him a mouthful when the door bursts open and Vanessa runs in. Given that she's dressed in green overalls, black wellies and has one blue surgical glove still on, Charity's going to guess she was in the middle of something when she got word about this. Her eyes land on Charity and relief is visible in every muscle in her body.

"Oh, thank God. You scared me half to death!"

She falls to her knees beside Charity and gently touches her forehead with the back of her ungloved hand. She shakes her head, lips pressing into a firm line. "I knew you were coming down with something. It'll be that thing Moses and Johnny had."

"Can you scold me later?" Charity requests, holding out a hand. "Just get me up first."

"Was just keeping her warm for you, Vanessa," Gerry says, winking at Charity. "Weren't no funny business going on, I swear."

Charity rolls her eyes. Vanessa gives him a tight smile, grasping Charity's hand and helping her to sit up. "Yeah. Thanks for that. I'll take it from here." He gets up, letting Vanessa move into his place, wrapping an arm around Charity's shoulders. She looks up at him. "Maybe get Chas to pour her a drink of water, eh?"

"Your wish is my command, pretty lady." He salutes.

Charity sighs, leaning into Vanessa and humming when a kiss is pressed to her temple. "C'mon. Let's get you home and into bed."

"Ooohh, sounds promis-" Charity stops and sniffs, her nose wrinkling. "Don't take this the wrong way, babe...but Gerry smelled much better than you do."

"Shut up." Vanessa smiles, eyes drifting to the boy in question, who's trying to cadge a free beer off of Chas for his 'heroics'. "Else I'll ask Gerry to come and give you a bed bath later instead of me."


	15. Love and fear

Vanessa comes back downstairs from putting Johnny down to find Tracy hovering by the window. She sighs. "Is she still out there?"

"She must be." Tracy glances over her shoulder, frowning. "She passed the window and came up the path. She hasn't gone back down it. So...unless she's jumped over the wall and legged it, I reckon she's sat on the step."

"Right." Vanessa nods. "I'll go and see what's up with her." She grabs a blanket off the back of the sofa on her way, just in case. The weather's getting a little better, but it's still a bit nippy in the evenings. "Sort us out a brew, will you?"

"I'll put one out for her an'all." Tracy rolls her eyes. "Mad, dramatic idiot that she is."

"Oi. That's _my_ mad, dramatic idiot you're talking about." Vanessa fake scowls as she passes her sister. Taking a deep breath, she opens the door. Sure enough, Charity's sitting on the stone step, staring ahead. She doesn't even look up at the sound of the door opening. Vanessa steps out and pulls the door closed, sitting down next to Charity, dropping the blanket down behind them. "Nice evening," she comments. "Quite warm." She inhales deeply through her nose. "Think someone's having a barbie." She bumps Charity's shoulder with her own. "That enough smalltalk?"

"I'd had enough after the first two words, babe." Charity still doesn't look at her, but she holds out her hand, palm up, fingers spread. Vanessa slides her own fingers into the gaps and smiles when Charity's hand closes around hers and she gives it a gentle squeeze.

"Good. Does that mean you're gonna tell me why you're sat on my front step?"

Charity sighs, lifting their joined hands into her lap, her free hand coming to trace over Vanessa's knuckles.

"There's been...there's been something between us for a while, hasn't there?" Charity clears her throat, glancing at Vanessa before letting her eyes drop to their hands. "Something...we haven't said."

Vanessa's heart starts to beat faster. She swallows and nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I suppose there has been."

Charity nods. After a moment, her eyes come up to meet Vanessa's. "Why is that, do you think? That we haven't said it?"

"Well," Vanessa begins, slowly. "I saw what the word 'girlfriend' made you do the first time you heard it so, you know, I didn't want to hit you with any bigger words for a bit."

A smile breaks over Charity's lips and she shakes her head. She leans in and touches her forehead to Vanessa's. "See. When I'm here...when I'm _with_ you, it doesn't feel so…" She sighs. "It feels right."

"And what does it feel like when you're not with me?" Vanessa asks, her voice soft, rubbing her nose against Charity's.

"It feels...I don't know," Charity whispers, closing her eyes. "I was sitting up there earlier and all I could think about was how I thi-...no." She shakes her head and opens her eyes, looking directly at Vanessa. "I _know_ I'm in love with you." Vanessa's heart soars at the words she's been longing to hear. Charity bites her lip and looks away. "And I'm terrified."

"Terrified?" Vanessa frowns, lifting her free hand to Charity's face, turning it back around. "Why terrified?" She dips her head to catch Charity's eyes. "I'm not scary, am I?"

Charity lets out a watery laugh. "Well, you are sometimes, babe. When there's no milk in the mornings or someone hasn't replaced the loo roll."

Vanessa smiles, running her thumb under Charity's eye. "What are you frightened of?"

Blowing out a breath, Charity tips her head back, looking up at where the stars are just starting to appear in the purple sky. She shrugs. "I thought I knew what it felt like. You know?" She laughs softly, but a tear makes its way out of the side of her eye. Vanessa leans in and catches it with her lips, leaving them resting against Charity's cheek. "I'm forty-two. Been married three times. Nearly married three more. I've been in love, in lust, addicted, infatuated…" She turns her face so that when she speaks, her lips brush Vanessa's. "But I've never, _ever_ , felt like I do now."

"Me neither," Vanessa whispers, past the lump in her throat. "Not even close."

Charity covers Vanessa's lips with her own in kiss that's tinged with salt. She pulls away, shaking her head. "And I'm terrified that I'm gonna...that I'll _do_ something and it'll all go away."

"Hey," Vanessa says, waiting for Charity to look at her. "Don't you think I feel like that too, sometimes?" She swallows. "I nearly _did_ make it all go away and-" Her breath catches in a sob, tears now running freely down her own cheeks. Charity lets go of her hand and wraps an arm around her instead, pulling her close. "When I thought I'd lost you, when I thought I'd thrown away everything we had...it felt like someone was taking a corkscrew to my heart, twisting deeper and deeper."

"Bit graphic, babe," Charity whispers, but her hand comes to cover Vanessa's heart anyway, as if protecting it from previous hurt.

Vanessa covers Charity's hand and presses it harder against her chest. "I love you, Charity Dingle. I'm _in_ love with you. And yeah, that's scary, because it's a hell of a lot to lose." She presses her lips to Charity's, just once, and pulls back. "But I think it's worth it, don't you?"

Charity's worried eyes soften and her brow smooths out, eyes dipping to Vanessa's lips and back up. She leans in, resting their foreheads together, her forefingers scratching gently at Vanessa's chest through her shirt. "Say it again," she whispers.

Smiling, Vanessa kisses her softly. "I love you," she murmurs against her lips, kissing her again, harder. "I love you. I love you. I lo-"

The door opens and they both jump, looking up at Tracy looming over them.

"Right. Tea's gonna be freezing if you don't hurry up and come in. You know there's a sofa in here, yeah? You _can_ sit on that and do-" She gestures vaguely between them. "-whatever this is. Like _normal_ people."

"Since when were _you_ an expert on what normal people do?" Charity says, offering Tracy a sweet, but fake, smile. She looks back at Vanessa. "Anyway, what do you say we skip the sofa and go straight upstairs?" She leans in and kisses her. "And I am going to show you _exactly_ how much I love you."

Vanessa grins and kisses her again.


	16. I can't do it without you

From the depths of her foggy mind, she can hear a voice saying words. Saying her name. It's a voice she recognises; loves, even. The tone is like a balm on the parts of her that hurt and she wants to curl up inside its warm, round vowels. There's a hand too, wrapped around her own, squeezing gently.

"Ness? Ness, open your eyes, babe."

She _could_ open her eyes, but even the thought of the light causes a sharp stab of pain through her head that reverberates around the inside of her skull.

"Ness. C'mon. I know you can hear me. Just...wake up."

She doesn't want to wake up. She wants to stay here, in this warm, dark place where she has no responsibilities and nothing to do but lie flat. The hand in her squeezes again, gentle fingers trace up over the veins in her wrist and back down.

"Ness, listen, you need to wake up because...well, because I can't do this without you, can I?"

If she didn't think it would cause more pain in her head, she'd laugh.

"Charity." The word creaks out of her mouth, her tongue sticking to the roof of it and rough as sandpaper. She opens her eyes, blinking against the light until the world comes into focus. Relieved green eyes gaze back down at her. "It's just a fry up, I think you'll cope." She closes her eyes again. " _You_ were the one who thought it'd be a good idea to invite everyone round for breakfast."

"I was pissed!" Charity protests. "It was just a daft thing I said without thinking! I didn't think they'd actually show up. It's rude, is what it is. I mean, who takes things like that seriously?"

Vanessa yawns. The previous evening they'd attended a barbecue at Frank and Megan's where quite a few bottles of wine had been consumed. Charity had been insistent that she would cook breakfast for everyone, especially after Megan made a dismissive remark about her culinary expertise. "I dunno. All them that's waiting downstairs for you to feed them, I suppose?"

"There's dozens of them," Charity whines. There can't be. There was only a handful of people left when the invitation was issued. "And one of them's _Megan_. It's an absolute nightmare, Ness."

"Mmmhmm." Vanessa turns over onto her stomach, pulling Charity's hand so that she needs to come with her. She ends up lying on Vanessa's back, face pressed into her neck. Vanessa hides her smile in the pillow. It wasn't so long ago that Charity would just have turned them all away at the door without a second thought. Now she's actually contemplating cooking for them. "It's your own fault. ' _You should all come round to ours tomorrow. I'll do everyone a nice big breakfast to soak up all this cheap plonk._ '"

"That sounded nothing like me," Charity huffs. "Anyway, was worth it to see Megan's face when I called her wine cheap." She sighs, warm air puffing over Vanessa's neck. "I don't want to go back down there. I'll just stay up here with you until they all get bored and leave."

"Charity, this is a pub. Complete with staff and an industrial kitchen." She yawns. "Bribe Marlon to come in an hour early and feed them all."

"Well that's just...not a terrible idea, actually," Charity says. She presses a kiss to Vanessa's jaw. "I knew I kept you around for more than your good looks."

Vanessa laughs. "Glad to hear I'm of some use to you."

"I've got _lots_ of uses for you, Mrs Dingle," Charity murmurs. Hearing that name sends as much of a thrill through Vanessa as the feeling of Charity's fingertips sliding just beneath the waistband of her pyjamas. "If half the bloody village wasn't sat in the living room right now, I might even show you a few of them."

Groaning, Vanessa shakes her head. "I don't think I'd be capable of anything _useful_ right now." She pauses, smiling into the pillow. "Maybe after a fry up though…"


	17. I thought you were dead

She's just finishing up writing the notes from her previous patient when the door opens and Pearl's voice squawks in.

"Oi! We've people waiting to be seen! You can't just breeze in there whenever you feel like it."

"I think you'll find I can, Pearl. Spousal privilege. Look it up."

Vanessa is immediately on alert. While Charity's attempting to sound casual in her retort, there's a tightness to her voice that Vanessa could pick up on a mile off; something's wrong. She comes in with a shoe box under her arm. When she meets Vanessa's eyes, there's real sadness there and Vanessa's heart aches.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She makes her way over to her wife, rubbing her arm.

Charity presses her lips together and shakes her head, eyes closed. "Aaron's dead."

"What?" Vanessa whispers, feeling bile rise up her throat. Her thoughts immediately go to Chas and Robert and she shakes her head, trying to make sense of it all. "But he... _how_? I only just saw him this morning!"

"I know." Charity nods. "Must've happened when I was taking the kids to school. It was when I came back...I just found him...lying there. So, so still."

Vanessa's mouth drops open, horrified. " _You_ found him?" She slides her hand around Charity's waist, pulling her in and pressing her nose into her shoulder, her eyes burning with tears. "Oh, Charity. That must have been...I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well...it wasn't pleasant." Charity sniffs. "Anyway, I wasn't sure what to do with him, and I didn't want the kids finding him-" She holds up the shoebox. "-so I popped him in here for the time being."

"You pop-" Vanessa's mind goes blank for just a second. And then it all starts to make sense. "Charity!" she yells, shoving her away. "I thought you meant _actual_ Aaron. _Human_ Aaron."

"Oh, for God's sake, Ness." Charity rolls her eyes. "Don't you think I'd have been a _bit_ more upset if it had been him? I'm not a completely heartless cow."

Vanessa shakes her head, pressing her fingers to her temples. "We need to stop letting the kids name the pets."

This one had been Johnny's doing. After Robert the Hamster had departed for that great big hamster wheel in the sky, they'd gone to pick a new one. The one they'd gone for was a little round brown thing with uneven whiskers. Johnny decided it should be called Aaron and Charity backed him up. _Chubby and scruffy, yeah, I can see the resemblance._

Vanessa takes the shoebox, scowling. "Give him here and I'll take a look."

"A look?" Charity follows her to the examining table. "It's dead, Vanessa. What are you going to look at exactly?"

Vanessa ignores her, gently removing Aaron from amongst the tissue paper Charity had thoughtfully placed him in. While he does seem to be fairly lifeless, and she can't blame Charity for jumping to conclusions, she has a few tricks up her sleeve. She lays him on the table and watches. She can feel Charity's incredulous eyes on her.

"Are we...holding a vigil?" Charity whispers, leaning in close to her ear. "Should I go and fetch some candles and Harriet?"

"Shhh." Vanessa tells her, a smile breaking over her face when she sees what she wanted to see. Aaron is breathing. She turns to Charity and lifts her eyebrows. "Watch this." With her forefinger, she gently touches Aaron's whispers. His nose twitches.

Charity actually jumps in fright beside her, grabbing her arm. "Jesus!" She puts a hand over her chest, and then tilts her head, frowning. "Is it...Jesus?"

"Oh, yeah, call the Vatican, our hamster's the second coming," Vanessa says, shaking her head. "He's just gone into hibernation, that's all. The boiler being on the blink yesterday must've confused him."

"So...he's been alive the whole time? He was just scamming me?" She narrows her eyes at Aaron. "I thought you were dead, you stupid rat. Nearly gave me a heart attack!" She glances at Vanessa and clears her throat. "I..uh…'cause of the kids. You know, being upset and that."

"Right." Vanessa nods, her face serious. "The _kids_ being upset."

"Oh, shut up, you." Charity says, nudging her, but leaving their arms pressed together. "So what do we do with him? Just chuck him back in his cage until he wakes up?"

"No. Leave him with me. I'll pop him on a heat pad and warm him up slowly." She leans in and kisses Charity's cheek. "He'll be right as rain by tonight and I'll bring him home with me."

"Fine. I'll tell the kids he's in for a check-up or summat." Charity sighs. "I suppose I better leave you to get on with some work, eh?"

"I'm sure the folk in the waiting room would appreciate that," Vanessa says, pressing a tiny kiss to Charity's lips. "And apologise to Pearl on the way out, would you? Or I'll get it in the earhole all day."

Charity wiggles her eyebrows and walks to the door, backwards, unbuttoning her blouse as she goes. She throws her head forward, messing her hair and leaving it tousled.

Vanessa shakes her head. " _Charity…_ "

But the door's already open and Charity's facing the other way, doing her buttons back up. She turns and winks over her shoulder at Vanessa. "Thanks for that, babe. Did me the world of good." She turns around, sauntering over to Pearl's desk and leaning her hip against it. "Nothing like a bit of afternoon delight to keep the spice in a marriage, eh Pearl?" She blows Vanessa a kiss and then she's gone, cackling as she goes.

Vanessa tries really hard to keep a straight face as Pearl marches into the examination room. Slamming the door behind her.

"Can you _please_ ask your wife to keep the sordid details of your sex life to a dull roar in front of the customers?" Pearl adjusts her glasses furiously.

Vanessa tries to interject. "Pearl, she was only joking. We weren't actu-"

"And, for the sake of my sanity, can you ask her to at _least_ have the decency to make an appointment next time?" she huffs. "There's a very agitated cat out there waiting for attention."

Closing her eyes, Vanessa wills herself not to laugh. "Oh, Pearl, you are _so_ lucky Charity's not here to reply to that."


	18. If you like pina coladas

"I think it's gonna rain," Vanessa says, squinting up at the sky. Charity, Ross and Tracy all do likewise, nodding at her assessment. It had been lovely and sunny and warm when they'd come to the park with the boys and their little picnic, but the clouds had started rolling in not long after they finished eating. Now they're dark grey and ominous, the air heavy and close around them.

"Think you're right," Ross agrees, running his fingers down Tracy's arm as she leans back into him from her spot between his legs. "Might be in for a storm."

Charity sits up straight from where she'd been lying with her head in Vanessa's lap. She glares at the sky and then turns onto her knees, collecting up their debris, chucking things in the basket. "We best get moving then."

Ross watches as Vanessa reaches over to rub Charity's back, her hand creeping up under her shirt. Charity turns to meet her eyes. "Listen, why don't you get the boys off home, eh? I'll help Tracy and Ross tidy up."

A look passes between them, one that Ross can't read, but clearly Vanessa can. She nods, as if Charity had spoken. Clearing her throat, she turns to look apologetically at him and Tracy. "Would you be put out if we left this to you? It's...it's just-"

"Yeah, that's fine, V," Tracy says, patting Ross's thigh and squeezing it, using it to push herself up onto her knees. "We'll sort it out. You go on."

"Boys! Moses! Johnny!" Vanessa calls, standing up and brushing grass off her jeans. Charity moves closer to her, her hand finding the crook of Vanessa's arm. "Come on now, it's gonna start raining in a minute."

"But we wanna play longer, mummy!" Johnny protests.

Moses holds his hands out, palms up, looking up at the sky. He shakes his head. "S'not raining." Ross grins. That's his boy; always the practical one.

A blob of water splashes onto Ross's arm as he gets up to help Tracy pack away the picnic stuff.

"It is now," Charity barks, holding out the hand that's not gripping Vanessa's arm. "C'mon. We can put a cartoon on and make hot chocolate and snuggle under the blanket on the couch, eh?"

"Yay!" The boys yell in unison and barrel over. Moses collides with Vanessa's legs, causing her to stumble. Johnny takes Charity's outstretched hand and starts dragging her in the direction of Tug Ghyll, making her lose her hold on Vanessa's arm. Vanessa bends and hoists Moses up onto her hip before he has a chance to run off. She turns to smile over her shoulder at Ross and Tracy as she heads after the others.

"Thanks for doing that. We'll tidy up next time. Promise!"

"Who says there'll be a next time," Ross calls after her. "Eating sarnies with bits of grass in them and fighting off wasps every two seconds? Not my idea of fun, that." He gets a nudge and a look from Tracy. He crosses his eyes at her.

They work quickly to pack everything away into tubs and foil. Ross glances in the direction Vanessa had taken as she left, curious as to what caused the sudden departure. "So, what do you think all that was about?"

"What was what about?" Tracy asks, gathering their litter together and heading to a bin.

"The quick getaway?" Ross picks up the tartan blanket they'd brought with them and gives it a good shake. The rain is getting heavier, the drops more frequent. A gentle hum has started up as they spatter on the grass around them. "It was weird, weren't it?"

Tracy sighs, coming over and taking one end of the blanket, helping him to fold it. "Look, if I tell you this, you can't say anything, right?" They come together and Ross covers Tracy's fingers when she offers him her corners of the blanket. He lifts his eyebrows.

"Why? Is it proper juicy gossip?"

Tracy rolls her eyes and takes the now folded blanket from him, placing it on top of the basket. "Charity's got a thing about thunderstorms."

He takes the basket from her. "How d'you mean 'a thing'?"

She shrugs, taking his other hand. Like always, her thumb brushes over the scarred area before tightening around his fingers. "Like a phobia thing."

The picture that conjures up is absurd. Brash, ballsy Charity Dingle, cowering in fear because of a bit of weather? "You're joking."

Tracy stops walking, pulling him to face her. "No, I'm not." She pokes him in the chest. "And you better keep your gob shut about it, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I promise." Just at that, a roll of thunder sounds overhead, rumbling in the distance. They start walking again, Tracy wraps both her arms around his free one. The rain is getting heavier, the droplets more frequent; fat blobs that splash when they land and release that green, soily smell of summer. "So, what level are we talking? Bit jumpy? Or hide in the cupboard till it stops?"

" _Ross,_ " Tracy whines, squeezing his arm. "Don't! She just...she doesn't like to be by herself, that's all."

"I'm only messin'." He bumps her shoulder. "Everybody's got weird things, don't they?" He tilts his head to the side. "Well, not me. But other people."

She laughs. "Oh yeah, 'cause you're perfect, I forgot."

He gasps. "How could you possib-" The heavens open with a crack. Lightning flashes across the sky and the rain starts pelting down. Tracy lets out a squawk and starts to run, dragging him along with her. But he stops, tugging her to a halt. He turns his face up to the sky, closing his eyes and letting the rain wash down his face. Cold and fresh and wonderful.

"What are you doing?" Tracy yells to be heard. "We're in the middle of a thunderstorm and you wanna stop and feel the rain?"

He opens his eyes and grins at her. "It's...it's the first time I've had rain on my face since…" Everything since he was attacked has been about keeping his face clean, avoiding infection, avoiding sun, avoiding _life_ at times. But now he's healed enough that he doesn't have to think about it constantly. He can just live. He can feel the rain on his face and not have to rush to cover it up. It's such a stupid, tiny thing and it feels huge.

Tracy smiles, shaking her head. Her hair is soaked and sticking to her face, clothes drenched through. But she takes the picnic basket out of his hand and puts it on the ground, moving to hold his face in both of her hands, and pulls him in for a kiss. He bends, wrapping his arms around her thighs, and lifts her up, ignoring her squeak of surprise. They continue to kiss as he turns them in circles.

"Would you look at them daft beggars? Kissing in t'middle of road. They could get knocked down!"

"Oh, shurrup, Doug. They're young. Leave 'em be."

The pull apart and look over at the older couple, hurrying down the street under a golf umbrella. Diane offers them a wink and, when Doug looks as if he might be about to give them his opinion, she yanks his arm and keeps him moving. Ross looks up at Tracy and smiles. She strokes his face, fingers dancing over the contours of his scar.

"Gonna sing me a song about Pina Coladas now?" she asks, as the thunder sounds overhead again.

"If you like," he says. "Or we could just head to mine and jump in the shower to warm up." He lowers her to the ground, keeping his arms around her waist. "And then we could try out some of the other lyrics of that song?" She frowns at him in question and he grins, leaning in to kiss her, singing against her lips. " _If you like making love at midnight…"_


	19. Tell me a secret

It's a ridiculously domesticated Sunday morning. Johnny's asleep in his room. The house is quiet and still. Vanessa's half reading an article about abscesses and half watching Charity doing the crossword in the paper. She's wearing those glasses she picked up for three quid in a bargain shop because she won't go to the opticians and get a proper pair because that would mean admitting she needs them. They're white with black spots on the plastic frames and she was probably overcharged for them in terms of quality. But she looks so cute in them, that Vanessa can hardly stand it.

She hides her smile, turning away and picking up the mug of coffee Charity had brought her up when she went to get the paper. She takes a sip, setting it back down on the bedside cabinet along with her copy of _Veterinary Practice Monthly_. There's only so many pictures of infected cow udders you can look at first thing in the morning. She shuffles over the bed until she's close enough to drape her arm over Charity's stomach, resting her head on her shoulder.

"Any clues I can help with?"

"Easy ones, you mean?"

"Yeah. That's what I mean."

"Then, no."

"Oh well." She turns her face into Charity's shoulder, pulling her pyjama top to the side and pressing a kiss to her neck, tightening the arm around her waist. "I'll just have to lie here and cuddle you instead."

Charity heaves a sigh. "You'll be bored of that after two minutes."

Vanessa makes an indignant noise in the back of her throat, scraping her teeth over the tendon in Charity's neck. "I don't get bored of cuddling you!"

"You do when I'm not cuddling you back. Two minutes and you'll be bugging me to pay attention to you." Charity lets out a whimper when Vanessa licks over her pulse point. Her fingers tighten on the newspaper. "See? You've started already."

Vanessa grins, sliding her hand up underneath Charity's pyjama top, splaying over warm skin. "Why wait two minutes, then?"

* * *

They lie together afterwards, Charity pressed against the length of Vanessa's back, her chin on her shoulder. Vanessa loves these moments, where there's nothing between them, not even air, just skin on skin. She's never felt as close to anyone in her life as she does to Charity, even when they're apart. But physical closeness just brings it home how different this relationship is to all the others. In those, she felt like she was doing a dance she'd learned by watching other people do it. It was a performance, an act. With Charity, the dance is of their own devising. They make up the steps as they go, together. Sometimes they stumble, but they right themselves and keep on going. And it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

"Tell me a secret."

She hadn't been expecting Charity to speak and she's not even sure she head correctly. "Eh?" She frowns. "A secret?"

"Yeah, a secret." A wet kiss is pressed to her shoulder. "Something nobody else knows about you." A bite to her earlobe. "Something that's just mine."

Vanessa turns in Charity's arms, frowning. "Where's this come from?"

Eyes dipping to Vanessa's neck, Charity shrugs. "Dunno. You know all of mine. More than anyone else ever has." She brings her eyes up to meet Vanessa's. "I don't know any of yours." She's smiling, as if she's teasing, but her eyes are serious and Vanessa recognises the hint of insecurity there. She understands it on some level. Information is power, and Vanessa can absolutely understand why Charity feels vulnerable. Especially when Vanessa has abused that power already.

She tries to think of something worthy, something that has enough weight to be what Charity's asking for. But she comes up blank. "I...I've not really got any secrets."

Charity laughs, but there's still that look in her eye that makes Vanessa ache to fulfil her request. "D'you know what? I actually believe that about you." She presses their lips together, brushing a thumb over Vanessa's eyebrow when they part. "Too open and honest for your own good, eh?"

A thought flits through Vanessa's head and she automatically shuts it down. It's one that's been there since she was a teenager, always ready to bob to the surface at inopportune times if she let it. And it definitely qualified as a secret. So secret, she could never allow herself to even think it, let alone tell anyone else.

She looks into Charity's eyes and sees a woman who trusted her with the deepest and darkest secrets possible. Secrets no-one else had wanted to listen to, and those that had heard and judged her for. And still she was brave enough to tell them to Vanessa. She deserves to be the one who gets to hear Vanessa's secret.

"There is...one thing I've never told anyone," she says, eyebrows drawing together as she wonders if she'll be able to say it. Even now.

"Ooooh. Is it good?" Charity tugs her closer, hands on her hips squeezing. "So what is it? Tales of a misspent youth? Smoking and snogging round the back of the bikesheds?"

"Oh, I did all that." Vanessa swipes a dismissive hand through the air. "That's not a secret."

Charity grins and but it quickly fades and she narrows her eyes. "Right, well, I don't like thinking about you snogging other people, so let's move on to your actual secret."

"Right." Vanessa nods, swallowing past a dry throat. She gives Charity a fleeting smile. "Well, it's...it's just that...well…" She sucks in a breath through her nose and looks into Charity's eyes. "I'm gay."

She sees the edges of Charity's eyes crinkle, like she's going to laugh, and Vanessa braces herself for the hurt. But Charity doesn't laugh, and her face drops into a serious expression. Like she understands that she's hearing something important. She brushes a strand of hair behind Vanessa's ear. "Yeah?"

Vanessa nods. "Yeah." She laughs, a bubbling giggle that erupts from her throat without warning. A _release_. She covers her mouth with her hand, looking at Charity with wide eyes. "That's the first time I've ever said that out loud. I mean, I know _you_ shouted it all over the pub but-"

"I've said I'm sorry for that."

"I know," Vanessa says, her fingers stroking over Charity's cheek. She leans in and replaces them with her lips. "And I've forgiven you." She smiles. "Anyway, turns out you were right. And...and I probably knew that at the time. And for a long time before that...I just..." She shakes her head, looking down when her eyes start to burn with tears.

"Hey, come here." She's gathered into strong, familiar arms. She thinks of this embrace as home now, more than she does this house or this village. It's where she feels she belongs; in Charity's arms. And to think that _this_ was what she'd run away from her whole life. Messing around with stupid men, _boys_ , because she couldn't admit to herself that _this_ is what she wanted all along. Charity holds her tightly, a hand tracing up and down her back.

"Sorry," she says, muffled against Charity's skin. "This is daft. It's just a tiny, little word."

Charity hums against her cheek. "Suits you, then. Since you're a tiny, little person." She presses a kiss to the side of her lips and pulls back to look into her eyes. "I'm glad you said it. Seemed like you needed to."

Vanessa nods. "I think maybe I did."

"I'm glad you said it to me," Charity says, her voice a little rougher than usual. "Means a lot, actually."

"Don't you go getting soppy there, lady." Vanessa laughs, kissing the tip of Charity's nose. "You'll be the first to know all my secrets. Promise." She tilts her head. "Well, unless they're surprises for you, I suppose."

Charity grunts. "I hate surprises."

Vanessa moves so that she's lying on top of Charity, looking down at her, their bodies pressing together delightfully. "Wasn't _I_ a bit of a surprise, though?"

Charity lifts her eyebrows. "You?" She smiles. "You were a bloody shock to the system, more like." Vanessa sticks out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout and Charity shakes her head, leaning up to peck Vanessa's chin. "And you were _exactly_ what I needed in my life." The pout eases into a smile as Vanessa brings their lips together. Charity speaks against her lips. "A tiny little gay lady."

Vanessa laughs.


	20. And waited till the heat died down

Vanessa takes a drag from her cigarette and lets her hand dangle out of the car window, taking what little relief she can in the barely there breeze. The worst of the heat is past for the day, but a heavy, oppressive mugginess is left in its place. She flicks the drooping ash and glances over at the bank. She taps her fingers against the steering wheel, trying her best to ignore the little voice in her head that tells her this might be the time they don't get away; that this might be the last time.

Charity's been gone ages. _Almost_ too long. They have an agreement, her and Charity, that if either of them are caught, the other will run and not look back. Vanessa's not sure she'll be able to if it ever happens. She hopes it's never tested. She sometimes wonders if Charity would be able to leave her behind and start a new life. New town. New girl. It makes her feel sick to her stomach. She takes a final drag and crushes the cigarette out, letting it fall to the ground.

The bank door opens and Charity appears, running towards her, pistol in one hand, bag in the other. Vanessa's chest clenches in relief and fear. She releases the brake and readies her foot on the accelerator. Charity flashes her a grin as she nears, some of her hair falling down from beneath her hat and flowing out behind her. Vanessa leans over and opens the passenger door just as Charity arrives by the car. She tosses the bag onto the backseat and jumps in the front, shoving the pistol in the back of her trousers.

"C'mon babe, get a shift on." Charity loosens her tie and undoes her top button before shrugging out of her jacket. "Had to rough the manager up a bit so I expect he'll have the bobbies all over this place before long." She winks. "Although I think he liked it, truth be told."

Vanessa pulls out onto the road and floors the accelerator, wincing as the tyres screech on the uneven cobbles of the small town. She glances over at Charity, checking her over. "You're okay, though?" She's accustomed to Charity hiding injuries, hiding her pain and pretending she's fine.

"Me? I'm on top of the world, buttercup," Charity says, taking off her hat and shaking out her hair. Her smile is brilliant, eyes shining. This is when she's at her most beautiful, Vanessa thinks; right after a she's pulled something off, when she's outsmarted everyone and emerged unscathed.

A hand lands on her knee, shoving her skirt up her thighs. She catches it with her own, keeping her eyes on the road as she shakes her head. "None of that, Charity Dingle. Not while I'm driving."

"Oh, c'mon Ness," Charity murmurs, leaning across so that her lips are by Vanessa's ear. "You know what it's like after a big job." She squeezes Vanessa's thigh, fingers digging into tender skin. Her other hand comes up and slips beneath the scarf tied loosely around Vanessa's neck, pulling it until it comes away, the silk slowly sliding down her shoulder. Charity's hand presses against her chest. Vanessa gasps when teeth bite down on her earlobe before a hot whisper ghosts over it. "Your heart is racing."

" _Charity_ ," Vanessa moans. "I...we... _you're_ the one who said we had to get moving."

"Who said we had to stop moving?" Charity's hand slides further up her thigh, her skirt now up around her hips.

Vanessa shakes her head, clamping her thighs tight around Charity's hand. "No. I can't...you I can't _think_ when you touch me like that. We'll both end up dead in a ditch if you don't stop."

Charity hums against her ear; a warm, pleased sound. "We've all got to die sometime, sweetheart." She kisses Vanessa's neck. "And what a way to go, eh?" She tightens her grip on Vanessa's thigh and Vanessa whimpers.

Looking around, Vanessa spots a dirt track leading off the road into what looks like a wooded area. It's not meant for cars, but it'll do in a pinch. And this is _definitely_ a pinch. She takes the turn too fast, almost sending Charity tumbling to the other side of the car. Her hand loses its grip on Vanessa's leg as she tries to right herself.

"Woah, babe, I were kidding about the dying in a ditch thing, yeah?"

Vanessa ignores her, driving until the trees and foliage are thick enough to hide the car from the road. She turns off the engine and wastes no time in crawling into Charity's lap, smiling when strong hands push her skirt up around her waist, allowing her to straddle Charity comfortably. Charity looks up at her, eyes as dark and dangerous as the sea after a storm.

"Well," Vanessa says, her voice low and roughened with need. "I weren't kidding about not being able to think when I'm around you." She dips her head and crashes her lips to Charity's, tilting her hips to meet Charity's hand as it moves between her legs. She cries out when two fingers enter her, twisting her mouth away to suck in a gasp as she's filled up.

She steadies herself, hands on Charity's shoulders, their eyes locked together as they move together. Charity sits up, driving deeper, pressing her forehead to Vanessa's. "There's thousands in that bag, Ness," she murmurs, kissing her chin. " _Thousands_. I'm going to buy you the prettiest dress in London and show you off at the poshest hotel."

"Oh yeah?" Vanessa manages, bending to meet Charity's mouth.

"Mmhmm." Charity nuzzles her cheek. "And diamonds. I'm gonna drape you in diamonds. Only the best for my girl."

Vanessa's eyes close at Charity's words. It's at times like this she lets herself believe that Charity wouldn't be able to leave her behind. That she _is_ her girl and that they're forever. However long that is for a couple of bank robbers. She's so worked up from worry and relief and just _everything_ that it's not long before she falls against Charity, spent and panting. Charity's arms wind around her waist, strong and sure.

"I don't need any of that stuff, you know?" Vanessa murmurs into Charity's neck. She sits up and meets questioning eyes. "Diamonds and frocks and fancy hotels." She shakes her head. "I don't need any of it. I just need you."

Charity's eyes crease as they do when she really smiles. "Yeah?" Her smile only grows when Vanessa nods. She picks up Vanessa's hand from where it rests on her shoulder and links their fingers together. "Well, you've got me, kid. You've well and truly got me."


	21. Is there a reason you're naked in my bed

Charity flicks the last of the downstairs lights off before heading up the stairs. She hates being on closing, but at least tonight she knows Vanessa's waiting for her in bed. She'll probably be asleep by now, but there's something really comforting about the thought of slipping under the covers and curling around a warm, familiar body. She sighs and shakes her head at herself; she's really got it bad this time.

She stops by the bathroom to brush her teeth, noting that it's more untidy than usual. There are puddles of water and towels all over the floor, the toilet roll holder's been knocked over and several bottles of shampoo and shower gel are lying on the bottom of the bath. She shrugs. That's not her problem. It's Chas that gets all agitated about that kind of stuff, so she can fix it in the morning if she likes.

Yawning, she makes her way to her room, surprised to find the door open and the light on. A smile curls her mouth; Vanessa must be waiting up for her. The fatigue lifts from her shoulders as she imagines the things she's going to do to Vanessa's body. She grabs the doorframe, swinging into the room.

"Well, babe, this is a nice surpr-" She freezes in place, eyes wide, mouth dropping open in shock at the sight before her. Paddy gapes back at her, his face scarlet.

"Sorry," he says. "Probably not quite what you were expecting to find, eh?"

"That, Paddy, is what is known as an understatement." She wrinkles her nose as her eyes slide down his body and back up. "Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?" She leans against the doorframe, cocking a hip and an eyebrow.

"I'm not _naked_ ," Paddy protests, lifting a hand and letting out a distressed whine of pain. He gestures vaguely at his crotch. "There's a...you know...a thingie."

"I'm sure there is, but I can't see it for that face cloth you've got over it," Charity says, enjoying herself now. "And anyway, I'm flattered, Paddy, but I'm spoken for."

"This isn't...I'm not…" Paddy splutters. "This isn't how I seduce people!"

"No. Alcohol's probably involved too, I imagine," Charity nods. "A _lot_ of alcohol." She presses her lips together to keep herself from laughing. "It's a good job you're _not_ trying to seduce me. I mean, I know she's tiny, but I'd put my money on Vanessa in a fight between the two of you."

Paddy looks like he might protest, but ends up sighing. "Yeah, so would I, actually."

"So, if you're not trying to tempt me into an illicit affair, why are you in my bed?" Charity asks.

"He fell getting out of the bath and put his back out again. This was the furthest we could carry him." Vanessa's voice comes from behind her and she turns to see her girlfriend approaching. She's wearing a pair of Charity's silky pyjamas, the bottoms are too long and dragging on the floor. She's cradling a bag of frozen brussel sprouts in the crook of her elbow. "I'm surprised you didn't hear him from downstairs. Proper bringing the house down he was."

Charity lets out a cackle as Vanessa squeezes by her into the room. "Oh, Paddy. You really are an eighty year old woman trapped in a man's body, aren't you?"

"Charity," Vanessa warns. She dumps the sprouts and a towel in Charity's arms. "Wrap them up. We're going to have to get them underneath him."

"No!" Paddy says, shaking his head. "No, no. That sounds like it involves me moving and I don't think that's a good idea right now."

"Too bad," Vanessa huffs, clearly fed up of this whole situation. She looks over at Charity. "Well, come on then."

Charity approaches the bed, slowly, sizing up the task. She hands over the cold compress. "Why are _we_ doing this? Where's Chas? Isn't this her job?"

"Chas was on the phone to NHS 24." Chas comes into the room and stops beside the bed, glaring at Paddy. "And Chas couldn't her herself think in here because _someone_ kept wailing and crying."

"I was in pain!" Paddy protests. "The painkillers hadn't kicked in at all then." He twists his neck as best he can to look at her. "What did they say?"

"Exactly what Vanessa said before you insisted I phoned them," Chas says, yawning. "Ibuprofen. Cold compression pack. Get moving as soon as you can."

"See?" Vanessa throws her hands up. "You don't have to be a doctor to know that."

"Better safe than sorry," Paddy mumbles.

"Right. Are we gonna get these sprouts under him so I can get back to sleep?" Vanessa asks, moving to the other side of the bed. "If the two of you roll him towards you, I'll stick them underneath."

"I really don't think this is a good idea," Paddy says. "Let's just wait a bit for the painkillers to kick in, eh?"

They all ignore him, moving into position. Chas nods. "Right. You take the bottom half and I'll take the top half."

"I think you should take the bottom half!" Paddy interjects. "You'll need to...hold the thingie in place."

"Oh Paddy, get over yourself," Vanessa snaps, irritated. "I spent all yesterday up at Veronica's stud farm. If you think I even noticed your dangly bits, you've got another thing coming."

Charity laughs, swapping places with Chas. "Yeah, and anyway, Vanessa's not into dangly bits, these days."

"No? Could've fooled me." Chas mutters.

Charity frowns. "What's that mean?"

"Well, she's pretty fond of your bangers, i'n't she?"

Charity gasps. "You cheeky bi-"

" _Right_ , you two!" Vanessa yells. "It's one o'clock in the morning. I'm knackered. Can we just get this done, please?"

Chas and Charity glance at each other, smirking guiltily. "Yes, Ness," they chorus, earning an eyeroll from Vanessa.

With minimum fuss, and managing to keep Paddy's dignity intact, they get the cold compress to where it needs to go, lowering Paddy back down. He sighs in relief.

"Thanks, girls. That feels brilliant."

Charity nods, wrapping her arms around Vanessa when she comes and leans her whole weight against her. She frowns. "Uhhh...where are we going to sleep if he's in here?"

Chas flops down onto Charity's bed, making it bounce a little and causing Paddy to yelp. "Sorry," she mumbles, eyes closed. "You can take our bed."

"Fine," Charity says. "But we're having a lie in in the morning. Vanessa's shattered and I'll need time to deal with the mental trauma of being forced to think about Paddy's tackle."


	22. You did all of this for me

It's gone midnight and they've heard nothing. Doctors and nurses come and go, performing endless tests and observations. And still, nothing. She looks around. Debbie's up by the window into Sarah's room; she's barely moved from there since Charity arrived with Cain, both of them frantic and short-tempered. Ross is sitting with his head in his hands, Cain is pacing. Faith's head droops low to her chest before jerking back up. She really should go home, Charity thinks. She's too old to be sleeping on a hard hospital chair. Charity rolls her shoulders, feeling her bones protest. Maybe they all are.

She leans her elbows on her knees and lets her head fall forward. She's trying really hard to focus on staying positive, for Debbie if nothing else. Sarah's gone through so much in her short life already. She knows Debbie just wanted her to have as close to a normal life as possible, but the world keeps throwing obstacles in their way. She rubs her hands over her face. And they've always overcome them, in the past. They just need to do that again, now.

The doors down the corridor swish and footsteps start clacking towards them. Charity lifts her head, expecting to see another doctor with nothing to tell them. But when her eyes land on Vanessa she's on her feet and moving towards her.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Everything's running through her head; something's happened to Moses or Noah...or Ryan. Everyone turns to look at them. Vanessa reaches out and rubs her arm.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." She gives Charity a half-smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give you a fright."

She squeezes Charity's arm before moving over to Debbie, touching her elbow. "How's she doing?"

Debbie shrugs, her eyes still trained on Sarah's sleeping form. "We don't know anything. They just keep doing tests."

Vanessa sighs and nods. "It's hard, I know. But at least she's in the best place right now."

"Yeah." Debbie's voice is dry and cracked. "Again."

"Everybody's thinking of her, of you both. They send their love." Debbie nods and tries to smile. Vanessa rubs her back and steps away, back towards Charity.

"It's the middle of the night," Charity points out, frowning. "What are you doing down here?"

Vanessa shrugs. "Couldn't sleep." She nods to the bags she's carrying. "And I just...I know how bad hospital coffee is so I brought some nicer stuff."

Charity heart throbs briefly with something other than pain at Vanessa's thoughtfulness.

"I wouldn't mind a decent coffee, like," Ross says, coming over, rubbing the back of his neck.

Vanessa separates the two bags and sets them on a table. She reaches into one and pulls out a large flask and hands it to Ross. "There's milk and sugar in the bag, and some paper cups. And there's some sarnies in the other one. I know you might not feel like eating now but-"

"Well, aren't you just a little angel, eh?" Faith says, coming over to join them, moving to rummage in the other bag. "Worry plays havoc with my guts so it's better if I put something in my stomach and give it something to churn on."

Vanessa smiles and nods. Ross lifts a travel cup, frowning. "What's this? More milk?"

"Oh no, that's..." She takes it from him and holds it out to Charity. "I didn't know how everybody else took theirs, but that one's just how you like it."

Rather than take the cup, Charity wraps an arm around Vanessa's neck and pulls her close, pressing her nose into her hair. It's ridiculous that a cup of coffee should make her want to weep, especially with everything else that's going on. But the knowledge that someone was thinking about her and her family enough to _do_ something like this is almost too much for her to take. She can feel her body start to shake as she struggles to keep herself together. Vanessa's free arm goes around her waist and urges her to walk along the corridor, through the double doors, where they stop. Vanessa's arms wrap around her properly, squeezing her tightly, and it's enough to let her release the sobs that she's been holding in since she got the call about Sarah.

She clings to Vanessa, face buried in her neck. Vanessa holds her, swaying her gently and whispering in her ear about how everything will be okay and that Sarah's in good hands and other platitudes that Charity would rail against from anyone else. But from Vanessa, she believes them. She _needs_ to hear them and not be the one to say them to Debbie. She _needs_ these arms that know how to hold her together when she falls apart.

Once she's cried herself out, she just stands in Vanessa's arms, enjoying the closeness. She sighs, closing her eyes. "Thank you."

"You don't need to-"

"Yes." Charity lifts her head and meets Vanessa's eyes. "I do. Because you didn't need to do any of this. But you did. You did all of this...for me."

"Well, for all of you," Vanessa says, with a shrug. "But yeah, mostly for you." She shifts uncomfortably under Charity's affectionate smile. "It's just coffee and a couple of butties, Charity."

Charity shakes her head. "It's not just that, though, is it?" Her voice shakes under the strain of the words she's not saying. "It's…"

"You know what it is." Vanessa's eyes are clear and earnest. "Don't you?"

Charity nods. "Yeah...yeah I do."

Vanessa's lips flicker into a smile and she nods too. "Good." She leans up and presses her lips to Charity's before pulling her back into a hug. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

 _Yes_ , _forever_. Charity's first thought frightens her with its intensity. She slides her hands to Vanessa's hips and squeezes them, pulling back to look at her. "You better not," she says with a sigh. "The doctors have already tried to chuck some of us out so we better not keep adding people."

"Okay," Vanessa says, with an understanding smile.

"You should go home and try and get some sleep," Charity tells her, swiping a thumb under Vanessa's eye. "No point in all of us being like zombies tomorrow."

Vanessa nods and holds out the travel mug again for Charity to take, which she does with a smile. "You can call me. Doesn't matter what time it is, okay? If something happens or...or if you just want to talk, or not to talk." Vanessa tilts her head. "Whatever you need."

Charity leans in and drops her forehead to rest against Vanessa's. "I know, babe."

* * *

She walks Vanessa to the car park and where they spend some time saying goodbye before Charity heads back up to the waiting area. Cain and Ross are talking quietly, cradling cups of coffee. Half eaten sandwiches litter the tables and everyone looks just a little more alert than they had before she left. Debbie remains by the window in her silent vigil, but there's a cup of coffee in her hand.

"She's a good'un, that Vanessa," Faith tells her, as she takes her seat again. "You better keep hold of her, lady."

Charity takes a sip of coffee and smiles. "I'm not planning to let her go."


	23. Please don't leave

She gently places Johnny in bed, tucking the covers around him. Quiet snores come from Moses' bed on the other side of the room. They'd fallen asleep on the couch, Johnny's jumper balled tightly in Moses' fist. That's how they are now, they cling to each other like they're afraid they'll be ripped apart. Not that Charity can blame them, really. They _were_ ripped apart when her and Vanessa split up.

Sighing, she bends to press a kiss to Johnny's forehead, drinking in the smell of him for a second before standing up. Despite the break-up, they'd agreed that it would be unfair to stop the little ones from playing together, so once a week or so, Vanessa drops Johnny off at the pub, or Charity takes Moses to Tug Ghyll and the boys get to spend a couple of hours together. If it weren't for the fact that she lives for the few minutes she gets to speak to Vanessa during the drop-offs and pick-ups, Charity _might_ point out that the boys go to nursery together and literally see each other all day.

Casting a last look at the sleeping boys, Charity moves to the door and switches the light out, pulling the door half-closed.

"Hello? Charity?"

It's ridiculous, the way her heart still flutters when she hears Vanessa say her name. Not like she's some daft teenage lass with a crush. She takes a second to fix her hair in the hall mirror before heading down the stairs. Vanessa's just coming out of the living room, a frown creasing her brow adorably. It clears a little when her eyes land on Charity.

"Hiya," Charity says.

"Hi. Boys upstairs?" Vanessa asks.

"Yeah, they both passed out on the couch after running rings round me at the park." Charity points over her shoulder with her thumb. "I just popped Johnny in his b-...in Moses' room. Couldn't bear to wake him up." She shoves her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "I mean...if that's okay."

Vanessa sighs. "Well, I s'pose so. Bit confusing for him."

"Having a sleepover with his mate?" Charity rolls her eyes. "Yeah, totally weird behaviour."

"You know what I mean, Charity." Vanessa's using that stern voice of hers that makes Charity feel like a misbehaving bunny rabbit.

"Fine. I'll go and wake him up, shall I?" She turns and puts her foot on the first stair, but Vanessa's hand catches her wrist. She freezes. Warmth blooms from the contact and spread up through her arm and into her chest. She looks over her shoulder and catches Vanessa's eye.

"No. No, you're right." She seems to realise she's still holding Charity's arm and lets go, taking a step back. She adjusts the bag strap that's slung across her torso. "I'll pick him up in the morning."

Charity turns and steps back down. "I can take them both to nursery, if you like. Save dragging him around that early in the morning." It strikes her that this offer takes away the chance of getting to see Vanessa again in the morning and curses herself.

"He doesn't have any clothes here," Vanessa says.

Shrugging, Charity looks down, suddenly enthralled by the slight scuff on the toe of her boot. "He can wear something of Moz's."

"Okay." Charity looks back up to find Vanessa nodding. "That would be really nice. Thanks."

A smile flickers over Charity's lips. "No problem."

Silence stretches between them like a physical thing. Vanessa draws in a deep breath. "Well, I should g-"

"Please, don't leave." The words are out before she's even aware of forming them. Vanessa looks at her wide-eyed, as surprised as she is by the request. Charity hurries to continue. "Just stay and have a drink with me, eh? The boys are still mates, no reason we can't be too."

"We were never 'mates', Charity," Vanessa says, shaking her head.

"Well, maybe we can be now?" Charity hates how desperate she sounds, how desperate she _is_. "Just one drink. Please?"

Vanessa sighs. "One drink."

Charity presses her lips together, nodding slowly to mask the relief that's bubbling up from her chest. She heads into the living room, with Vanessa on her heels. She busies herself grabbing two glasses and a bottle. When she turns around, Vanessa's perched on the sofa, both hands clasped around the strap of her handbag. She looks about as uncomfortable as Charity's ever seen her, but she's here. She stayed. Taking in a steadying breath, Charity heads over to join her, sitting at the opposite end of the couch.

An eyebrow creeps up Vanessa's forehead when she sees Charity uncap the bottle of whisky and Charity shrugs. "For old time's sake?"

Vanessa pauses for a moment that feels like an hour, but then gives a single nod. Charity pours each of them a generous measure, handing one of the glasses to Vanessa and holding her own up.

"Cheers."

Vanessa lifts hers in return. "Cheers."

They both sip their drinks. Charity fights not to wince, but can't help the smile that appears when Vanessa's nose wrinkles in distaste.

Vanessa cradles the glass with both hands in her lap, looking down into it. "So, did Johnny behave himself?"

Back to smalltalk, then. Charity can't stand smalltalk at the best of times. But she hates it all the more with Vanessa because everything used to be so easy and comfortable. The whisky has left a sourness at the back of her throat that tastes like bile and all of this suddenly feels like a mistake. "Uh, yeah, course he did. He always does. Little angel, he is."

"Good. I'm glad." Vanessa nods and takes another swig from her glass.

"Moses was asking for you at the park," Charity blurts out, needing to move past this starched politeness.

Vanessa's head snaps up, eyes bright and soft. "Was he?"

"Yeah. Said you were better at pushing the swings." She laughs, though it's forced. "Cheeky little bugger, eh?"

A smile tugs at the edges of Vanessa's mouth. "He likes it when I catch his feet."

"He likes more than that," Charity says. "He misses you, Ness."

Vanessa's eyes drop to her drink again, taking Charity's stomach with them. She shakes her head. "Look, I should...I better go."

Charity finishes her drink, blaming the burn in her chest on the whisky rather than jealousy. "Rushing home to whatsherface, are you?" Charity is well aware what her name is. There's a masochistic side to her nature that means she pumps Tracy for information about every woman Vanessa seen since they broke up. Not that it's been many, and none of them have lasted. Until this latest one.

Vanessa meets her eyes. "Jessica."

Shrugging, Charity deposits her empty glass on the coffee table. "Whatever."

"No. I'm not rushing home to her." Vanessa catches herself. "Not that it's any of your business."

"Right. Right." Charity nods, crossing her arms over her stomach. "So, just desperate to get away from me then?"

"Charity, don't do this." Vanessa stands, her half-full glass joining Charity's empty one on the table.

"Don't do what?" Charity asks, standing as well. "Don't talk about how you can't even stand to be in the same room as me for more than five minutes?"

Vanessa shakes her head. "I shouldn't have stayed. I knew this was a mis-"

"I bet she doesn't make you feel like I make you feel." It's out of her mouth before she can stop it. They stare at each other, frozen in the moment, until a lone tear escapes the side of Vanessa's eye, making its way down her cheek.

"No, she doesn't," she whispers. "You _know_ she doesn't." She sniffs, her chest jumping with a sob she's trying to contain. "Nobody ever could."

Charity's heart is hammering against her ribs. She moves forward until she's standing close enough to Vanessa to feel the warmth coming from her skin. She holds out a hand, palm up, and waits. Vanessa looks at it for a long moment before lifting her own and sliding their palms together. Charity's fingers close around Vanessa's, squeezing. She leans in, her nose brushing against Vanessa's temple.

Vanessa's shoulders hitch in another sob. "She's lovely. She's pretty. She's sensible." She turns her head so that their noses bump. "And I broke it off with her earlier today because she's not you."

Eyes closing in relief, Charity lets her lips rest against Vanessa's cheek. "Why are we doing this, Ness?" she whispers. "Why are we being daft when it's obvious we're meant to be together?"

Vanessa pulls back and scowls at her. " _You're_ the one who wanted us to split up in the first place."

"I know." Charity swallows. "And at the time I thought it was for the best, that I was doing right by you."

"Doing right by me by breaking my heart?" Vanessa asks, aghast. It's clearly never occurred to her that their break-up might have hurt Charity too.

"By...by _not_ putting all of my crap on you all the time," Charity says, gaze falling to their still joined hands. "I was...everything was just getting on top of me. I was drowning and I was pulling you under an'all. It wasn't fair on you."

Vanessa tugs on her hand until she looks up into blue eyes made brighter with tears. "That's not what you said," she whispers.

Charity physically cringes when she remembers the conversation. How she'd thought it would be a good idea to push Vanessa away, rather than explain how she was feeling.

' _You're just one more thing I have to worry about. Whether I'm paying enough attention to you. Whether you're happy or mardy or somewhere in between. And it's too much, Vanessa. I don't have the energy for you too.'_

"I know what I said." She lifts her free hand to Vanessa's face, fingertips brushing her cheek. "I didn't mean it." She sighs, dropping her forehead to rest against Vanessa's. "I love the bones of you, Vanessa Woodfield. And if you'll take me back, I'll try not to be so much of an idiot in future."

"Oh, Charity," Vanessa sighs, shaking her head. "You say that as if you haven't always been an idiot." Vanessa's lips brush over her own. "And I fell in love with that idiot."

Charity's mouth curls into a smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Vanessa breathes out just before Charity claims her lips in a searing kiss. She wraps her arms around her, remembering all the ways they fit together as Vanessa melts into her body. The remain close when the kiss comes to an end, breathing the same air.

"So," Charity begins, tracing a finger along Vanessa's collar bone. "Do you know what the best thing is for a recently broken heart that's on its way to mending?"

The edges of Vanessa's eyes crinkle when she smiles. She plays along, shaking her head. "No."

Charity grins, leaning in to kiss Vanessa softly before pulling back. "Do you wanna go upstairs and find out?"

Vanessa nods.


	24. This is without a doubt

"So, what do you think? You in?" Charity's eyes flick between Chas, Debbie, Megan, Tracy and Rhona, awaiting their reaction, her leg bouncing under the table as they look at each other.

Chas lets out a sigh and shakes her head, meeting Charity's eyes. "This is, without a doubt, the daftest plan you've ever come up with."

Frowning, Charity inhales, ready to go over her idea again, but Chas holds her hand up and looks at the others, who all break out in huge grins.

Chas turns back to Charity, smiling this time. "Course we're in, kid."

* * *

A few weeks down the line, the plan has been executed, with a few bumps along the way, and now all that is left is for Charity to bring it home. And she's bloody bricking it.

Vanessa's tidying away the last of their picnic and Charity keeps looking at her phone, waiting. She really couldn't have picked a better day for it; the sun is shining, but not too hot, and there's just the slightest hint of a breeze. It's perfect.

"You know, if I was the jealous type, I'd worry you had a bit on the side going."

"Eh?" Charity looks up to find Vanessa smiling at her.

Vanessa flicks Charity's phone with her nail. "You've barely taken your eyes off that for the past quarter of an hour."

On cue, her phone buzzes and her eyes flick down to read the single word text from Tracy: _Ready._

Dismissing the notification, Charity chucks the phone away to the far side of the blanket and lies back, her hands behind her head and her eyes closed, trying her best to look relaxed. "Well, my bit on the side just confirmed what time we're meeting tonight, so I'm all yours now babe."

Vanessa laughs and moves to lie next to her, snuggled against her side with her head on Charity's shoulder. "Better make the most of you then, hadn't I?"

Wrapping her arm around Vanessa's shoulder, she pulls her close and turns to press a kiss to her forehead, blowing out a breath that ruffles Vanessa's hair. Vanessa's hand comes to rest on her stomach, warm through the thin fabric of the vest she's wearing. When that hand starts to rub gently, Charity realises how tense her stomach muscles are and wills herself to calm down.

An arm slips further around her waist, a hand coming to rest on her hip, gripping solidly, grounding her. "You don't need to worry, Charity," Vanessa whispers against her ear. "I'm going to say yes."

Charity pulls back so that they're looking into each other's eyes. Vanessa, somehow, manages to look both ecstatic and worried at the same time. The tension in Charity's chest loosens a little.

"You knew?" Charity asks, the edge of her lips twitching in a smile. She thought Vanessa might guess something was going on. What with her annoying ability to read Charity's moods.

"Well, I suspected," Vanessa says, eyes dipping to Charity's chest where her fingers are gently running over the beauty marks she loves so much. She meets Charity's eyes with a shrug. "You've been jumpy for weeks and then you were pretty insistent about me not arranging anything for today." She smiles, almost shy. "It's not like we haven't talked about it, is it?"

It's true. It's the reason Charity decided to go ahead with it. Initially any talk of marriage was centred around Charity talking about her experiences and why they were all wrong. Then, slowly it turned into the two of them deciding that they wouldn't mind maybe getting married one day. And eventually it became accepted that they would take that step; it was just a matter of when.

"Well…" Charity begins, unsure of what to say.

"I'm sorry," Vanessa says, sitting up. "I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't mean to spoil whatever you had planned I just-" She looks over her shoulder at Charity, who's still lying down. "I just wanted to put your mind at rest. You were so tense and I didn't want you worrying and I-"

Charity sits up and cuts her off with a kiss, long and deep and slow. When it ends, she rests her forehead against Vanessa's taking a moment to look into endlessly deep blue eyes that have been her salvation more times than she can count.

"You've not spoiled anything, you silly mare," Charity says, her chest becoming lighter still as she lets Vanessa's closeness soothe her.

This isn't like any of her other relationships. It's not like when she proposed to Cain; that was always about getting him to prove he loved her enough. She was daring him to marry her, almost. This? This is the real thing. There are no games or lies or secrets waiting in the wings to scupper everything. Vanessa _knows_ her, better than anyone else ever has or ever will. And she's still here and she still loves Charity and shows that love every day. It's what makes it so easy.

"Well, since this is the first time anybody's bothered to ask you this, I'd better do it properly, eh?" She presses a chaste kiss to Vanessa's lips before struggling onto one knee; stiff from lying on the hard ground. Vanessa turns onto her knees as well. Charity slips her hand into the pocket of her jeans and pulls out a small velvet bag. She winks at Vanessa. "Thought this'd be less noticeable than a box."

"Maybe I'd just have thought you were happy to see me?" Vanessa says, eyes shining and voice rough and Charity laughs, shaking her head. If she'd needed a reminder about why she bloody loves this woman, that was it. She cups Vanessa's face with both hands and pulls her into another kiss.

"I'm flamin' always happy to see you, aren't I? That's sort of the point," she mumbles against Vanessa's mouth. "Now, are you going to let me get a word in edgeways or are you going to give me cheek all afternoon?"

"No more cheek, I promise," Vanessa whispers, pulling back and giving Charity a nod. "Go on, then."

"Bossy," Charity mutters. She takes the ring out of its little bag and holds it up, pleased when Vanessa gasps. She reaches out and takes her left hand, squeezing it in her own. Vanessa's eyes fill with tears as she returns the squeeze. "Oi, no crying, yeah?"

Vanessa nods, and the movement dislodges a tear from each eye. Charity makes a show of sighing and Vanessa gives her a lopsided smile. "Lost cause."

Nodding, Charity adjusts her grip on Vanessa's hand, bringing her fingers briefly to her mouth before beginning to speak. "So, I was giving this a bit of thought, and I was going to attempt some elaborate metaphor about, you know, locking me in the cellar and unlocking my heart or summat cheesy like that." She rolls her eyes, but she's well aware that Vanessa can see the tears in them. "But what it all boils down to in the end is this-" She swallows and holds Vanessa's gaze. "I love you. So, how about it, eh?" She presses her lips together, her heart hammering, even though she knows what the answer will be. "D'you fancy being my wife?"

Vanessa lets out a bubbling laugh and covers her mouth with her free hand, tears now flowing freely down her face, but she's nodding. "Yes. I do fancy that."

"Yeah?" Charity's smile stretches across her face, as she waits for a confirmation she knows will come.

"Yeah." Vanessa squeezes Charity's hand. "Come on! Put the bloody ring on so I can give you a kiss!"

"Not likely to turn that down, am I?" Charity wastes no more time, sliding the ring onto Vanessa's finger, admiring it once it's in place. "D'you like-"

She's cut off by Vanessa's lips meeting her own. Vanessa's hand slides out of her grip and familiar arms wind around her waist, pulling her close. Her own hands slide to Vanessa's back as they kiss. Charity allows herself to be swept up in the euphoria for a while until her bones start to protest. She draws the kiss to an end and pulls back enough to see Vanessa's face.

"I'm not being funny, babe, but if we don't stand up soon my knees are gonna seize up."

"C'mon then, Granny Charity." Vanessa says, getting to her feet with no problem and pulling Charity up by her elbows. She grins up at Charity's scowl, taking her hands and placing them on her own hips. She leans in close to murmur. "What do you say we go home and find you a soft surface to lie on, eh?"

"Well, we could do that," Charity begins, lifting her eyebrows, hands flexing on Vanessa's hips. " _Or_...we could get married."

Vanessa's smile turns confused. "We... _are_ getting married, Charity." She taps Charity's temple gently. "Hope your mind's not going the same way as your knees."

"Ha bloody ha, you." Charity narrows her eyes, turning Vanessa in her arms and resting her chin on her shoulder, covering her arms with her own. She sways them both and points to a small wooded area not far off. "Through those trees, there's a little clearing. And _in_ that clearing, there's a few dozen of our friends and relatives." She kisses the side of Vanessa's neck. "And Harriet."

She feels the exact second Vanessa realises what she's saying. Her body goes rigid and, for a terrible second, Charity thinks she's made the wrong choice. But when Vanessa turns around, she's smiling.

"A-are you serious? You haven't- " Vanessa shakes her head. "You've never gone and pulled a whole wedding together right under my nose?"

It's hard not to be smug, so she doesn't bother to try. "That's exactly what I've done. Well, I had a little help, but everything's sorted." She holds up a hand, counting off items as she lists them. "Vicar, wedding licence-" She squints, a little guilty. "- _might_ have forged your signature a bit there, babe, rings, that dress you loved in that posh shop in town, guests, matching shirts for the boys, reception at the pub...and, yeah, that's about everything."

Vanessa's still shaking her head, her smile as bright as the summer sunshine above them. "I can't believe this."

"No point in long engagements at our age, is there?" Charity says, with a wink. She rests her forehead against Vanessa's. "And I was kind of relying on the fact that you'd figure out about the proposal and think that's why I was acting weird."

"Well, you played a blinder, let me tell you." Vanessa goes up on her toes and plants a kiss on Charity's lips, before glancing briefly over her shoulder. "We're really going to get married? Today?"

"Well, unless you've got somewhere else to be," Charity says. She presses her lips together and lifts her eyebrows. "Sure you're ready to be an official Dingle?"

"Is anyone ever ready for that?" Vanessa teases. She blows out a breath and nods. "Yeah, I want to get married to you today. Right now. This minute. This _second._ "

"Steady on, babe," Charity says, with a roll of her eyes. "You've got a gaggle of ladies waiting over there to help you into your frock and fix your hair and do something about this runny mascara." She swipes a thumb under Vanessa's eye.

"I'm getting into this frock in the middle of the woods, am I?" Vanessa asks, as Charity takes her hand and starts to lead her to the trees.

"You are. And I'm getting changed an' all. But I have it on good authority that there are arrangements in place to keep out prying eyes." She swings their joined hands. "We might even have time for a quick fumble since we'll be undressed anyway."

"Tempting." Vanessa nods. "Very tempting." She smirks. "But I'm saving myself until after I'm married."

Charity grins. "Then what are we waiting for?" And she takes off at a run, dragging a laughing Vanessa with her.


	25. If it wasn't for your wellies

"This is nice."

Charity smiles at the words mumbled into her neck, her eyes drifting around the pub. They're attending an impromptu do to celebrate Lisa's return to the village. She presses her cheek against Vanessa's.

"Yeah, slow dancing to Daniel Bedingfield in the Woolie surrounded by drunken Dingles. I know how to show a girl a good time, eh?"

Vanessa's arms tighten around her back and she closes her eyes. Those arms have been the only thing holding her up for most of this year. Over the course of time, she's learned to accept Vanessa's love for what it is; unconditional and seemingly limitless. Every time Charity pushed her away, every time she lashed out and tried to show Vanessa who she really was, Vanessa stayed and held her and loved her harder.

"Shut up." Vanessa lifts her head from Charity's shoulder and smiles at her. Her eyes flit around the room, her smile dimming slightly. "I mean, it's been a bloody hard year for the lot of you, but you're all here, together…it's just nice."

"You allowed to say say 'we' you know." She takes Vanessa's left hand from where it rests on her back and brings it to rest on her chest, tapping the ring she's wearing. "You're almost a fully fledged Dingle."

Vanessa laughs. "Yeah, almost." She shakes her head, looking at her ring. "Sometimes I can still hardly believe it."

"What? That you got landed with me?" Charity tilts her head in sympathy. "Yeah, sorry about that."

Vanessa smiles, holding Charity's eyes. "That I found you."

"Amazing what you can find in that pub cellar when you have a rummage around." Charity lifts her eyebrows. "Chas found a box of crisps that went out of date in 1973 the other week."

"Well, _I_ found the love of my life." Vanessa's smile blooms full and bright. "So I reckon I did okay."

Charity laughs, though she can feel her cheeks grow warm with a blush. "That was pretty smooth, Ms Woodfield."

Vanessa tilts her head. "Yeah?" Her eyes drop to Charity's lips. "Smooth enough for me to get a kiss?"

Leaning in, Charity bumps their noses together. "Oh, I think it was worth a full on sn-"

"Can I have your attention?" Zak's voice booms into their conversation. "Bit of hush, if you don't mind."

The music is turned off and Charity sighs. Vanessa steals a quick kiss before turning in Charity's arms. She looks back over her shoulder. "I expect that snog later on, by the way."

Leaning in, Charity whispers in Vanessa's ear. "Play your cards right, you'll get a lot more than that later on." She tickles her sides, making her squirm before pulling her more firmly in against her body and placing her chin on her shoulder.

"I'd just like to take a few moments to thank you all for coming along and giving Lisa a proper Dingle welcome back." A cheer goes up around the pub and Lisa holds up her glass, her other hand over her heart. Zak holds his tankard up to her and nods.

"This last year's been a strange one for all of us. We've had some great times." He nods to Aaron and Robert, stood at the bar, fingers loosely intertwined.

"We've met new family members." Ryan stands and takes a bow, earning a nudge and an eyeroll from Debbie when he sits back down between her and Irene.

Zak's face grows serious. "And we've had some heartaches."

Charity's gaze flicks to Chas and Paddy, Vanessa's hand coming to stroke her forearm. Chas has that brave smile on she's been wearing in public since they lost Margarita. She nods quickly at Zak and turns her face into Paddy's shoulder. Paddy lifts his pint glass at Zak.

"And our Noah pointed out to me earlier that in amongst all that, we haven't properly welcomed someone important to our family."

Charity closes her eyes. "Oh, no."

"What?" Vanessa asks.

Zak turns to them. "Vanessa."

She feels Vanessa startle, her hands coming to grip Charity's arms. "Zak-" Charity begins, but he speaks over her.

"Now, normally we'd wait till you were wed to do this. But that'll not be until next year and Noah's right, it feels like, with all that's happened, you should end this year as an official part of the family."

Vanessa turns her head to look at Charity, tears making her eyes sparkle in the low light. "Is...is that okay with you?" Vanessa whispers, and Charity feels her own eyes start to grow hot.

She rolls her eyes and kisses Vanessa's jaw. "Course it is, you daft mare."

Vanessa nods and turns back around to where Zak is waiting to continue.

"Now, there's not many would've been able to guess that _you_ ' _d_ be the one to win our Charity's heart." There's a murmur of agreement. "But I don't think there's a single one of us who hasn't seen what you've done for her this past year."

Shaking her head, Vanessa begins to interject. "No, I jus-"

Charity pinches her side. "Oi, you, just shut up and listen to the man, right?"

"She'll say it herself, you've been her rock through all this business with that-" Charity feels her body react as it always does whenever she thinks about him. Even though he's in prison now, even though people know what kind of a man he is, he still evokes terror in her. Vanessa strokes her arm, leaning against her more firmly. Zak shakes his head. "No. We won't talk about that tonight." He looks back at Vanessa. "You've been there for her, right by her side, fighting her case, through everything. And if that doesn't make you a Dingle, I don't know what does." Charity turns and smiles against Vanessa's neck, mostly to hide her watery eyes as Zak continues. "I can't tell you how happy I am that the two of you are getting wed. Our Charity were always a good lass, deep down, and you've brought that out for everyone to see."

"And we're all grateful that she's less of a moody cow," Chas puts in. Charity lifts her head and narrows her eyes at her cousin, but she's grateful for the injection of levity.

"Now, the welly ceremony was tainted a little what with all that Lachlan nonsense," Zak shakes his head. "But thankfully we've had Ryan since then to bring it back on track. A true Dingle." There are shouts of 'hear, hear' and Ryan holds his bottle of beer up.

"So, without further ado, we'll get on with the ceremonial drinking from the welly." A cheer resounds from all present, and someone starts up the chant of ' _drink from the welly_ ' but Charity holds a hand up.

"Hey, hey! Don't fill it right up, okay? She's only little."

She knows it's the wrong thing to say even before Vanessa breaks out of her hold and spins around, hands on hips.

"That's...that's...discrimination!"

"Oh, come on, Ness." She throws out a hand, gesturing from Vanessa's head to her feet. "You're barely the height of that welly!"

"It's alright, mum, we've thought of that." Noah grins at Charity from where he's stood behind the bar with Faith. Faith winks at him and he picks something up and places it on the bar and Charity has to press her lips together to stop from laughing.

It's one of Moses' wellies; white with green and blue dinosaurs printed all over it.

She covers her mouth when Vanessa glares at her before she marches over and picks up the boot, bringing it to her mouth and downing the ale in one. Cheering and clapping fill the pub as she slams it back down on the bar, wiping a hand across her mouth. She fixes Zak with a stare that's pure blue steel.

"Bring me the big welly."

The whole room _erupts_. Zak thumps Vanessa on the back, laughing in delight and gesturing to Noah. Charity looks around at her idiotic relatives, on their feet, cheering on her even more idiotic girlfriend. Noah brings through the proper sized welly, handing it over to Faith. While it's being filled, Charity moves closer to Vanessa.

"Ness, you don't have to do this, you know." She touches the end of Vanessa's nose with her finger. "You don't have to prove anything to me."

The stern expression softens a little and Vanessa catches her hand, holding it in her own. "I know, but if I'm doing this, I'm doing it right." She squeezes Charity's hand. "I'm going full on Dingle."

"God help us all." Charity rolls her eyes, but leans in to kiss Vanessa's lips. "Show 'em how it's done, babe."

"Right, love," Faith calls over as she sets the boot on the bar. "One Dingle sized welly as requested. Have at it!"

The crowd has moved closer since Vanessa's request, everyone on their feet and gathered around, awaiting the spectacle of this tiny woman drinking from that huge thing.

"Wait! Wait! I want to film this!" Marlon almost drops his phone in his haste to pull up the camera.

"I hope that's been disinfected in between uses," Lydia murmurs to Sam.

"Can you reach, sweetheart? D'you need a hand lifting it down?" Cain asks, earning a slap to his chest from Moira.

"I can manage fine, thanks." Vanessa lifts the boot and adjusts it in her grip so that she can angle it properly. Just before she lifts it to her lips, she winks at Charity. "Cheers."

Someone shoves a bottle of beer into Charity's hand and she holds it up. "Cheers, babe."

Vanessa lifts the welly to her mouth and starts to drink. Cheers and chants intermingle into a cacophony of indistinguishable noises so loud Charity barely notices when Lisa comes to stand beside her. She has to lean in close when Lisa starts to speak.

"Eh?"

"I said she's a good'un, that girl." She nods to Vanessa. "She'll be a good addition to the family."

Charity smiles, watching Vanessa tip the boot higher. She shakes her head. "Yeah, but where'll this lot be when she's legless and needs a fireman's lift her up the stairs later, eh? It'll be muggins here left to do it."

"Oh, love." Lisa nudges her. "Way you look at her? You'd walk through hell with her on your shoulders if you had to."

Tears prick the back of her eyes and she blinks them away as she nods. "And back again."

"And she'd do the same for you," Lisa tells her, squeezing her arm. "You deserve someone like that, Charity. Life you've had? You're more than overdue for some happiness."

"Thanks Lis," Charity says, covering Lisa's hand on her arm. The crowd gets louder and they both turn back just in time to see Vanessa lift the welly up over her head, the few remaining drops falling into her hair.

"Yes, Ness!" Ryan shouts, as Aaron and Sam hoist her up onto their shoulders.

She lifts the welly up like it's a trophy as she's paraded around the room, people reaching up to pat her legs and back as she passes. Charity seeks out her kids, pleased to see them whistling and cheering with the rest of them.

Finally, Vanessa is deposited in front of her, grinning and swaying slightly. Charity sweeps damp hair back off her forehead and cups her cheek.

"So," Vanessa says, leaning into her hand a little more than necessary. "No going back now. That's me a proper Dingle."

Charity smiles, putting her other hand on Vanessa's cheek and pulling her in so their foreheads are touching. She wrinkles her nose. "Fresh from doing something daft and reeking of ale?" She presses a soft kiss to Vanessa's lips. "Definitely a Dingle."


	26. Picture perfect

Vanessa's still getting used to the number of impromptu get togethers the Dingles have. She's not even really sure what this one's about. Charity had mumbled something about Belle and college at her yesterday. She's sure it'll become clear when someone, probably Zak, makes a speech.

As always when they're in the same room, Vanessa's gaze eventually ends up on Charity and she smiles when she sees that she's standing with Noah and Ryan, all three of them laughing about something or other. It's so nice to see her happy. It felt like she went months without seeing Charity smile properly. But now, with that bastard behind bars and Sarah well on the mend, things are looking up for all of them.

"I want the blue one!" Johnny's whine draws her attention to the two boys sat across from her, colouring in.

"Johnny," she warns. "Moses is using the blue crayon. You can have it when he's finished. You have to share, remember?"

Moses smiles at her while Johnny continues to pout. Moses holds the blue crayon out to Johnny. "You can have blue. I'll do red now."

"Awww, now wasn't that kind of Moses to give you the crayon you wanted?" Vanessa says as Johnny takes it. "What do you say to him?"

Johnny's beaming now that he has his crayon and he turns his smile on Moses. "Thank you. I'll give it you back when I'm done."

Moses nods without lifting his head from where he's now furiously scribbling red all over his page. "Okay."

"Such good boys, the pair of you," Vanessa declares. She looks up and smiles as Charity approaches. She stops by the table and tilts her head, eyes narrowed. 

"Why you looking at me like that?"

Vanessa frowns. "Like what?"

Charity wafts a finger around Vanessa's face. "You know, all...weird and smiley."

Catching, Charity's hand, Vanessa shakes her head. "I'm not."

"You are." Their fingers slide together naturally. "You have been all night."

"Well, so what if I have?" Vanessa pulls Charity closer, resting her forehead against her hip. "I just like seeing you happy, that's all."

Charity cups the back of her head. "Yeah, well, got a lot to smile about, haven't I?" She takes a seat at the table, letting her arm rest along the back of Vanessa's chair, and surveys the room. "This might be the first time ever that all my kids and grandkids have been in a room together, all happy and healthy."

"That's true." Vanessa nods, her hand moving to Charity's knee and squeezing. It's taken a while to get here, with Ryan's introduction to the family, Sarah's illness and Noah's attitude, but they finally seem to be in a positive place. Vanessa smiles as Ryan and Noah attempt some ridiculous handshake. She nudges Charity. "You should get a picture taken. You and your brood. The Charity Dingle Dynasty."

"You're kidding right? Trying to get this lot together and all looking in the same direction at the same time? Easier herding cats, babe." Charity rolls her eyes, but Vanessa knows her well enough by now to see that it's actually something she'd like. She pushes her until she stands up.

"Come on, you get the big boys and I'll get Debbie and the kids sorted." Charity huffs and casts a dark look over her shoulder, but heads over to Ryan and Noah anyway. Vanessa stands and takes her phone out of her pocket. "Moses, sweetheart, come and get your picture taken and then you can finish your colouring in, yeah?"

"'Kay, Ness." He starts to clamber down from his seat so she heads over to where Debbie and the kids are seated.

"Your mum wants a picture of the lot of you. Kids and grandkids, while you're all here together."

Jack gets up immediately and bounds over to where Charity and the boys are gathering. Sarah huffs as Debbie pushes her to her feet. "I've not even done my hair properly."

"Hey." Vanessa chucks her under the chin as she passes. "You look gorgeous, kid."

"Yeah, you should appreciate being able to look effortlessly glam." Debbie sighs, slinging an arm around Sarah as they make their way over. "Takes me hours these days just to not look completely knackered."

"Well, you are nearly thirty, mum. What do you expect?"

Debbie laughs. "That's enough cheek out of you!"

"Right, is that all of you?" Vanessa says, nodding when they form a tight semi-circle around Charity. Noah lifts Moses up so that he'll be visible in the photo. Something brushes against Vanessa's legs and she looks down just in time to see Johnny plod over to Charity, grabbing a handful of her trousers and leaning his head against her thigh.

"Oh, Johnny, love." Vanessa holds her hand out. "Come here for a sec, eh? You can help mummy take the photo."

Charity puts her hand on his head, keeping him where he is. "Me and my kids, you said, yeah?" She bends and picks Johnny up, settling him on her hip and looking around to make sure everyone's there. "Right, I think we're good to go."

"But I-" It takes Vanessa a second, but she eventually catches on. "Oh…" Her eyes fill up, throat constricting painfully.

"Come on, babe, no waterworks, eh?" Charity winks. "Don't want your mascara running. You need to be in the next one."

Vanessa clears her throat and blinks, trying her best to smile, even though her heart and mind are racing. She swallows and holds up her phone, stepping back to get them all in the frame. "Okay, is everyone read- Ryan!" Vanessa scolds when she catches him doing rabbit ears behind Debbie's head. "Stop that."

"Oi, you, behave!" Charity tells him, adjusting Johnny in her arms. "Come on babe, just take whatever picture you can get. This one weighs a ton and a half." Johnny and Moses both giggle at that.

"Right, everybody say 'Dingle'!"

The word is yelled by a drove of Dingles and one tiny Woodfield.

Vanessa snaps the picture.


	27. I'll bore you with my holiday pics

Her mum was right. Bit of slap and a coffee and she feels more ready to face the world. Sarah might hate her for a bit, but the alternative isn't even an option, so she'll do what she needs to do to get them all through it. Just like she has done before. She focuses back on what her mother's saying as she flicks through photos far too quickly for Debbie to actually take in what's going on.

"And that's the boys building sandcastles." Charity wrinkles her nose. "Johnny cried when the waves knocked his over because Noah'd made up some mad story about little people living in it or summat." She rolls her eyes. "Poor little sod."

Debbie hides a smile because it's clear for the world to see that Johnny being upset had upset Charity too. "Mmhmm."

"And there's Ness, bless her. Why she thought it'd be a good idea to carry five ice-cream cones back from a van half a mile up the beach in the blazing sun is beyond me."

"And of course, you got up to help, yeah?" Debbie nudges her. "Not like you just lay there and took pictures of her with ice-cream dripping up her arms."

"Uh, I did help, thank you very much. The boys went and took the cones." Charity lifts an eyebrow. "And I helped lick the ice-cream off her."

" _Mother_." Debbie sighs. "Next."

"Right, right." She scrolls to a photo of Noah asleep on a couch, his head tipped right back and his mouth hanging open. Johnny and Moses are pressed against either side of him, both sound asleep. "The little beggars had run me ragged all day and then had the cheek to fall asleep before we could even get them fed!" Charity shakes her head.

The next picture is of all five of them, the weather has changed from the previous set of pictures and they're wearing jumpers and hoodies, huddled together in what looks like a gale force wind, pink-cheeked and grinning. "This is us out 'enjoying nature'." Charity glances at Debbie. "Which is Vanessa speak for 'looking at trees and freezing our bits off', as far as I can tell." She smiles a soft smile that Debbie doesn't see often. "Might get that one printed out. I was sure the old codger who took it had the camera turned the wrong way but he did a not bad job."

"It's a good one," Debbie agrees. "You should get it in a nice frame and give it to Vanessa as a present."

"Yeah…maybe." Charity scrolls to the next picture. It's Vanessa from the waist up. All she's wearing is a lilac bra and smile. Charity quickly turns the phone around, flashing a sheepish grin at Debbie. "Ummm…you probably don't need to see this next lot, actually. They're more…"

"Artistic?" Debbie suggests.

"Uh, yeah." Charity keeps scrolling, a light flush appearing on her cheeks. She tilts her head, smiling at the phone. "Very _artistic_ indeed."

Debbie just smiles and shakes her head, taking a sip of her coffee.


	28. Cold comfort

"-and he didn't even notice!"

Charity smiles as Debbie and Sarah relate a story about applying glittery gel to Cain's hair while he snoozed in the chair by Sarah's bed earlier in the day.

"Bet he looked a right wally." Charity can just picture it. Cain's grumpy face underneath a headful of sparkles.

"He actually quite suited it," Debbie says, squeezing Sarah against her. "Didn't he?"

Sarah nods. "I wonder if anyone's said anything to him."

Charity winks. "Well, if he comes in the pub later I'll be sure to tell him how fabulous he looks."

"You working tonight?" Debbie asks.

"Yeah." Her phone starts to vibrate in her pocket and she gets it out, rolling her eyes. "Trying to get back in Chas' good books after my unscheduled time off, aren't I?" She looks at the caller display and is surprised to see it's Vanessa. "Hiya babe." She points to the phone and mouths ' _Vanessa'_ at Debbie and Sarah.

"Uh yeah we know, Granny." Sarah rolls her eyes at her mother. "Like she looks that soppy when anyone else calls."

"Charity, I...uh-."

Charity's on alert the second she hears Vanessa's voice. "Ness? What is it?" She gets to her feet. "What's wrong?"

"It's...it's-" Vanessa's clearly driving, her voice is already distorted from emotion, but the car makes it sound echoey and far away. Charity literally left Vanessa's side not two hours ago and everything was fine.

"Is it Johnny? Tracy?" Charity tries to keep her frustration under control; she's not good at not being in possession of the facts. "Talk to me, babe, c'mon."

"It's my dad. H-he's been in an accident."

There's a twinge of guilt at the relief she feels at hearing it's not Johnny. "What kind of accident?"

She can see Debbie and Sarah react to her question, but she can't deal with them right now. She holds up two fingers and heads out of Sarah's room into the corridor as Vanessa speaks.

"Car crash, Tracy said. H-him and Megan." Vanessa's voice catches in a sob and Charity's heart aches for her. "I don't k-know anything else I just-"

"Hey, it's okay, shhhh." She tries to think of what she can do to help. "What do you need, babe? Is...d'you need me to get Johnny or-"

"No. He's with Rhona. He's fine. I-" There's a pause and Charity can almost hear Vanessa biting her lip.

"Tell me what you need, Vanessa."

"I...I know you're with Debbie and Sarah and I don't want to take you away from them with everything that's going on...but could...could you go and just check on Tracy? Just till I get there. She's on her own and she was in a right state when she phoned and there's traffic so I'm a good ten or fifteen minutes away and-"

Charity cuts her off. "I'll head down there right now. Just you concentrate on the road and get here safe. I'll make sure Tracy's okay."

"Thank you. I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop it. There's nothing to be sorry for." She closes her eyes. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I...I just need to know what's happening, then I'll know how I am."

"Yeah, course." Charity glances into Sarah's room. "Right, I'm just gonna tell Debs what's going on and then I'll go and find Tracy." She swallows, trying to think of the kind of thing you're supposed to say in this situation. "It'll be-"

"Don't." Vanessa's voice is tight. "Don't say it'll be alright when you don't know."

"Okay." Charity nods, even though Vanessa can't see her. "How about this instead; whatever happens, I'll be here."

She hears Vanessa blow out a long, shaky breath. "Yeah, you can say that."

"Drive safe," she repeats. "And I'll see you when you get here."

"Yeah. Bye."

The call disconnects and Charity tries her hardest not to think about Vanessa's alone in the car, worried and panicking and probably crying.

Debbie and Sarah talk over each other the as soon as she enters the room. "What's going on?" "What's wrong?" "Is it Johnny?"

"It's Frank." Charity picks up her handbag and slings it over her shoulder. "Him and Megan have been in a car accident. That's all I know, but Vanessa's upset and Tracy's downstairs on her own so I'm going down there to-"

"Of course! Go!" Sarah urges her. Charity moves to the bed and leans in to kiss Sarah's forehead.

Debbie catches her hand and squeezes, waiting for Charity to meet her eyes before nodding. "Give Vanessa and Tracy our love, yeah? I hope it's all okay."

"Me too." Charity stands up, holding the strap of her bag with both hands so they don't fidget. "I...uh...I'll come back wh-"

"No you won't," Sarah says, in a tone that brooks no arguments. "Vanessa needs you. We're fine here."

Charity smiles and swipes a thumb over Sarah's cheek. "Yes, mum." She heads to the door. "I'll let you know what's going on."

With a final smile at them both, Charity hurries along the corridors to the lifts. She pounds the button for the ground floor, muttering to herself about how much she bloody hates hospitals.

* * *

There's no sign of Tracy in the waiting area of A and E so Charity heads for the desk, her foot tapping impatiently until someone comes over.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Frank Clayton and Megan Macey. They were in a car accident earlier today."

The woman nods, looking at a computer screen. "Are you a family member to either of them?"

Charity opens her mouth and then hesitates. She's absolutely not family, but if she says that then there's no way they'll let her wander around to find Tracy. She nods. "I'm Frank's daughter-in-law. My sister-in-law's here somewhere and I'm trying to get to her so she's not on her own."

"I'll get someone to show you through." The woman stands and gestures to a nurse. "Is your husband on his way?"

For just a second, Charity's completely thrown by the question, until she realises it's probably the obvious conclusion to reach. "My wife, actually." The word feels foreign, but not unwelcome, in her mouth. "She'll be here in the next ten minutes or so."

"Right, so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." Charity waves her off and follows the nurse through some official looking doors and up an interminable corridor until they stop in front of a room.

"This is one of our relatives' waiting rooms. Someone will show your wife through when she arrives."

"Thank you."

Charity smiles and opens the door, finding Tracy sitting down, her head in her hands. She looks up at the sound of the door, getting to her feet. Charity recognises the look on her face; it's a mixture of fear and hope. It's the same one she sees up in Sarah's room whenever a doctor comes by with news. When she sees it's not a doctor, she closes her eyes, tears streaming from the corners.

"Oh, Charity…"

"Hey. Come here." Tracy allows herself to be wrapped in Charity's arms and held tightly. They stand like that for as long as it takes for Tracy's sobs to subside. Charity guides her back to the chairs with an arm around her shoulders, sitting them both down. "Have they told you anything? How he is?"

Tracy shrugs and wipes her nose. "They said 'serious'. That's all I could hear. 'Serious'." She looks over at Charity with worried eyes. "That's not good, is it? They say 'stable' when it's good."

"I dunno, babe, it's probably just really early and they don't know themselves yet, yeah?" She squeezes Tracy's arm. "Tough as old boots, your old man. Look at the daughters he produced."

Frowning, Tracy looks at the empty seat beside Charity. "Where's Vanessa?"

"She's on her way. I was just upstairs with Sarah and Debs so I didn't have far to come."

Tracy nods and reaches for Charity's hand. "I'm glad you're here. I was going mad sat here by myself. Imagining all sorts."

"Yeah, I know what that's like." Charity squeezes her hand. Just at that, the door opens again and a frantic Vanessa appears. The sight of her causes Tracy to start crying again, and she rises and meets Vanessa halfway across the room in a tight hug. Charity gets up and closes the door, leaning back against it and watching the sisters whisper tearful reassurances to each other.

Vanessa pulls away from Tracy a little, turning and holding an arm out to Charity. Her eyes are red and swollen, her face pinched with worry. Charity takes her hand and allows herself to be pulled into their embrace. She kisses the side of Vanessa's head and wraps her arms around them both as best she can. Vanessa's held her together plenty this past few months, now it's her turn to be the strong one.

When they part, Vanessa stays close to her, leaning against her side. "I take it we've not heard anything new?"

Tracy shakes her head, wrapping her arms around her stomach as she takes a seat. "Nothing."

Vanessa lets out a frustrated huff and Charity runs her hand down her arm and takes her hand, tugging her over to the seats and sits her down next to Tracy, dropping into the chair on the other side of her. She squeezes Vanessa's knee, leaving her hand to rest there and Vanessa's comes to cover it.

"I need to go to the loo." Tracy gets up and leaves the two of them alone in the tiny, clinical room.

Vanessa slips her fingers in between Charity's when she turns her hand over. "I hear we're married, by the way."

Charity smiles and looks down. "Yeah. Didn't think they'd let me through so I told a little white lie."

"S'okay." Vanessa slumps a little in her seat, leaning her head on Charity's shoulder. "It was quite nice being told my wife was already here."

Turning to press a kiss against Vanessa's forehead, Charity murmurs. "Don't get any ideas."

"Let's deal with the toothbrush thing first. We can work up to marriage." Vanessa's hand tightens in hers. "I'm scared, Charity."

"I know, babe." She leans her head on Vanessa's. "I know."

"Thanks for coming down and being with her." Vanessa turns so their foreheads are resting together. "And if you need to get back to-"

"Sarah sent me down here with strict instructions to stay with you." She kisses Vanessa's nose. "I'm here as long as you need me."

Vanessa lifts her head, meeting Charity's eyes. Whatever she sees in them seems to reassure her and she nods once, laying her head back on Charity's shoulder. Tracy comes back in and sits down, giving Vanessa a tight smile as she takes her hand, the three of them lapsing into silence, just taking comfort from the presence of the others.

And Charity realises that she didn't leave her family upstairs in Sarah's room.


	29. Making an ass out of u and me

This is all his own fault. If he'd just kept his big mouth shut, none of this would have happened. He was only trying to make conversation, take an interest in Rhona's mates, that's all. And now he's loitering outside of David's shop with Rhona and Paddy and Rhona's hissing at him to be 'less conspicuous'. He thinks about telling her that lads like him aren't built for covert operations, but doesn't bother because she'll just give him that look again. The same one she gave him when he suggested that maybe spying on Vanessa wasn't the best idea and that they should just go to the pub instead.

* * *

It had all started last week when he noticed a guy going into Vanessa's house. He'd picked up a coffee for himself and Rhona, and was enjoying the sunshine on the walk up to the vets' when a car drew up and parked outside Tug Ghyll. A young lad got out and walked up the path. He wasn't someone Pete had seen around the village before. The door had opened and Vanessa had looked thrilled to see him, giving him a big grin and a hug. Pete thought nothing much of it and continued on his way.

Rhona was waving goodbye to a patient at the door of the vets' when he got up there and smiled at him as he approached.

"Oooh, coffee for me?" She took the cup and accepted the kiss he planted on her cheek. "You're a lifesaver."

"Thought you might need it today." He'd made a show of rolling his his neck and then leaning his his head to one side, stretching it. "Don't know about you but I'm knackered."

She bumped her hip against his leg before leaning into his side. "You've got a cheek. I should be the knackered one. You should be full of energy."

He'd smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Speaking of young blokes, who's that guy I saw going into Vanessa's just now?"

"What guy?"

"Young lad. Baseball cap. Never seen him round here before."

Rhona had pulled away, looking up at him sharply. "How young are we talking here? Like, teenage young or-"

He hadn't expected to be quizzed on the bloke. "Oh, no. Not that young. Twenty...five, maybe? I dunno, I'm not good at that kind of thing."

"And he was going into Vanessa's house?" Rhona looked down the street in the direction of Tug Ghyll. "One of Tracy's mates, maybe?"

"Yeah, could be, I suppose." Pete nodded. "Vanessa definitely knew him, though. She gave him a hug at the door."

"Vanessa was in?" Rhona made a funny sound in her throat that Pete didn't really recognise. "She said she was spending the morning with Charity. Something about the court case."

"Well, like you said, maybe he's Tracy's mate and Vanessa was just letting him in before she goes off to meet Charity."

"Hmmm. Yeah, maybe." She leans back against Pete, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Is that his car?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I think I've seen that car there before. D'you think maybe he's a police officer there to speak about the case?"

Pete shrugs. "I dunno, Rhona. He didn't look like any copper I've ever seen, but I dunno."

"Hmmm."

He was quickly beginning to regret bringing this up.

* * *

"That's five times he's been there. Five times in two weeks."

Pete tried to block out Paddy and Rhona's conversation, opting instead to focus on building Leo a lego castle.

"Five times that we _know_ about," Paddy said. "And _three_ of those were when she's supposed to have been working."

Leo took a blue brick out of his hand and replaced it with a red one. He smiled; Leo's castle was turning into the most flamboyant thing he'd ever created in his life.

Rhona continued the conversation that Pete really didn't want to be listening to. " _And_ Tracy's definitely not been there at least two of those times, so he's not there to see her, and Frank's back at Megan's now, so he can only be there to see Vanessa."

"I've still only seen his back. In fairness, she's got a type. He could be Charity from behind."

"He's not totally unlike her from the front, actually."

"So, what do we do?"

"I think we need to speak to her, don't you?"

Pete sighed. That was what he'd been afraid of.

* * *

And that's how the three of them ended up stood like right idiots, sipping coffee and trying to look like they're _not_ waiting for something to happen at Vanessa's.

"You didn't say anything to Chas?" Rhona asks, keeping her eyes on the door.

"No. I don't want to upset her at the moment. She thinks Vanessa's really good for Charity, so I don't want her brought into this until we know for sure what's going on."

" _If_ anything's going on," Pete puts in. "It could be nothing."

Rhona turns to him with her lips pressed together in a straight line. "So if there was a young bloke coming and going to _my_ front door two or three times a week, you'd be totally fine with it, would you?"

"Well." He pauses. "If I knew why, then yeah. And we don't even know if Charity knows."

"If Charity knows." Paddy repeats, mocking him. "As if Charity'd be okay with this. With Vanessa's track record with younger blokes?"

Pete flushes as he thinks of his own brief encounter with Vanessa. "Well, yeah...but...if she was having an affair, d'you think she'd be so obvious about it? He parks right outside her door. It's not like Charity lives at the other end of the country, is it?"

"That _is_ true," Rhona muses. "She's not being terribly subtle about it."

"And aren't the two of you Vanessa's mates? Why are you even _trying_ to catch her cheating?"

"Because this is the happiest and most settled I've _ever_ seen her." Rhona shakes her head. "And I'm not going to let her throw all that away."

"Why would she, though? Like you said, she's happy with Charity. Anybody can see that."

Rhona shrugs. "Maybe she's just missing-" She widens her eyes and glances down at Pete's crotch. "-you know…"

"No, no. I don't think she's missing that." Paddy interrupts, shaking his head rapidly while turning puce. "Not if the racket coming from Charity's bedroom every other night is anything to go by."

Pete wants the ground to open up and swallow him. He really didn't need to know that. Although the visual isn't terrible…

"Oh, _really_?" Rhona nudges him. "Do tell"

"Loud. Enthusiastic." He glances at Rhona and then quickly away. "Uh...what's the word...you know...when something goes on a really long time?"

"Enduring?" Rhona suggests.

"Yes. Both of them have a _lot_ of endurance." He clears his throat. "I really don't think she's got any complaints in that department. And if she has, then she shouldn't have. Me and Chas are tired just listening to them sometimes."

Rhona tilts her head and nods. "Ness was impressed that first time. Good on them for keeping-"

Just at that, Vanessa's front door opens and the young guy comes out. He turns back to face Vanessa and she leans in and gives him a hug, turning to press a kiss to his cheek. They part and he heads up the path to his car, with Vanessa watching from the door, waving at him as he drives away and she finally goes back inside.

"Well, that looked innocent enough," Pete tries.

"She kissed him," Rhona says. "In broad daylight."

"On the _cheek_ ," Pete protests. "It was hardly a snog was it?"

"Paddy?"

"I agree. Something's not right."

"Exactly! And we need to get to the bottom of it before Vanessa ruins the best thing in her life." She takes off, marching over the road. "C'mon."

"What? Now?" Pete asks, wishing Moira had needed him today.

"No time like the present." Rhona raps three times on the door and then lets herself in, Paddy on her heels. Pete trails a good few steps behind. When he gets into the living room, Vanessa's looking at them with a confused smile.

"-is a surprise. Oh. Pete too. Hiya."

He nods at her, embarrassed.

"D'you wanna brew or…" Vanessa points to the kettle with her thumb.

"I think we should cut to the chase, actually." Rhona folds her arms over her chest.

"Uh, okay." Vanessa frowns. "Is this something to do with me taking time off work? Because I told you it-"

"I know what you told us. I know what you've told us for the last couple of weeks. And probably before." Rhona shakes her head. "Now, we know you've been getting a visitor. Regularly."

Vanessa's face drops and, for the first time, Pete thinks that Rhona and Paddy might have been right in their suspicions. "I, uh...I don't know-"

"Oh, come on, Ness." Rhona throws up her hands. "We _just_ watched him leave. You kissed him. So, are you being a complete idiot and cheating on the love of your life or what?"

"Babe, you're out of bog roll. D'you want me to nip across to Dav-" Charity gets to the lower landing and catches sight of them. "Oh. Visitors. Brilliant."

Rhona's looking at Charity with her mouth open and Paddy makes a sound of understanding.

"Oh. So...it's a _threesome_ thing?" Paddy ventures and Pete cringes.

"Threesome? What's this now? Have we to pick one of you?" Charity saunters over to Vanessa, draping an arm around her shoulders and letting her eyes drift across the rest of them. "Well, I vote for Pete. No offence, Rhona."

"None taken." Rhona mumbles.

"What about me?" Paddy squeaks.

Charity shrugs. "You can be offended if you like."

"These lot thought I was cheating on you." Vanessa says, crossing her arms over her chest. "And they came here to yell at me about it."

Charity laughs. "Cheating? With who? And when would you have the time? You're practically attached to my hip these days." Vanessa lifts an eyebrow. "Not that I'm complaining about that one bit, babe."

"With the young bloke that's been dropping by a few times a week," Rhona says.

Vanessa and Charity look at each other and Vanessa's face does something weird, it almost looks like she's saying 'I told you so' without actually saying it. Rhona has a look like that too. Charity rolls her eyes and turns back to Rhona. "You're joking, right? He's _far_ too old for Ness." She receives and elbow to her side and she bends her neck to kiss Vanessa's cheek.

"So...sorry...but...are you, sorry, the thing is...well-"

Rhona interrupts Paddy's babbling. "Are you going to tell us who he is?"

"Rhona," Pete says, touching her arm. "I don't think it's any of our business, do you?"

Charity inclines her head at him. "Handsome _and_ not a nosey beggar." She winks and clicks her tongue. "You're _definitely_ first choice for the threesome." He blushes.

" _Charity_ ," Vanessa scolds.

Rolling her eyes, Charity sighs. "Pete's right, it's none of your business. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough, but not today." She purses her lips. "I _do_ quite like that you came here to yell at Vanessa for cheating on me, though, so I'll shout all of you a drink in the pub later."

"That's very generous of you, Charity," Paddy says. He closes his eyes. "And p-please don't tell Chas about this, because she'll yell at me."

"Good. Serves you right for jumping to conclusions." Vanessa says, pouting. "As if I'd ever cheat on Charity."

"Awww, babe." Charity's arms go around Vanessa's waist, pulling her in. "You're quite cute when you're offended."

"I think we'll leave you in peace, yeah?" Pete says, putting a hand on Rhona's shoulder and patting Paddy's back. "And, you know, sorry about...all of this."

"Mmmhmm," Vanessa says. "I'll think about forgiving you." She tilts her head as Charity starts kissing her neck and Pete hurries the other two out of the house. He closes the door behind them.

"Well, I hope you're happy with the trouble you caused, Peter," Rhona says, looking up at him sternly.

" _Me_?" He looks between them, both glaring at him. " _I_ was the one telling you _not_ to go in there and accuse her of things! I was just-" He's cut off when Rhona grabs his shirt and tugs him down into a kiss.

"Kidding," she murmurs against his lips. "Let's go to the pub, eh?"

Finally, some sense.


	30. Ant Man and the Wasp

Vanessa's hand slides over her knee, squeezing. The contact is appreciated, but her heart is too heavy to acknowledge it, or to do much more than sink deeper into her own self-induced misery. Just when she thinks she might be getting the hang of this mothering caper, something like this happens and she ends up with one of her kids hating her. And of course, Joe flaming Tate was there to lord it over her, like he's got _any_ idea how to be a parent.

The couch shifts beside her as Vanessa moves closer, taking the cushion out of her hands and sliding an arm around her waist. She wants to protest, to keep wallowing and not take comfort when she knows she doesn't deserve it. But her body gravitates to the warmth and strength that Vanessa radiates with no effort. She sinks into her, lets her head fall to her shoulder, pressed into her neck.

"Right." Vanessa kisses her temple. "Let's see what we can do about this."

Before she can ask what that means, Vanessa's up on her feet, phone out and thumb furiously typing away.

"Ness...what are y-"

"There's a showing of that film in forty minutes." She nods once, looking over at Charity with bright eyes. "If you move your backside you won't even miss the trailers."

Slowly it becomes clear what Vanessa is suggesting and Charity quashes the tiny bit of hope that jumps in her chest. She shakes her head. "Well...he's not gonna want to go now, is he?"

"Uh, well, you won't know that until you ask him." Vanessa rolls her eyes as if it's the most obvious thing in the world and Charity has to remind herself that Vanessa's never experienced the things she has; she's never been rejected by her own child. She's never felt the stab to the heart that comes with being told you're not good enough, not as good as someone else. She really, really hopes that she never does.

"I don't-" Charity shakes her head. Vanessa holds out a hand and she stares at it for a second before taking it in her own. Vanessa tugs until Charity reluctantly stands. The hand in hers doesn't relinquish its hold and Vanessa smiles up at her.

"Hopefully he wants to see the film more than he wants to feel sorry for himself, eh?" She goes up on her tiptoes and pecks Charity's lips and then she's on the move again, heading out to the hallway and bellowing Noah's name up the stairs. Charity's body tenses, ready for the inevitable rebuff. She moves to the door, crossing her arms over her stomach and leaning against the frame, watching Vanessa.

"What?" The word is clipped and annoyed, but at least he answered.

Rolling her eyes, Vanessa inhales to shout back. "D'you still want to see that movie?"

A pause. "Why?"

Vanessa lifts her eyebrows at Charity before turning back to the stairs. "'Cause if you shift yourself, you and your mum can make it to the next showing, that's why."

Holding her breath, Charity is surprised to hear footsteps above their heads. She moves over to stand by Vanessa just as Noah appears at the top of the stairs. His face is guarded, which cuts her to her core, but there's hope shining through, despite everything. He sits on the top step, elbows on his knees, eyes on her.

"You wanna go?" he asks, eyebrows lowered.

Vanessa steps back, allowing her to move into her place and she nods. "Yeah. I do. I feel _so_ bad about earlier...for forgetting we'd arranged to go." She tilts her head and gives him a little smile. "I'll get you the _really_ big popcorn? And one of them ice drinks that turns your tongue blue?"

There's a pause that's almost too long and something ugly inside her readies itself to launch at Vanessa, to blame her for setting up this hurt. Then he smiles.

" _And_ a hot dog?"

She's so ready for him to say no that she has to repeat the words to herself to make sure they're positive. She smiles. "Deal."

"Fine. I'll just get my trainers on." He jumps up and disappears out of sight before Charity can react. Vanessa nudges her.

"See?" She grins. "Now isn't that better than the pair of you sitting around moping all night?"

Charity narrows her eyes. "You're insufferable when you're right."

Vanessa tilts her head. "I must be insufferable quite often then, yeah?"

A laugh bubbles up from her chest and she cups Vanessa's face with both hands, pulling her in and kissing her lips gently. "You said it, babe."

Vanessa hums against her lips, squeezing her waist and stepping back. "Well, enjoy the film. You can tell me all about it tomorrow."

Charity's elation deflates, her smile falling with it. "But...we were supposed to-" She sighs. "Always disappointing someone at the moment, aren't I?"

"Hey, that doesn't matter, okay?" She nods towards the stairs. " _He's_ what's important right now."

She wants to tell Vanessa that it _does_ matter. That _she_ matters. That she's the one who makes everything else work, keeps everything ticking over, makes Charity better. But the words feel too small to describe the warmth swelling in her chest. Vanessa smiles at her like she knows anyway. She always bloody knows. So Charity leans in and kisses her, soft and loving as she can make it. When she pulls back, Vanessa clears her throat, cheeks pink. Her eyes drift down Charity's neck to her chest. She splays a hand over Charity's belly, straightening out the logo on her t-shirt.

"I like this rock chick look, by the way."

"Yeah?" Charity lifts an eyebrow.

"Mmhmm." Vanessa meets her eyes, catching her lip between her teeth. "I'd quite like to see you in _just_ this t-shirt, actually."

"Oh, I'm sure that can be arranged." Charity glances up when Noah's footsteps boom above their heads again. "Maybe even tonight?" He clatters down the stairs. "I could come over to yours later since I'm ditching you?"

Vanessa kisses her jaw then swipes at it with her thumb. "Gimme a ring when you're back and we can sort something out."

There's a heavy sigh from behind them. "Just come with us."

They both turn to find Noah looking at Vanessa with that half-scowl he tends to wear around her. Vanessa looks at her and then back at her son.

"That's...I don't want to intrude."

"Hasn't stopped you before."

The retort is pure cheek and Charity goes to rebuke him for it, but she catches the little smile he offers Vanessa and stops. Vanessa turns to her.

"Is...is that-" She looks so hopeful Charity's heart almost cracks in two. "Would that be okay with you if I came?"

Charity pretends to consider the question and then rolls her eyes. "Course it would be, you daft mare." She nudges her towards the door. "C'mon. I'll buy _you_ a ridiculously overpriced popcorn an' all if you like."

Vanessa's hand slides into hers as they head out and her smile could light up Elland Road on a rainy winter's night. "Me and you can share one. Don't want you having to take out a second mortgage on the pub to pay for the snacks."

"Fine." She lets go of Vanessa's hand when she needs to go around to the passenger side. "S'pose that means we'll need to sit dead close if we're sharing, yeah?" She raises her eyebrows over the roof of the car. "I might even need to put my arm around you." They get in and Charity starts the car.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Vanessa clips her belt in and grins. "We might scandalise Noah."

"Think that ship has sailed, babe." There's a grunt of agreement from the backseat as she pulls out of the car park.

"So, _Ant Man and the Wasp_." Vanessa winks at her before turning to look at Noah, all seriousness. "Is it a bit like _Bee Movie_ , then? Johnny loves _Bee Movie_."

Noah lets out a groan and launches into some convoluted explanation of whatever superhero universe the movie takes place in. Charity reaches over and puts her hand on Vanessa's knee, and smiles.


	31. It's time for the good times

"Babe, can you do my back?"

Vanessa lifts her head from where she's rummaging through her beach bag, looking for the book she's _sure_ she put in before they left the hotel. Charity's holding out a bottle of sun cream and giving her that seemingly innocent smile that she knows well by now. Her eyes are hidden by huge sunglasses, but Vanessa knows they'll be full of mischief under there.

"S'pose so." She shifts over to Charity's sun-lounger, sitting behind her and taking the bottle. Looking over Charity's shoulder, she watches as Ryan and Noah help the two smaller boys build sandcastles in the wet sand further down the beach. She smiles when Ryan knocks over the castle he and Johnny are building and Johnny laughs, finishing it off by obliterating the last of it. Shifting her attention back to Charity, she squirts a good dollop of lotion into her hand and rubs her hands together. "Right, move your hair."

Charity tips her head forward, scooping up her mane and twisting it, pulling it over her shoulder. Vanessa slides her hands across the expanse of skin now available to her, coating Charity's back with a liberal covering of protection. She concentrates on her lower back first, her hands slipping out from the centre to her sides. Charity jumps slightly when Vanessa's fingertips dip just below the waistline of her red bikini bottoms.

"Careful there, Ness," she murmurs. "Don't want to be getting me all worked up in a public place, do you?"

"Like that usually bothers you." Vanessa picks up the bottle and squirts another handful of lotion. She moves to Charity's upper back, rubbing firm, wide circles across Charity's shoulders, underneath the ties of her bikini to her underarms. She'd advised Charity to go for a more practical one-piece swimsuit for the beach, like herself, and had been soundly rebuffed. But she can't say she's not enjoying the view. Charity groans in appreciation.

"Oh, babe, d'you think you could just do that all afternoon? Would it be too much of a bother?"

Vanessa laughs, leaning forward to wipe off the remnants of the cream on Charity's thighs. She wraps her arms around her waist and rests her chin on her shoulder. "How about I promise you a massage this evening instead, eh? Once the boys have gone to bed?"

"Hmmm, fine. That'll have to do." Charity tips her head back so her cheek is pressed against Vanessa's. She sighs. "D'you know, I think this is the most relaxed I've felt in-" She stops, then laughs, shaking her head. "I was gonna say weeks just then, but it might actually be years."

Closing her eyes, Vanessa nods. "Well, you've let a lot of stuff go this past while, haven't you? Stuff that must have been eating you up inside." She squeezes Charity tighter. "It's no wonder you feel better. Lighter."

Charity's hand covers hers and she immediately links their fingers together. Charity sighs again. "Thanks to y-."

"No, Charity. I've said this so many times." Vanessa shakes her head. "It was thanks to _you_. It was _you_ that was brave enough to stand up in that court and put him away. It was _you_ that was strong enough to keep trying to build a relationship with Ryan." She smiles against Charity's cheek. "And _you_ are the most amazing woman I've ever known."

"You need to get out more, V."

Vanessa bumps her forehead against Charity's temple. "Oi."

"Yeah, okay, fine. I'm amazing." She knows Charity's rolling her eyes, but she'll take it.

"You most cert-" She sits up a bit and shouts. "Noah! Can you fix Moses' hat, love? Make sure the back bit's covering his neck?"

"Deafen me, why don't you?" Charity grumbles as they watch Noah try and wrangle Moses' hat back into the right position on his head while Moses continues to dig a hole with his tiny spade. Vanessa returns to her previous spot, snuggled against Charity's back. "And, yeah, I did do all that. But only because I had you."

"You would have-"

"I would have carried on the same as I always had. Going along, pretending I was okay." Charity lifts Vanessa's hand to her chest and settles it over her heart, flattening out her fingers and pressing. "You were the only one who saw I wasn't." She lets out a bitter laugh and Vanessa presses her nose into Charity's hair. "Or the only one who cared enough to do anything about it." Charity starts to pull away and Vanessa knows what's coming next. "And I was stupid enough to-"

"Hey!" Vanessa keeps her in place, arms firm around her. "Enough of that. It's all in the past now. We're here, together, with our boys. Exactly where we said we'd be."

Charity nods, turning her face to nuzzle against Vanessa's. "Yeah." She lets go of Vanessa's hand and removes her sunglasses, and Vanessa sees everything that she needs to in the depths of Charity's eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too," Vanessa whispers, unable to stop herself from smiling around the words. "I love you _so_ much." She kisses Charity's jaw, then her cheek, her ear, her neck. She wrinkles her nose, sitting up and covering her mouth. "Ew! You taste like-"

"The sun-cream you _just_ rubbed on me, babe?" Charity asks, laughter back in her voice. "Yeah, funny that."

Charity leans over and plucks out a packet of baby-wipes from one of the bags, pulling a couple out and handing them to Vanessa. "Here, wipe your gob. 'Cause I think I'm going to have to snog you in a second and I don't fancy getting that in _my_ mouth."

Wiping at her mouth, Vanessa grabs the bottle of water Charity offers her and takes a long drink until she's sure the taste is gone. She puckers her lips. "Right. Snog away."

Laughing, Charity pulls her close and brings their lips together, somehow making it feel like their first kiss and their thousandth, all at once. Vanessa smiles into the kiss and knows Charity's doing the same. It's wonderful; this level of comfort. Of feeling so completely part of someone that it physically hurts to be away from them. She's never had anything close to it before. She doubts she ever could again and hopes never to have to try.

"Shall we go and see the boys for a bit?" Vanessa says, once Charity has released her enough to speak.

"Does that involve moving from this spot?" Charity asks, a whine colouring her voice. "Moving means sand getting stuck to this sun tan cream and you _know_ they'll drag us in the water and I'm sure this bikini was designed more for looking at than swimming in."

"And I am enjoying looking at it very much," Vanessa says, playing with one of the thin ties around Charity's neck. She nods down the beach. "But they'll love burying you up to your neck in sand and splashing you even more, I bet."

Charity makes a sound of disagreement, but Vanessa knows she's won even before Charity reaches for her hand, leading them down to where the boys are with barely any huffing.

"Oi, you lot," Charity calls as they approach. Four heads pop up and Vanessa is reminded of meerkat videos on YouTube. "Who fancies a paddle and then some ice-creams, eh?"

The little ones and Ryan all chorus 'me', while Noah tries to look above it, but he's grinning as he gets to his feet, offering his hands to Ryan to help him up too. Moses is off and running, heading straight for the sea.

"Noah!" Vanessa says, pointing. "Get him before he's-"

"I'll catch him. Chill." Noah takes off after him, easily catching up with him and scooping him up by the waist. Vanessa lets out a breath and Charity squeezes her hand.

"Yeah, Ness, chill," she repeats.

"'C'mon, Wyan." Johnny takes Ryan's hand and toddles along beside him, babbling away the whole time about jellyfish and starfish.

Vanessa lets go of Charity's hand and slides her arm around her waist, smiling when Charity's arm wraps around her shoulders as they walk. She sighs, contended.

"Hang on." Charity stops walking, looking around for something. Her face lights up and she darts off a few yards, Vanessa frowning after her. The boys are already at the water, Moses is up to his waist with Noah right beside him, while Johnny and Ryan are just letting the waves wash over their feet. Charity returns with a stick.

"What's that for?" Vanessa asks.

"Well, I thought since we didn't bring a frisbee that we could play a game of fetch, babe." Charity rolls her eyes. "Wait and see."

She bends over, holding the stick in her left hand and drawing something in the sand. Vanessa comes to stand behind her and tilts her head. She covers her mouth when she sees what it is; it's a heart. And inside Charity's busy carving out ' _C + V'_. Vanessa puts her hands on Charity's hips as Charity stands back to examine her artwork, chucking her stick away.

"Soppy cow," Vanessa murmurs, through a very tight throat.

"Well, _somebody_ brings it out in me, yeah?" Charity turns and takes her hand again, leaning in close. "Right, time for me to get you nice and _wet_."

Vanessa flushes at the tone, but doesn't have much time to think as she's being dragged behind Charity to the water, shrieking when it hits her warm skin and holding her hands up when Ryan and Noah start to splash her, with Charity joining in. She catches glimpses of their laughing faces through the water and she thinks it might not be possible to feel happier than she does in this moment.

With her girl and their boys.


	32. This single-minded fascination

She's sat on the wall outside the police station, scuffing the heel of her boot back and forth across the rough surface of the car park as she inspects her knuckles. They're only slightly tender; no marks or swelling or anything. She must not have punched the bugger hard enough.

They'd let her go without charge. Looked at her with pitying eyes and whispered about Bails when they thought she was out of earshot. That pity claws at her insides, ripping her carefully built persona to shreds. That's what she is now; a victim, someone to be pitied. They'd let her charge her phone enough to make a quick call to Vanessa. She'd considered calling a cab instead, but couldn't bring herself to do it.

The conversation had been short and perfunctory. Her doing; she hadn't wanted those nosy cops knowing any more of her business than they had to.

" _Charity! Oh my God I've been ringing you all-"_

" _I'm at the police station. Can you come and get me?"_

" _At the-...are you okay? What's happ-"_

" _Vanessa. Please." Her throat had seized then and her next words were whispered. "Please. Just...just come and get me."_

" _Of course. I'll be there as soon as I can."_

So now she's sitting waiting, like some naughty schoolkid outside the headteacher's office. Waiting to be told off. A car pulls in and she looks up, her stomach twisting when she sees it's Vanessa's Beetle. She stands, brushing off her backside as Vanessa draws into a space. The door opens and Charity holds up her hands.

"Listen, babe, I know you're mad at me, but can we jus-" She's cut off when Vanessa barrels into her harms, hard enough to make her take a couple of steps backwards. Arms wrap around her back, tight and warm, and Vanessa's face is buried in her neck. She returns the embrace, rubbing a hand up and down Vanessa's back, surprised when her shoulders jump in a sob. "Ness?"

"I'm not mad at you." It takes Charity a second to make out the words muffled by her shoulder. "I'm just _so_ glad you're safe. I've been worried sick all night."

Charity's mind immediately rejects this notion; that someone would be worried about her, would care that she might not be okay. Nobody ever has been before.

"I'm...I'm sorry." She stumbles over the words. "I...my phone died and-"

Vanessa looks up at her and shakes her head, eyes bright with tears. "It's okay. You don't have to explain. Faith told me about the-" She rolls her eyes. "-Dingle Court." She sniffs, lifting a hand to trace down Charity's jaw. "How could they _ever_ think that was appropriate? After what you've just been through? After what you've been going through for twenty-eight flamin'-" She catches herself, biting her lip and flashing Charity a guilty look. "I'm sorry. I know they're your family and everything, but it's ridiculous how they treat you sometimes. And I know it's not my place to say but-"

"When does that stop you, eh?" Charity asks. She winks to show she's only teasing. "You can say what you want, babe. You've more right to an opinion on it all than anyone, really. I mean, you've done the grunt work, haven't you? You've put in the hours with me." She shrugs. "Slag them off all you like. You won't hear me arguing."

"I hate it when you talk about yourself like that," Vanessa says, her thumb pressing gently at Charity's lips. "Like you're somebody's burden to bear.."

"Isn't that what I am?" She can't stop the waver in her voice. The plea for Vanessa to deny it. Because that's how she's always felt. Like something folk had to put up with until it got too hard and she was out on her neck again.

"No." Vanessa shakes her head, lips set in a firm line. She cups Charity's cheek to keep their eyes locked. "No, you are not. You are wonderful and people are lucky to have you in their lives."

Charity barks out a laugh at that. She rolls her eyes. "Come on, now, babe. That's a bit much."

"Hey!" Vanessa frowns. "You have been _so_ considerate of other people during this whole thing. You tried to save Debbie and Chas from any more heartache." She shakes her head. "You were gonna drop the whole thing so that Ryan wouldn't have to hear all the gory details of what his...of what that man did to you." Guiding Charity's head down, she rests their foreheads together. "You've cared about everyone but yourself, Charity. Who thinks about what you're going through, eh? Who thinks about _you_?"

The answer pierces Charity's heart like an arrow. "You."

Vanessa pulls back, a confused smile tilting her lips. "Well...yeah...but-"

"But nothing." Charity smiles, everything coming to her at once. How Vanessa's support has never wavered, not once. How Vanessa's seen her at her darkest, at her lowest, and stayed. How Vanessa's cared for and comforted her while she was trying to make sense of this secret she'd released into the world. How Vanessa's been there, by her side, the whole time. "You think about me. And you never give up on me. Even when I'm a right cow to you." She shakes her head. "My family met yesterday to decide whether they were gonna chuck me out or not."

Vanessa scoffs. "Some bloody family."

"But you?" Charity smiles. "You've never once made me feel like you didn't want me around."

"I always want you around," Vanessa says, in that disarmingly honest way she has. She winks. "Even when you're being a right cow." She sighs. "Your family don't deserve you."

"True." Charity nods, lips pursed. Her heart speeds up as she whispers her greatest fear. "And I don't deserve you."

The words are barely out before Vanessa's contradicting them. "Yes. Yes, you do." She tugs on a strand of Charity's hair. "Just like I deserve you." She tilts her head and smiles sadly. "All I want is for you to be happy, Charity. And I know that's not an immediate thing. But I want to help you get there. If I can."

Charity swallows past a lump in her throat, her voice roughened by it when she speaks. "You make me happy."

The smile on Vanessa's face warms the inside of her chest and she returns it as best she can. Vanessa leans in so their noses are bumping. "This would be where I kiss you, if you didn't smell like a distillery that had been on a dirty weekend away with a field of cows."

Charity laughs. "Yeah, I wouldn't chance it right now, babe. My mouth tastes like the inside of Mo Farah's plimsoll."

Vanessa wrinkles her nose. "Lovely." She nods to her car. "C'mon. Let's get you home and into a nice hot bath, yeah?"

"Will you be joining me?" Charity asks, as Vanessa heads around to the driver's side and they both get in.

"Oh, I'm sure I could be persuaded." She starts the car and puts her arm across the back of Charity's seat to reverse out of the space. "If you brush your teeth first." She grins and shifts into first, pulling out of the car park.

They drive in silence for a few minutes, Charity resting her head against the window. "I am trying, you know," she blurts, then winces.

Vanessa's hand lands on her knee, warm and reassuring. "I know you are."

She covers Vanessa's hand with her own and squeezes. "It helps...that you're here." Like nobody ever has been before. Like she told herself she never wanted anybody to be. It's only now, when she's seen what genuine support is actually like, that she sees how much she was kidding herself.

"I'm here." Vanessa flashes her a smile before looking back at the road. "And I'm going nowhere."

Charity smiles.


	33. At least I'm sure of all the things we g

Charity decides she deserves a break. Matty's got the bar mostly under control, and she's related to one of the stags; she shouldn't be working in the first place, really. She winces when Pearl attempts a high note in the song from Titanic on the karaoke, with Faith yelling encouragement from the sidelines. Sneaking out from behind the bar, she clocks where Vanessa's stood chatting to Tracy and heads over, wrapping her arms around her waist from behind. Tracy grins at her.

"Oh, thank God. Maybe you can distract her and save me from my seventeenth lecture about wet towels on the bathroom floor this week."

"It's not funny, Tracy." Vanessa leans back against Charity. "I nearly went arse over tit on my way to brush my teeth this morning."

Tracy presses her lips together and Charity's grateful Vanessa's facing away from her as she also has to fight not to laugh at the image of Vanessa stumbling around that tiny bathroom, tripping over towels. She schools her face into solemnity and shakes her head.

"Safety's not a laughing matter, Trace." Charity lifts an eyebrow. "And I happen to be very fond of those body parts she just mentioned and I'd be very upset if anything happened to them."

Tracy laughs, but she gets an elbow to the stomach from Vanessa.

"Believe me, I'm well aware how fond you are of _all_ of her parts." Tracy wrinkles her nose. "Nobody should have to listen to their sister-"

Vanessa shoves her glass into Tracy's hand. "I need a refill!" She smiles. "Go and get me one, eh?"

Tracy tilts her head. "Uh, think you've got us mixed up?" She points at Charity. "She's the barmaid, not me."

"Go and get her a drink and get one for yourself while you're at it," Charity tells her with a wink. "On the house."

"Oh, well in that case." Tracy flashes them both a brilliant smile before she toddles off to the bar.

Pearl screeches again and Charity closes one eye. Vanessa pushes back against her, recoiling from the sound.

"This is painful," Vanessa murmurs.

"Mmmhmm." Charity hums against her cheek and then remembers why she came over in the first place. "We're up next, by the way."

"What?" Vanessa spins around, staying in the circle of Charity's arms. "You're kidding?"

"I'm not." Charity shrugs. "Faith accosted me on my way to the loo and practically had me up against the wall by the neck until I picked a song. Anyway, why you bothered? You've got a decent enough voice. Better than Pearl's."

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Wow, thanks for that huge compliment."

Ignoring the sarcasm, Charity grins and pokes Vanessa's nose. "You are welcome, buttercup."

"Well?" Vanessa widens her eyes and tilts her head.

Slightly distracted by the way Vanessa's irritation makes her ponytail swing around Charity is slow to respond. "Hmmm? Well what?"

"Are you gonna tell me what you've signed me up to sing?"

Charity smiles and leans in to whisper against her ear. " _I Got You Babe._ "

Vanessa's laugh is warm on her cheek before she pulls back and smiles. "Fine. But I'm being Cher."

Charity shakes her head. "Uh, no babe." She points at herself. "I have to be Cher. I'm the tallest, aren't I?"

"I had no say in the song, I'm flamin' well picking what bit I'm singing." She turns back around, leaning back against Charity to watch the end of Pearl's performance, such as it is. "And, anyway, Cher's is the harder part to sing."

"What's that supposed to m-"

Faith's voice cuts her off as she takes the microphone from Pearl. "Didn't she do well, folks? Her heart certainly did go on." She lifts her eyebrows. "And on and on and on." Pearl sends her a dirty look and Faith ignores her in favour of checking her clipboard. "And what've we got now? Oh, an oldie but a goodie." She winks at the crowd. "But enough about me!"

"Not one for milking her part, is she?" Charity murmurs as Faith beckons them up.

"Charity and Vanessa, let's be having you, ladies!"

Vanessa flounces up and grabs a mic, mouthing _'I'm Cher'_ at Charity as the music starts. Charity rolls her eyes and mouths _'fine'_ back, picking up her own mic.

They both turn to the screen to know when to come in. Vanessa lifts her mic to her mouth and starts to sing. " _They say we're young and we don't know-_ "

"Young? Nobody's saying that!" Charity glares at Tracy as Vanessa continues, unperturbed by the interruption.

" _We won't find out until we grow_."

Charity leans her elbow on Vanessa's shoulder, emphasising their height difference. "Not much chance of that now, is there?" She gets a slap on the arm and only just manages to get her line out in time. " _Well I don't know if all that's true.'Cause you got me-_ " She winks at Vanessa. "- _and baby I got you_."

The stern expression Vanessa's trying to keep up melts into a smile and she bumps her hip against Charity's before the chorus.

" _Babe. I got you babe. I got you babe_."

It's Vanessa's turn again, and Charity doesn't miss the smile that creeps over her lips when she spots a certain word on the screen.

" _They say our love won't pay the rent. Before it's earned, our money's all been spent._ "

"Do either of them actually work?" Jimmy says to Nicola, his whispering ability hampered by alcohol and loud music.

"Oi, you!" Charity glares at him and misses her line, but Vanessa tugs on her arm to get her attention back before the chorus.

" _Babe. I got you babe. I got you babe_."

Charity picks up the next verse. " _I got flowers in the spring. I got you to wear my-_ " She frowns. "Oh, now steady on!"

"Hey! You picked the flippin' s- _And when I'm sad, you're a clown_." Charity is impressed with Vanessa's ability to chastise her and still not miss her cue. " _And if I get scared, you're always around_." Charity smiles as Vanessa's voice soars; Cher definitely has the harder part to sing. There's no chorus this time and Vanessa launches straight into the next verse.

" _Don't let them say your hair's too long._ " She tugs on a lock of Charity's hair, twisting it around her finger. "' _Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong_."

Charity smiles, holding out her hand. " _Then put your little hand in mine_." Vanessa takes her hand and squeezes it, grinning up at her. " _There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb._ "

Vanessa leans in close, moving the mic away from her mouth. " _Not a single one_ ," she murmurs.

They look into each other's eyes, Charity's throat is so tight she can barely get out the next set of words. " _Babe. I got you babe. I got you babe_."

There's a brief musical interlude before they get to the bridge, and Charity's starting to slightly regret her song choice. She'd picked it flippantly, based solely on her preferred pet name for Vanessa. But it's starting to resonate a little more than she expected, especially after what they'd said to each other the day before. She takes a deep breath.

" _I got you to hold my hand_."

Vanessa lifts their joined hands and presses them against her chest, eyes huge and earnest as she sings her line. " _I got you to understand_."

Charity smiles. " _I got you to walk with me_."

" _I got you to talk with me_."

Charity rolls her eyes, thinking about exactly how much talking she's done over the last few months. She leans in and steals a quick peck on the lips. " _I got you to kiss goodnight_."

Her hand is released and Vanessa's arm snakes around her waist, pulling her close. " _I got you to hold me tight_."

She mirrors Vanessa's action, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. There's barely room between them for them to hold the microphones. " _I got you, I won't let go._ "

Vanessa grins, eyes sparkling. " _I got you to love me so_!"

A moment passes where the room fades away and the music goes quiet and it's just the two of them, looking into each other's eyes. For the first time in her life, Charity sees nothing staring back at her except love, trust and acceptance. She smiles as they both lift their microphones.

" _I got you babe_."

She's not sure which of them leans in first but they meet in a sweet kiss, ignoring the repeated lines on the screen in favour of far more enjoyable activity, causing whoops of encouragement from the rest of the partygoers, mostly Ross by the sounds of things. The music starts to fade out and Charity's vaguely aware of Faith taking the mic out of her hand.

"What a beautiful performance, girls. I wouldn't like to be up next, I'll tell you that much. Who've we got coming up...oh, it's Rodney giving us his interpretation of Justin Trousersnake's _SexyBack_. Take it away, Rodders!" She nudges Charity's back."If we can get these two lovebirds to shift, that is."

Vanessa's hand comes up to her cheek and gently pushes her away, her cheeks flushed. "C'mon, we'd better move."

They move off the makeshift stage, still clutching each others' hands. Charity tugs Vanessa around, hands landing on her hips, she dips her head to catch her eye. "Listen, I have no desire to hear Rodney huffing and puffing his way through this song. D'you fancy sneaking out and-" She winks and clicks her tongue. "-bringing our own sexy back?"

"Why? Did it go somewhere?" Vanessa smiles and nods. "Up or down?"

Charity grins, eyes raking over Vanessa's body. "Well, babe, if I had to choose-"

"Cellar or bedroom, Charity," Vanessa interrupts, in an attempt at a stern voice.

"Ah, right." She slides her hands from Vanessa's hips to her back, pulling her closer. "Bedroom, definitely. My plans for you do _not_ involve Paddy Kirk barging in and blushing and stuttering all over the place."

Vanessa stretches up to kiss her, smiling against her lips. "And what _do_ your plans involve, then?"

She pulls back far enough to look into Vanessa's eyes. "Mostly they involve showing you exactly how much I love you so."

Vanessa's smile grows and she shakes her head. "You'll hear no complaints from me." She kisses Charity again. "And I love you too."

Charity rolls her eyes. "Yeah, babe, you said. Don't need to go on about it, yeah?"

Laughing, Vanessa pulls her into another kiss.


	34. It's funny how I found you

She's lying on her side on Vanessa's bed, staring at the wall. Her face burns with shame at her own behaviour, but her body is still too tense, too coiled, to go and make amends. She hates herself when she takes things out on Vanessa. All Vanessa was doing was trying to make her happy, trying to make her see the positives in her life and not focus on the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, a teenager not coming for tea isn't the end of the world. A twenty-something with a life that doesn't revolve around his recently discovered birth mother isn't a huge shock either. But in that moment, with the wounds from the visit to her father sitting so fresh on on her skin, she felt the blows keenly.

And Vanessa, wonderful, caring Vanessa, had taken the brunt of her anger again. It amazed her, to begin with, that Vanessa could absorb everything Charity threw at her. That she didn't stare into the depths of Charity's fury and run like hell. She just straightened her shoulders and held on. And every time Charity calms down and apologises, Vanessa tells her how her behaviour made her feel, but she never holds it against her.

She understands, is the thing. She knows all Charity's secrets and she knows what feeds the fire that burns inside of her. And she tries, _so hard_ , to help Charity douse the flames with kind words, and gentle hands, and an honest heart.

Charity sighs, blinking too fast. She needs to get better at letting that happen without all the histrionics that she usually brings to her interactions with people. She's trying. She's stopped running away as much, kipping in a farmer's field notwithstanding. Not so long ago her blow-up downstairs would have been followed by a dramatic storming out and slamming of doors. Instead, here she is, in Vanessa's bedroom, surrounded by her things and her scent. She doesn't _want_ to leave this house. There's nowhere she could go where she'd feel safer or more at home. So she stays. Even though she knows it means she'll need to face Vanessa after what she did.

Lifting her hands, she inspects the palms. The fleshy part below her left thumb is red and fiery and throbbing, her fingertips smooth and pink. She prods the inflamed area and winces. Well, nothing she doesn't deserve.

Footsteps on the stairs set her on alert. Not yet. She's still too raw. She could still lash out and hurt Vanessa further. But the footsteps continue past the door.

"Boys, pizza will be ready in a few minutes, okay?"

They both cheer and guilt squeezes Charity's heart and she closes her eyes and shakes her head. Vanessa's made more food, after _she_ ruined dinner. Vanessa's still going to feed the family.

"I'll be back in a bit and we'll go downstairs." Once more, the footsteps pass by and Charity holds her breath as she hears Vanessa move to the bathroom. Some rummaging goes on and then she's on the move again, and this time the bedroom door _does_ open. Charity glances up at her and quickly looks back down at the duvet cover, plucking at it. She's surprised when Vanessa comes over and sits down on the bed, right by her hips.

She picks up Charity's left hand and inspects it before doing the same with her right. Charity looks at her face and finds nothing but concern. Vanessa shakes her head. "These should've been run under the tap." It looks like she's speaking to herself more than Charity. She takes a small, half-used tube of cream out of her pocket and unscrews the lid. She picks up Charity's left hand again and applies some of the ointment to the reddened areas, rubbing it in gently with her fingertips.

Charity watches as she does the same with her other hand, so tenderly that she can barely feel the touches. There's still that little voice in the back of her head telling her to snatch her hands away; that nobody does anything for nothing and that Vanessa must want something from her. But it's quiet enough these days that she can ignore it. Or, more often than not, Vanessa's own voice drowns it out, telling her she's strong and amazing and wonderful. There's even times when she lets herself believe those words.

Her heart aches at the loss when Vanessa places her hand back on the bed and screws the top back on the tube, setting it aside on the bedside table.

For the first time since she entered, Vanessa's eyes meet Charity's. "There's a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven." She leans down and brushes her lips against Charity's cheek. "Come down when you're ready."

With a squeeze to Charity's hip, she stands and leaves the room. Charity swallows, her breathing laboured as she fights not to cry.

"Right boys, tea time. You can play some more after tea."

The three of them chatter as they pass by the door but Johnny's voice stands out. "Charity tired?"

Charity holds her breath.

"Yes, darling. Charity's tired. She'll be down in a little while, okay?"

"'Kay. Then she can play with my red car if she wants. She likes it the best."

"Well, I'm sure she'd love that. Moses! Careful on those stairs! Hold my hand, love."

Charity closes her eyes as they clomp awkwardly down the stairs, turning her face into the pillow. She'd told her dad the day before that she was really lucky. That she had people who loved her. Just because he never loved her, doesn't make her unloveable. She's spent her whole life running, never allowing herself to relax or settle, always waiting for the other shoe to fall or a secret to catch up with her. Until now.

She opens her left hand, stroking over the sore bits with her right thumb. Somehow, and mostly without her noticing, Vanessa has created a space for Charity to feel safe in. A place where Charity can be herself, and know that she won't be judged for it. A shoulder she can finally rest her head on and sleep soundly.

She doesn't believe in God, she knows that much. She would have said she didn't believe in fate, either. But _something_ in the universe saw fit to lock her in a cellar with Vanessa bloody Woodfield. That same something that kept them both coming back to one another, that made her spill her deepest secrets, that made them better when they were together than they ever were apart.

Charity smiles. Must be love.


	35. It's not how big the house is

"What? _Again_?"

Vanessa looks over her shoulder from where she stands in the kitchen. Tracy's sat on the floor with her back against the couch. Moses is pressed against her shoulder and Johnny's on her lap and they're both begging her to read the book she's just read to them three times. Tracy rolls her eyes. " _Fine_." She turns back to the first page and takes a deep breath " _Oh, the wonderful sounds Mr Brown can do! He can sound like a cow, he can go-_ "

" _Moo moo_!" The boys bellow in unison and Tracy laughs, turning the page. Vanessa returns to stirring the casserole before placing it back in the oven. Just as she's removing her oven gloves, the front door opens and Noah walks in. The boys would normally run to him immediately, but they're in Tracy's thrall as she takes them through all the wonderful sounds Mr Brown can make.

"Hiya." Vanessa smiles. "Good day at school?"

Noah wrinkles his nose, setting his bag on the floor and shrugging his jacket off. "Was alright." He goes and hangs his jacket out on one of the coat-hooks and seeing it hanging there next to her own coats and a couple of Charity's makes Vanessa's heart swell. Noah shuffles his feet, playing with the cuff of his school jumper. "Mum said...she said it would be okay if I stayed here with her." His eyes widen slightly in what looks like panic. "I mean...I hope she asked you if that was-"

Vanessa puts her hand on his arm and squeezes gently. "Noah, she doesn't need to ask. You, _all_ of you, are welcome here anytime." She smiles. "But she did mention to me that you might be staying over."

His shoulders relax and he nods. "Am I on the sofa?"

"I wouldn't recommend it," Tracy pipes up. "I've done it a few times and that thing is _not_ built for people over five foot sleeping on it."

"So it's fine for Vanessa, then?" Noah asks, with that same twinkle in his eye his mother gets when she's winding people up.

"Oi, you!" Vanessa backhands his arm as Tracy laughs in delight. "I _am_ over five foot, I'll have you know."

"Barely." Tracy says, grinning at Noah.

"Anyroad," Vanessa says, narrowing her eyes at her sister. "I've got a blow-up mattress that you can either use down here or in the boys' room."

"It was either that or bunk in with me, mate," Tracy says. "And I'm sure you wouldn't want-" Johnny jabs at the page she's supposed to be reading. "Yeah, alright, alright. Demanding or what?"

Vanessa catches Noah ducking his head, blushing furiously. She closes her eyes, that's all they need, Charity's kid having a crush on her sister. She pats his back. "Dinner's in the oven. We'll eat when your mum gets home so if you want to go and get changed or whatever, you've got time."

He nods. "Thanks." He picks up his backpack and heads for the stairs, but hesitates. "She's been...a bit weird. Dead cuddly and telling me she loves me and that. That your doing?"

Swallowing down the lump that's developed in her throat, she shakes her head. "No, that's all her." She clears her throat, touched that he thinks that it could have been her who brought this out in Charity. "I think...just with Chas and everything...she wants to make sure you know how she feels about you. All of you."

"Right." He nods again. "Well, it's weird...but alright."

"Good." Vanessa sniffs. "And it means the world to her that you stayed last night. And she'll be thrilled when she knows you're here."

"I texted her when I was on my way." He shrugs. "She replied with that emoji with the hearts for eyes."

"Well, at least that was an appropriate one." Vanessa tilts her head. "She sends me the most random ones sometimes. I think she just picks the pictures she likes, to be honest."

"Yeah, I think she does." They share a smile and Vanessa feels like an understanding passes between them with it; they both know Charity and they both love her. And that bonds them, regardless of any other differences. He nods and continues up the stairs.

* * *

The next time the front door opens, there's a scene of near chaos in the living room as Noah tries to use the footpump she gave him to blow up the mattress, 'assisted' by Johnny and Moses. When Charity walks in, the three of them are laughing as Moses trips over the tube, pulling it out of the valve again. Vanessa watches, back against the kitchen counter where she's standing with Tracy. Charity stops in the doorway, just watching. Moses catches sight of her.

"Mummy! Look!" He takes a run and jumps on the footpump just as Noah's trying to connect it again, causing it to jump out of his hands. Johnny claps and Noah sighs. Charity shakes her head, moving over to kiss each of the toddlers on the forehead. She wraps an arm around Noah, leaning into him and closing her eyes.

"Glad you're here, kid."

She kisses his cheek and he smiles. "Me too."

She squeezes him a second longer and lets him go, tilting her head to the mattress. "I see Ness has got you working for your keep? Better let you get back to that."

"No chance with these two around." Noah laughs as Johnny tackles Moses and they both fall onto the partially inflated bed.

Charity steps over the pair of them as they wrestle. "Hiya babe," she murmurs, pressing a kiss to Vanessa's lips and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Vanessa can feel the tension in Charity's muscles and she rubs at her back to try and relieve it. Tracy tilts her cheek towards Charity, who quirks an eyebrow in question.

"I can't be the only one not getting a hello kiss. I'll get a complex."

Grinning, Charity leans over and plants a noisy kiss on Tracy's cheek. "Happy now?"

"Ecstatic." Tracy winks. "Most action I've had in months." She squeezes Charity's arm, an acknowledgement of where she's been, and heads over to the boys, distracting the younger ones to let Noah complete his task.

Vanessa shakes her head as she pulls Charity tighter against her, hands drifting up and down her back. She rests her head on Charity's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Charity sighs and turns her head so that her lips are resting against Vanessa's forehead. "Wasn't about me today, babe. I know it usually is, but not today."

Lifting her head, Vanessa tips Charity's chin down so their eyes meet. "I'll ask about Chas and Paddy in a minute. I asked if _you_ were okay."

Charity shrugs, her eyes dropping. "It...brought a lot of stuff back, you know? I mean, I know Ryan's alive and kicking, but-"

"But for twenty-eight years, you went through what Chas is going through." Vanessa nods when Charity looks at her again. "And that's why I asked."

Blowing out a breath, Charity pulls her in again, pressing her face into Vanessa's hair. "My heart was breaking for her. And there's nothing you can say or do."

Vanessa closes her eyes and hugs Charity as tightly as she can. "I know. I know." She kisses Charity's cheek. Vanessa doesn't have the same experience Charity had, or Chas, but she did have to face the possibility that her baby might die. And she couldn't even bring herself to be there for him. She flushes with shame as she thinks of her paralysis, her distance from the situation. Adam was stood there, begging her to come, begging her to care. Chas and Paddy wanted Grace so much and love her so much; it doesn't seem fair that they have to go through this. She squeezes Charity again and pulls back, lifting a hand to trace down her cheek. "All you can do is be there for her if she wants. You, more than anyone, might understand what she's feeling."

Nodding, Charity sighs. Her eyes drift over Vanessa's shoulder to where the boys are chatting and laughing with Tracy. "Makes you realise how lucky we are, doesn't it? How much we've got?"

"Yeah," Vanessa whispers, watching Charity's face as a soft smile chases some of the sadness from her eyes. "It really does."


	36. What in this world keeps us from tearing

Charity's phone buzzes in her pocket and she's grateful of the distraction from the maudlin conversation between Sam and Marlon that she's found herself on the periphery of. She pulls it out and smiles at the picture that's there; it's Vanessa after their water fight, soaking wet and scowling at Charity for taking photos of her.

She holds up the phone to the two men. "It's my woman. I'm just gonna take it in the back." She heads out of the bar, feeling a little of the oppressive sadness slip off her shoulders as she leaves the mourners behind. She answers the call as she closes the living room door, leaning back against it.

"Hiya babe."

"Hey." Charity marvels at how much warmth and love can be conveyed in that single word. "How did it go?"

She pushes herself away from the door and wanders over to look at the many cards adorning the surfaces, picking up one and reading the message. "Oh, about as well as you'd expect the funeral of a baby to go."

"Course, yeah, sorry. I didn't mean-"

"No, I wasn't getting at you." Charity shakes her head, consciously trying to move away from her default defensiveness. "I just...it was all a bit-"

"I know. I know." And Vanessa _does_ know, that's the thing. She's seen Charity at her lowest. She's the only one who's heard the full story about the day of Ryan's birth and how it made Charity feel. She _knows_. "So, did Chas like your reading?"

"Not particularly _."_ Charity sighs, slumping down onto the sofa and looking at the ceiling. "Didn't get to do it in the end. Chas decided the church thing wasn't working for her and stopped the whole thing." She can totally relate. She can't imagine any of that old tripe being a comfort to her if, God forbid, she had to bury a child.

"I can't even imagine. My heart is _breaking_ for her. _And_ you. It must be so hard for you to see her go through all this."

She can hear the tears in Vanessa's voice and it makes her own eyes fill up. She blows out a breath.

"Couldn't half do with a cuddle right now, babe." The words are out in a tumbling rush and she clenches her teeth to catch the sob that chases them.

"I _knew_ I shouldn't have come to this stup-"

"Hey, don't be daft. I'm the one that told you to go." She sniffs and blinks away her tears, trying to make her voice sound normal. Vanessa had wanted to cancel the conference, to show her support for Chas and be there for Charity. But, aware of her tendency to lash out at people close to her in situations involving heightened emotions, she'd insisted that she go. She's regretting that decision a bit now "And you'll be back tomorrow. I'm sure I can last till then."

There's a pause where she knows Vanessa wants to protest. "I'll just have to cuddle you extra hard to make up for today then, yeah?"

Her lips turn up into a smile without her noticing. "Yeah, you will."

* * *

It's been an exhausting day, what with trying to remain upbeat for Sarah, and strong for Chas, and she collapses into bed a bit earlier than she normally would. The pub is silent, for a change, and it makes her realise just how accustomed she's become to the sounds of other people. Usually she'd have Vanessa breathing right by her ear and Johnny's gentle snoring across the landing. And Tracy has occasional bouts of talking in her sleep. Or, on the nights she's here, there'll be Noah rattling around his room long after he should be sleeping and Paddy and Chas arguing about him leaving the bathroom light on.

But tonight there's nothing; just silence and her own thoughts. Always a dangerous combination. Especially when all she can think about is that dark, cold hole they put Grace in earlier.

Just as she's considering getting up and making herself a brew and sticking the telly on to drown out the silence, she hears footsteps coming up the stairs. She frowns. Paddy and Chas are in bed and she'd have heard if either of them had gone down. It could be Noah, decided to come home from the mate's house he was staying at. But when her bedroom door opens, she scrabbles to sit up against the headboard, hand flailing for the bedside lamp and switching it on. Her racing heart calms a little when a familiar figure enters, clearly trying to be as quiet as possible.

"What the hell are you _doing_?" Charity hisses. "I thought we were being burgled!"

Vanessa smiles, eyebrows slanted in apology. "Sorry. I didn't want to wake you." She toes off her boots and sets her handbag down.

"You didn't. Couldn't sleep." She watches Vanessa pull off her jumper and sling it over the armchair. Her throat is starting to ache, matching the burning in her eyes. "You're not supposed to be back until tomorrow evening."

"Yeah, well." Vanessa stumbles a little as she gets a foot stuck in her jeans, steadying herself on the dressing table. She stands up and tilts her head. "You said you needed a cuddle. That seemed far more important than another day sitting in hotel conference rooms looking at slides of perforated horse bowels."

Charity laughs, a couple of tears escaping. She wipes at them and shakes her head. "Oh, babe, you really know how to make a girl feel special." She throws the duvet off and opens her arms. "Well, come here, then. Don't want that four hour drive to be for nothing."

Vanessa moves to the bed and sits down on the edge, pulling Charity into her arms. Charity's eyes close as her own arms tighten around Vanessa, drinking in the comfort so freely given. Vanessa's thumb strokes the back of her neck.

"Thank you," Charity whispers. "For choosing me over horse innards."

She feels a laugh move through Vanessa's body before she pulls back and rests her forehead against Charity's. "There's not much in this world that I'd choose over you, Charity Dingle. I love you."

Vanessa's eyes brim with truth and Charity's chest clenches in her chest as she reminds herself that this is real, this woman really feels that way about her. She nods. "I love you too."

And the darkness and silence that had loomed so large shrink to nothing in the brightness of Vanessa's smile and the warmth of her kiss.


	37. My own worst enemy, My own mother's son

After instructing Bob to close up and not to come through the back under any circumstances, Charity takes a calming breath that does no good whatsoever, and heads back into the living room. Noah's sat where she left him, pale and fidgeting. He looks up when she enters and then quickly looks away. She crosses her arms and shakes her head.

"I don't even know where to start, Noah."

"I didn't do it!" He looks close to tears.

"And I should just believe that, should I?" she asks, shrugging. "Just like I believed you when you said you'd spent the day by yourself, sulking?"

"No, but...that was-"

"A pack of lies, is what it was." She can barely look at him. When did he turn into this? When did her sweet little boy turn into an obnoxious teenager who steals and lies and emotionally manipulates her with sob stories about his AWOL brother? When did he turn into _her_?

He shakes his head. "Of course you think I did it. You thought I'd shoved Kim Tate an'all. Why wouldn't you think I'd left someone for dead on the side of the road?"

"Because your phone was in the car, Noah!" she screams.

He huffs and she tries to control her breathing, tries to control her rage. He sighs.

"Fine. I was in the car, alright? Me and Leanna and Amelia. We got the keys and took it for a drive and Leanna ended up crashing it in a field." The words are tumbling out of him almost too quickly for her to keep up with, each one landing like lead in her stomach. "But we didn't hit anyone, I swear! We just left the car there and walked home! Took us ages. Someone must've taken the car after we'd gone."

Pressing her fingers to her temples, she closes her eyes, shaking her head. "So, let me get this straight. You took that car. You crashed it and abandoned it. And you expect me to believe that someone miraculously came along later and nicked it _again_ and then hit someone with it?" She hears how shrill her voice is, sees him cringe under her anger, and stops herself.

He goes to get up. "I'm going to my ro-"

She grabs his shoulder and pushes him back down. "No, no, mister. You're going to stay right there." She pulls her phone out of her pocket, her thumb moving in a practised dance across the screen. She lifts it to her ear and glares at him as he frowns at her in question.

"Who you calling?" His eyes go wide. "You're...you're not calling the police?"

She rolls her eyes. "It'd serve you right if I was."

Her call in answered. "Hi gorgeous."

"Hi, babe." She catches the relief on his face when he realises who it is, but it's chased by annoyance. "Listen, you know that wonderful massage we spent our hard earned cash on? You remember how relaxed I felt afterwards?"

"Well, I remember you going on about that man's 'magic hands' the whole way ho-"

"Anyway," she interrupts. "Turns out it was a complete waste of money, because my stress levels have shot right back up."

"Why? What's happened?" She feels guilty at the panic in Vanessa's voice. And no wonder, she spent months coping with Charity's moods which were swinging more often than Tarzan.

"Oh, nothing much. Just our Noah deciding to steal a car and crash it in a field." She's being flippant, but her heart is racing. She never wanted this life for her kids. She never wanted them to wind up like her. And now Debbie's in court for scarring someone for life and Noah's nicking cars. It's like bloody deja vu all over again.

"Oh my God, is he okay?"

Charity laughs. Of course that would be Vanessa's first question. "Yeah, he's fine. For now. But the person who got hit by the car might not be."

"Right, I'll be right over. Don't do anything stupid."

"No promises, babe."

They hang up and Charity moves to the kitchen, flicking the kettle on and noting that her hands are shaking.

"So you can't even yell at me by yourself these days? You need Vanessa here to hold your hand, do you?"

Her eyes snap to his, his sulky, sullen tone ratcheting her anger right back up. "You should want her here, pal. Because, right now, I want to kill you. And she might be the only one who could keep me from doing that."

He shakes his head. "Pffft. Help you hide the body, more like."

"D'you know what, Noah? Weirdly Vanessa _does_ actually like you." She grabs three mugs and slams them down. "Even though you've given her every reason not to."

"Whatever."

"Oh, and hey," she continues to rant as she fixes the tea. "I don't even need to justify why I want her here, by the way. She's my partner and that's something that you're just going to have to get used to."

"Just like I had to get used to all the others, you mean?" he mutters. "Whether I liked it or not?"

"She's not like all the others, though, is she?" Charity shouts, coming over to stand by him, trying to get him to meet her eyes. "Surely you must be able to see that by now?"

"What does it matter, though?" he asks. "Yeah, she's stuck it out longer than I thought she would. But you've still got plenty of time to do something stupid and muck it all up."

"I'm not going to-"

"Oi!" They both turn to the new voice in the room. Vanessa's closing the door behind her, shrugging out of her anorak and discarding it on the couch, like she owns the place. She marches over to the pair of them. "Now, the two of you yelling at each other isn't going to achieve anything, is it?" She puts a hand on Charity's back. "Sit down."

"I'm making tea," Charity protests, but she's moving under Vanessa's gently guiding hand.

" _I'll_ make the tea," Vanessa says, shoving her into a chair. "Sit there and keep your voice to a dull roar."

Vanessa finishes up with the tea while Charity sits and stews in her anger, which she knows deep down is rooted in fear. Fear of losing Noah. Fear of his life being ruined at fourteen. Like hers had been. He glances at her every few seconds, but mostly concentrates on his hands. Vanessa brings the mugs over, setting them on the table. She takes the chair between the other two and looks between them.

"Right, when I said to stop the shouting, I did actually mean for you to keep saying things to each other, only quieter."

Charity sighs. "He says he had nothing to do with the hit and run. Said they abandoned the car and walked back home."

Vanessa turns to face Noah. "So, is this 'I had nothing to do with it' like you had nothing to do with letting the animals out the other day, or is this actually the truth?"

Charity frowns, looking at her son, who's looking even more uncomfortable than he was before.

" _Noah-_ " she begins.

He throws his hands up. "Okay, yeah, fine, I let the animals out."

Charity's mouth falls open. "You lying little sh-" Vanessa puts a hand on her arm, shaking her head slightly.

"I did and I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I lied about doing it. And I flooded the school an'all." Charity's shaking her head as he babbles on. "And, yeah, we stole the car, but we never hit anyone, I swear!"

"Right, good." Vanessa nods. "Now we're getting somewhere."

Charity lets out an incredulous laugh, looking between the pair of them. "No, I'm sorry babe, but are you deaf? Or just daft? Did you hear what he's after saying?"

"Yes." Vanessa squeezes her arm. "But at least we know the truth, now."

"Do we? He's lied through his teeth for God knows how long." Charity throws out an arm towards the bar. "He stood out there earlier and told me a pack of barefaced lies about how he spent the whole day moping about Joe."

"It wasn't lies!" He shrinks back when she looks at him. "Well...the some of it was lies. But I _was_ feeling sad. I just-"

"You just nicked a car and had a little joyride to make yourself feel better?"

"You're still not _listening_ to me." He rubs at his nose and swipes his arm across his eyes. "I tried to talk to you the other day! I've tried to talk to you about how I'm feeling about everything but you never listen! Too busy trying to prove what a great mum you are to _her_." He flicks his head at Vanessa. "Too busy with Ryan or Johnny, your shiny new boys." He stands up and holds his arms out wide, displaying himself to Vanessa. "Well, take a good look. 'Cause this is what happens to her kids."

Charity's chest is tight and she feels like she might faint. Everything she thinks about herself, everything she fears Vanessa will see, has just been laid bare. Noah shakes his head and goes to walk away, but Vanessa catches his arm, pulling him round to look at her. She nods at his seat.

"Sit down." He hesitates and for a second Charity thinks he'll storm out anyway, but Vanessa speaks again, her voice still low and calm. "Please sit down."

To Charity's surprise, and probably Noah's as well, he does as he's told. Vanessa scoots her chair closer to him, her elbow on the table as she leans forward.

"If Johnny turns out like you, I'd be thrilled."

"Like me?" He scowls. "Are you trying to be funny?"

"Not at all." She smiles. "You're a sensitive, clever, caring, resilient lad." She smiles. "Yeah, you're a bit moody and impulsive sometimes-" She inclines her head towards Charity. "-but that's hardly a dealbreaker for me, is it?"

Charity watches a smile bloom briefly on Noah's lips before he lowers his brows back into a frown. "But...but I just told you what I've done and-"

"And that doesn't make you a bad person, Noah. It's bad behaviour, yes. And it's not something we can encourage or reward." She leans a bit closer. "But I think we sometimes forget you've had a flamin' hard year too, yeah? Near death experience at Wishing Well, two new big brothers out of nowhere, Sarah being poorly, Joe leaving." Vanessa pauses, and when she speaks again, Charity can hear the tremble in her voice. "And I know how hard it is to hear all the stuff your mum went through."

His chin wobbles and he looks down, pulling at the sleeve of his jumper. Charity reaches out to touch his hand but he pulls it out of her reach, shoving it under the table. She retracts her own, dropping it to rest on Vanessa's back.

"Noah," Vanessa's voice is gentle, the way it is when she's trying to stop Charity from closing herself off, trying not to frighten her off. He looks up at her, his jaw working. Charity can see in his eyes that he's forcing himself to resist, not to give in. "So, you've played a few pranks. You nicked a car. It's not great, but it's not the end of the world. What's important is that you've told the truth. And that you keep telling us the truth, okay? That's the only way we can help you make things right."

Charity's eyes are hot with tears because she knows how accurate those words are. She knows that it's only because she told Vanessa all the stuff she did, that they managed to make it right. Yeah, she could have gone on keeping everything to herself, but she'd still have been torn up and empty inside. Nothing would have been better. And that's what she wants for Noah, she wants to make things better, to keep him safe, the way Vanessa does for her.

Noah snorts. "You gonna lie to the police for me an'all, then?" he asks. "Tell 'em you were in the loo with me?"

Vanessa wrinkles her nose. "I think that would open up a whole other can of worms, Noah." She holds his eyes. "But we will do what we need to do." She turns to look at Charity, giving her a little smile. "Won't we?"

Charity nods, unable to make her voice work because she's drowning in love for this woman. This ridiculous woman who she'd initially written off as a boring goody-two-shoes. This wonderful woman who knows the right words to make her son feel protected and safe. This amazing woman who's seen into her soul and wasn't frightened.

"Yeah." Charity nods, returning Vanessa's smile. She looks at Noah. "Babe...when I was yelling at you earlier...I didn't-"

"I know." He shrugs. "That's just you." He blows out a shaky breath and meets her eyes. "What now?"

She sighs, rubbing Vanessa's back. "We drink our tea, and you tell us everything. _Everything_ , mind. And I promise I'll listen." She smiles at him and gets a small one in return. "And then we decide what to do. Okay?"

He nods, quickly. "Okay."

Vanessa's hand drops to her knee and squeezes. "I'll leave the two of you-"

"No, stay." They both look at Noah in surprise. He rolls his eyes. "You're Mum's partner."

Charity smiles at Vanessa clearly trying not to show too much excitement at this turn of events, but the grip she has on Charity's knee is getting tighter.

"Okay then." Vanessa finally says. "Oh, but I should say, I expect you to come and work for me at the vets, for free, to make up for that mass release, right?"

"Seriously?" Noah asks, eyes wide and bright. "That's my punishment?"

He's practically rubbing his hands together, thinking about getting to play with puppies and hamsters and whatnot.

"Uh, that's _part_ of your punishment," Charity puts in. "We'll decide on the rest once we've heard all that's gone on." She pushes his tea towards him. "So get talking."


	38. You turned my living upside down

Warmth is the first sensation she becomes aware of as she slowly wakes. A warm body curled around her own from behind, snug and solid and snoring gently by her ear. She smiles, stroking the arm draped over her waist. It feels like weeks since they've woken up together like this. Since Ross left for Liverpool, and Chas chucked Paddy out, there's always been someone to look after or check up on. And then of course there's been Debbie's looking trial and Sarah's road to recovery. The latest thing's been Noah's delinquent side rearing its head. It feels like everybody needs a piece of her and there's not enough to go round. And the person who wants nothing from her, except just to _be_ with her, has had to make do with whatever scraps of time she's had left.

She turns over, smiling when Vanessa grunts in her sleep at being jostled. It's too dark to properly see her, but she can make out the lines of her profile in the sliver of streetlight that slips through the curtains. It's not like she's never woken up with Vanessa in her bed before. She has, dozens of times. But this time it's Vanessa's bed as well. She's not staying over, she's just staying. Forever, if Charity has any say in the matter.

This is all new for Charity. This is _her_ home, that she owns. Attached to her business, where she earns a good enough living to keep herself and her kids safe and fed. Usually when she hooks up with someone, _she's_ the one moving in. _She's_ the one using someone else's walls to try and claw some sense of security for herself. Not this time. This time she's opening up her home and inviting Vanessa to share it. She's financially and emotionally in a place she's never been before. She's made a life for herself, a good one, as Vanessa likes to point out.

And waking up every morning with Vanessa can only make it better.

Turning onto her back, she reaches over and grabs her phone, checking the time and groaning when she sees her alarm is going to go off soon.

"S'it? S'wrong?"

She winces at the sleepy voice, loud in the darkness. She slides back over the bed, wrapping her arms around Vanessa and pulling her in, rubbing a hand up and down her back. "Nothing, babe." She presses her lips to Vanessa's temple, leaving them to rest there for a moment. "Nothing's wrong. Go back to sleep."

Vanessa hums against her neck, arms tightening around her. "S'okay. M'awake now. Time's it?"

Charity's eyes close. She's so tempted to stay in the comfort and warmth of Vanessa's arms. "Just gone seven. I've got to be up at Butler's by quarter past eight, but you can stay in bed a bit longer. Lucky sod."

A yawn is stifled against her shoulder and then Vanessa's on the move, her hand groping on the bedside cabinet until the room is illuminated and Charity has to squeeze her eyes shut to block out the painful light. Vanessa crawls on top of her, planting her elbows on either side of Charity's head, grinning down at her when Charity opens one eye, still squinting against the light.

"Morning," Vanessa says.

The smile is infectious and Charity finds herself grinning back up at her. She lifts her head and kisses Vanessa's chin. "Morning."

"It's nice, this," Vanessa comments, running her thumb along Charity's eyebrow. "Waking up here and not having to think about going home to get changed or wondering if I've brought everything for Johnny." She shrugs and smiles. "I've got everything I need right here."

Even though she knows there's a deeper meaning behind Vanessa's words, Charity rolls her eyes. "I'd flaming well hope so. All them boxes you brought. You must've packed everything bar the kitchen sink."

Vanessa sticks out her lower lip. "I left _some_ things behind."

"If this is about that bloody chair again , I-" She's cut off by a kiss. Short and chaste, but firm.

Vanessa pulls back and looks into her eyes. "Charity, like I said, I've got _everything_ I need right here."

Charity's hands slide around Vanessa's hips, pulling her closer. "Me too." They're both smiling when their lips meet this time, languid and familiar. Charity bends her leg, her thigh coming up between Vanessa's, who turns her mouth away, moaning against Charity's cheek.

"You don't have time for this," she murmurs, though Charity notes that she's started rocking herself.

"I'll be quick in the shower and skip breakfast," Charity says, nipping at Vanessa's jaw with her teeth. "I've always got time for this. For you."

Vanessa takes no more persuasion than that, dipping her head to capture Charity's lips in a fierce kiss and crying out when Charity's hand replaces her thigh.

* * *

Charity ends up running later than she'd like, since Vanessa insisted on returning the favour. Following a shower that barely qualifies for the title, she's surprised to find the bed empty. She'd had great difficulty leaving Vanessa in it by herself, all glowing and glorious. But now it's empty. And _made_.

After quickly dressing and doing her make-up, she grabs her shoes and hurries downstairs and into the living room. The sight awaiting her stops her in her tracks. Vanessa's in the kitchen, wearing Charity's silky purple dressing gown, making what looks to be a mountain of sandwiches.

It hits her that this is real. Vanessa is really here with her to stay. She smiles.

Her hurry forgotten, Charity drops her shoes and steps into them, before slinking up behind Vanessa, wrapping her arms around her waist and leaning her chin on her shoulder. She plucks at the belt of the robe.

"This is mine." She presses a kiss to Vanessa's jaw. "Weren't you _just_ going on about having all your own stuff here now?"

Vanessa laughs. "Yeah, and good luck finding anything in any of those boxes." She shakes her head. "There's no rhyme nor reason to what's in them at all. God knows what we were thinking when we were packing them."

"Well, I know what I was thinking." Charity gently bites Vanessa's earlobe, her next words spoken in a whisper. "I was thinking ' _I need to get this woman's stuff to my house before she comes to her senses_ '."

Catching Charity's chin, Vanessa turns her face so that their eyes meet, searching. Seemingly happy that Charity's kidding, she shakes her head. "No chance of that."

Charity smiles, shifting her eyes to Vanessa's handiwork. "You feeding the five thousand?"

"It's just a few butties for you to take with you." She turns and finishes up the sandwich she's making, piling it on top of some others and lifting them into a waiting bag. She turns in Charity's arms and shrugs. "I know how much waiting about there is at these things and you won't be wanting to go to that cafe at the court every time you fancy a nibble."

It's on the tip of Charity's tongue to say that Vanessa will make someone a great little wife someday, but she stops herself. Because if she's going to be anyone's wife, it'll be Charity's. And they're not quite at the stage of having that conversation yet. Soon, maybe. But not quite yet. So she narrows her eyes playfully.

"Least you could do, really, since you used up most of my energy this morning."

Vanessa laughs and nods, her hands sweeping up Charity's sides. "Exactly."

Charity sighs. "I really do need to go."

"Yes, you do." Vanessa nods, turning to gather up some bits and pieces and deposit them in the bag before turning to hand it to Charity, taking hold of her arm and getting her moving in the direction of the door.

They pause for Charity to get into her coat. "Oh, and don't let our Noah sleep in till all hours." She flicks her hair out from where it's caught in her collar. "He'll sleep till teatime if you let him." She lifts her eyebrows. "And if he tries to give you any lip-"

"I can handle him," Vanessa says, straightening out Charity's blouse. "Now go. Tell Debbie I'll be thinking of her."

"I will, babe." She leans in for a goodbye kiss, and swipes at the lipstick mark it leaves beneath Vanessa's lower lip. "I love you."

The words come so easily now that she can't even remember why she struggled with them before; why she held them in for so long. Because the way they make Vanessa's eyes shine and her smile brighter is something Charity hopes she'll never grow tired of.

"I love _you_." Vanessa goes up on her toes and kisses Charity's cheek. "But you really better go."

"I'm going. I'm going." Charity opens the door, her other hand tightening on the bag of food. "And I'll see you when I get home, yeah?"

Vanessa grins. "I'll be here."

Charity can't resist stealing one last quick kiss, winking over her shoulder as she heads to her car. "Later, kid."

Vanessa nods and waves and when Charity's putting the bag of butties on the passenger seat, she hears Vanessa yelling at Noah to get up. She smiles to herself.

Yeah, she can't wait to come _home_.


	39. Don't forget that your family is gold

Vanessa's just back from doing the lunchtime feed at the surgery, heading through to the bar, when Charity appears in front of her out of the cellar door. She jumps, putting a hand over her racing heart.

"Flamin' heck! You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Never mind that," Charity says. Her eyes are wide and she's fidgety, full of nervous energy, and Vanessa's suddenly on alert. "You have to talk to Ryan."

"Okay..." Vanessa frowns. "About what?" She sighs. "Oh, Charity, please tell me you're not asking me to try and talk him out of seeing Dawn now? Because I-"

"No need. She's gone and dumped him, hasn't she?" Charity rolls her eyes, arms folded tight across her chest. "After all that flaming drama, she tells him she thinks they shouldn't see each other right now."

"But why?" Vanessa kind of agrees with Charity. If Dawn had decided this a few days ago, there would have been no need for bribes or overdoses or disownings. "I thought they were getting on really well."

Snorting out a dismissive laugh, Charity shakes her head. "Reckons she needs to get her head straight before getting involved with anyone or summat."

Vanessa rubs Charity's upper arm, tilting her head and squinting one eye, trying to ward off a blow up. "Well, that's actually pretty sensible, don't you think?"

There's a pause and then a sigh. "Look, truth be told I'm over the moon about it." Charity points through to the bar. "But the poor lad's devastated. You'd think he'd just been turned down by Claudia Schiffer instead of having a lucky escape."

Vanessa wrinkles her nose. "Your references are a bit dated. Claudia Schiffer's older than the pair of _us_ , never mind Ryan."

"Vanessa...just-" Charity throws her hands up. "Go and cheer him up, will you?"

"Okay! Fine, I'm going." Vanessa moves around Charity, smiling when hands land on her hips, propelling her into the bar. She leans back against Charity, causing just a bit of resistance.

Charity's chin comes to rest on her shoulder. "Remember and do that thing you do, yeah?"

"What thing's that then?"

"You know, the thing you do with me." Charity squeezes her hips. "Being all nice and that."

"Comfort him, you mean?" Vanessa laughs. "Yeah, that's what I was planning on doing."

"I mean-" Lips brush against her ear as Charity whispers her next words. "-don't do _all_ the things that you do to comfort me, obviously."

" _Charity_."

Charity pecks her cheek. "I'm joking. Go."

Vanessa heads out from behind the bar. "Bring me over a drink. On you."

She slides in beside Ryan. He rolls his eyes.

"Sent you over to babysit, has she?"

"No. She just thought you might want a bit of company, that's all." She nudges him. "Hey, from what Charity said, it doesn't sound like this is forever, you know? Sounds like Dawn wants to sort herself out so she can give the two of you a decent chance."

He looks down at his hands and shrugs. "Yeah, that or she's just letting me down easy."

"Oh, Ryan." She rubs his shoulder. "I'm sure that's not it. She seems to really like you."

"I don't want to talk about it. S'pointless."

Vanessa nods, stealing one of the chips from the bowl on the table. "So, what d'you want to talk about instead? I can do animal husbandry? Toddler care? Beginners' knitting?" He shrugs. "Seen any good films lately?" He shakes his head. "No? How about telly programmes? Me and Charity keep trying to find something decent to watch on Netflix after the kids go to bed but we keep falling asleep during the first episode of everything we try."

He sighs. "I don't think we like the same shows."

She nods, shoving another chip in her mouth. After a moment, she slides closer to him on the seat, leaning in and lowering her voice. "I could tell you stories about my terrible lovelife if you like? Make you feel a bit better about your current situation."

There's an indignant gasp from behind her. "Uh, ex _cuse_ me."

Vanessa widens her eyes at Ryan, but doesn't turn around. " _Pre_ -Charity, of course."

"Jesus, babe, I said cheer him up, not depress the hell out of him." Charity sets a pint down in front of Vanessa, winking at Ryan. "This one's dating history was a tragedy before I came along."

"Oh, like yours was much better!" Vanessa says, tipping her head back and frowning up at Charity. "How many weddings have you had again?"

Charity wrinkles her nose at her. "Yeah, fair point. But I'm not the one offering to tell my sorry tales, am I?"

Ryan huffs out a laugh and they both look at him.

"What's funny?" Charity asks, her hand coming to rest on the back of Vanessa's neck, thumb sweeping over the skin under her ponytail.

"Nothing." He smirks. "It's just...it's hard for me to picture the two of you with anyone else, that's all."

Vanessa laughs. "Well, that makes you the opposite of pretty much everyone else when we first got together, then."

"Really?" He shakes his head. "I can't imagine you apart."

"S'pose you've never known us when we've not been together, have you?" Charity ponders.

"Nope."

"Well, if anything, me and Charity should give you hope." Vanessa takes Charity's hand from her shoulder and squeezes it. "Because if you'd seen the flamin' bother I had trying to get this one to say we were actually having a relationship-"

"Uh, yeah, he doesn't need to hear all the gory details, thank you," Charity says, but she links her fingers through Vanessa's. "I may have been _slightly_ reluctant to commit to a relationship in the very beginning-"

"It took her _eight months_ to leave a toothbrush at mine," Vanessa interjects.

"Oi, I've made up for it since, haven't I?" Charity rolls her eyes. "Asking you to move in, always prattling on about how much I love you."

"Hmmmm." Vanessa pulls Charity down by her lapel, pressing their lips together. "S'pose that's true." She pecks Charity's lips again and then shifts her attention back to Ryan. "What I'm trying to say is that, if you're patient and you let Dawn work through what she needs to, you could end up with something _really_ wonderful."

She feels Charity sigh against her shoulder, but she keeps her gob shut, which is a step up.

"So, the pair of you are relationship goals, yeah?" Ryan asks, clearly amused by this.

"Yes!" Vanessa nods. "Hashtag!"

Just as the word is leaving her mouth, Noah drops into the seat opposite. He closes his eyes, shaking his head.

"I don't even want to know."


	40. If you were me and I was you

She's been dozing since she felt Vanessa leave the bed, expecting her to just have gone to the loo and be back for a cuddle, but she's been gone ages. Just as Charity's thinking about getting up, the bedroom door opens and the light is switched on. She yanks the covers over her head, hiding from the invasive light.

"S'my birthday," she groans. "Don't I get a lie in?"

The bed dips and a hand comes to rest on her hip squeezing through the thick duvet. "No rest for the wicked, eh?" There's a tug and the duvet is pulled off her face. She squints up at Vanessa who laughs and leans down to press their lips together. "Happy birthday, Charity."

Charity doesn't let her move far, pulling her back in and humming against her lips. "That's good for starters. Now get that backside of yours back in this bed right now. It's my birthday wish."

"Uh, one, you're supposed to blow out candles before making wishes," Vanessa says, sitting up and twirling a strand of Charity's hair around her finger. "And two, you're not supposed to tell anyone your wishes, or they won't come true."

Charity lifts her eyebrows. "Oh, I don't know about that. I mean, last year I told everyone I wished I'd meet the love of my life."

Vanessa's mouth quirks at the edges. "Well, what a waste of a wish that was." She shakes her head. "You met me _years_ ago."

Charity laughs, not all that bothered that Vanessa preempted what she was going to say. She sits up so she's on a level with Vanessa, eyes dropping to her lips. "I like it when you're a cocky little madam."

"Mmhmm," Vanessa taps her on the nose. "Well, we've got no time for any funny business this morning. There are two little boys downstairs that need taking to nursery. And I thought you might want to have your birthday breakfast with them first."

Sticking her lower lip out slightly, Charity huffs. "You're trying to make out like this is a treat, when we both know it's flaming feeding time at the zoo. You've been up here, what, two minutes? So they're probably both elbow deep in Nutella by now."

"All the more reason for you to drag yourself out of your pit and come and help me with them." Vanessa stands and takes her hand, tugging gently. "After I've dropped them off, I've got a whole day planned out for us. Just you and me. Lunch. Pampering. Presents. The works."

"Oh, well, I like the sound of that," Charity says, throwing the covers off and allowing Vanessa to pull her to her feet.

Instead of heading straight for the door as Charity assumes they will, Vanessa pauses and wraps her arms around Charity's waist, looking up at her.

"You deserve it, Charity." She shakes her head. "After the year you've just had, you deserve a break."

It still takes her a minute to process this stuff sometimes. That Vanessa's got no agenda or angle to play. That she's just saying these things from her heart. She nods. "I think we all do, yeah?"

Pecking her lips softly, Vanessa takes her hand again. "Right. C'mon then. The chimpanzees' tea party awaits."

She grabs her dressing gown from the back of the door and slips it on as they head downstairs. Vanessa's a few steps ahead of her and appears to pick up her pace when she gets to the bottom of the stairs. Probably worrying about the chaos that awaits them. Charity rolls her eyes and follows her into the living room, only to reel back when she's met with several voices yelling at her in unison.

"Surprise!"

She stands in shock as she takes in what's in front of her. All of her kids are there. Debbie and Ryan are sat at the table, Noah's sitting on the back of the couch and the little ones are each holding one of Vanessa's hands, to keep them in once place, Charity assumes. Vanessa's beaming at her and it's all she can do to keep from just bursting into tears right then and there.

"That's...I'm…" She blows out a breath. "I'm surprised, alright."

Debbie and Vanessa disappear into the kitchen for a second with Johnny and Moses. And when they reemerge, Moses is holding a card and Johnny, bless him, is completely ruining a bouquet of flowers by holding it in some sort of death grip. They toddle over to her.

"What've you to say, boys?" Vanessa pipes up.

"Happy birfday, mummy," Moses says, thrusting the card at her. Johnny, never one for performing publicly, just stands and looks up at her. She bends and takes the card, pulling Moses into a hug.

"Thank you so much, baba." She kisses his cheek and squeezes him tightly, keeping an arm loose around his waist as she turns to Johnny. "Are those for me, babes?" He nods and holds them out to her. She takes them from him and sniffs them. "Beautiful." She sets them on the floor and holds out her free arm. "Do I get a hug for my birthday?"

He smiles and lets her pull him against her. She kisses his forehead, blinking back tears. She holds them both close for a moment longer before releasing them and standing back up with her card and flowers.

"Come over and sit down," Vanessa says. "I'll fix you a brew."

She stops by Noah, brushing a kiss across his cheek. He blushes and wishes her a happy birthday, trailing behind her and falling into a seat at the table. Debbie and Ryan stand and hug her, giving her their own birthday wishes. It's quite a surreal experience.

Finally sat down, with Debbie finding a vase for her flowers, Charity opens the card. The picture on the front is of a pink flamingo, and the caption reads ' _To a flamin'good mum'_. She smiles and opens it. There's nothing printed inside, but Vanessa's written in her uneven scrawl ' _To the best mum (and silly Charity) in the world_ '. The kids have all signed it. Vanessa's clearly held the little ones' hands and helped them form the letters of their names, but they're all there. Debbie, Ryan, Noah, Moses and Johnny.

"Thank you," she whispers, before swallowing. She looks at her three eldest in turn, the little ones long distracted by the toybox. "Thank you."

"Don't thank us yet," Ryan says. "You haven't had the best bit." He nudges Noah, who rolls his eyes, but hauls himself to his feet and picks up a large wrapped gift from the side of the couch.

Debbie comes back to her seat after setting the flowers down on the counter. Vanessa wanders over, leaning her hip against the back of Ryan's chair. All eyes are on her and she feels a bit self-conscious. She's never been great at reacting to presents if she doesn't like them, so she hopes this is good, whatever it is.

Ripping through the paper, she reveals a picture frame, that has one big photo in the middle, surrounded by several smaller ones all at different angles and of different sizes and shapes. The middle picture is of Debbie, Ryan, Noah and Moses, all sat together on some bench or other. Moses is on Debbie's lap and they're all smiling at the camera. All of her kids, happy and healthy. She covers her mouth.

"It's...it's amazing." Charity's eyes flit around the rest of the pictures, falling in love with each one in turn. There's one of Johnny and Moses holding hands as they run away from the camera. One of Ryan and Debbie, lounging at a picnic table, wearing sunglasses. There's one of Noah with the two little ones pinning him on the ground and he's laughing harder than Charity can ever remember seeing him doing. There's one of Debbie and Sarah and Jack, huddled under a blanket on Moira's sofa.

"It's perfect." She clears her throat and looks between them. "Thank you."

"We were just the models." Ryan says, tossing his hair and attempting a sultry pout. "Vanessa did all the work."

"And talk about _bossy_ ," Debbie murmurs.

"Don't I know it?" Charity nods

"Only because you lot were all proper divas about it!" Vanessa says, coming around to lean over Charity's shoulder to see the pictures. "And anyway, it were Noah's idea."

"Get her a picture frame, I said!" Noah pipes up, but there's a tinge of red to his cheeks. "Not arrange a whole flamin' photoshoot."

"We did take loads," Vanessa says, leaning down and picking up a gift bag. She dangles it from her finger in front of Charity. "Thought you might like to see some of the ones that didn't make the final cut."

Smiling, Charity takes the gift bag and turns her face for a kiss, which Vanessa readily supplies. Inside the bag is a photo-album. The cover design is of plants and flowers, and there's a quote in fancy script on the front.

 _And the secret garden bloomed and bloomed and every morning revealed new miracles._

For all Vanessa had tried to pass this off as an afterthought, there's clearly been thought put into it. Charity sniffs and wipes at her eyes. Vanessa's hands land on her shoulders and squeeze. "I'll get your tea."

Charity flicks through the first few pages, smiling at the pictures. Vanessa's in some of these ones too. She turns a page and comes to a picture that's identical to the large one in her frame, only Johnny's in it too, leaning his elbow on Ryan's knee. She slips it out of the sleeve and hands it to Noah.

"Put that one in the big frame, yeah? Gimme the other one and I'll stick it in here."

Ryan leans in, keeping his voice down. "We wanted to put that one in in the first place, but Vanessa wouldn't let us."

"Said she didn't want to presume," Debbie says, rolling her eyes.

" _Happy Birthday to you."_ She turns to see Vanessa approaching with a birthday cake. Thankfully there aren't forty-three candles on it, just two of them, shaped like a four and a three. She sets it down in front of Charity as the rest of them join in with the song, their voices jumbling into a mixture of _Mum, Mummy_ and _Charity_ on the third line. " _Happy birthday to you!"_

She rolls her eyes and blows out the candles, assisted by Moses.

"Make a wish!" Ryan tells her.

And, for the first time in her life, she honestly can't think of a single thing to wish for. Not that she believes in wishes coming true or any of that nonsense, but there's literally nothing that she doesn't have right now that would make her life better. She has all of her children, she's in love with a wonderful woman, she has a successful business that earns her a decent living. She shakes her head, putting a finger in one of her ears. "I wish you lot could sing a bit better. Given me earache, you have."

"Genetic, innit?" Noah says, ducking to avoid the clip round the ear she tries to give him.

"Right, then." Vanessa drapes her arms around her neck from behind. "Debbie's gonna take the boys to nursery and Ryan's gonna drop Noah at school." Lips tickle her ear as Vanessa leans closer. "And then, Charity Dingle, you're all mine for the day."

"And, that's our cue to leave," Debbie announces. "Come on, you two. Off to nursery."

There's mild chaos while toddlers are cajoled into jackets and shoes and Noah can't find his trainers and bits of cake are sliced and distributed. But before each of them leaves, Charity gets another hug.

Finally, it's just the two of them left, and the silence is pleasant. Vanessa bumps her hip against Charity's. "So, did you enjoy this surprise party a bit more than the last one you had?"

Charity frowns. "What last- Oh, you mean that sad affair Chas threw a couple of years back?" She tilts her head, thinking back to how humiliated she'd felt. Nobody she cared about had bothered to turn up. But... "Oh, you were there."

"I was," Vanessa nods. "In fairness, I'd come in for a pint and somebody handed me a party popper...but yeah, I was there." She smiles. "Funny to think back on things like that, isn't it?"

"Well," Charity begins, pulling Vanessa into her arms. "I hope you're at _all_ my parties from now on. By choice, rather than chance." _That_ should've been her wish, she realises too late. For Vanessa to stay forever.

"Got a standing invite, have I?" Vanessa smiles, her hand moving to the back of Charity's neck and urging her closer. "Just try and keep me away."

As they kiss, Charity decides that this is already the best birthday she's ever had. Life has finally decided to give Charity Dingle a break, and she's going to grab it with both hands and not let go. Nothing is going to come between her and this feeling again. She'll make sure of that.

She pulls Vanessa closer and sinks into her kiss.


	41. But if I had my choice (I'd rather be he

She comes back from the loo to find Noah in Vanessa's room. He's got his hip pressed against the bed, looking over her shoulder at some gadget she's wrestling with and shaking his head.

"Up before noon on a Saturday?" Charity comments. She almost says ' _You should get stabbed more often, babe_ ' but she can't form the words, not even as a joke. She briefly closes her eyes to try and shake the image of Vanessa's pale, clammy face when she came out of surgery the first time.

Noah shrugs. "Paddy and Chas have been going mad cleaning everything. They're not quiet about it. Thought I might as well come down here for some peace."

"Noah brought me his Gameboy!" Vanessa says, happily.

"It's a Nintendo Switch," Noah says, with an eyeroll.

Vanessa nods, tongue sticking out the side of her mouth. "And I'm really good at it!"

"You're really not," Noah tells her, and the clear affection in his voice warms Charity's heart.

"Oi, you." Charity leans in and kisses Vanessa's temple, narrowing her eyes at Noah over her head. "I'm sure you're brilliant at it, babe."

Vanessa frowns at the gadget and shakes it a little. "A dinosaur threw a tortoise at me."

Charity's eyes flick to Noah. "Did that happen or is this the morphine talking again?"

He takes the thing from Vanessa and sits in the chair by the bed. "No, that could happen. She's playing MarioKart."

"It's a driving one," Vanessa tells Charity, seriously. "But there's dinosaurs and big mushrooms that eat you."

Sweeping some hair back off Vanessa's forehead, Charity smiles. "Sounds ridiculous."

"Just because games were all dots playing tennis with each other when you were little," Noah puts it, his thumbs flying over the controls.

Charity settles her hip on the bed, wrapping an arm around Vanessa's shoulders. "Even they were beyond me, if I'm honest."

"He's smiling." Vanessa says, in what Charity assumes she must think is a whisper. "I like it when he smiles, don't you?"

Noah rolls his eyes. "Give over."

"She's off her face on drugs," Charity tells him, squeezing Vanessa's shoulder. "She was saying all sorts earlier." Most of it had been about how beautiful Charity was. And some of it was about an alpaca looking through the window of the hospital room.

"Is she?" He shrugs. "I didn't notice any difference."

"Cheeky," Charity murmurs, leaning her head against Vanessa's and closing her eyes as Noah and Vanessa strike up a conversation about princesses and peaches. She allows herself a little smile.


	42. No more champagne, and the fireworks are

As she holds Ryan close, the sound of fireworks from outside signals the arrival of the new year. A far cry from the night she ran sobbing out of that hospital, convinced her baby boy was dying. Fate has never been a friend to her in the past. And yet, here she is, holding her beautiful, cheeky, amazing son in her arms.

Not for the first time, she wonders if this could all be a dream. Sometimes, in the mornings, there's a moment where she's afraid to open her eyes in case it's not real. In case Ryan really did die that night. In case Bails is still out there, living the high life with his wife and kids. In case Sarah didn't get the heart she needed. In case the lock on the cellar door wasn't broken that night and Vanessa isn't stupidly in love with her.

"Happy new year, Charity." Ryan squeezes her, grounding her and reassuring her that he's definitely there and definitely real.

"Happy new year, babe." She releases him and steps back, shoving her hands in her pockets.

He looks around the empty pub. "Pretty lame of everyone to leave a New Year party before midnight."

Charity bites her lip. "I...might've chucked them all out." She sighs, sitting on one of the bar stools. "I was...a bit upset that you hadn't shown up. Told them all to get out." She rolls her eyes. "Probably lined Tracy's pockets a fair bit while I was at it."

"Where's Vanessa?" He looks at her like _he's_ the parent. "Tell me you didn't chuck your girlfriend out on New Year's Eve?"

"Course not!" Charity glares at him. "I'm not _that_ bad." She nods to the ceiling. "She's upstairs. Told her I needed some time by myself."

"Well, that's not how you want to start a new year is it?" He smiles and shakes his head that way Debbie sometimes does when she looks at her. "Go and give her a kiss and wish her a happy new year."

"Yeah. I should, I know." She rolls her eyes. "God only knows how she puts up with me."

"Patience of a saint," Ryan suggests with a grin. "Or maybe just because she loves you?"

Charity smiles. "Yeah. Daft cow." Ryan gets to his feet and she does the same. "D'you wanna stay here tonight? You can stay in Chas' room if you like?"

"Nah, better get home." He grins. "Got about a million missed calls from Mum."

"Right, course, yeah." She nods. It still hurts whenever she hears him call Irene 'Mum'. Even though she's come to terms with it. It still hurts. "You call her back right now and tell her you're okay."

"I'll call her from the car." She walks him to the door and smiles when he opens his arms for another hug. "Next time you plan a surprise party for me, just tell me. I'm a really good actor, nobody'd ever suspect I knew a thing!"

Laughing, she squeezes him tight once more. "I'll keep that in mind, babe. Drive safe."

She watches him leave, leaning against the doorframe and waving when he draws away. She's so privileged to get to be in his life. So lucky to have him at all. And here she is, still acting like a spoiled brat whenever he doesn't dance to her every whim. She really needs to get a better handle on that. She locks up and switches off all the lights. The rest of the tidying up can be done in the morning.

When she arrives at the stairs, she's surprised to see Vanessa on her way down, tying the belt of her dressing gown. Vanessa's eyes widen and she stops halfway down the stairs.

"Oh! I was just coming to find you." She smiles. "Judging from the racket from outside, I'm assuming 2019 is here?"

Charity nods, still amazed by Vanessa's ability to find it in herself to be friendly and gentle, no matter how stroppy and irrational Charity has been behaving. She walks up a few stairs, stopping on the one below Vanessa, settling her hands on her hips.

"Happy new year, Ness," she whispers.

Vanessa smiles, draping her arms over Charity's shoulders and leaning down. "Happy new year, Charity."

Their lips meet softly, in a kiss filled with more love and tenderness than Charity thought possible from such a simple gesture. She closes her eyes and pulls Vanessa close when the kiss ends, burying her nose in her neck and inhaling deeply. Vanessa's arms tighten around her, wrapping her up in that strong, consistent way she has. She's been there for Charity this whole past year, never doubting or wavering where others would have run a mile.

"I love you," she murmurs.

Vanessa kisses the side of her head. "I love you back."

Charity smiles against Vanessa's skin. She lifts her head and looks up at her. "Ryan stopped by. Eventually."

"He did?" Vanessa's brown wrinkles in concern. "Did you give him what for?"

Charity considers going over it all, but her anxious wait and ridiculous performance have left her exhausted. "Kind of. I'll tell you all about it in the morning, yeah?" She squeezes Vanessa's waist. "Let's just head to bed, eh? Have a bit of a cuddle."

Vanessa kisses her nose. "Sounds perfect." She takes Charity's hand and starts to head back upstairs, but Charity doesn't move. Vanessa turns back with a question in her eyes.

"We're gonna be okay, yeah?" Charity asks, needing to hear it confirmed after the year they've had. "Me and you and the kids...we're gonna be alright, aren't we?"

A gentle hand cups her cheek and Vanessa smiles at her, eyes shining with certainty. "We're gonna be brilliant."

Charity grins and lets herself be led upstairs. This is gonna be a better year. This is gonna be _their_ year.


	43. Come on baby can't you see?

Charity makes her way along corridors that are all too familiar by this point. She nods to one of the nurses who's been on shift a few times now, always popping in and checking the various machines and tubes that have, thankfully, started disappearing from Vanessa's room. Charity's been trying to keep her impatience under control, but she's desperate to get Vanessa out of this place and back home. They've barely been living together for a month, and already she misses Vanessa's presence around the pub something awful. Waking up with her, wrangling the kids together, seeing her propping up the bar with a brew, lounging together on the couch before heading up to bed together; it's alarming how quickly she's gotten used to it all.

And now she has to make do with a few hours a day, and there are always other people there. She never gets Vanessa to herself because there's a constant stream of well-wishers traipsing in and out of the room. She had joked about selling tickets last night when Chas and Belle had rocked up to find it was standing room only.

Selfishly, perhaps, she's insisted on having Vanessa to herself this morning. She doesn't think it's a huge ask. To be fair, everyone had been far more understanding that she'd thought. More understanding than maybe _she'd_ have been if she'd been in Frank's position, with someone telling her she couldn't come and see one of her kids in the hospital. She suspects Tracy maybe had a hand in that.

She pushes through the doors to Vanessa's room and is surprise when Vanessa immediately turns her face away. Usually she's all smiles and desperate for company.

"Ness?"

Vanessa's shoulders jerk with what's clearly a sob, and Charity drops her bag, rushing round to the other side of the bed. "Vanessa? What's wrong? Babe, are you in pain? Should I get some-"

"No!" Vanessa grabs her arm before she can move away. "No, I'm fine...I...I'm just-" Another sob steals her voice and she wipes at her face. "It's nothing, honestly. I'm just feeling sorry for myself."

Charity lowers herself carefully onto the bed, taking hold of Vanessa's hand and holding tight. "Well, I think that's allowed, babe. You're in hospital after being stabbed. I think if you're ever gonna feel sorry for yourself, now would be the time."

Nodding, Vanessa tries to smile, but her eyes fill up and spill over. "I'm sorry."

" _Hey_ ," Charity soothes, moving closer and wiping Vanessa's tears away with her thumb. "What're you sorry for, you daft sod? Having a cry?"

Vanessa shakes her head, grasping Charity's hand tighter. "No...no it's…" She inhales shakily. "All I've got in here is time to think and I just…" She looks down between them. "I just...I'm so annoyed at myself for causing all of this."

Charity's brow wrinkles in confusion. "What are you on about? You didn't stab yourself, babe." She tips Vanessa's chin up and smiles at her. "How is any of this your fault?"

"Because!" Vanessa sniffs and rubs her nose. "Because I was the one who stormed out in a strop. If I'd just stayed-"

"Oi, come on now," Charity cuts her off. "What's done is done. That psycho being in that car park is not your fault and you couldn't have known-"

"But I could have walked away from him." Vanessa's voice is hardly more than a whisper. "I could've driven round the the front and come in and warned you all what he was doing. Got everybody out safely. We could have called the police and the fire brigade and they could've dealt with it." She shakes her head. "But instead I had to go and rugby tackle him, didn't I?" Charity's about to respond, but Vanessa keeps going. "And all that resulted in was me incapacitating myself, leaving him to start the fire anyway _and_ take Johnny. He could've-"

"Johnny's _fine_ ," Charity reminds her, sweeping hair away from Vanessa's tear soaked cheeks. "Nothing happened to Johnny. He's absolutely f-"

"Thanks to _you_ ," Vanessa interjects, her eyes big and bloodshot. "Not me. Not the one who's supposed to keep him safe." She huffs in disgust at herself, shaking her head. " _All_ I could think about was you being inside that pub. That you could be hurt and...and I didn't stop to think that _maybe_ there was another way I could stop that happening. I just saw red and I dived at him and-"

"And everything turned out alright," Charity says, bending her neck to meet Vanessa's eyes. "Do I wish you hadn't been hurt and Johnny hadn't been taken? Of course I do. But, babe, I don't _blame_ you for what you did." She offers a lopsided smile. "I already knew you were a hothead, yeah? This just takes it to the next level."

Vanessa lets out a watery laugh but sobers quickly. "It's not funny."

"Listen, I'm not gonna sit here judging you for trying to stop someone burning my pub down with me inside it." Charity shrugs. "Yeah, there were other options, but I can't say I'd have done anything differently if it had been the other way around." She tilts her head. "In fact, I _didn't_ do anything differently."

"Eh?" Vanessa shakes her head. "What do you mean?"

"When I found him...I got Johnny and put him in the car-" She swallows at the memory of the visceral relief she'd felt at holding the little boy in her arms. "-and I could've got in and driven away. That's what I _should_ have done. But instead I grabbed a metal pole and stoved his head in with it." She lifts Vanessa's hand and presses it against her chest, aware she hasn't really gone into detail about this with her yet and unwilling to relate the part where he had her on the ground with the pole in his hands. She closes her eyes, realising for the first time that if Donny had followed through and hit her, Johnny would've been left on his own again. She shakes her head and meets Vanessa's eyes. "I did exactly what you did. I put myself _and_ Johnny at risk. And I did it because he'd hurt you and I wanted to hurt him. So don't think I don't understand, okay?"

Vanessa nods, slowly, a tentative smile touching the edges of her lips. "So...we're a pair of hotheads, is what you're saying?"

Charity laughs. "And what an impressive pair we make." She leans in and presses a soft kiss to Vanessa's lips. "And, in the interests of the pair of us sticking around for a good while yet...maybe we could both try and avoid getting into brawls with big violent blokes in future, eh?"

"No promises," Vanessa says, drawing her back into another kiss, hands framing her face.

Conscious of her wound, Charity wraps Vanessa up in her arms and holds her, drinking in the warmth that's returned to her skin. She knows what Vanessa's getting at; even the _suggestion_ of Vanessa being in jeopardy makes all of her rational thought fly out the window. She never wants to be apart from her. Those twenty-four hours where she was unconscious really brought that home; she _needs_ Vanessa in her life.

"It's nice, this," Vanessa confides. "Having just you here."

Charity sits back a little so they can see one another. "Yeah?"

"It's lovely that everyone wants to visit, don't get me wrong," Vanessa says, toying with the collar on Charity's coat. "But it's just...sometimes it's knackering to keep smiling and chatting with all of them." She smiles, almost shy. "When all I want is to put my head on your shoulder and close my eyes."

"Well," Charity begins, feeling pretty smug. She stands up and takes her coat off, draping it over the back of the chair. "That makes me feel much less guilty about telling everyone else to naff off because I wanted you to myself for five bloody minutes."

"You _didn't_!" Vanessa covers her mouth, but her eyes are smiling.

"I did." Charity nods once. "Now, budge up a bit and let's make the most of the peace while it lasts, eh?"

Vanessa eases herself over a little and Charity sits down next to her, letting Vanessa get comfortable against her. Vanessa lets out a sigh as she settles her head on Charity's shoulder, their fingers naturally intertwining. Charity presses a kiss to the top of her head and closes her eyes, content to just sit in comfortable silence.

"I can't wait to come home," Vanessa mumbles after a couple of minutes, fingers tightening around Charity's. "I hate being stuck in here."

"I know, babe." Charity sighs. "I hate you being stuck in here an'all. But until a doctor assures me that you are one hundred percent okay to come home, this is where you'll be staying, so don't get any ideas about doing bunk at the shift change, right?"

"I know." Vanessa yawns, turning to smother it against Charity's shoulder. "I'm not that daft."

Charity covers her own yawn with the back of her hand. "Still up for debate, buttercup"

"Shut up, you. Or I'll phone my dad and tell him to come and visit."

"You wouldn't."

Vanessa squeezes her hand. "No. I wouldn't."

Charity smiles, her eyes drifting closed again. "Good."


	44. These marks tell a story

"Ugh, Ness, I _said_ I'd do it, didn't I?" Charity grumbles, as Vanessa propels her along the upstairs hallway.

"Yeah, just like you said you'd do it for the last three nights." Vanessa shoves her into their bedroom, where there's an open suitcase waiting on the bed with a few bits and pieces already in it. "I've packed undies and jammies for you, but I'm not picking anything else and then having you moaning at me for not bringing the right stuff."

Charity puts a hand over her heart. "Me? Complain about summat?"

All she gets in response is a raised eyebrow and she sighs, throwing up her hands and moving to the wardrobe. "Fine. If you're _that_ anal about it. Even though it's _ages_ until we actually leave."

"Charity, we fly out tomorrow." Charity hides her smile at the warmth and affection just underneath Vanessa's frustrated tone.

"Yeah, babe, but not till noon." She winks at Vanessa, grinning at the answering eyeroll.

"Just get it done, yeah?" Vanessa moves over to a pile of washing sitting on the chair and starts to put it away. "That way I'll maybe get some sleep tonight instead of lying awake worrying about you having nothing to wear for a fortnight."

"And don't pretend you wouldn't love that," Charity mutters as she yanks clothes off hangers and drops them in the case, smirking when Vanessa picks them up and folds them properly.

She picks out some sundresses and blouses, a couple of sarongs and some shorts that she'd _only_ wear abroad. When she goes to the drawer where her swimwear is kept, she rifles through various options and picks a couple of swimsuits. But as she starts to move away, her attention is caught by something on Vanessa's side of the drawer. She frowns and chucks her two bathing suits in the vague direction of the bed and ignores Vanessa's indignant huff as she scoops them up. Charity plucks the off-white bikini top out of the drawer and holds it up over her chest, turning to face Vanessa.

"Why you not bringing this one, babe?" She wiggles her eyebrows. "You know it's my favourite."

There's a moment where it looks like Vanessa's frozen, but then she turns back to the case, busying herself with refolding a pair of shorts. "I just think I'm getting a bit old to be wearing bikinis, don't you?"

Charity lowers her hands, still holding the garment. She frowns at the back of Vanessa's head. "Since when?" Turning back to the drawer, a quick skim through the contents confirms that _all_ of Vanessa's bikinis are still in there. "Babe, you wore this on the beach in _Ireland_ last year. We're actually going somewhere warm this time." Sauntering across the room, she drapes her arms around Vanessa's neck, letting the top rest over her chest. "And you are absolutely not too old to wear this."

She almost misses it, but Vanessa's hand skims over the left side of her abdomen and the real reason Vanessa hadn't packed the bikini hits her. She drops the bikini top on the bed, her hand drifting up under Vanessa's jumper to cover the raised skin of her scar. She traces her thumb over the healed flesh. She knows every bump and curve of it, she's memorised every contour, she could draw it from memory if she felt so inclined.

"Tell me this isn't what's got you worried?" she whispers against Vanessa's ear, still stroking her skin.

A breath escapes Vanessa's body and she leans back against Charity, their cheeks pressed together. Vanessa's hand comes up to cover hers through her jumper. She shrugs.

"It's not exactly a pretty sight, is it? Don't want to be putting people off their sangria by the pool."

Charity shakes her head. "Oh, Ness."

She closes her eyes, stomach clenching and lungs constricting as she thinks back to that day. Vanessa's voice on the phone, saying her name. The blood on Vanessa's hands, stark red against her pale skin. Her tear-streaked face as she begged her to go, to find Johnny. The pain in Tracy's eyes when Charity had asked for reassurance that Vanessa would be okay.

"It's one thing _you_ seeing it," Vanessa continues, trying to move Charity's hand away. "But I don't really want other folk gawping at it."

Charity twists and sits down on the bed, grasping Vanessa's hips and pulling her to stand between her legs. Vanessa's hands land on her shoulders and she looks up, smiling at the confusion creasing Vanessa's forehead.

"You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of, babe," she says, holding Vanessa's gaze. She slides her hands up, pushing Vanessa's jumper with them and revealing the area in question. It's still pink, but much less fiery than when it first happened. It's not neat or tidy, like a surgical scar. It's more like a flower, Charity sometimes thinks; circular and uneven and unique. And it's part of Vanessa, which means it's beautiful. She dips her head and kisses it softly, brushing her lips over the raised edges and enjoying the corresponding hitch in Vanessa's breathing. A hand cups the back of her head and she smiles against Vanessa's belly, pressing a final kiss there before tipping her head back.

"When I look at this scar, _all_ I think about is how brave you were that day and how strong you were to get through all of it." She shakes her head. "And how lucky I am that you're daft enough to be marrying me."

Vanessa smiles, fingers twisting gently in her hair. She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, well, you're a _bit_ biased, though. Anyone else seeing it will-"

"Will get my boot up their backside for looking." Tugging Vanessa closer, Charity wraps both her arms around her waist, head resting against her chest. "And anyway, nobody'll dare look for too long because they'll assume you're hard as nails, having a scar like that. Proper tiny warrior princess, you are."

She feels Vanessa's laugh move through her chest. "Fine. I'll take the flamin' thing."

Charity lifts her head and smiles up at Vanessa. "Good."

Vanessa runs her hand through Charity's hair, shoving it behind her ear before leaning down and bringing their lips together. "Thank you."

"Mmhmm," Charity hums against her lips. She picks up the bikini top and dangles it from her index finger. "Tell you what...how about you try it on for me right now? That way I can tell you _exactly_ how hot you look in it?"

Rolling her eyes, Vanessa steps back out of Charity's arms. "You're incorrigible." But she grabs the hem of her jumper and pulls it over her head, then reaches up to undo her bra. "Give it here, then."


	45. When all those shadows almost killed you

Charity winces as Bob moves past her, clearly devastated about his faux pas. Chas is practically vibrating with tension, her shoulders unnaturally high. Before she can think of a way to defuse the situation, Chas spins and points a finger at her.

" _Don't_ say a word."

Holding her hands up in surrender, Charity shakes her head. "Wasn't going to, babe."

"Right. Good." Chas folds her arms. "Because he was out of order."

"You won't hear me arguing," Charity says, moving to replace the cushions on the chair Bob must have removed looking for his wallet. She has very fond memories of this chair and doesn't like to see it in such a state of disarray.

"I mean, I know I should've consulted with you before I made that decision, but-"

"Hey," Charity cuts her off, wafting the dusty old blanket out for Chas to catch and fold with her. "It's not like I've never made hiring or firing decisions without asking you. Just the other week I sacked Matty."

They come together and Chas lets go of her corners of the blanket, handing it over. "Yeah...I suppose." She sighs. "We probably should get better at making those kinds of decisions together, though."

"Look, if Bob had come to us and talked to us about his problems, we'd have done something, yeah?" Charity shrugs. "I mean, probably, at least. But instead he snuck around behind our backs, frightening the life out of Vanessa in the process, and then lied to our faces about it."

Chas smiles and squeezes her arm. "You best go and tell Vanessa we don't have a night prowler after all. She was proper scared yesterday when you were taking the boys to nursery."

Charity sighs, guilt making her chest feel too small for her lungs. "Yeah, she hardly slept a wink last night, jumping at every flamin' little noise. Which, of course, meant _I_ hardly slept a wink last night." She crosses her arms over her chest. "I feel like I haven't slept properly in weeks. What with Vanessa getting hurt, and then all that stress over the bloody proposal, and now this."

"Well, hopefully you'll get a decent sleep tonight. Go on." Chas nods to the stairs. "Go and tell her. And then come straight back down here so we can get on with this stocktake."

"Course, babe." Charity winks at her. "Unless there's a family drama while I'm upstairs. Then I might be delayed."

Chas tuts. "Only if you want your marchin' orders an'all!"

"I flipping own half the place!" Charity yells over her shoulder, smiling at Chas' annoyed muttering.

* * *

After a quick look around downstairs, Charity tracks Vanessa down in their bedroom. She's sitting on the floor with her back against the bed, surrounded by half a dozen or so boxes that they never got round to unpacking.

Vanessa looks up when she enters and smiles. "All of these boxes seem to be filled with just framed pictures of Johnny."

Charity eases herself onto the floor beside Vanessa, their arms pressed against each other. "Well, you did have them on every available inch of wall space at Tug Ghyll, babe." She picks up a picture of Vanessa holding tiny baby Johnny and smiles. "Pick a couple and we'll put them in the living room."

She feels Vanessa turn to look at her. "What? Really?"

She meets surprised blue eyes and shrugs. "Course. This is your home. And Johnny's home. Your mugs should be on display in the living room with everyone else's."

Vanessa's eyes go all soft, the way they do whenever Charity expresses a feeling in her general vicinity, and she leans in for a kiss which Charity gladly provides. When she pulls away, her smile warms Charity up from the inside.

"How about, instead..." Vanessa tilts her head. "I get a couple of pictures printed from when we were in Ireland? Of all of us together?"

"Yeah, if that's what you want." Charity drapes an arm around Vanessa's shoulders and kisses her cheek. "Maybe not one of them ones where the kids had buried me in the sand, eh? Not very flattering."

"That's what you get for falling asleep on the beach." Vanessa shoves a couple of frames back into a box. "Anyway, as much as I'm enjoying this surprise cuddle, didn't I hear Chas say something about the pair of you doing a stocktake? You've not snuck off already, have you?"

"No, actually," Charity wrinkles her nose and narrows her eyes at Vanessa's insinuation. "Chas sent me up to let you know that you can stop worrying about the rough sleeper in the cellar. Turns out it was Bob."

Vanessa frowns. "Bob? Bob Hope? What was he doing sleeping in the cellar?"

"Dunno. Saving a few quid I suppose?" Charity smiles as she feels Vanessa's whole body loosen as she releases the tension she's been holding since the previous day. "Diane chucked him out of the B&B, I heard."

"Wow. Well, I have to say that's a relief." Vanessa smiles sheepishly at her. "I know I've been a bit jumpy...and I know I kept you awake last night."

"I'm just glad you'll be able to relax a bit now." She rubs Vanessa's shoulder, pulling her closer. "And hey, I'm hardly going to complain about you clinging to me like a limpet in bed, am I?" Vanessa's smile falls and she looks down at the carpet and Charity immediately wants to kick herself. She touches Vanessa's chin with her finger, tipping it up so their eyes meet. "I said I _wasn't_ complaining, babe."

"No, I know." Vanessa shrugs and presses her lips together, her eyes shining. "I just...I've never been the type to be scared, you know? That's not me. I've always felt like I could handle anything life threw at me." She shakes her head, lifting her eyes to the ceiling. "But last night, I had all sorts running through my head about who could be down there and what they might do and...and I was scared." She turns to Charity, grasping at her blouse. "I don't want to be that person, Charity. I don't want to go through life being scared of my own shadow."

"Hey," Charity soothes, stroking Vanessa's hair. Her heart aches with guilt at having put Vanessa in this position, but she paints on her best smile. "Being worried about some random kipping in the cellar of where you live is _normal_ , okay? It doesn't mean you're not still the bravest, daftest, person I know."

"I'm not." Vanessa shakes her head, dislodging tears from her eyelashes. "Not anymore."

"Uh, excuse me missus," Charity says, wiping away Vanessa's tears with her thumb. "Now, correct me if I'm wrong here, but wasn't it you that sprinted down the road and practically challenged Cain to a fist fight in the street just yesterday?"

Vanessa pauses, brow creased. "Well, that was-"

"And that was _after_ you'd heard the noises in the cellar." Charity smiles and shakes her head. "Didn't even think twice about confronting him, did you? How's that not brave?"

"It's different," Vanessa insists. "He...I can't stand to think of anyone hurting you or putting you in a position you don't want to be in. I just reacted...I wasn't thinking straight."

"Babe, you're _never_ thinking straight," Charity says with a wink.

There's a glimmer of a smile in Vanessa's eyes before she sobers again. "I'm being _serious_ , Charity."

"And so am I." Charity takes hold of Vanessa's chin between her thumb and forefinger, keeping their eyes locked. "And listen, I spent a full night and day watching you lie in a hospital bed, unconscious, because of your bravery." She swallows. "And that's not something I want to repeat any time soon. So I wouldn't mind if you put a _tiny_ bit of thought into situations before barging in headfirst in future, yeah?" She kisses the tip of Vanessa's nose. "But I know you, so I know that's asking too much."

Vanessa's biting her lip. "But what if I-"

"But _nothing_ ," Charity cuts her off. "You were just _stabbed_ , Vanessa. It's totally understandable that you're a bit jumpy at the moment, yeah?" She leans in close, their noses bumping. "But that bastard has not changed who you are, deep down."

Vanessa smiles properly now, her eyes dipping away briefly. "Thank you," she says. "And I promise not to do anything _too_ daft from now on." She cups Charity's cheek. "I want to be around you for a long while yet."

"Glad to hear it," Charity says, her voice a little rough. "Since we're getting married and that." She clears her throat. "Listen, ummm, if you want...maybe, for us to think about looking for another place to live again...I mean, you've barely been here a month and-"

A finger is pressed to her lips. "No." Vanessa shakes her head firmly. "I like living here. I like that I get to spend more time with you than I ever would if we had a house somewhere else. I don't want us to be like ships in the night, you going to work when I'm coming in." She smiles. "This feels like home, now. I'm happy here. Johnny's happy here. I don't want us to leave."

"Okay then, we'll stay." Charity presses a soft kiss to Vanessa's lips, resting their foreheads together afterwards. "But I am gonna get someone in to do a full security whatsit. CCTV, better alarm system, the works. Whatever it takes for you to feel safe."

Vanessa tugs Charity's arm a little tighter around her shoulder, keeping hold of her hand. "There. I've never felt safer."

Charity closes her eyes, tightening her arm a little more. "I'll do my best to keep you that way. I promise."

"I know you will." She turns to meet eyes filled with such trust, it almost overwhelms her. Vanessa bumps her shoulder. "You lamped someone in the head with a stick for me the other week, so I'm not the only one doing daft, brave things, am I?"

"I did nothing of the sort," Charity sniffs. "It was a metal pole, I'll have you know." She glances at the clock and sighs. "I better make a move before Chas is up here chasing me to do that bloody stocktake with her."

"Need any help?" Vanessa asks, playing with her fingers. "I'm pretty good at counting stuff."

"You're hired." She leans in and smiles conspiratorially. "And maybe we can even sneak away for a cheeky snog when Chas isn't looking. I know that cellar gets you going."

Vanessa lifts an eyebrow. "The smell of stale ale _is_ strangely a turn on for me, these days."

"Ooooh, babe," Charity says as she stands, reaching down to help Vanessa to her feet. "You know I love it when you talk dirty."

"Oh, what happened with Bob, by the way?" Vanessa asks as they make their way downstairs, Charity's hand hovering at the small of her back. "Did you slap him on the wrists?"

"Chas sacked him, actually."

Vanessa stops and turns back to face her, her shock evident. "Sacked him? For sleeping in the cellar?"

"No. He, uh, got a bit mouthy when we challenged him on it." Charity twists her hands together, feeling a little guilty for letting Bob go in his present circumstances. "He questioned our work ethic; said we were constantly drinking tea and skiving." Vanessa presses her lips together, clearly trying not to smile and Charity lifts her eyebrows, daring her to make a comment. She doesn't. "Anyway, Chas took exception to that. Pointed out that she's had a pretty big reason to not exactly be on top of her game this past year."

Nodding, Vanessa takes hold of one of her hands, stopping her from wringing them. "You've had a tough year too, Charity." Her eyes flash. "People around here seem to conveniently forget that."

Charity rolls her eyes. "And there you go again. Wanting to fight the world on my behalf after promising to stop running in half-cocked.." She steps down a stair so she's shorter than Vanessa. "My tiny avenger."

"Shut up, you," Vanessa leans in for a kiss.

"Charity!" Chas squawks from the cellar door, making them jump.

"Just coming, babe!" Charity winks at Vanessa, leading her down the stairs. "And I'm bringing reinforcements. She's got a degree and everything, so we'll get it done in no time."

"Uh huh," Chas says. "I give it five minutes before the pair of you are sneaking off for a snog."

Vanessa covers her laugh with a cough and Charity's mouth drops open in fake outrage. "That's just simply not true."

Chas rolls her eyes and heads back down the stairs.

"Better wait _ten_ minutes, then," Charity murmurs against Vanessa's ear. "To prove her wrong."


	46. You're all I need, my love, my valentine

"I am _stuffed_." Charity groans as she helps Vanessa into her coat. Lifting Vanessa's hair out of her collar, she drops a kiss on the side of her neck. "Tonight was amazing, babe. Thank you."

They've had a wonderful meal with good wine and easy conversation and it's left Charity feeling warm and satisfied. At first, when she'd got together with Vanessa, she'd mistaken the ease they have with each other as a sign that the relationship wasn't anything serious. All her life, she'd associated love with push and pull; demands and sacrifices. Love had never come to her easily before. The longer she's with Vanessa, the more she thinks that she'd never actually loved anyone properly before. How could she, when she was holding so much back? She was never able to fully give herself over to anyone until Vanessa came along.

Vanessa turns and smiles at her. "You're very welcome." She pecks Charity's cheek. "It was amazing to get to spend time with you, just the two of us."

Charity nods. "Been a while, hasn't it? Between one thing and another." They make their way out of the restaurant, into the cool evening air. Vanessa takes Charity's arm with both hands, leaning into her as they walk. Whether it's the wine, or the company, or just all the daft hearts and flowers everywhere, Charity finds that she doesn't want their evening to end just yet. "D'you fancy going for a couple of cheeky cocktails? Since we're out anyway?"

"Love to." Vanessa squeezes her arm. "And I can because I'm finally off the tablets!"

From the day she got out of the hospital, Vanessa had been insistent about lowering her dosage and coming off the painkillers as soon as she possibly could. Even when it had meant she was in more pain than she should have been, at times. She'd told Charity about Rhona's struggle and how she didn't want to risk that; having to leave Charity and the boys to go into rehab. Though it had been hard to watch at times, Charity had supported Vanessa's choice. Mostly because the thought of Vanessa going _anywhere_ without her fills her with terror, these days.

She smiles. "Right, dirty martinis all round, then."

* * *

They're on their third cocktail when Charity realises that the stronger drinks are going to Vanessa's head quicker than usual after her bout of medication enforced sobriety. Her words are stretching out and blending together, her eyelids growing heavy. Despite some earlier heavy innuendo and flirting, Charity's fairly certain that the only thing the pair of them will be doing when they get to bed is sleeping. And that's just fine with her. They've got a lifetime of nights to come to do whatever they want with. They aren't one of those couples where sex is relegated to birthdays and other special occasions. They don't _have_ to have sex just because it's Valentine's Day. Falling asleep with Vanessa snoring in her ear sounds pretty damn good right about now.

Vanessa's slowly been leaning more and more heavily against her shoulder as the night has gone on, so she nudges her gently. "Oi, lightweight. I'm gonna call us a cab for after this one, yeah?"

"M'not a lightweight." Vanessa drops her chin onto Charity's shoulder and looks up at her, frowning. "I can hold my ale."

"Usually, yeah." Charity smiles and kisses Vanessa's nose. "And you're right, you're more like a bantamweight, I'd say." There's a long moment where Vanessa doesn't say anything, just studies Charity's face intently. "What? Have I got spinach in my teeth?" She pulls her lips back, baring her teeth in a pantomime of a smile.

"You didn't have any spinach," Vanessa points out. "And no. I was just thinkin'."

Charity's arm tightens around Vanessa's waist, her thumb stroking lightly over her scar. "What were you thinking about?"

"What if...what if we hadn't-" Vanessa blinks a couple of times and Charity frowns; she's going to cry.

Turning in her seat, she cups Vanessa's face. "Babe, what's wrong? What is it?"

Vanessa shakes her head and shrugs, pressing her face into Charity's hand. "I just...I sometimes think about what my life would be like if I didn't have you. If I'd never- if _we'd_ never found out-" She turns and kisses Charity's palm, keeping her lips pressed to her skin. "I just...I sometimes think about that, that's all."

Relieved by this revelation, Charity laughs, softly. She worries about all sorts of things. All the things that could go wrong and all the ways she could possibly ruin everything good in her life, like she always seems to. But she doesn't waste energy thinking about things that _could_ have gone wrong in the past.

"Well, that's a bit daft, isn't it?" she chides, gently. "Thinking about stuff that _didn't_ happen?"

"But what if we'd never found out? That we're so good together?" Vanessa seems to be getting genuinely distressed by this completely hypothetical situation. "What if I hadn't followed you into the cellar that night? Or the door hadn't closed behind me? Or the lock had been working properly? Or if I hadn't come over that next day? Or if we'd just let everything else get in the way and it had fizzled out before it got started?"

Charity shakes her head. "It wouldn't have just gone away, babe." She swallows, unable to find an explanation that feels descriptive enough for what they have. "It's...it's too much, innit? What's between us is-" She sighs. "I was going through a pretty hellish time back then, with Debs and Joe and all the family stuff. But I still found time to-" She presses her lips together, spurred on in this overly soppy confession by the light reflecting in Vanessa's eyes. "You were the one bright spot in all of that. Seeing you come into the pub...getting a smile or a wink off of you, that brightened some pretty dark days, I can tell you. And as much as I was kidding myself that you were just a bit of fun, I knew it was more than that."

Nodding, Vanessa smiles. "Me too. I knew it was too."

Charity rolls her eyes. "And here we are, a year down the line, practically an old married couple."

"Not old!" Vanessa protests. "And not quite married yet."

Charity laughs. "Yeah, not quite." She sobers. "If it wasn't for you, I'd be the same bitter, twisted person I'd been since I was fourteen. Full of anger and spite and secrets. I wouldn't have Ryan and Bails would still be out there somewhere." She shrugs. "So there, that's what my life would be like without you." She swallows. "Whereas, you wouldn't have been stabbed and your kid wouldn't have-"

"I wouldn't be _happy_ ," Vanessa interrupts, shaking her head. "That's what my life would be without you. I'd still be lying to myself about what I wanted and how I felt and I'd be going through the motions." Swallowing, she strokes Charity's face, tilting her head. "You know, Tracy once said to me that I'd be okay if you dumped me because I'd still have my business and I was independent and all that." She shakes her head. "But that's not true. I wouldn't be fine. I'd be devastated." She lifts Charity's hand and presses it against her chest. "Because I'd go back to going through the motions, only this time I'd _know_ what proper happiness felt like."

Sliding her hand up to the back of Vanessa's neck, Charity pulls her in for a soft kiss. She frowns and pulls back. "Why's Tracy talking about me dumping you?"

Vanessa shakes her head, pulling Charity back in. "Never mind that now."

* * *

The cold air seems to exacerbate Vanessa's level of intoxication, and the whole taxi journey home is spent necking like teenagers. When Vanessa's hand starts to slide up her thigh, Charity begins to doubt her earlier prediction of their bedtime activities.

* * *

After shoving far too much cash into the taxi driver's hand, Charity allows a giggling Vanessa to pull her through the back door, stumbling over a pair of Noah's trainers that they've _both_ told him not to leave there. They get rid of their coats.

"I'm just gonna grab a glass of water to take upstairs," Vanessa says, opening the living room door and flicking on the lights. Charity walks into her back when she stops short. Chas lifts her head off Paddy's shoulder, both of them blinking against the light.

"Oh!" Vanessa covers her mouth. "Sorry! We didn't mean to interrupt!" Charity puts her hands on Vanessa's hips and gently coaxes her further into the room so she can move around her to get the water.

Chas smiles and shakes her head as Paddy pauses what looks to be a slasher film. "S'fine, love. Did you have a good night?" She tilts her head at Vanessa. "Oh, you've got a little." She indicates the area around her mouth. "Or...a lot...or _all_ of Charity's lipstick, really."

Vanessa grins like this is a badge of honour. "S'cause we were snogging in the taxi."

"Right. Yeah. That'll be why, then," Chas says, with a nod.

"When are you _not_ snogging?" Paddy mumbles.

Charity hides a smile as Vanessa plops herself down on the couch between Paddy and Chas. "I never said thank you, did I?" Vanessa muses, patting their legs. "For letting me move in. And for sitting with me when I was...when I got hurt." Charity's heart speeds up and she takes a drink of water to calm it down. "And for being nice to me when I was scared about the noises in the cellar."

Chas meets Charity's eyes and smiles as she pats Vanessa's hand. "No need to thank us. Part of the family now, aren't you? You _and_ Johnny."

That's as much of a curse as it is a blessing in this family, Charity thinks, but she can't help her smile at the delight on Vanessa's face at Chas' declaration.

"Who'd've thought, eh?" Paddy puts in. "Both of us marrying Dingle ladies." He laughs. "I mean, you've definitely gone the more challenging route."

Charity narrows her eyes at him, but Vanessa's already sitting up, turning a scowl on him.

"Oi, you." She pokes her finger into his chest. "Charity is the _best_ person in the _whole_ world."

"Ness." Charity rolls her eyes, picking up the bottle of water and walking to the couch, holding her hand out. "C'mon. Let's leave these two in-" But Vanessa's just getting started.

"She's kind, she's funny, she's beautiful, she's clever-"

"All true," Charity says, flexing her hand. "Come on, let's-" Vanessa keeps going, now using her fingers to count off Charity's virtues.

"She's thoughtful, she's strong, she's amazing, she's loving, she's considerate…"

"How much has she had to drink?" Chas murmurs.

Charity sighs. "Okay, even _I'm_ finding this a bit of a stretch, babe."

"I-" Vanessa's hand thuds against her own chest as she glares at Paddy. "- _love_ her."

"Yeah, well, pretty sure the feeling's mutual, kid." Chas says, with a wink at Charity.

Charity holds out her hand again and this time Vanessa takes it, allowing Charity to pull her to her feet. She wraps an arm around her shoulders and kisses her lips. "Oh, she's well aware it's mutual, aren't you?"

"Too right I-" Her words are cut off by an enormous yawn and she covers her mouth with her hand, blinking sleepily up at Charity. "Sorry. I'm-...I'm not tired."

Charity gets them moving to the door, waving goodnight at Chas and Paddy. "Course not, babe."

Vanessa's still yawning as they make their way up the stairs, leaning heavily on Charity. "Honestly, I'm not tired! I've got really sexy knickers on and I'm not having them going to waste!"

Charity closes her eyes, her heart full of love for this ridiculous drunkard who's going to be her wife.


	47. When you love me

It's late when she gets home; late enough that the pub is closed and in darkness. She pulls into the car park behind Charity's car and switches the engine off. Her limbs are heavy and uncooperative after running on adrenaline and anxiety for hours so she takes a minute to collect her strength before getting out.

As she's heading to the back door, the new security lighting comes on and her eyes are immediately drawn to the scorch marks still very prominent on the walls of the pub. Sometimes, when she closes her eyes, she can still smell the petrol. It's been on her mind a lot today, in between trying to keep Pete calm and worrying herself sick about Rhona. It's not so long ago she was the one in the hospital bed.

She hurries inside, quickly getting out of her coat and discarding her bag and shoes. Just as she's about to go upstairs, she notices a light under the living room door. Whoever it is would probably appreciate an update on Rhona, so she heads in, surprised to find Charity sitting on the couch by herself, with what looks like an untouched glass of red wine on the coffee table. She turns when the door opens and immediately gets to her feet, shoving her hands in her back pockets as she approaches Vanessa.

"Hey." Charity dips her head. "Everything still okay? She's still doing okay?"

Vanessa nods, trying to smile. "Yeah. Yeah she's out of the woods, they've said. So, that's…" Her face crumples and she covers her mouth. "Sorry, I-"

Charity doesn't let her explain, just surges forward and gathers her into a tight embrace, murmuring comforting nonsense at her ear. A kiss is pressed to the side of her head as she sobs. She's spent the whole day being strong and telling Pete everything would be okay and that Rhona's a fighter and she'd pull through. All the while she'd been trying not to picture a world where she didn't have a best mate. Where there would be no more evenings spent giggling about their love lives over bottles of wine or coming up with inventive threats whenever an embarrassing uni story was dangled in front of a significant other. Rhona's her oldest and dearest friend. Before there was Charity, before there was Tracy, there was always Rhona. And just the thought of that not being the case had rattled Vanessa hard.

Charity holds her and rocks her gently until she's cried out. She wipes at her eyes before lifting her head, her breath still unsteady when she inhales. "Sorry, that was-"

"A pretty normal reaction to your best mate being hit by a tractor, yeah?" Charity licks her thumb and rubs at something on Vanessa's cheek. Mascara, probably.

Vanessa nods. "Yeah. S'pose so. But she's fine. It's all fine." She blows out a breath and sniffs, giving Charity a tired smile. "Why're you still up?"

"Dunno. I fancied a glass of wine, but then I didn't." She nods to the full glass. "I was going to head up to bed but...I was thinking about you being down at the hospital with Rhona and...and it just brought it all back, you know?" Her eyes flit away, darting around the room. "That feeling of...of not knowing if you'd be okay. Of sitting by that bed and not knowing if they were going to find another bleed or-" She swallows. "And then I didn't want to go to that empty bed. Like it was when-"

"Hey." Vanessa touches Charity's chin, drawing her out of her head before she can dive too far into the darkness. She'd thought about it too, of course. Watching Pete break down and go to the worst case scenario had brought into sharp focus what Charity must have been going through in his position. She forces herself to smile; to chase away the haunted look making Charity's eyes deeper green than usual. "I'm _fine_. That's all over. We're here and we're together and we're _fine_. Okay?"

Charity nods, fitting her hands around Vanessa's hips, her thumb brushing over the site of her wound. "Yeah. We're fine."

Vanessa leans in and kisses her softly. "Hey, if you're not going to drink that wine, can I have it? I think I could do with it."

"Course, babe. Get it down you."

Tugging on Vanessa's waist, Charity moves them to the couch and encourages her to sit in her lap. Vanessa sinks into her, leaning over to grab the glass and bring it to her lips. She hums at the liquid's gentle burn running down her throat, taking another generous swig before setting it back down. Charity's arms sit loosely around her waist. Vanessa rakes a hand through Charity's hair, bumping their foreheads together.

"Did you manage to sort things out with Ryan?" she murmurs, watching as Charity's eyes close as she continues to play with her hair.

"Yeah. All sorted." She tilts her head further into Vanessa's hand, encouraging her to scratch harder. "Oh, and I wasn't quite as much to blame as we'd thought, by the way."

Well, that's something. When no further explanation is forthcoming, Vanessa tugs on a strand of Charity's hair. "No? How come?"

Charity sighs, opening her eyes and looking at Vanessa for just a beat too long, the way she does when she's weighing up whether to tell her things. Vanessa knows now just to let her take her time and decide on her own. Another sigh and a roll of the eyes and Vanessa knows she's made up her mind. "Just...Saint Ryan had failed to mention that he'd...well, Dawn had turned him down for sex so he-" Charity plucks at Vanessa's jumper. "-started chucking money at her, asking her how much she charged."

Vanessa's eyes widen, fatigue all but gone as her hackles rise. "He _what_?"

"I know, babe. I _know_ , okay?" Charity rushes to interrupt. "I already talked to him about it. He knows it was awful."

"Yeah, too right it was." Vanessa notes Charity's eyes are on the floor. "It hurt you, didn't it? Hearing he'd done that?"

"What do you think?" Charity barks, immediately softening and resting her forehead on Vanessa's shoulder. Her shoulders lift and drop heavily. "Yeah. Yeah, it did. It always does, when people…"

"Judge you without knowing you?"

Charity lifts her head, meeting Vanessa's eyes. There's still a vague look of surprise whenever Vanessa understands what she means or what she's getting at and Vanessa curses every single person before her who hasn't taken the time to listen to Charity Dingle. She nods now. "When people hear about what you...about what you were and that makes them think they can treat you however they want."

Already shaking her head, Vanessa cups Charity's cheek. "Not what you were, Charity. You were never anything other than you, okay? Things happened to you that no-one should ever have to endure, and you did what you had to to get through it, to stay alive." Vanessa smiles, even though she knows her eyes are full. "And I, for one, am thrilled you did. And, for the record, who you are is an amazing, wonderful, strong woman." She presses their lips together. "And no-one, _no-one_ , should ever make you feel less than that." She shakes her head. "I'll be having a word with Mr Stocks."

"No, Ness," Charity squeezes her waist. "It's fine, like I said, we got it all sorted."

"Uh, yeah, only 'cause you found out what he'd done!" Vanessa counters. "If you hadn't, would he still be laying a guilt trip on you for ruining his chances? Did he even say sorry for that?"

"Babe, I do find your ridiculous need to fight everyone on my behalf a bit sexy, yeah? But please, just leave this." Charity kisses her shoulder. "Please?" Biting back a response, Vanessa's considering ways she could tackle this without going against Charity's wishes when Charity's lips move to her cheek. "This great ruddy bulging jaw muscle is also a bit sexy."

A laugh catches Vanessa unawares, bursting out of her mouth and feeling like a release after hours of built up tension. "Yeah?

"Mmmhmm." Charity kisses her way around until their lips meet in a tender brush of skin. Charity smiles. "And look, it's just gone midnight."

Vanessa lifts her eyebrows. "Expecting to turn into a pumpkin, are you?"

Charity's smile fades a little. "No...but it's…" She sits up a little straighter, jostling Vanessa in her lap. "Babe, don't you know what date it is?"

Entirely aware of the date, Vanessa scrunches up her forehead like she's thinking hard. "Twenty-second, isn't it? Why?"

Charity stares at her, open-mouthed, and Vanessa struggles to keep her face neutral. Soon enough, Charity's smile returns. "You _do_ know what day it is." She rolls her eyes. "Course you do. Bet it's in your phone calendar with loads of little heart emojis."

"Oh," Vanessa says, drawing the word out and draping her arms over Charity's shoulders. "You mean ' _Charity got worried enough about me copping off with hot young lesbians to chase me into Hotten'_ day?"

Eyes narrowing, Charity pinches her side gently. "That's not-"

Vanessa cuts her off, grinning widely now. "Or, ' _Charity finally admitted we were more than just a bit of fun_ ' day?"

Charity lifts both eyebrows. "You finished? Got anymore?"

"How about ' _Charity didn't head for the_ -"

"How about we just say ' _anniversary'_?" Charity offers her a lopsided smile. "Got a bit of a ring to it, that. What d'you say?"

"I'd say-" Vanessa leans in so their noses are brushing. "What have you done with my fiancée?"

Charity grins. "Happy anniversary, babe." Her eyes drop to Vanessa's lips and she beckons her closer with a jerk of her head. "Come here."

Vanessa goes to her without hesitation, mouths meeting in a thrillingly familiar kiss. They part just long enough for her to whisper her response.

"Happy anniversary, Charity."


	48. Keep your head together

Flicking listlessly from channel to channel and finding nothing of interest, Rhona turns off the telly and lets the remote drop to the floor where it lands on top of the ever growing pile of books, magazines and Leo's toys. Daytime television is just as mind-numbing as ever and her mind's already pretty numb as it is. She glances at the clock. It's coming up to one o'clock. Vanessa said she'd be by at twelve with some lunch and Rhona's pills.

She closes her eyes tightly, trying to push away the fixation on pain relief and concentrate instead on the food that might be on the way. Marlon had texted earlier asking what she wanted and promising to sneak something sweet in along with it. She tries to picture one of his fancy muffins, tries to conjure up the flavour of it to distract from the metallic tang at the back of her mouth.

The pain gnaws at her insides, and wave of pure _need_ washes over her. She _needs_ something to make her feel better. She shakes her head. No, she doesn't _need_ anything. She _wants_ it. She _wants_ to feel better, but she doesn't _need_ anything. She'll survive without it. She's not going to die without it. She's glad that Vanessa's got the pills and they're not in the house. It's so easy to slip into bad habits. Just a little bit earlier. Just one extra pill. Just a little bit more.

There's a knock at the front door before it opens and Rhona welcomes the distraction.

"'Bout time," she calls out. "Get distracted by Charity at the pub, did you?"

"I _wish_!"

Rhona frowns. That's definitely not Vanessa's voice. "Charity? Is that you?"

"The one and only." Sure enough, the woman in question appears in the doorway. Her smile isn't quite quick enough to cover the grimace that flashes across her face when she sees the state of the living room. And probably Rhona herself. Charity sets down the bag she was carrying and shrugs out of her jacket and looks around. "Right, what needs doing?"

Through the pain, a thought occurs to Rhona that's too delicious to ignore.

"Actually," she begins. "I'm desperate for a wee...you couldn't just help me to-" She can't even finish the sentence before dissolving into laughter, due to the abject horror on Charity's face. She quickly regrets it when pain ripples along every nerve in her abdomen. She doubles over, clutching at her stomach.

"You flamin' well deserve that," Charity mutters, even as she places a gentle hand on Rhona's shoulder, easing her back against the cushions. Green eyes examine her. "You alright? Or have you done yourself an injury from laughing at my expense."

"I'm fine. Honestly." Rhona concentrates on her breathing to help manage the pain. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken the mick."

"Hmmph." Charity lifts her eyebrows. "You and your mate have that in common."

"Where is she, by the way?" Rhona asks, pushing herself up into more of a sitting position. Again, Charity's immediately on hand to help get her settled.

"Got held up at some farm out in the sticks." Charity steps back and rolls her eyes. "Counting sheep or summat, she said. A likely story. So you've got me as nursemaid instead. Try not to get too excited."

"I'll try my best." Rhona tilts her head. "You know...I actually _do_ need to go to the loo, but if you just give me a hand to get up off the couch, I'll be fine from there."

"You're sure?" Charity frowns. "Not that I'm...you know...offering or...it's just Vanessa'll kill me if-"

Rhona presses her lips together, amused by this version of Charity. So eager not to disappoint Vanessa. "I'm sure, Charity. I can manage by myself if you just get me up."

"Right. Okay." Charity moves forward and grasps Rhona's elbow, allowing her to lean her weight on Charity's arm, easing to her feet. "You alright?"

"Yep. I'll be fine from here." Rhona flashes her a smile. "Thanks."

"No problem." Charity nods as Rhona shuffles in the direction of the bathroom. "Marlon's sent over some grub. You want me to warm it up for you?"

Rhona grins. "That'd be brilliant."

* * *

Having taken far longer in the bathroom than she normally would, Rhona heads back to the living room, her muscles screaming at the exertion. She stops when she sees the transformation of the room in her absence. Charity's picked everything up of the floor and made neat piles on the table and shelves. She's straightened out the nest of cushions and blankets that the couch had become.

"Wow." Rhona shakes her head. "You know, I told Ness that I was having you if you and her ever broke up, but now I'm actually considering stealing you from her."

She hears Charity snort in the kitchen. "Oh yeah, proper catch, me." She comes through, wiping her hands on a dish towel, just as Rhona's lowering herself back onto the couch. "Need help?"

"I'm fine, thanks." She knows Charity can hear the pain in her voice, no matter how hard she tries to mask it. She sighs in relief when she finally sits down, lifting her eyebrows at Charity. "Bet you never thought you'd actually have to do this, when you offered, eh?"

There's a moment where Charity looks surprised that Vanessa told Rhona she'd put herself forward to help, but then she shrugs. "Well, I suppose I mostly did it to score brownie points, now you mention it. But...well, here we are."

Nodding, Rhona decides to venture a bit further. "Nothing to do with you sucking up to her after disappearing for two days straight, then?"

Again, there's a flash of something on Charity's face before she covers it up with an exaggerated eyeroll. " _Fine_. Maybe there's a bit of that going on an'all." She shuffles her feet, hands compulsively tugging at the teatowel.

Rhona watches her, a sense of unease growing in her stomach. "Charity…" Charity's eyes snap up to meet hers and she expects them to be hard, challenging. Instead, they're something else entirely. They're frightened. "Charity, please tell me you were where you told her you were."

She's heard the 'explanation' of course. Brewery meetings. Two days at brewery meetings. With no notice and no contact. It all sounded highly suspicious when Vanessa had told her about it, but she'd been too groggy really to question it. And Vanessa had seemed happy enough with what she'd been told. But now, Rhona's not so sure.

Charity's fear has morphed into panic, her eyes wide and brow creased. "Has...has Vanessa said summat? She...she seemed to….she hasn't said anything to me."

"No, she hasn't said anything. Only where you said you'd been." Rhona sees the relief roll over Charity's shoulders. "And maybe she's not asking questions because she's scared of the answers?" Rhona tilts her head. "Whereas, I'm _not_ afraid to ask. Because if I thought for one _second_ that you were messing her about, Charity, I'd-"

"I'm not. I swear." Charity steps closer to the couch, shaking her head. And, for some reason, Rhona knows she's telling the truth. Without a doubt. "Rhona...I'd never, I'm not-" Charity bites her lip. "I swear, I'm not messing her about."

Rhona waits, but no further explanation is offered. "Fine. But there's _something_ going on."

Charity sighs and turns away. "Nothing I can talk about." She spins around. "Look, it's not...it's nothing to do with Vanessa. Or _me_ and Vanessa. I promise."

Nodding, Rhona's relief grows. "But you're still lying to her. About where you were. What you were doing."

Charity's eyes drop to the floor. "Yeah. And believe me, I _hate_ it. It's...it's not us. It's not what we do. I've told her pretty much every sordid detail of my sorry life. More than I've ever told anyone." She swallows and meets Rhona's eyes. "I _hate_ that I can't tell her this."

"And you really can't?" Rhona presses. "Not even-"

"No." Charity's face brooks no argument. "I can't. It's not mine to tell."

"Okay." Rhona bites her lip. "But...maybe you should tell her what you've just told me, you know? That it's not about you and her, but there's something going on." She shrugs. "Surely that'd be better than lying? I mean, surely all she has to do is ask Chas about these 'important brewery meetings' to find out that's _not_ where you were?"

Charity's eyes widen, her face frozen, as if this hasn't occurred to her. "Y-yeah...yeah, maybe I should."

"Good." Rhona nods and the microwave pings. She raises an eyebrow. "Saved by the bell."

Charity offers her a weak smile and disappears into the kitchen. Rhona shifts, trying to find a position that's comfortable. Charity comes through carrying a tray and waits for Rhona to settle down before placing it on her lap. She almost cries in relief when she sees two little tablets sitting beside a glass of water.

She picks them up. "I...I didn't know if Vanessa would have-"

"Like I said, we tell each other things." Charity crosses her arms over her stomach. "And considering all the stuff that happened the last time you...well...the two of you…"

"Yeah. I know." Rhona throws the pills back and takes a long drink of water.

"Right. Well. She didn't want me thinking anything like that was going on again. Between the two of you." She coughs. "Not that I _would_. You know. Think that."

"Course not." Rhona picks up her cutlery and digs in to the lasagne Marlon's sent over.

"I mean, I know she had a bit of a crush on you or whatever, babe," Charity continues, unprompted. "But she's got the real thing now, hasn't she? So, you know…"

Rhona hides a smirk and nods as she chews. "I do know that, Charity. What the two of you have it's-" She laughs softly. "Well, I never thought I'd say this, but you are the perfect person for Vanessa."

Charity's chest puffs out and she's clearly fighting a smile. She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. We're perfect for each other." She nods to the tray. "You need anything else? Salt?"

"No, no. It's great, thanks." She smiles. "You've more than fulfilled your best friend's girlfriend duties. You can head off and I'll report back very favourably to Vanessa."

Charity nods, but doesn't move. "Well...I thought I might get a bit of a longer skive out of this. Told Chas I'd be gone at least an hour."

Rhona's oddly touched. Charity could've just buggered off and done whatever she liked for the rest of her stolen hour. She points her knife to the armchair. "Well, grab a seat and help me find something decent to watch. If I have to watch one more 'feature' on ten different things to do with an aubergine, I'll do something drastic."

Charity grins, scooping up the remote from the coffee table and collapsing into the armchair. She turns the TV on and starts flicking. "I know quite a few interesting things that can be done with an aubergine, as it happens."

"Charity." Rhona wrinkles her nose.

Firing up Netflix, Charity settles back in her chair. "You should ask Vanessa about the time we-"

" _Charity_!"


	49. When it all falls, when it all falls dow

Vanessa's pretending to be thoroughly engrossed in the buffet table as Belle finishes up her phonecall to Zak, plate in hand, contemplating the choices before her. But that's really just so that nobody else asks her about Charity's absence. She'd considered sending her a text with Chas' news, but that's really for Chas to share, not her. She picks up another couple of sausage rolls and drops them onto her plate

"So, how come Charity really didn't come?"

No luck avoiding the questions, then. And it _would_ have to be Belle doing the asking. She can totally understand why Charity wanted to avoid this. Swallowing hard, she turns and gives Belle a smile and a shrug.

"Oh she's...ummmm, just feeling a bit under the weather, you know." Lying really doesn't come naturally to her and she hopes Belle will think she's just covering up for Charity being mardy. "Time of the month."

Belle nods, but her eyes are boring into Vanessa's and Vanessa struggles to keep her face neutral, knowing what she knows. Charity can always see right through her and she feels like maybe it's a Dingle thing because right now she's sure Belle can see everything she's thinking. She shoves a sausage roll in her mouth as a distraction.

"Right." Belle's tone indicates she doesn't believe that excuse for a second. She sighs but picks up a plate and starts adding to it. Vanessa sags relief when those inquisitive eyes are no longer on her. Unfortunately, Belle's not finished with the conversation and she shifts a little closer to Vanessa, lowering her voice. "Look, I know it's none of my business but is everything...I mean, are the two of you...okay?"

Vanessa swallows her mouthful of food. She smiles as best she can at Belle, touched by her genuine concern about relationship. She squeezes her arm with her free hand. "We're fine, honestly. But thanks for asking."

Belle nods. "Well...good." She picks up a cocktail stick with a bit of cheese, a bit of pineapple, and a pickled onion on it, twirling it between her fingers. "I always kind of wondered if Charity would ever find anybody who could….well, handle her."

Frowning, Vanessa shakes her head. She's fed up of people implying that her relationship with Charity is some kind of challenge she's taken on. Like adopting a dog whose previous owner mistreated it. "That's not what we-"

But Belle cuts her off, shaking her head. "No, sorry, that came out all wrong." She sighs again and looks at Vanessa properly. "All I mean is….Charity's always put on this big front, right?" Vanessa nods her agreement. "But I've always thought she was...well, sad, underneath it all. And nobody ever seemed to get past the front. Not really. Until you came along."

"Yeah, well, maybe nobody tried all that hard," Vanessa says, without tempering her response. She bites her lip. "Sorry...I didn't mean-"

"No, you're right." Belle nods. "It's like with me and my mental health stuff, yeah? People pretend it's not there, because it's not easy to talk about. But that doesn't mean-" She smiles tightly at Vanessa. "With Charity, she gives off this vibe like she's fine and she's unbreakable, so everyone just accepted that...even though we probably all knew it wasn't. She needed someone like you to get past it all and not be frightened off by it."

"Maybe," Vanessa nods. "But I needed someone like her too." She frowns. "No. Not someone _like_ her. I just needed _her_."

Belle grins. "You're dead cute when you talk about her."

"Shut up, you," Vanessa mutters, feeling her ears grow warm. She bumps her arm against Belle's.

"No, but listen, Charity might be a bit-" Belle's face twists in thought; probably trying to find a word Vanessa won't argue with. "-weird, some of the time."

Vanessa tips her head to the side, wrinkling her nose. "Oh, she's weird most of the time, really." _You want normal, you picked the wrong girl._ "But I wouldn't have her any other way."

Smiling, Belle nods. "Agreed. But as I was saying…she's, uh, she's really been there for me in the past. When she didn't have to be, you know?"

"I think-" Vanessa presses her lips together and inhales through her nose. "I think she sees you as the one she _can_ be there for. She couldn't be there for Debbie, or for Ryan, but she _can_ be there for you. She _wants_ to be there for you."

Vanessa's throat tightens at how much that statement means, at the moment, that Belle can't possibly understand yet. There's a long road ahead and Belle's going to need the support of her family. And Vanessa's sure that Charity will want to play a big part in that. They both will. They're family.

"Yeah, maybe." Belle shrugs, discarding . "I wish...I wish I could have been there for her , you know, during the trial."

"Hey," Vanessa soothes. "You had your own stuff going on, then. Charity knows that. She knows you'd have been there if you could have." While Charity had raged against most of her family and their dismissal of her feelings, Belle had never been included in her tirades.

"I still wish I'd been there."

Belle looks up at her and Vanessa's struck by how young she looks right now. She's been through so much in her short life that it's easy to forget she's barely twenty. Vanessa tries not to think about the fact that they both dated the same person for a while. It makes her kind of queasy to think back on that period of her life now. Where she was so far in denial that she convinced herself that she loved Kirin. A little boy. Barely older than Noah is. Barely older than Charity was when-

She blinks a few times to clear her head. There's no use in harking back on the past. What's done is done. She's finally happy. She finally let herself be brave enough to love who she wants to love. The _only_ person she can ever imagine loving the way she does. She clears her throat.

"I know, love," Vanessa says. "And Charity does too. You don't have to worry about that, I promise."

After a moment, Belle gives a slow nod. "Okay. And maybe I'll work on not being one of the ones who doesn't try in future, yeah?"

"I don't think you need to concern yourself with that," Vanessa tells her, honestly. "You already see more in her than most."

"Good." Belle's shoulders straighten, like she'd been weighed down. Just like Charity's currently weighed down by the secret she's keeping.

"You know what?" Vanessa leans in close. "I can see a bit of Charity in you, actually."

Belle tilts her head, smiling. "Coming from anyone else, you know that wouldn't be meant as a good thing."

Vanessa lifts her eyebrows. "Lucky it's coming from me then, isn't it?"

Belle rolls her eyes, a red tinge colouring her cheeks. "Anyway, how you enjoying being back at work properly?"

Vanessa lets out a groan of delight. "I cannot tell you how happy I am to be back. I've felt like a spare part around there for the last year and _finally_ I get to do what I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing."

"Yeah. I've never seen anyone so happy about pushing a bunny's bumhole back in, that's for sure." Belle looks over Vanessa's shoulder at the sound of the door opening. She inclines her head. "Looks like she's feeling better, then."

"Hmm?" Vanessa turns and sees Charity coming in, a slightly sheepish smile in place. She quickly excuses herself and heads over to her. "Hey. What changed your mind?"

To her delight, Charity moves in, wrapping an arm around her and squeezing. "Big family knees up? Try keeping me away." A kiss is brushed against her skin, close to her eye.

"You okay?"

Charity barely has time to get her whispered 'yeah' out before Belle's behind them. "Hey! You just missed mum and dad on the phone. They were asking if you were here."

And, just like that, Charity's whole body goes tense again. "Oh, were they?"

Vanessa rubs at her back, trying to lend what comfort she can.

"We told them you were a no-show," Chas pitches in and Vanessa has to bite her lip not to respond to yet another person in Charity's family making her feel bad about something.

Charity flings her arms out, looking around. "Come on then, what's with all the smiling faces? Anyone drunk yet?"

Sam grins and points at Chas and Paddy. "They're having a baby."

Charity turns to Chas, looking like she's unsure whether she's been had. Chas smiles. "We wanted to tell everyone together, but…"

Vanessa can see Charity's thrilled for Chas, but she can also see the conflict in her eyes, now that she knows she's going to have to bring everyone down from this high at some point. She watches them hug with a heavy heart and when Charity comes back to her, she squeezes her waist extra hard.

"Brilliant, isn't it?" Belle says, smiling. "We all needed a bit of good news."

"Yeah." Charity's throat works and she nods with a tight smile. "Yeah...it's brilliant."

Before anyone can spot that Charity's not quite as thrilled by the news as everyone else, Vanessa sets her plate down and threads her fingers through Charity's.

"Let's get a breath of air, eh?"

They head out and end up leaning on the fence by the pigs. Vanessa strokes her hand up and down Charity's back, resting her head on her shoulder.

"I'm totally appreciating what you were saying before, by the way," Vanessa says, quietly. "About it being hard to be around Belle."

She feels Charity sigh. "Yeah, sorry for putting you in that position."

"Hey." Vanessa shakes her gently. "No apology necessary. Yeah, it's hard, but it was harder for you not to have _anyone_ to talk to about it."

Charity nods and turns to press a kiss against her forehead. "Thanks, babe."

Vanessa lifts her head. "No thanks necessary either." She puts her chin on Charity's shoulder, looking up at her. "We'll get through this together, yeah? And when the time comes for Belle to find out, we'll be there for her as well. Together."

Nodding, Charity drops her forehead against Vanessa's. "Together."


	50. Tell me what you wanna do

Charity sighs, setting her mug down on the table. "I hate...taking this away from her, you know?" She rolls her eyes. "I'd have bit someone's hand off to have that kind of opportunity at her age, and we're sitting here trying to think up ways to make her turn it down."

"I know." Vanessa's hand lands on her arm, thumb stroking over the thin skin at her wrist. She looks up at gets a sad smile. "But she's young. She's got her whole life to go and play with orangutans, hasn't she? Those opportunities will still be there for her, but spending time with her mum...that's got a time limit. That's precious, that is."

Her fingers are squeezed gently and she looks down to find that her and Vanessa's hands have become linked at some point without her even noticing. It's like breathing, sometimes; touching Vanessa. So easy and natural and vital that the lack of it is more noticeable than its presence.

It strikes her that neither of them have had the kind of mother than Belle has. She has very few memories of her own mother, and the progression of women Obadiah brought into her life never stuck around long or had much time for her. And from what Charity can gather about Vanessa's mother from the few mentions she's made of her here and there, it seems like she never had much time for her either. The fact that she didn't come and visit when Vanessa was _stabbed_ speaks volumes. She phoned a couple of times, but that was it. Vanessa tries to make out like it doesn't bother her, but it does. Charity can see it, plain as day.

"Yeah, it is." She squeezes Vanessa's hand in return. "It really is."

Vanessa twists their joined hand so she can look at her watch and lets out a groan. "I hate to dump this on you and leave, but I've got to run." She lifts her eyebrows. "Got actual appointments to keep nowadays."

Charity lets out a long-suffering sigh. "Fine." She watches while Vanessa gulps down the last of her tea and takes the mug over to the sink to wash it. "Maybe I'll nick some drugs next time I'm up at the surgery. Get you all to myself for another year."

She receives a glare as Vanessa dries her hands. She shakes her head, throwing the dishtowel on the counter. "That's not even a _little_ bit fun-" She yelps as Charity grabs her belt loop and yanks her into her lap, wrapping her arms around Vanessa's waist and burying her face in her neck.

"I know," she mumbles into Vanessa's jumper. "I was kidding." Lifting her head she smiles at the frown Vanessa's trying to maintain. "Well, I was kidding about the drugs. Not about enjoying having you around all the time."

Vanessa's eyes soften. "I know. I miss that too." She leans in and presses her lips against Charity's. "But what's it they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

Rolling her eyes to cover the fact that there's heat gathering in her cheeks, Charity tuts. "I think they're talking about being apart for more than a working day when they say that, babe."

Vanessa shrugs. "That's long enough for me. I can't wait to come home to you at the end of my shift."

Charity widens her eyes and nods. "Uh, yeah, babe, I think that's pretty clear." She gestures at the position they're in. "Considering it's barely half ten on a weekday morning and here you are sitting on me."

She gets an eyeroll in return. "Not for long." Vanesa drops a quick kiss on Charity's lips and gets up, grabbing her jacket from the back of the couch and shrugging into it. "I've got a guinea pig waiting for an op to remove a lego brick he swallowed."

"Ouch," Charity mumbles, wincing as she wraps her hands back around her mug.

Vanessa nods as she flicks her hair out of her collar. "Yeah. Not really something we want to wait for him to pass naturally."

Charity recoils against the back of her chair. "I forgot how delightful your work talk was."

Laughing, Vanessa comes back over and kisses her forehead. "I'm very grateful you love me in spite of my gross work conversations."

Charity catches her hand before she can move away. "Hey." She waits until their eyes meet. "I don't love you _in spite_ of anything, okay?"

Too often in her life, she's had conditions put on the love that people showed her. She's hidden parts of herself that were distasteful, shoved swathes of her history under the carpet. And although she knows that Vanessa's comment was flippant and not at all serious, she wants to make damn sure that Vanessa knows there's no 'in spite' of when it comes to them.

Vanessa's eyes grow shiny and she cups Charity's face, tilting it upwards. She shakes her head. "You need to not say gorgeous, soppy things when I'm in a rush. I don't have time to be doing my mascara again." She leans down and kisses Charity softly and thoroughly, pulling away to whisper. "And there's no 'in spite of' for me either, by the way. I love every last ounce of you."

There used to be a voice in her head telling her to question statements like that. It used to tell her that Vanessa couldn't possibly love her; that she must be after something. It's still there, occasionally, but she no longer believes it. It's hard to when truth shines out of Vanessa's eyes, brighter than the sun.

"Go on," Charity says, patting Vanessa's backside. "Go and save this greedy guinea pig. And get your thinking cap on, yeah?"

"I will do." Vanessa stands up and straightens out her jacket. "You get thinking too. You know her much better than I do."

"Yeah, I will." Charity smiles. "See you at lunchtime?"

"Course you will." Vanessa pauses in the doorway and winks. "Don't want you to be getting withdrawals, do I?"

Charity narrows her eyes, but doesn't deny anything. "Get lost, you."

Vanessa's laugh fades away as she heads back through to the bar, leaving Charity alone to think.

It's almost one and the pub is nearly empty. Charity's leaning on the bar, flicking listlessly through a magazine, hoping for something, _anything,_ to inspire her. The door opens and Vanessa comes in. Charity offers her a smile and a nod as she heads over.

"Right." Vanessa folds her arms on top of the bar and leans in. "I've had a thought."

Closing the magazine, Charity mirrors her stance on the opposite side of the bar so their arms are touching. "Yeah? Well, I hope it's better than what I've come up with. Because all of my ideas have involved kidnapping."

Vanessa purses her lips and wrinkles her nose. "Let's try and avoid plans that come with potential prison sentences for now, yeah?"

"Agreed. Last resort." She lifts her eyebrows in question. "Now, tell me this brilliant idea of yours."

"Well," Vanessa says, brushing something off the sleeve of Charity's shirt. "It was actually you that got me thinking earlier."

"Oh. So really it's my idea?" Charity nods. "I knew I'd come up with something."

"Let's say it's a joint effort, " Vanessa says, narrowing her eyes, playfully. "It was when you were saying that we were taking away this opportunity from her. I got to thinking, what if we offered her a different one? One that meant staying in Emmerdale, but not putting her life on hold?"

Charity nods, leaning closer. "Sounds good. I'm listening."

"Well, I made a couple of phonecalls before I came over, and I've managed to set up some proper veterinary nurse training for her at my mate's place." Vanessa shrugs. "It's not exactly working with orangutans in the rainforest, but she'd get a qualification, and experience, and that'll stand her in good stead anywhere she wants to go down the line. So I reckon if we can play up the experience bit, _and_ point out that she hasn't actually got any money to be jaunting off with at the moment, we could delay her a bit if nothing else."

Charity's nodding along with her as she finishes, smiling. "Yeah...yeah, babe, that might actually work!" She pokes Vanessa's nose, making her go cross-eyed. "Not just an outstandingly pretty face, are you?"

"I hope you'd noticed that before now," Vanessa grumbles, but she's smiling along.

"Course I had." Charity assures her. "D'you think I'd have kept you around this long if you didn't stimulate my brain as well as m-"

"So!" Vanessa interrupts, glancing around. "When do you want me to tell her about the training?"

"She texted earlier and said she had something to tell me, so she's coming over later this afternoon." Charity thinks for a minute, trying to put herself in Belle's shoes. "D'you know what? Maybe we should let her tell me about it, yeah? And I can be all supportive and encouraging and whatever. And then you come in and say you've booked this training and how it's a shame, because of all the stuff you just said to me about experience and certificates and that." Charity grins. "And then we can both finesse her into seeing that sticking around for a bit is the best thing to do."

"Sounds like a plan," Vanessa agrees. "I'll call my mate back and firm up some dates in case she asks."

Charity frowns. "This...this isn't gonna cost the surgery anything, is it?" She fiddles with a beer mat, looking down at it. "I know you've got a bit of a cashflow problem right now and I don't want-"

Vanessa takes hold of the beer mat, tugging on it until Charity releases it and looks up into gentle eyes. "It's not costing a penny, I promise. It's a favour from a mate."

"'Kay." Charity smiles. "Good."

"So, d'you reckon it'll work?" Vanessa's looking at her like hopeful puppy.

"We'll give it a bloody good try," Charity tells her. "I mean, obviously I'll be careful not to be _too_ encouraging in case she thinks ' _Bugger the training, I'm off to play with baby monkeys_ ' or whatever but-"

"Apes."

The interruption throws her off her train of thought. "Eh?"

"It's just that orangutans are apes, not monkeys." Vanessa gestures encouragingly. "Keep going."

Charity lifts an eyebrow. "What's the difference?"

"Monkeys have tails," Vanessa says. "And they...but that's not important right now, is it?"

"No." Charity rolls her eyes. "But you can tell me all about apes and monkeys another time, yeah? Next time I'm having trouble sleeping, maybe."

"The cheek of you." Vanessa shakes her head. " _Fine_. Anything else I should say or do to help put this across?"

"Oh, yeah, there is actually." Charity leans further across the bar, arms pressed firmly against Vanessa's, and lowers her voice. "Please try not to make it completely obvious that we've set this up. 'Cause, no offence, babe, you're a terrible liar."

Vanessa's mouth drops open, as if this is the worst slight on her personality she's ever heard. "I am _not_!"

Charity barks out a laugh at the shock on her face. "Oh come _on_ Ness, you are _so_. You're really bad at it. I _always_ know when you're lying or covering something up."

"Well, that's...just…" Vanessa lets out a frustrated huff. "I... _fine_. I'm not the world's best liar. Is that such a bad thing?"

"Of course not, buttercup. I think it's dead sweet that you can't lie to save your life," Charity soothes, earning a very unamused look for her condescending tone. "I'm just saying it would be great if you could not be totally obvious about _this_ particular thing."

"I _can_ lie, when I need to. When it's _important_ ," Vanessa persists. Her lips thin into a challenging smirk. "I must've been pretty convincing when I told the police I was in the loo with you when Kim Tate were doing her swan dive up at Home Farm, mustn't I?"

"Hmmm." Charity scrunches up her face, as if considering this possibility. "Not convinced that wasn't just because you were flashing your puppy eyes at them, if I'm honest."

A lovely shade of pink settles along the top of Vanessa's cheeks, even as she rolls her eyes. "And you're immune to them, I take it?"

"Who, me?" Charity points at herself. "Get taken in by your big baby blues? No chance." She leans in and brushes her nose against Vanessa's. "But not everyone's as strong-willed as me, are they?"

"Right." Vanessa's smile indicates how untrue she knows that to be. Her gaze drops to Charity's lips and she sighs. "I've got to head off now. What time did Belle say she was coming over? If you can put her off till three, I can make sure I'm around to do my bit."

"I'll drop her a text." Charity pecks Vanessa's cheek. "How'd the op go this morning?"

"Yeah, good, thanks." Vanessa glows with that pride that's come back since she got reinstated. "Mr Fluffyface is now Lego free and recovering nicely."

Charity just stares. "You're kidding me?"

"His owner is an eight year old girl, Charity." Vanessa frowns. "It's a perfectly acceptable name."

"Flamin' heck. Augustus isn't looking so bad, now." Charity shakes her head. "That's some sort of abuse, that is. You should call the RSPCA."

Vanessa sighs indulgently and goes up on her toes to kiss Charity's lips. "Right. I'm going."

"See you later," Charity says, watching her walk away. "Oh, and babe?" Vanessa stops walking and turns. "Thanks for this, yeah?"

Vanessa's smile is soft and bright, but she shakes her head. "It's what families do, isn't it?"

"Sometimes," Charity says.

And with a final wave, Vanessa's gone, leaving Charity even more grateful that she told her about Lisa. For the first time in her life, Charity has someone who genuinely helps lighten her burden. It's what got her through the last year. And she has a feeling it'll get her through the next one too. She doesn't know how she'll ever be able to show Vanessa how much it means to her. How much she's changed her life for the better. But she's going to try.


	51. Mama, I'm in love with a criminal

Charity glances at her phone for the umpteenth time in the last twenty minutes. Still no calls. No responses to her text messages. Just nothing. She purposefully ignores the fact that she basically put Vanessa through two _days_ of this recently and she's barely lasted two hours without climbing the walls. With a sigh, she starts typing yet _another_ text message when Jai pipes up from across the bar.

"And the wanderer returns."

Dropping her phone on the bar, she spins around and finds a very sheepish Vanessa sloping through from the back. Charity gives her a quick once over, checking for any apparent injuries. Satisfied there are none, she reaches Vanessa in a couple of strides and pulls her into her arms and holding her tight. Vanessa's hands slide up under her jacket and grasp her blouse.

"God, babe, you've been gone ages!" She closes her eyes and rubs her nose against Vanessa's hair. "I was starting to worry."

Jai snorts into his orange juice and Charity lets go of Vanessa enough to turn and glare at him. He ignores her. " _Starting_? Way you've been going on, I assumed she'd gone on a trek to the North Pole instead of Home Farm."

"Oi, you. Keep your nose out unless it wants breaking, okay?" She jabs a thumb in the direction of the tables. "Go and look at yourself in your shiny thing and leave me to talk to my fiancée in peace, please."

There's a tug on her sleeve and she follows Vanessa through to the hallway. From the look on her face, Charity steels herself for whatever's going to come out of her mouth, but even that is tempered by the relief she feels at just seeing Vanessa's home and alright. Some of Vanessa's hair has come loose from her ponytail and Charity gently sweeps it off her forehead and behind her ear.

"Well?" She prompts, when Vanessa just stands and fiddles with the sleeve of her shirt. "You gonna tell me what happened?"

"We, uh." Vanessa meets her eyes briefly and then looks down again. "We got the car. Had to convince some random that it was ours so he'd hand over the keys, right enough."

There's more of a story there, Charity can tell by the quirk of Vanessa's lips, but it's not the important part right now. " _And_?"

"And we took it back to Mike's house and parked it out the front. But he came back and caught us as we were wiping it down." Vanessa looks up, forehead creased. "He said he was gonna...find a way to make us regret it."

Charity laughs. "Does he think he's in a flamin' Steven Seagal film or something?" Charity cups Vanessa's cheek, thumb rubbing at the worry lines between her eyebrows. She shakes her head. "Listen, you had the car, what? Two or three hours at most? And then you took it back in one piece?" Charity blows out a dismissive breath. "Can't see the coppers putting much time or effort into that, personally."

"You reckon?" Vanessa brightens briefly, but the worry rushes back and face falls. "If they do, though, I'll need to tell them Robert and Aaron had nothing to do with it. They were just helping me out."

"Look, all you need to say is that you watched Mike necking red wine all afternoon and you were trying to stop him from driving. He was getting bolshy about it so you took the car for a spin to let him calm down." Charity shrugs. "Proper upstanding citizen stuff, innit?" Vanessa sighs and slumps forward into Charity's arms. Charity pulls in a slow breath, rocking Vanessa from side to side and rubbing her back. "Hey. Everything's gonna be alright."

"You don't know that," Vanessa mumbles against her shoulder.

Charity pulls back, encouraging Vanessa to look at her. "I know you're home, and safe." She smiles. "That's enough for me right now. Anything else we'll deal with as it comes."

Vanessa offers her a smile that gradually fades. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

"Babe, I've already said, it's f-"

"No, but you've already got your plate full with worrying about Lisa and Belle." Vanessa smooths her hands up Charity's sides. "And now I've gone and added to it with all this. When I was just trying to...to show you I could be-"

"Be what?" Charity cuts in. "Mental?"

That gets a little smile. Vanessa shrugs. "I dunno. Dangerous? Impulsive?"

Charity sighs and takes Vanessa's face in both of her hands. "Babe, if I'd wanted dangerous and impulsive I'd still be with Cain, yeah?" She tilts her head, offering Vanessa a half smile. "I fell in love with _you_ , didn't I?"

Clearly trying to hide a smile, Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Boring, useless me?"

"Yeah." Charity nods, swiping a thumb below Vanessa's eye. "Sweet, loyal, gorgeous, kind, funny, _daft_ you."

Vanessa relents, leaning in and pressing her lips to Charity's. "I love you too."

"Good. That's settled, then."

Nodding, Vanessa smiles at her, and it's a proper smile this time. "You're being really great about all of this." She looks down. "I...I thought you were gonna go mad at me."

Charity purses her lips, saddened that Vanessa expected to be shouted at. Then again, she shouted at her for chucking a Battenberg at someone a couple of weeks ago. Why wouldn't she think this would cause another blow up? She shrugs.

"Well, I reckon I've caused you a fair bit of grief and worry over the past year, haven't I?" Before Vanessa can protest, she continues. "So maybe this is just me getting to see the world from your point of view a bit? No, sorry...wait a sec." She bends her knees so she's the same height as Vanessa. " _Now_ I'm seeing the world from your point of view."

Vanessa slaps her shoulder and narrows her eyes. "Oi."

Charity pecks her lips. "No more nicking cars to impress me, okay? You impress me just fine by being yourself." She rolls her eyes. "And I only just went and won your dad round. Can't have him thinking I'm a bad influence on his little girl, can I?"

Vanessa laughs. "Like _he's_ got room to talk about getting mixed up in illegal goings on."

"Oh yeah." Charity drapes her arms over Vanessa's shoulders, linking her hands. "I forgot you came from good criminal stock. It's not _just_ being an almost Dingle."

"An almost Dingle." Vanessa just glows. "I love hearing that."

"Oh, and being a Dingle doesn't just mean robbing cars, by the way." She lifts her eyebrows. "You want a Dingle role model? Pick Lisa."

Vanessa smiles sadly, but then shakes her head. "I'd pick you."

She's not sure how Vanessa can still catch her unawares with this kind of thing. But she can and tears sting her eyes even as she tries to roll them. "You're such a soppy cow."

"And you're not, of course." Vanessa raises an eyebrow in challenge.

Charity just tugs her into a hug. "Right, go and run a bath for yourself. You've had a hard day of crime and you need to relax." She squeezes Vanessa tight against her, turning to press her lips to her ear. "Remember, whatever happens, we'll be fine. And if you get banged up, I'll make sure we get conjugal visits."

Vanessa swats at her backside. " _Charity_!"

"I'm kidding!" She shoves Vanessa in the direction of the stairs. She winks when Vanessa turns to scowl playfully over her shoulder. "Mostly."


	52. They think it's all over (It is now)

Charity's just on the verge of waking up when the bed shifts and an almighty groan assaults her ears. Without opening her eyes, she reaches for Vanessa, hand landing on her hip by instinct. She squeezes.

"'S'up?"

Vanessa lets out another weird noise, her breath catching in her throat. "I'm...in agony."

"What?" Charity's eyes fly open and she pushes herself up on an elbow. "Is it your stitches? Can't be. They've healed fine." She throws back the duvet to inspect Vanessa's body, shoving her pyjama top up and gently running her fingers over her scar.

"No, it's not that." Vanessa tries to sit up and winces, falling back down against the pillows. "It's, well, everything else."

Charity frowns. "Why would you be-" And then it hits her. "Oh, I see. This is because you were running around thinking you were David Beckham yesterday, isn't it?" She arches an eyebrow. "And here was me thinking you weren't interested in young fellas' balls anymore."

Glaring, Vanessa pushes herself up on her elbows again, biting her lip when a moan threatens to escape." She shakes her head. "God, how did I get so unfit?"

"Oh, I don't know about that." Charity muses, running her fingertips over the exposed skin on Vanessa's belly. "I'd say you're still pretty fit, babe."

That, at least, earns her a smile. "Thank you." Vanessa wrinkles her nose. "Can you tell that to my calf muscles, please?"

"I'll do you one better." Charity lifts her eyebrows. "Take your top off."

Vanessa flops back down again. "Oh, Charity, that's sweet, but I honestly don't think I could manage it right n-"

Charity rolls her eyes and swings her legs out of bed. "I'm not talking about that." She tuts as she gets to her feet. "And you say _my_ mind's always in the gutter?"

Vanessa frowns at her as she rounds the bottom of the bed, but Charity notes she's undoing her top. "Then what are you talking about?"

Pausing in the doorway, Charity sighs. "I'm gonna give you a nice massage, aren't I?"

"Really?" Vanessa's face does that thing it always does when Charity is even vaguely sweet. "Awww, you're the best fiancée ever."

"True." Charity nods, thoughtfully. "I am pretty wonderful." She winks. "I'll be back in a tick. And you'd better be topless and face down when I get back."

She smiles at Vanessa's laugh, and heads along to the bathroom, rummaging in the cabinets until she locates a tub of Wintergreen that she'd had to buy for Noah the last time he got hurt at the footie. She grabs it and returns to their bedroom, finding Vanessa in exactly the state she instructed. She kneels on the bed and moves to straddle Vanessa's thighs, lowering her weight down slowly and eliciting only a soft groan. She opens the tub, the distinctive smell hitting her nostrils immediately.

Vanessa turns her head to the side. "I thought we'd be using one of the nice massage oils." She sniffs, her nose wrinkling.

Charity leans forward, her lips brushing Vanessa's ear. "Thought you were incapacitated?" she murmurs.

"Well, I am." She shifts a little beneath Charity. "I thought a massage might, you know, loosen me up a bit. But there's _zero_ chance of anything sexy happening if your fingers are covered in that stuff, I'll tell you that much for free."

"Oh." Charity hadn't really considered that. She tilts her head to the side. "S'pose there's some places you definitely don't want that getting into." She screws the top back onto the tub and tosses it aside. "Oh well, you'll just have to make do with my hands to get you all warm and tingly instead."

Leaning over to the bedside cabinet, Charity grabs one of the bottles of massage oil and pours a generous glug into her hands, rubbing them together to warm the oil up. Vanessa hums with pleasure when Charity's hands move to her shoulders, rubbing and kneading at the tight muscles. "S'nice," Vanessa murmurs.

Charity works on her shoulders for a while, before shifting lower and using long, firm strokes on Vanessa's back. Unable to resist the expanse of clear, glistening skin, she leans down and presses a kiss at the base of her neck, feeling the resulting shiver run through her hands.

"Is that nice too?" she asks, rubbing her nose along Vanessa's hairline.

"Mmhmmm." Vanessa reaches behind her, encouraging Charity's hand to slide around her side and underneath, to cup her breast. She gasps. "Really, _really_ nice."

Charity stretches out with her body half on top of Vanessa's back, keeping her hand where it is and bringing her other one up to match it. Vanessa arches into her.

"Oi. You better not have been faking this, madam." Charity smiles into Vanessa's hair. "We've already had one old codger with a made-up injury this week."

"Old codger?" Vanessa's gasp is indignant this time. "I'm younger than you, you cheeky cow!"

"Barely." Charity's hand, slippery from the massage oil, easily slides down Vanessa's abdomen. "Anyway, babe, one little question before we go any further." She leans in and bites Vanessa's earlobe. "You didn't pick up a groin strain yesterday, did you?"

Vanessa laughs and shakes her head, making a move to turn over. Charity shifts her weight to let her and quickly brings their lips together. She's just getting back to where she was when a _very_ loud knock on the door makes them both jump, Vanessa's teeth closing on Charity's lip, causing her to yelp in pain.

"Sorry!" Vanessa whispers, brushing her thumb tenderly over the area.

"Charity?" Chas' voice comes through the door. "You've not seen that tub of Wintergreen that was in the bathroom, have you? Paddy can't move after that daft game of footie yesterday."

"Wow." Charity rolls her eyes at Vanessa. "I never thought I'd see the day _you'd_ be complaining about a bloke being stiff in the morning, eh?"

Vanessa gives her a look of reproach, slapping her hip before turning to yell through the door. "It's in here, Chas. We'll bring it along in a little while, yeah?" She presses her lips together, obviously trying to keep her smile out of her voice. "Charity's just rubbing it into my sore bits."

There's a soft chuckle on the other side of the door. "Take your time, love. He's not going anywhere." Her voices grows quieter as she heads down the hallway. "He'll be glad to know he's not the only one suffering this morning, though."

Charity snorts, but a gentle hand on the back of her head urges her down into a kiss while another grasps her own hand and brings it back between their bodies.


	53. Remember cuddles in the kitchen

Charity's not eavesdropping. Not intentionally, at least. But she's cleaning a table just behind the booth that Rhona, Tracy and Vanessa are sitting in, so she can't help but overhear the conversation. It's not her fault Tracy's got a gob on her like the Mersey Tunnel.

"You should come with us tonight, V! It's been ages since we had a good little night out."

The twist in her stomach when she hears Tracy's invitation surprises her. She's not usually one for being clingy and she normally wouldn't bother if Vanessa wanted to go on a night out with her sister and her mate. But they've got plans tonight. Nothing special, but plans nonetheless. She resigns herself to a night in front of the telly by herself, but when Vanessa's response comes, the ache in her gut disappears.

"Can't, sorry. Charity's got the evening off, so we're spending it together."

A lifetime of never being anyone's first choice still makes her assume the worst; assume that people are looking for someone better. Vanessa tells her regularly, both in action and with words, that she'll always choose her. She's learning, slowly, to accept that it's the truth.

"Oh, you heading out?" Rhona asks.

"Nah. We've no-one to look after the boys, so we're gonna get a curry and watch a film. Plus, Paddy and Chas are going out, so we're taking advantage of having the back room to ourselves for once."

Tracy's laugh is a bit condescending for Charity's tastes. "Wow. Didn't think the two of you would turn into an old married couple before you actually got married."

It's a struggle to keep in the sound she wants to make in response to Tracy's remark, but she manages it. Once again, Vanessa voices her own thoughts.

"We have not! We're just busy, working mothers with businesses to run. _And_ two toddlers and a teenager to keep track of, thank you very much. An evening with nothing to do but watch telly and have a cuddle sounds like heaven to me."

Charity smiles to herself as she finishes cleaning the table and heads back behind the bar. It sounds like heaven to her an'all. Maybe being an old married couple isn't such a bad thing. Even if they're not old _or_ married quite yet.

About ten minutes later, Tracy and Rhona start getting ready to leave and the three of them slide out of the booth. Vanessa heads around behind the bar and the other two stop on the other side, zipping up jackets and sorting bag straps.

Rhona raises her eyebrows. "Sure you don't want to come, Ness? Last chance to save me from being the solitary old person."

"Oh, give over. Bernice is coming and she's well older than you." Tracy turns a bright smile on Charity and Vanessa. "But _both_ of you should come." Tracy nods rapidly. "Get dad to look after the boys. He's got no life at the moment anyway."

"What's this?" Charity feigns ignorance. "Someone going out?"

"Oh, they're going out to some club with half the village." Vanessa rolls her eyes as she comes over to stand next to Charity. "I've already told them it's our date night and I've no intention spending it yelling conversation over crap music in some sweaty dive."

"Oh, come on, Charity." Tracy leans across the bar, pouting in a way Charity's sure gets her what she wants most of the time. "Since when do you say no to a few cheeky cocktails and a little boogie?"

Vanessa moves closer, resting some of her weight against Charity's side. "Oh, I still like to partake now and again." She wraps an arm around Vanessa's shoulders, pulling her closer and sending Tracy a wicked smile. "But I'm planning on ravishing your sister on every available surface in that back room tonight, you see, and dancing to Wham with you just doesn't compare."

Tracy's nose wrinkles as Vanessa turns her face into Charity's shoulder to hide her smile. "As if they'll be playing Wham where we're going." She sighs. " _Fine_. Be old and boring. See if I care. C'mon, Rhona."

"Behave yourselves, both of you!" Vanessa calls after them, but Rhona's too busy asking Tracy what kind of music _will_ be getting played at this club to notice. Charity squeezes Vanessa's shoulder to get her attention.

"You could've gone with them, you know." Charity thrusts her chin in the direction the other two just took. "If you'd wanted." She lets go of Vanessa to pick up a couple of empties from the bar. She can feel Vanessa's eyes on her as she moves around. Can feel her smile too.

"Yeah. I know I could have."

"No, but, I mean, if you want to go, I could look after the boys." She shrugs, eyes on the beer mat she's fiddling with. "I mean, we can do a night on the couch any time, can't we?"

The beer mat is removed and replaced by Vanessa's fingers, twisting through her own and holding tight. She looks up and finds a pair of blue eyes watching her intently.

"Charity, if I'd wanted to go to the nightclub, I'd have checked it was okay with you and then I'd have gone." Her hand is squeezed. "I didn't _want_ to go." She lifts her eyebrows. "Believe me, I am not missing out on anything. Rhona'll be complaining about her sore feet by half nine and hinting about phoning a taxi. And Tracy'll be up screaming along with _Love Machine_ one minute and crying into her gin about never finding love again the next." Vanessa shakes her head with a soft smile. "Believe me, I'm better off out of it."

"Really?" She's not sure why she's picking at this. Vanessa's already said she doesn't want to go. "'Cause, you know, Rhona's always going on about what a party animal you were at uni and I don't want to be stopping you from going out if that's something you-"

"Charity." Vanessa squeezes her hand and smiles. "That was a gazillion years ago." She leans in closer, her arm pressed against Charity's where they're both leaning on the bar. "And I never liked it all that much at the time, truth be told. I was frightened out of me wits when I first got to uni, and drinking helped loosen me up a bit." She shrugs. "Somewhere along the line I got a reputation for being this crazy party girl. So that's who I kept being." Sighing, Vanessa toys with Charity's fingers where they're still loosely linked with her own. "I think...I think I probably talked myself into believing that's who I _was_. But looking back now, I can see that it was all just a front to stop me from admitting to myself what I was feeling about, you know-" She looks up at Charity, a slight blush darkening her cheeks. "-girls. Women."

There's a pang in Charity's chest, just like there always is whenever Vanessa talks about being scared to be herself. Vanessa's so bold and bolshy and brilliant, that thinking about her hiding any tiny part of herself away is genuinely painful. Nobody understands better than Charity how playing into what people think of you can lead you to think of yourself that way. She's just glad that Vanessa was brave enough to find out who she really was.

Because Charity _adores_ who is really is.

She bumps her forehead against Vanessa's temple, waiting until she turns and their noses brush. She allows a moment of silent closeness to comfort Vanessa, after making her think about less happy times. She presses a soft kiss to her lips before pulling away a little and raising her eyebrows.

"So, that's a definite ' _no'_ to going out with your mates, then?"

"No." Vanessa shakes her head and smiles. "It's a definite ' _yes'_ to spending an evening with my fiancée."

Charity rolls her eyes, mostly to try and keep them from filling up because that's what being around this soppy cow all the time does to her. "Well, good. Because I wasn't saying that stuff about ravishing just to wind your sister up, you know. I already gave Noah twenty quid to go to the pictures and then straight upstairs when he gets back."

Vanessa's eyes darken at her words, and it's like watching the sea grow stormy. It makes Charity actually _throb._ When she responds, her voice is deeper too, and that doesn't help the situation.

"Oh. In that case, I better go and see to the little ones, hadn't I? Make sure they're fed and ready for bed." She moves closer, placing a kiss on Charity's jaw. "And then I'll slip into something a little _less_ comfortable."

"Babe." Charity's throat has gone dry and she swallows with difficulty. "If you don't stop talking like that, we might not make it through the back."

Vanessa lifts a single eyebrow. "That would certainly be a new spin on Thursday night entertainment at the Woolie."

Charity shakes her head and slaps Vanessa's backside gently. "Go on. Get them boys sorted. I won't be long here."

"Can't wait," Vanessa whispers, going up on her tiptoes to peck Charity's lips before heading through the back with a final cheeky wink.

Charity leans her elbows on the bar, well aware that she's grinning like an idiot and not caring one little bit. She's definitely seeing the appeal of staying in like an old married couple. Knowing that she's got a lifetime of staying in to look forward to only makes her smile grow.


	54. I want you (At the end of my life)

She slopes back into the living room behind Cain. Nobody comments on her return, but she doesn't miss the relief that blooms in Vanessa's eyes when she sees there's no glass in Charity's hand. Or bottle.

Guilt floods into Charity's chest, squeezing at her lungs. She knows that feeling. She used to feel that same way when her Dad came home less sozzled than usual. Or when she couldn't smell vodka on Bails' breath. It meant things would be a little bit easier. She can't bear the thought of Vanessa having that thought about her. It's not as if drink's done her any favours in the past. All the crap's still there when she sobers up. So she resolves to be better at not running for the vodka bottle in future. She doesn't want to see that look on Vanessa's face again in a hurry.

Lydia's going on about something or other involving counselling, so Charity quickly crosses the room to where Vanessa's leaning back against the kitchen counter. She turns so that she's doing the same, their arms touching from shoulder to elbow. When Vanessa doesn't pull away, Charity slides her arm around her and pulls her closer, gratified when Vanessa's arm goes around her waist. They don't speak, or even look at each other, but it warms Charity's insides far more than that glug of vodka had.

Turning her face into Vanessa's hair, she whispers ' _sorry_ ' against her ear. Vanessa just tightens her arm and shakes her head.

Charity closes her eyes, her breath coming easier than it has all day.

When she turns back to face the room she notices Noah and Samson, sitting on the floor with their heads hanging. Her heart aches all over again for her boy, losing the closest person to a grandmother he's ever known. Everyone in the room, everyone in the _village_ , has been touched by Lisa in some way. Her loss will leave a scar across all of them.

Zak and Bell will feel it the most, of course. Charity's fingers tighten around Vanessa's shoulder as she flashes back to that interminable night in the hospital, wondering if she'd ever wake up. She's not sure she could go through what Zak's facing; _knowing_ the end is coming and having to carry on.

She sniffs, rubbing at her nose. She can't crumble again, can't let Lisa down again. She's got to be strong and brave now, like Vanessa says she is. She's got to get them all through it as best she can to make sure it doesn't break the family apart.

* * *

People start to drift away and soon it's just the four of them left in the living-room. Her and Vanessa sat on the couch, Chas and Paddy at the table. Nobody's said anything for a good long while and the silence is starting to make Charity fidgety. Eventually she sighs and stands, using Vanessa's knee as leverage to push herself up.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I'm done in."

Chas nods, her hand dropping to her belly. "Yeah, I won't be far behind you. It's been a big day."

She's about to move when Vanessa speaks. "D'you want company?"

On any other day Charity would've had some cheeky response at the ready. Not today.

Her first thought is to say no. That's always been her way whenever she's faced anything emotional; push everyone away until things are back under her control. But if the past year has taught her anything, it's that even if she pushes Vanessa away, she'll eventually reach out to her for comfort anyway.

Truth be told, she loves that Vanessa's thought to ask the question. She could've easily just followed Charity up the stairs, tried to talk to her. But she asked.

Holding out a hand, Charity nods. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Vanessa smiles and takes her hand, standing up and linking their fingers. After exchanging 'goodnights' with Paddy and Chas, they head up the stairs. Charity pulls the curtains in their bedroom, frowning at the amount of light still getting in. Bloody summer. They get ready for bed, changing into their pyjamas before brushing their teeth side by side at the sink like some couple in a fifties sitcom.

Back in their room, Charity sits down on the edge of the bed while Vanessa puts on face cream in front of the mirror on the dressing table. Charity watches her in silence for a bit, chewing her lip, debating whether just to collapse into bed, or give voice to what she wants to say.

"You know, I-" Vanessa turns to face her, a splodge of cream on one cheek. Charity smiles at the vision before she continues. "I thought once it was out I'd feel better." She shrugs. "The stuff with Bails, and even Ryan...it felt better to get it out." She lets her chin fall to her chest, hands linked between her knees. "But this...I just feel worse now."

The bed dips beside her and Vanessa rubs her back. She leans into her, welcoming the familiar touch. "I think...maybe it's different because this wasn't-" Vanessa sighs. "Well, it's maybe because there's no justice to be found in this, nobody to be punished. It's just...final."

Resisting the urge to argue with that notion, Charity blows out a slow breath and nods. "Yeah. Maybe."

"You can't change what's going to happen, but there are things you can do," Vanessa continues. Charity lifts her head and looks into determined blue eyes. "I know how much you hate feeling like a spare part, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can help to make sure Lisa gets to do all the things she wants to do. You can be there for Belle and for Zak, supporting them." Vanessa smiles sadly. "I know it doesn't sound much, but those are important things, _real_ things, that you can do for them."

Charity nods along with her as she speaks, a lump forming in her throat. Charity knows how important those things are, because she never had them before she had Vanessa. She could never have made it through the whole Bails thing if she didn't have Vanessa by her side, holding her up, steadying her, telling her she could do it. And if she needs to be that person for Belle and Zak, then she will be. She blinks away tears and smiles.

"Yeah." She nods. "You're right."

"Aren't I usually?" Vanessa asks, one eyebrow raised.

Charity shakes her head and leans in to press a chaste kiss against her lips. "Sometimes."

Vanessa's smile falters. "Oh, and I meant to say earlier. I'm...I'm sorry for, you know, letting on to Belle that you'd told me." She shakes her head, looking down. "It was bad enough she was upset about her mum telling you and I had to go and-"

Placing a finger over Vanessa's lips, Charity silences her. "Don't be daft. She's a bright girl, she'd have figured it out once she thought back on the whole jungle expedition episode, wouldn't she?" She sighs, dropping her forehead to rest against Vanessa's. "Tell you what, though, I think I'd have gone off my head if I hadn't told you."

"It was a lot to deal with on your own," Vanessa agrees. She squeezes Charity's knee. "And Belle will come around. Like you said, she's a clever girl. She'll see you were only doing as her mum asked."

"I hope so. Last thing we need right now is aggro in the family." Charity pulls back a little, brushing Vanessa's hair behind her ear. "I'll go up and see her tomorrow, see if we can sort everything out. And then we can focus on what's ahead." She looks down. "Whatever they need."

A gentle finger under her chin encourages her to look up again, meeting compassionate blue eyes and a soft smile. "Absolutely, whatever they need." Vanessa presses her lips together and Charity braces herself for something she probably doesn't want to hear. "But...you're losing Lisa too, Charity. And I know you'll want to put Belle and Zak first, and that's fine. I get that." Vanessa swallows and shakes her head. Her hand moves to cup Charity's cheek, keeping their eyes locked. "But in here, with me, _you_ come first, okay? I want you to be able to feel whatever you feel. And I want you to be able to tell me what you need, yeah?"

Tears spill down her cheeks, unexpectedly. She thought she had none left to cry. But perhaps tears of gratitude come from a different place. She shakes her head, letting out a watery laugh. Not for the first time, she finds herself unable to adequately convey the love she feels for this woman. Sniffing, she rubs her arm across her face and smiles.

"A cuddle would be a good start, babe."

Vanessa smiles through her own tears and wraps her arms around Charity, holding her close. Charity's face falls into the crook of Vanessa's neck, returning the embrace. And for the first time since Lisa told her the awful news, she doesn't feel powerless. She'll help Zak and Belle through this. She'll be strong for them when they need her to be, she'll be brave for Lisa when she's scared.

Because she knows Vanessa will be here to hold her as she cries.


	55. Let this song of ours play one more time

They just keep walking, when the ambulance takes a turn towards Hotten. They just keep going. Nobody says anything, but they all head down into the village. It feels better than turning around and going back into that silent house where Lisa looms so large in every single detail. There will be time for looking and touching and reminiscing, but right now, being out in the open air seems to be the thing they all need.

In an unspoken agreement, they all head round to the back of the pub to the beer garden. It doesn't seem like only a couple of hours ago there was a conga line snaking around it. Now there's a funeral procession. People fall onto benches or climb onto stools. Charity settles Belle at a table and Debbie sits next to her, an arm around her shoulder.

"I'll...uh…" Her voice is rough, unused. "I'll bring out some drinks, eh? Raise a glass to-" Her throat catches. She should be saying 'to the bride and groom'. That's what today was supposed to be. "To Lisa."

She gets a few nods, but mostly people are lost in their own thoughts, and she can't blame them. She heads inside, her stomach sinking as she realises that the wedding decorations will still be up. Her pace increases, hoping she can get most of it tidied away before anyone decides to follow her through. When she gets into the bar, it's completely tidy. All the glasses and crockery and gone, along with the decorations.

"Hey."

Her head whips around to the far end of the pub. Vanessa and Noah are putting something into a box. She moves out from behind the bar as they make their way towards her and they meet in the middle, Vanessa's arms going around her waist, and Noah's around both of them. She closes her eyes and drinks in the comfort for as long as she can, squeezing Vanessa's hip to let her know she's going to let go. She sniffs, looking between them.

"Did you do all this?"

"Bob and Matty did most of it," Vanessa says. "We weren't sure...we didn't want-"

Charity nods and smiles. "Thank you. That's saved me a job."

Noah shifts his feet. "Did you...did you see her?"

She reaches for his hand, holding it tightly and draping her free arm over Vanessa's shoulders. "No, babe. The people had come to...to take her away by the time we got there."

He nods. "Is Belle okay?"

Squeezing his hand, she presses her lips together, hot tears threatening to spill over. Vanessa sniffs beside her. "No. But she will be. In time."

"I...I don't know what to say to her." He looks at her with plaintive eyes. Her little boy, seeking guidance from her about what to do. And she has no idea herself. "I mean, I know you're supposed to say ' _I'm sorry_ ' and that. But...but it's her _mum_ , innit?"

Charity nods, swallowing down the lump in her throat, knowing he's imagining himself in Belle's place. "Yeah, babe. It is. And there's...there's nothing you can say that'll change what's happened, so it doesn't matter what you say."

This doesn't have the desired effect; his face falls and he looks like he's going to start crying.

"I think what your mum means-" Vanessa thankfully interjects, before Charity can make things any worse. "-is that as long as you give Belle a hug and show her you're there for her, that's all that matters, yeah? There's no magic words that'll make it better, but having people around her, that's what's important right now."

Charity blows out a slow breath, squeezing Vanessa's shoulder in thanks. "Yeah, exactly." She nods through to the back. "She's out in the beer garden if you want to get it over with. So's Uncle Zak."

"Right." He sighs and she thinks he's going to leave, but instead he stumbles forward and throws his arms around her neck. Vanessa slips out from under her arm to let her hold her boy properly. He's sniffing by her ear and she shushes him, rocking him back and forth like she used to when he was little and he'd skinned his knees. He lets go of her just as abruptly, rubbing at his eyes. His next words are rushed and mumbled, but she hears them as clear as day. "I love you, mum."

Her tears do come back in earnest now and she covers her mouth, nodding. "I love you too, babe. I love the bones of you."

He nods and this time he does leave, probably going to wash his face before heading outside. Vanessa's hands land on her hips, her thumbs stroking her through her blouse as she sniffles and hiccups. She looks down into clear blue eyes and shakes her head. "Oh, Ness. She's gone. She's really gone."

She all but collapses into Vanessa's arms, knowing she'll be held up. "I know, I know." Vanessa embrace is solid and strong, a hand slides up under her jacket to rub her back. A kiss is pressed against her cheek. "But she went out on her own terms, didn't she?" Charity lifts her head to meet Vanessa's eyes, surprised to find them bright with tears, even though she's smiling. "She had a blinder of a day. She wrestled a few pigs, she married the love of her life and she played the fiddle at her own wedding reception." Vanessa bumps her forehead against Charity's. "Now, if that's not a fitting send-off, I don't know what is."

Charity laughs; a wet, shuddering sound. "That sounds about right."

"And I know it feels too soon." Vanessa swallows. "But it would always feel too soon, wouldn't it? A week, or a month, or a year from now. It'd still feel too soon."

The truth of that statement hits Charity in the chest, and she nods, pulling Vanessa close again, burying her nose in her neck. Vanessa's arms tighten around her again. "I know it's horrible and everyone's devastated, but you'll all always have today to remember. Lisa was at the heart of today, just like she was at the heart of your family. That's the way she'd want to be remembered. Not fading away over months and months."

Charity sighs into Vanessa's neck and lifts her head. "How is it you always know what to say to make things better? D'you practice on the animals?"

Vanessa smiles and shakes her head. "I get a lot less cheek off the animals, I can tell you." She squeezes Charity's waist. "Are you okay?"

Inhaling through her nose, Charity considers the question. "No. Not right now. But I will be." She leans in and brushes her lips over Vanessa's, rubbing their noses together afterwards. "Because I've got you, and the kids, and all them lot out there." She smiles, though she can feel her lips tremble. "And that's what's important, innit? Spending time with the people you love. If being around Lisa's taught me anything, it's that."

Vanessa returns her smile and nods. "I think Lisa'd be well pleased with that being her legacy."

"I thought you were getting dr-...Oh. Sorry."

They both turn to see Debbie behind the bar, averting her eyes. With a final squeeze, Charity pulls away from Vanessa, wiping at her eyes. She doesn't miss Vanessa doing the same.

"You're alright, babe. I was just coming." They head round behind the bar and Charity sighs, eyeing the glasses. "What d'you reckon? Everyone's usual?"

Debbie thinks for a moment and shakes her head. "No. Champagne. It's Lisa's wedding day, and we should be toasting to her."

"Yeah?" Charity looks between Debbie and Vanessa. "You don't think that's...disrespectful?"

"No. We're celebrating her life. And anyway, d'you think Lisa'd give a toss what we were drinking to her with?" Debbie shakes her head and opens the fridge, pulling out a couple of bottles of the good stuff, setting one of them on the bar and unwrapping the cork of the other. "C'mon, mum, get some glasses out. Ness, get that other one going. "

Charity watches them for a moment before moving to Debbie's side and kissing her cheek. "I love you," she whispers.

Briefly she thinks Debbie might roll her eyes, but she doesn't. She smiles. "I love you too."

The cork on Vanessa's bottle pops, making them all jump and laugh at the interrupted soppy moment. They work quickly to get the fizz poured into glasses and onto a couple of trays. They pour some orange juice for Chas and the kids. Charity adds Zak's tankard at the last second, filling it halfway with champagne. They head out the back, Debbie getting the doors and Charity and Vanessa carrying the drinks. Before they get outside, Charity takes a deep steadying breath, determined not to cry again.

"Right, you lot," she speaks over the gentle hum of conversation that's started up since she left them. "Everybody get a glass in their hand."

People shuffle forward to retrieve glasses. She nods as Moira, holding Cain's hand as they come up to get theirs. Noah takes Zak's over to him. When Belle approaches, Vanessa intercepts her with a hug before she can take a glass and Charity can hear their hushed conversation.

"Oh, darlin'. I'm so sorry."

Belle nods against Vanessa's shoulder. "I know. Thanks." They separate and Vanessa rubs Belle's arms, smiling up at her.

"I've never seen your mum look as happy as she did today. She was radiant."

Belle's smile seems to take her by surprise; like she'd forgotten she could, that she was allowed to. "She really was, wasn't she?"

Vanessa nods. "Luminous, she was. Lit up the whole room."

"Yeah." Belle smiles as she takes the glass Charity offers her. "She did."

Charity shakes her head with a soft smile, handing off the final glass to Vanessa. "There you go again, saying the right thing."

"Quiet, you." Vanessa says, a blush colouring her cheeks, but she wraps an arm around Charity's waist, leaning her head on her shoulder.

"Okay, everybody got a glass?" Charity looks around to make sure and nods. She breathes in and back out again. "Right. I'm not one for speeches. It's been quite a day, and we're all sad, but it wouldn't be right to let it pass without raising a glass to our Lis." She swallows and clears her throat. "The heart and soul of our family. Brave, loving and mouthy as anything." She catches Belle's eye and lifts her glass.

"To our Lisa. A hell of a woman."


	56. Apparently I'm your emergency contact

He's sitting on one of those daft beds in A&E when he hears her. Her voice is high and her words rushed, like they are when she's angry or worried. He's not sure which one he's going to be on the receiving end of. He closes his eyes.

Last thing he properly remembers is going in for a header against Jonesy at footie practise. He has a vague memory of throwing up on Mr Windham's lap. Next thing he knows he's in the back of an ambulance and on his way to Hotten General.

The curtain opens and Vanessa almost shoves the doctor she's been yapping at all the way down the corridor out of the way.

"Noah!" She's at his side in an instant, hands fluttering by his face, cool against the warm skin by his bruised eye. "Are you okay? I nearly had a heart attack when they called and said you were in here."

"M'fine," he mumbles, trying not to blush at the attention. He'd shrug her off, but moving too much hurts the inside of his head, so he lets her fuss. "I don't know why they had to bring me here."

"Uh, because you were unconscious, maybe?" Vanessa says, though she looks like she's calming down a little at least.

"Only for a bit!" he protests.

"And then you threw up," the doctor puts in. "Multiple times." Noah would glare at her if his eye wasn't swollen and sore.

"Hmmm." Vanessa's thumb gently sweeps over the bump on his forehead, like the mums on the telly do in adverts for Calpol and plasters. She sighs, her hand slipping to the back of his neck. She meets his eyes and smiles. "Lucky hard heads run in your family, eh?"

It's only because his head is heavier than usual that he leans into her touch. "M'telling Mum you said that," he murmurs.

Vanessa lets out a surprised laugh. "It's nothing I wouldn't say to her face." He can feel his eyes drifting closed, but she shakes him gently and he opens them again, meeting concerned blue ones. "Hey. Come on. Can't go to sleep for a while, yeah?"

He sighs. The doctor had said that to him earlier an'all. "Fine. Can we go home now?"

Vanessa turns to the doctor who nods. "Yes, Noah. We'll just get this paperwork completed and you can go." She shifts her attention to Vanessa. "As I said before, it's a mild concussion, so paracetamol or ibuprofen for pain. Keep him awake for another few hours and then just keep an eye on him for a couple of days, looking out for anything strange, changes in behaviour or personality."

"Right, so if he suddenly turns into a sweet little angel, we'll know something's really wrong," Vanessa says, making the doctor smile.

"Oi," Noah complains. "I'm in hospital. You're not supposed to say stuff like that."

She winks and squeezes his shoulder. "I'm only half joking."

He narrows his eyes at her and winces when it hurts the bruising on his face. He turns to the doctor. "What about school tomorrow? Do I get the day off?"

The doctor rolls her eyes, but she's wearing a kind smile. "Fine. Take tomorrow off and that'll give you a bit of a long weekend to recover." She points at him when he fist pumps. "Back to school on Monday though, okay?" He nods and she excuses herself to go and sort out the paperwork.

Vanessa sits down on the edge of his bed. "So," she begins. "Apparently I'm your emergency contact."

He groans. "Don't make a big deal of it."

"No, I'm not going to." She shakes her head, eyes wide like she's worried he'll go and change it to someone else. "I just...I didn't know I was. Since when?"

Shrugging, he plucks at something crusty on his school jumper. It's sick, he realises, wrinkling his nose. "Since last time they sent the form home asking." He glances up at her. "It...it was Joe, before."

Her face falls, obviously she hadn't thought about that. "Right. Course." Her eyes drop. "Sorry."

She looks so sad for him that he feels like he needs to say something to make her feel better. He sighs. "Mum asked who I wanted to put instead. I said it might as well be you."

His mum had looked like he'd handed her a million pounds that day; all watery eyes and wobbly bottom lip. She'd tried to cover it up by mumbling something about Vanessa definitely being the most sensible and reliable person either of them knew and he had to agree. She's been around pretty much constantly for over a year now. And it's that, more than the engagement or the moving in, that tells him she's different. With everyone else, his mum was always having mad barneys, yelling and screaming and storming out every other week. And, yeah, her and Vanessa argue. But usually it's over stupid stuff and they've made up within an hour. That's new an'all. He's seen his mum apologise when she's in the wrong. He's seen them both apologise and forgive. It's all very new and very welcome, even if he fought against it for longer than he probably should have.

Right now, Vanessa's looking at him that same way his mum had. She sniffs a bit and swallows. "Did you?"

"Yeah." He shrugs. "Thought she'd have said to you."

"Oh, you know what your mum's like with details." Vanessa rolls her eyes.

He frowns. "Where is she, anyway? Didn't they try her first?"

"They did, but they couldn't get hold of her. You know her phone's been playing up and she's over at that brewery thing in Leeds." She smiles. "I managed to get her when I was driving in, though. So she's on her way back. I told her not to drive like a maniac, but she's probably completely ignored that."

The doctor comes back in just then and they do the necessary stuff. When he stands up to leave, the world seems to tilt to the left and he almost goes with it, but Vanessa's there, grabbing his arm and sitting him back down, talking to him and telling him to breathe and counting his breaths in and out. Once everything stops spinning, he swallows and nods.

"I'm okay. I just stood up too quick, I think." He stands again, taking a little more care than before. Vanessa links her arm through his and he's about to protest when she lifts an eyebrow. He shuts his mouth. Fine. If it makes her feel better, he'll let her help him. She did come all the way down here, after all. They head out, walking far slower than he's used to, but the movement's still making him feel a little woozy, so he's not complaining.

Vanessa starts to rifle through her handbag and comes out with her phone. "I'm gonna phone your mum. Let her know you're okay."

"Whatever."

She puts the phone to her ear. His mum must pick up almost immediately, which isn't like her. He can hear her voice through the phone, though not what she's saying, and Vanessa cuts off her babbling. "Hey. No, he's fine, I've got him here. No, they've let him out. Mild concussion. We've just to keep an eye on him for a couple of days, look for personality changes and that." She laughs. "That's what I said!"

Noah sighs. "You're all hilarious."

"We're heading back to the pub, so we'll see you there, yeah?" Vanessa smiles. "Hey, you don't have to thank me." She glances at Noah. "I'm his emergency contact, after all." She smiles again. "Yeah, you did forget to mention that." She rolls her eyes. "Okay. I love you too. Bye." She hangs up just as they reach her car. "Hopefully that means she'll not get stopped for speeding now she knows you're alright."

He nods as she opens the passenger door.

"So...I yakked up my lunch earlier." He gives her his best puppy eyes as he gets in the car. "Can we go to McDonalds on the way home?"

Vanessa groans, hanging on the door. "Is this you taking advantage of me?"

Rumbled. "A bit. But I _am_ starving." He points to his head. " _And_ injured."

"Fine." Vanessa narrows her eyes and points at him. "But don't tell your mum. I'm always going on at her about getting you to eat healthy."

He grins. "Deal."

She tilts her head at him. "Am I the best stepmum you've ever had or what?"

Laughing, he shrugs. "You're the _only_ stepmum I've ever had."

"Exactly." She nods once, as if she's been proven right. "So, the best by default." She closes his door and moves around to the driver's side, getting in and starting the engine.

"Doesn't that also make you the worst by default?" he asks, once they're moving.

She glares playfully at him. "Shut up, you." She shakes her head, turning back to the road. "Too clever by half, you are."

He lets her drive in silence for a while, biting his lip and picking at the skin by his nail. But he's going to have to say it. "Thanks. For, you know, coming to get me and that." It was nice, having someone be that concerned about him, when she didn't need to be.

Her hand lands on his knee and squeezes. "I told your mum just now, you don't have to thank me." She shrugs. "We're family."

That word has meant a lot of different things to him over the years. His family has changed, grown and shrunk and mutated, more times than he can count. But this finally feels like it might be the version that sticks. He never saw it coming, and he resisted it for longer than he should have, probably. But Vanessa's not going away any time soon. And he wouldn't want her to. He knows that now. So he covers her hand with his and nods.

"Yeah. We are."


	57. You awake?

She's always found night to be the hardest time. During the day, there's always something to be done, someone to talk to, some distraction to be had. But at night, in the silent darkness, she's left with nothing other than her own thoughts rattling around in her head, demanding attention.

Admittedly it's a little better when Vanessa's lying beside her, breathing deep and even. She's such a solid, dependable fixture in Charity's life now that just her presence brings solace. Usually all Charity has to do is snuggle a bit closer to Vanessa and her thoughts quieten down, allowing her to drift off. But not always. Tonight is one of those nights when she needs more than that.

Propping herself up on her elbow, she debates her next move. She could get up and go downstairs. Make herself a brew and stick something mindless on the telly and try to forget. But that won't actually fix anything. The thoughts will still be there to eat at her when her eyes are screaming to close. But, if she talks to Vanessa, gets it all out of her system, she'll probably feel at least a bit better. And Vanessa has a knack for finding ways to make her look at situations differently. She can find a sliver of sunshine in the darkest cave of despair, can Vanessa.

The bed moves as Vanessa shifts, turning onto her side to face Charity, eyes still closed. Charity wonders briefly if, even in sleep, she can sense Charity's unease. It wouldn't actually surprise her.

Feeling like a selfish cow, Charity reaches out and curls her hand over Vanessa's hip, squeezing it and shaking her gently.

"Ness?" She waits, then shakes her again. "Ness."

"Hmmm." Vanessa shifts closer, burrowing her face into Charity's neck.

"You awake?" Charity whispers, running her fingers up and down her back.

"No." The answer is muffled against her skin and followed by a yawn. There's a beat. "Yes." Vanessa lifts her head, bleary eyes squinting. "Why are you?"

Even though this is what she wanted, Charity suddenly feels foolish for waking Vanessa out of a perfectly good sleep just to listen to her go on. She shakes her head, looking down at the duvet. "It's fine, babe. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry for-"

Vanessa's finger covers her lips and she looks up to meet tired, but compassionate, eyes. "You deliberately woke me up. You only do that for one of two reasons." She tilts her head. "And if it's for the other reason, you've got other methods than shaking my shoulder to wake me." Her hand slides to cup Charity's cheek. "So what's up?"

Charity sighs, leaning into Vanessa's hand, seeking out that contact. "I just...I can't get Belle out of my head, you know?" She closes her eyes. "Today, when we were going through the stuff for the funeral...I felt-" She bites her lip, looking at Vanessa. "I felt like I was rubbing her nose in it."

Vanessa frowns. "How d'you mean?"

"Well, I was there with this flamin' folder of Lisa's wishes, wasn't I?" She rolls away from Vanessa's touch onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Vanessa follows, pressing against the length of her side. "I was the one Lisa had spoken to about what she wanted. And I felt like...I had taken something away from Belle. It should've been her that got to talk to Lisa about all of that stuff and I-"

"Hey. That wasn't your fault. And it wasn't your choice." Vanessa's arm slides over her belly, pulling her closer. "Lisa chose you."

Charity lets out a humourless laugh, but she wraps an arm around Vanessa's shoulder, encouraging her to rest her head on her chest. "Yeah. 'Cause I'm hard as nails and have no feelings." She immediately regrets the bitter edge of her words. She shouldn't be thinking ill of the dead, especially not Lisa. But she can't deny that it hurt when Lisa said she'd told her because she wouldn't crumble. As if she was some kind of robot.

"No." Vanessa's hovering over her now, shaking her head. "Okay, maybe it sounded a bit like that when she told Belle, but I think she chose you because she saw you as the strongest, most resilient member of her family." Her hand splays over Charity's stomach, warm through her pyjama top. "And she's not wrong, is she? Look at all you've been through, and you're still here, living your life."

Charity blinks at the ceiling. "I don't want that to be what people think of me. ' _Oh, she kept all that stuff secret for years, I'm gonna unload all my stuff on her an'all'_." She shakes her head. "I don't want to keep anybody else's secrets."

Vanessa dips her head and presses her lips to the exposed skin of Charity's chest, leaving her cheek resting over her heart. "I don't want that for you either. It's not fair on you."

She rakes her fingers through Vanessa's hair, shaking her head. "I should've just told Belle as soon as I heard. She deserved to know. What's the worst Lisa could've done to me?"

Vanessa's arm encircles her waist again, and there's a warm sigh against her chest. "Me and you know better than most that you can't share other people's secrets before they're ready, yeah?"

There's really no arguing with that. She's unloaded more than her share of secrets on Vanessa and expected her just to keep quiet and not do anything, even though she just wanted to make things better. For Charity. For Tracy. But Charity wouldn't let her. She nods, sliding her hand up Vanessa's back in silent acknowledgement of her words.

In the silence, the guilt starts to creep back in. Here she is, feeling hard done by, when Belle's the loser in all of this.

"She didn't even get a fortnight," she whispers.

"Eh?"

Charity swallows down the lump in her throat and sniffs. "Belle. Didn't even get two weeks with her mum, in the end, did she?"

Vanessa shuffles up the bed, arranging herself against the pillows and urging Charity into her arms. Charity closes her eyes, head pillowed on Vanessa's chest, drinking in the comfort she craves and feeling guilty because she knows Belle isn't getting the same.

"Right, you listen to me, Charity Dingle," Vanessa begins, her tone brooking no arguments, but her touch gentle where she cradles Charity's shoulders. "You did everything that was asked of you. You kept Lisa's secret, and you made sure Belle was here to hear it when Lisa was ready, instead of jaunting off to play with orangutans, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but-"

"But nothing. That's all you _could_ do, in the circumstances." Vanessa tugs her closer. "You were worrying yourself sick over Belle, and trying to do what Lisa wanted you to do." A kiss is brushed across the bridge of her nose. "You were in an impossible situation and you did the best you could. Nobody could have expected more of you."

Charity sighs, turning her face into Vanessa's chest to hide the hot tears welling in her eyes. "I just wish I could...I dunno, make it better somehow."

"You can, and you will." Vanessa tells her. "You'll be there when Belle needs you. You've already taken a weight off her and Zak by dealing with all the funeral stuff." Vanessa's chest fills up with a sigh under her ear. "I really wish you could see how amazing you are."

Vanessa sounds so defeated that Charity lifts her head, their eyes meeting in the dim light. She smiles. "Maybe if you keep telling me, it'll sink in, eh?"

She gets a smile in return, Vanessa's hand comes up to stroke her face. "I flamin' well hope so."

"Thanks, babe." Charity leans down and brings their lips together, light and fleeting. "I'm sorry I woke you up just to whine at you."

"Never apologise for that," Vanessa murmurs, pulling on the back of her neck until their lips meet again. "Whenever you need to talk, I'll be here to listen. Middle of the night or not."

"Mmhmm." Charity kisses her more urgently, now, trying to convey the depth of her love through touch. She rolls so that she's on top of Vanessa, looking down at her.

"So," she begins, conversationally. "Since we're both up now, how about a bit of that other thing I sometimes wake you up for."

Vanessa lifts her eyebrows, "Charity, you don't have to-"

"I know that." Vanessa always calls her out whenever she tries to use sex as any kind of currency or distraction. She bends to kiss Vanessa's neck, pressing her lips to her pulse point and leaving them there for a moment, enjoying that vibrant, strong beat. "Life's short, babe, and I just-" She lets her forehead fall against Vanessa's shoulder. "I just don't want to waste a single second I have with you, that's all."

"Well." Vanessa's voice is rougher than it was. A hand tangles in her hair, scratching at her scalp. "Can't argue with that, can I? Carpe diem."

She pushes herself up so that she's looking into Vanessa's eyes. "I love you," she says, just because.

Vanessa smiles. "I love you too." Her thumb sweeps over Charity's lower lip. "So much."

Charity smiles, kissing the pad of Vanessa's thumb. "So what are we waiting for, eh? Let's carpe some diem."


	58. Are you going to keep pacing?

The first time Vanessa passes the living room door, Chas thinks nothing of it. She assumes she's going upstairs or out into the car park. When she passes it again, a few seconds later, going in the opposite direction, Chas thinks she must have forgotten something and carries on reading her magazine. It's when she goes by for the sixth time that Chas realises that this is not normal behaviour. She rolls her eyes, a smile tugging at the edge of her lips.

It's been a bit of a revelation, this relationship between Charity and Vanessa. Chas had assumed that her cousin really wasn't cut out for relationships. Every other one she'd been in had been a disaster on some level or other. And Charity was almost always at fault, either by design or mistake. Chas had thought her unable to function for any length of time in an actual relationship.

But this one's different. Chas has had the privilege of seeing it up close, and she's watched it grow and develop into something deep and real and genuine. She's watched Charity put work in to sustaining and nourishing the relationship rather than poisoning it. She's seen them together and the only word that comes to her mind to describe them is _soft_. They touch each other with care in their fingertips; aware of the other person's needs and feelings. Their smiles come more easily around each other than around anyone else. And they have _fun_ together. On more than one occasion, Chas has heard peals of laughter coming from their bedroom and it's such a foreign, welcome, sound that she always has to stop and listen. Charity's unguarded laughter is a beautiful thing. Being with Vanessa has freed it from whatever cage it was hidden away in and Chas is all for it.

Generally Vanessa's not backward about coming forward, so this lurking is out of character. Without looking up from her magazine, Chas sighs.

"Are you going to keep pacing outside that door, or are you coming in?"

A moment later, Vanessa slinks in, like a puppy that's just been told off. "Sorry," she mumbles. "I was...trying to work out what to say to you." She sits on the coffee table, in front of Chas, playing with a frayed bit on the cuff of her jumper. "Or if I should bring this up at all."

Frowning, Chas sets her magazine aside. There's part of her that thinks nothing can touch her, these days. The absolute worst thing that can happen to her has happened. Whatever else she has to deal with, she'll survive it, she knows she will. Even so, she still gets that trickle of cold panic in her stomach when someone says something ominous. She sits forward a little, hand cradling her rounded belly. "Sounds serious."

Vanessa looks up, immediately contrite. "Oh, God, no, it's nothing to worry about." She shakes her head. "Sorry, that was stupid of me."

Chas laughs and leans forward, squeezing Vanessa's knee. "Hey. I'm engaged to Paddy. Believe me when I say I'm used to people not being brilliant at getting things across." She shares a smile with Vanessa. "I'm just glad he can form words, most of the time. So just say whatever it is that's on your mind."

"Right." Vanessa nods, straightening out her shoulders. "It's about us all living here together." Chas goes to open her mouth but Vanessa presses on. "And I know you and Paddy said you were fine with me and Johnny moving in when we did, and I really appreciate that." She pauses, her eyes dipping to Chas' belly. "But things are different now. You've got a little one on the way. And there's the whole Bear situation."

"Oh, he's not barged in on you and Charity in the shower again, has he?" Chas widens her eyes. "Because I gave him a right good talking to about that."

"No. That only happened the once." Vanessa tilts her head. "Well, he only made it all the way _in_ the once." She smiles. "And Charity gave him a good talking to an'all. For a professional wrestler, he looked pretty scared while she was telling him what she'd do to him if it happened again."

"I think people would pay good money to see that match," Chas says. "Might set it up in the pub to draw in a crowd on one of our quieter nights."

"Oh, don't." Vanessa rolls her eyes. "I think Charity might be more into that than you'd think. I can just see her now; big hair, a leotard and American tan tights."

"You keep your fantasies to yourself, lady," Chas says with a wink. She sits back and regards Vanessa. "So, the living arrangements then. I know you and Charity have been looking around for places. What do you need from me?"

Vanessa sighs. "We _have_ been looking, and there've been some places that would've suited us fine. But one or other of us have always found fault with them." She bites her lip. "I mean, the other day, Charity said she couldn't live in a house where the kitchen door opened outward rather than inward."

Chas laughs. "Wow. Yeah. That's...pedantic alright."

"And I think, what it is," Vanessa continues. "Is that neither of us want to move out of the village." She shrugs. "I know she might not always show it, but Charity loves all of you _so_ much. And with...Lisa, and everything, I know she doesn't want to be far away from you all." She leans her elbows on her knees, lowering her voice. "Part of the reason she wanted me to move in here was that she didn't want to leave you."

A sudden rush of love for her cousin sweeps through Chas and she smiles. "Really?"

Vanessa nods. "And I was fine with that. And I still am, if that's still what she wants." She swallows. "I just think that...maybe we both need a little more space to let our families grow, yeah?"

Chas raises an eyebrow, looking pointedly at Vanessa's flat stomach. "Something you're not telling us, is there?"

Laughing, Vanessa slaps a hand on her belly. "God, no. Unless it's the immaculate conception."

"My room's next to yours, sweetheart," Chas says, a knowing smirk in place. "There's nothing immaculate about what you and our Charity get up to." Vanessa blushes a deep red and Chas reaches out to squeeze her wrist, waiting till their eyes meet before continuing. "But you're right. I think we do need our own space." She smiles. "A shorter queue for the bathroom in the morning wouldn't go amiss."

"Tell me about it." Vanessa widens her eyes. "And not having to have a rota for a romantic night in front of the telly would be quite nice too, eh?"

"That's very true." Chas wrinkles her nose. "Although, unless you're planning on taking Bear with you, I think that might still be a problem for me and Paddy."

"Uh, no, I was planning to leave him behind," Vanessa confirms with a smile.

"Thought as much." Chas nods. "So, what do you need from me? D'you want me to tell Charity I'm fine with the pair of you moving out, or-"

"No, no. I think I just wanted to run it by you, to be honest," Vanessa says. "I'm gonna speak to her about it. I just needed to check, with everything that's gone on, that you were okay with us going." She inhales through her nose. "I'm gonna try and get Dale View for us. That way we're still in the village, still near everyone."

Chas tilts her head. "That would work. If you can stand having Kim Tate as a landlord, that is."

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Well, I've already got to put up with her as a business partner, haven't I? This can't be any worse than that."

"True." Chas sits forward again. "And listen, while it's just the two of us, I wanted to say-" She shrugs. "Just...I think you and Charity are brilliant together. I think these last few months are the happiest I've ever seen her so...yeah, that was it, really."

Blue eyes blink at her before growing bright with tears. Vanessa sniffs. "That's...that's lovely to hear." She gives Chas a wobbly smile. "I'm the happiest I've ever been an'all."

Sighing, Chas pushes to her feet and opens her arms. "Right. I'm hormonal as anything, so I need a hug." Vanessa is quick to oblige, wrapping her arms tight around her waist, her bump pressed between them.

"Flamin' Nora. First Lydia and now you?" They part and turn to see Charity shaking her head in the doorway. She stalks into the room, a playful glare directed at Chas as she grabs Vanessa's elbow, dragging her away. "Look, I know she's gorgeous, yeah? But she's spoken for, so hands off."

Chas laughs as Vanessa folds herself into Charity's arms. "Noted. I'll try and control myself."

"What were the two of you nattering about anyway?" Charity asks, looking between them.

"I'll leave you two to it," Chas says, squeezing Vanessa's elbow, earning a smile.

"Thanks, Chas."

Chas smiles as their conversation continue while she leaves.

"So? What were you talking about?" Charity asks.

"You," Vanessa says, grinning up at her. "All good, of course."

"That'll be a first," Charity retorts.

That's all she hears as she makes her way through to the bar. She presses a hand against her bump, picturing their little family in their home. She smiles. The future is looking brighter for all of them. Finally.


	59. Better than I was, more than I am

It's late enough when Vanessa gets back from work that she's surprised to see the lights are still on in the bar. It's silent, though, so she wonders if someone's left them on by mistake. What she doesn't expect to find is Charity sat at the bar, nursing a cup of tea and staring into space. Vanessa makes her steps heavier as she moves fully into the pub, not wanting to startle Charity by speaking. Sure enough, Charity looks up at the noise and there's a moment where she looks like she had for most of last year. Haunted, is the only word that covers it. Eyes that have seen too much flick around, looking for danger, before settling on Vanessa. The look dissipates and Charity gives her a wan smile.

"Hey, babe." She sits up a little straighter on her stool as Vanessa approaches. "How did the birth go? Mother and baby doing well?"

"Yeah, they are now. It was a bit touch and go there for a while, but we got her through it." Vanessa leans on the bar, her shoulder pressed against Charity's. "Sorry for leaving you to deal with the boys all evening. I really didn't think it would take as long as it did."

"S'fine," Charity says with a shrug. "They were surprisingly easy to deal with tonight. Asleep as soon as their little heads hit the pillow." She bumps against Vanessa's arm. "I think the nursery's started slipping valium in their milk at snack time, what d'you reckon?"

Vanessa laughs softly. She rests her head on Charity's shoulder and lets her eyes close. "You won't be saying that tomorrow when they're up at the crack of dawn demanding Coco Pops."

"That's true."

They stay that way for a long moment, leaning into each other, not saying anything, when Vanessa remembers why she came into the bar in the first place. She drags herself back upright, peering at Charity. "How come you're sat in here by yourself? I thought you'd be snoring your head off by the time I got back."

Rather than the expected denial that she snores, Charity shrugs, staring into her tea, hands convulsively gripping the mug. "Dunno. Didn't feel like going to bed alone, I suppose."

"Okay." There's something going on here. Something's happened. Spending the last year and a half glued to Charity's side has given Vanessa great insight into her moods and behaviours. Not that she always gets it right, of course. Charity's very adept at hiding her feelings. Although, Vanessa has to admit, she's stopped doing it so much these days. She rubs Charity's back. "Do you...want to talk or anything?"

The question draws a deep, laboured sigh from Charity, which Vanessa knows is mostly for show. She still likes to put up a pretence, sometimes. She slides an arm around Charity's waist, dropping her chin onto her shoulder, and waits. Something tells her this isn't about Lisa. Charity's devastated, but she's determined to keep herself together for Belle and Zak. That doesn't mean she hasn't broken down in Vanessa's arms, in the privacy of their bedroom. But this feels different. This feels more like the brittle, anxious Charity that spent months stalking Bails and drowning in vodka.

Charity sighs again, setting her cup down on the bar. "Vic was raped."

" _What_?" She stands up straight, sure she must have heard wrong. But when Charity turns to look at her, she knows she didn't. Her chest constricts when she sees the pain in Charity's eyes. Sometimes, when they're together and surrounded by noise and laughter and kids, Vanessa can almost forget that Charity still carries that pain around with her. When her eyes crinkle at the edges and her smile is warm and wide, Vanessa can think, just for a minute, that she was so badly treated by people her whole life. But now, it's stark across her features; that knowledge of what it's like to have a man do whatever they want to with your body. To pay you no more regard than a chair or a table. There's a well of emotion in her throat and she shakes her head, wrapping both arms around Charity and pulling her close. There's only the slightest hesitation before Charity slides off the stool, moving into the embrace. Her face is pressed against Vanessa's and her body is trembling. Vanessa closes her eyes, shifting so that her nose is against Charity's cheek. "Oh, Charity."

Too soon, Charity pulls away and wipes at her eyes. She makes a dismissive noise. "I don't even know why I'm crying. Wasn't me it happened to."

Except it did happen to her. Vanessa sniffs and rubs Charity's arm. "It's okay to have feelings about it, Charity. If it brings stuff back up for y-"

"But I don't want it to, do I?" Charity yells, throwing her hands up. "I don't _want_ to have to think about it. About _him_."

"I know." Vanessa nods. "I don't want you to have to think about it either." She swallows, taking a step closer to Charity. "Wh-what happened to Vic?"

"Oh, the usual." Charity rolls her eyes. "Bloke thought he was entitled to something and just took it." She sighs, her shoulders slumping. Vanessa puts a hand on her back and gently guides her back to the stool. She takes her hand and links their fingers together, resting them on the bar. Charity keeps her eyes on their hands as she continues. "Poor thing didn't tell anyone at first. Felt like she was at fault." She looks up now, meeting Vanessa's eyes.

"But she's told people now, yeah?" Vanessa prompts. "She's reported him, I take it?"

Charity nods. "She reckons they might not have enough evidence to proceed with the case." She tilts her head, frowning at Vanessa. "But how can that be right, eh? Almost thirty years it took me to work up the courage to tell anyone about Bails, about what he'd done. How can a week or two be too long?"

"I don't know," Vanessa admits. In her head she knows that a pitiful percentage of rape cases even get to court, never mind gain a conviction. But Charity got justice. So did Rhona. And Aaron. It didn't take away what had happened to any of them, but they at least saw someone punished for it. It doesn't seem fair that Victoria won't get that chance. "Is she-" She clamps her mouth shut, shaking her head. "I was going to ask if she's okay, but that's a stupid question."

Charity squeezes her fingers. "No, she's not. But she will be. Eventually." She gives Vanessa a half smile. "She'll get through it."

"Course she will," Vanessa agrees, coughing to clear her throat. Victoria has her family and friends around her. She's not alone like Charity was; a frightened child. She moves closer again, needing to feel Charity's reassuring presence against her. "She's got people to help her through it."

"Yeah." Charity pauses. "I hope she's got someone like you." Vanessa goes to protest, but a gentle finger comes to rest over her lips and Charity shakes her head. "No. It's true. If it wasn't for you, I'd never have reported him. He'd be out and about now, living his fancy life. And I'd still have all that-" She swirls a hand in front of her chest, clenching it into a fist. "All that _stuff_ inside me." She smiles. "But I don't. And that's _all_ down to you."

"It's all down to _you_ , Charity," Vanessa says. "You got him sent down. Nobody else."

"Yeah, but you made me believe I _could_ ," Charity says. "And nobody else ever had ever done that."

Vanessa lifts their joined hands to her lips, pressing them to Charity's knuckles and holding her gaze. "I believe you can do _anything_. And if I can help you believe that too, then I'm happy."

Charity breathes out a laugh. "I feel like one of us is about to start belting _Wind Beneath My Wings_ in a minute." She lifts her eyebrows, leaning in and lowering her voice. "And if that happens, babe, then I'm afraid we'll have to break up."

Closing the small gap between them, Vanessa brings their lips together in a soft kiss. "No Bette Midler before bed, I promise." She kisses Charity again, just as soft. "I love you."

Charity smiles against her mouth. "I love you too." She wrinkles her nose. "Even if you do smell a bit like cow at the moment."

"Oi!" Vanessa shoves her shoulder. "I was planning on having a shower as soon as I came in but I saw the light on in here."

"And you could sense that someone was sat here, needing to express a feeling, yeah?" Charity's eyes twinkle and she squeezes Vanessa's hip.

"Something like that." Vanessa sighs and tilts her head. "Are you okay?"

As always when Vanessa asks that question, Charity takes a moment to think about her answer. But she nods, and Vanessa believes her. "Yeah. I'm fine now." She pulls in a deep breath through her nose and smiles. "We'll help Vic through it, any way we can."

"I know you will," Vanessa tells her. "Because, despite what you let people think, you're a very nice person."

"Yeah, yeah. On the road to sainthood, me." Charity rolls her eyes. "Now. You mentioned something about a shower before." She tilts her head. "Fancy some company?"

Vanessa smiles as Charity slides off the stool and takes her hand. "I'd love some. If only to help me scrub the smell of cow off, eh?"

They head through to the back, Charity flicking the lights off as they pass. "Don't you worry, babe. I'll make sure to pay attention to all your hard to reach bits."

They head up the stairs, hand in hand. And Vanessa knows that while Charity still carries that pain that she saw earlier, she is also happy and resilient and strong and amazing. And when the pain rears its head, as she knows it will from time to time, Vanessa will be there to remind her of that.


	60. Let me help you

She's not been able to get hold of Charity on the phone, but she takes a chance and nips home for lunch anyway. Bob's behind the bar, grinning while he serves Jamie Tate and his missus. Now there was a surprise. Vanessa'd thought she'd noticed a little spark between him and Belle before all of this stuff with Lisa took over. And who rocks up in a new job and just doesn't mention they've got a wife and a kid? How weird is that? Vanessa tells anyone who'll listen about Charity and the kids.

"Charity through the back?" she asks Bob, as he moves to the till.

"Yeah." He winces. "I was told, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn't to be disturbed. So if you're going through there, tell her I wrestled you to the ground and tried to keep you from getting through but you overpowered me."

She laughs at the image that conjures up. "I will. Don't worry, you won't be blamed."

Bob salutes. "You're a braver woman than I am. Good luck."

Heading through the back, she briefly wonders if she should knock on the living room door, but quickly discards that notion. She lives here, after all. She opens it and heads in. Charity's sitting at the table, head in her hands. She starts to look up at the noise.

"Bob, what did I say about-" She stops when she sees who it is. "Oh."

Vanessa points out of the door. "Bob wanted me to tell you that he really tried to stop me from interrupting you, but I put up too much of a fight."

Charity rolls her eyes. "Well, I didn't mean _you_. Obviously." She sighs, straightening out some papers that are on the table in front of her. Vanessa lays her bag and jacket over the back of the sofa and wanders closer, hands shoved in the back pockets of her jeans.

"What is it you're doing that you don't want to be interrupted?"

"Practising." Charity's eyes drop to the paper. "For tomorrow."

"Right. Course." Vanessa takes a seat at the table. "How's it going?"

Charity snorts. "Terrible." She shakes her head, pushing the papers away and folding her arms. "I keep...I can't get through it without flamin' crying."

"Hey," Vanessa soothes, gathering the papers back into a tidy pile. "That's okay." She rubs Charity's arm. "Nobody's gonna judge you for being upset. It's gonna be hard for everybody, and you're no exception."

"Aren't I?" Charity spits. "Lisa said it herself, she thought I wouldn't _crumble_. She wanted me to do it because I could get through it without-"

"No, Charity." Vanessa tugs gently at her elbow until she unfolds her arms, taking her hand and squeezing it. "We've been over this. Lisa picked you because you're strong, not because she thought you didn't have feelings."

Charity sniffs, her thumb pressing against Vanessa's engagement ring. "The words just don't seem enough, babe," she whispers, eyes on their hands. "How can any words do justice to the person she was, eh? _Especially_ words I've written."

"Well, she saw them, didn't she?" Vanessa reminds her. "She read them. She was happy with them."

"Yeah, but-" Charity looks up, eyes wet and endless. "It's one thing sitting in a cottage in Scotland, writing something you...you don't quite believe is going to be needed." Her eyes move to the sheets of paper, covered in her own messy scrawl. "But it's another thing when you know you're actually gonna have to stand up and say it. That they're really the last words anyone's gonna say about her."

"No they're not!" Vanessa leans in, trying to catch Charity's eye. "Charity, people will tell stories about Lisa Dingle for years to come. Decades." She smiles. "Personally I want to hear more about the nude modelling."

Charity laughs, and hiccups. "Might've known the story involving naked women would be your favourite."

Vanessa ignores the interjection. "Tomorrow isn't going to be the last word. It's not the be all and end all and you don't need to be putting that kind of pressure on yourself, okay?" She squeezes her fingers. "Tomorrow is you standing up, saying some nice things about Lisa to her family and friends. It's starting the conversation, not ending it, yeah?"

Nodding, Charity gives her a quick smile. "Yeah."

" _And_ ," Vanessa continues, while she has Charity's attention. "This is the last I want to hear about how you're not allowed to be upset, okay?" Charity's eyes flit away from hers, so she lets go of her hand and scoots her chair closer, gently cupping her cheek and waiting until their eyes meet. "You think I haven't seen how you've been?"

A frown creases Charity's forehead. "How I've been?"

"Keeping everyone's spirits up," Vanessa explains. "Taking on all the work of the funeral so Zak and Belle don't have to do it. Smiling and chatting and keeping everyone going."

Charity shifts in her chair, always unsure what to do when given genuine praise, or when someone notices something she's done. She shrugs. "I'm just doing what needs doing. What Lisa asked."

"I know." Vanessa smiles sadly, running a thumb over Charity's cheek. "But d'you think I haven't seen that smile fall when people turn away?" Charity's eyes drop and Vanessa leans in, pressing their foreheads together. "You're watching out for everyone else, but I'm watching out for _you_. And if you need to cry, or yell, or just talk will you just-" She swallows. "Let me help you. Let me be here for you. Whatever you want or need."

She feels Charity nod, and then warm breath on her lips as Charity kisses her; a chaste brush of skin on skin. "I know you're here for me, babe." She draws back and smiles. "I think that's the reason I _can_ be there for everyone else."

"Okay. Good." Vanessa nods. "So, is there anything I can do to help? Anything still needing doing? Can I get you a brew or anything?"

"Could you-" Charity bites her lip. "Could you maybe sit and listen to me reading it? See how I get on in front of an audience."

"Course I will." Vanessa sits back in her chair. "Not sure I count as an audience, but I'll give it a go."

"Right." Charity nods, picking up the papers. She smiles, like she's remembering something.

"What you smiling at?" Vanessa prompts, keen to catch any bit of happiness she can in this process.

"No, I'm just thinking." Charity looks over at her, smile still in place. "When I read this back to her, up in Scotland, she told me to make sure I gave it some welly on the day."

Vanessa laughs. "You Dingles and wellies, eh?" She taps the paper. "Go on, then. Say it like Lisa would want to hear you say it."

Charity nods, her eyes returning to the words on the page. "We're gathered here today, to celebrate the life and times of the legendary Lisa Dingle. Now, she was very particular about this, so I've got to get it right."

Vanessa smiles and nods when Charity looks to her for approval. "Great start. Keep going."

Charity inhales and reaches over to take Vanessa's hand, and continues to read. "Demand number one-"

Vanessa listens to the funny, touching and truthful account of Lisa's life that Charity has put together. It's not flowery or fancy, but it's Lisa. There's a couple of points where her voice falters, or she has to pause before she can say a particular word, and Vanessa's heart aches each time it happens, but soars when Charity carries on. And she gets through it, all the way to the end, when she finally lifts her eyes from the page, bright and shining with tears, but defiant.

"...and I know you'll agree, she was one _hell_ of a woman."

Vanessa laughs, only aware of the tears on her own face when Charity reaches over to wipe them away. She sniffs and pulls her hand away from her face, holding both of Charity's in her own. "That was beautiful," she manages to whisper through a constricted throat. "You'll do Lisa proud."

Charity nods, her tears finally spilling over. "I hope so."

"I _know_ so." Vanessa smiles. "And if you need to, tomorrow, just focus on me and pretend we're back here, yeah? Because you did brilliantly just now."

A soft smile curls at Charity's lips and she wipes her face. "Thank you."

Vanessa shakes her head. "Nothing to thank me for." She stands and moves so she's sitting in Charity's lap, arms around her shoulders. Charity sinks into her, pulling her close and burying her face in her chest. Her shoulders start to shake with sobs, but Vanessa just holds on tighter. "I've got you."


	61. I'm going to kiss you now

Charity rubs her thumb over Lisa's signature at the bottom of the letter, blinking back tears. She smiles at the thought of Lisa sitting writing to each of them, knowing exactly what they needed to hear from her to make things right. She sniffs and folds the letter, placing it back in the envelope, and slips it into her pocket. Lisa told her to be happy. At any other point in her life, that would have seemed like an impossible instruction. A trite, generic phrase that, aspirational in nature but unachievable. But now, for the first time, it's easy.

Straightening out her blazer, Charity heads back through to the bar, smiling at the sight of so many people talking and laughing and telling stories about Lisa. She rounds the bar and heads to where Vanessa's sat, nursing a pint and grinning, still pink cheeked from the pig racing. She looks up as Charity approaches, her smile growing just that bit brighter. Warmth curls in Charity's chest, around her heart.

"'Scuse me, folks," she says, stepping out of Jimmy's path as he lumbers around spilling his beer. She holds a hand out to Vanessa. "But I need to steal my fiancée for a minute."

"I bet you do," Faith winks and nudges Vanessa's shin with her foot. "Funerals always get me going an'all. There's something about death that makes you want to grab life by the balls i'n't there?" She glances at Charity's crotch. "In a manner of speaking, of course."

"That's not what she's...I mean." Vanessa takes her hand and slides off the stool, looking at her with a question on her brow. "I mean, that's _not_ what you're on about, is it?"

"No, it's not." Charity glares at Faith. "Go and find Eric to play with, you filthy mare."

Faith rolls her eyes. "If only." She sighs. "His hips aren't up to any thrusting motions at the moment." She tilts her head. "His mouth still works, mind."

A collective groan goes up from the bar.

"Well, that's an image I could've lived my life without picturing," Nicola comments before tipping the rest of her drink down her throat. Jimmy's nose is wrinkled, clearly _still_ picturing it.

Kerry lifts her glass, winking at Faith. "You get yours, pet. Ignore these prudes."

Charity shakes her head, tugging lightly on Vanessa's hand to get her moving as Faith joins Kerry in a toast far too lewd for a family pub. They head through the back and outside. They carry on up and across the car park, until they're stood in Grace's Garden, in front of her tree. The rain's stopped and the early evening sun is peeking through the clouds. The rain has cleared the air of that muggy, heaviness. Someone's been cutting their grass. Charity closes her eyes, lifting her nose and inhales the fresh, clean smell. Vanessa's thumb sweeps over the back of her hand and she looks over at her.

"You alright?" Vanessa asks, swinging their joined hands.

Charity nods. "Yeah. I am, actually." She smiles. "Today's been exactly what she wanted. And I-" She stops, considering her next words, unsure how they'll come across. "And I'm not sad. I miss her and I wish she was here, but I'm not _sad_." She shakes her head. "I don't know if that makes sense or-"

"It does." Vanessa nods. "I think today has reminded everybody of how much life Lisa got to live, and how much she enjoyed it." She shrugs and bumps her shoulder into Charity's. "Hard to be sad about a life well lived, really."

"Yeah, that's it, I think." Charity steps in front of Vanessa, taking both of her hands into her own and holding them. She swallows. "I read the letter she left for me."

Vanessa lifts her eyebrows, hands tightening slightly around hers. "Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm." She rolls her eyes, letting them linger on the sky, just in case Lisa's up there looking down. "Most of it was about how much of a nightmare I used to be."

"Charity!" Vanessa scolds. "I'm sure it didn't say anything of the kind!"

Charity smiles. "Oh, it did, babe. But that's fine, because I _was_ a nightmare. And then, one night, I got locked in the cellar with a mouthy little blonde who turned my world upside down."

Vanessa's eyes soften and become liquid in an instant. She sways closer to Charity, like there's a magnet between them. "And that's when you stopped being a nightmare, is it?"

Scrunching up her nose, Charity weighs up the question. "Well, maybe not _right_ away. But that was definitely the start of it." She scratches her thumbnail over Vanessa's knuckles. "You changed my life for the better. And not...not because you tried to change _me_." She looks down between them, shaking her head, before meeting Vanessa's eyes again. "Quite the opposite, in fact. You just showed me that maybe I wasn't quite as bad as everyone said I was. As _I_ thought I was." She shrugs. "How could I be if someone like you loved me?"

"Oh, Charity." Vanessa lets go of one of her hands, cupping her cheek instead. "You were never bad. And I'm sorry it took so long for you to realise that."

"Doesn't matter now," Charity tells her, unwilling to dissect all the things that have gone wrong in the past. She pulls in a long, shaky breath through her nose and lets it out again. "In her letter, Lisa told me to be happy." She takes Vanessa's hand that's resting on her cheek, bringing it briefly to her lips and then down to cover her heart. "And I suppose I just wanted to tell you that I _am_ happy."

The smile that breaks over Vanessa's face isn't dulled by the tears on her cheeks. "I know that. I'm happy too."

"I know." Charity nods. "But I don't think I say it to you enough. That being with you makes me happy. That _you_ make me happy." She wipes uselessly at Vanessa's tears before giving up and pressing a kiss to her cheek, tasting the salt, before pulling back. "Faith was right, in her own perverted way. Death does make you want to grab on to the things that make life worth living." Her chest shudders when she inhales. "And for me, that's you and the kids. And I'm gonna try and make sure I tell you that more often."

Vanessa smiles and shakes her head. "You already do, Charity. Maybe not in words, but I know you're happy." She winds her arms around Charity's waist, pulling her close. "You make me happy an'all. Happier than I've ever been."

"Glad to hear it." Charity grins, her nose brushing Vanessa's. "I'm gonna kiss you now. And I have to warn you, I might not stop for quite some time."

"You won't hear me complaining," Vanessa murmurs, leaning up to meet Charity's lips.

And they kiss in Grace's garden, with Lisa's final request ringing clear in Charity's head.

 _Be Happy._

Done.


	62. How can I try to explain?

There's no earthly reason why she needs to leave the pub unattended when she's on shift to return Jacob's video game. What difference does it make to her if he left it at the pub? Noah could return it at any point. Anyroad, Tracy says he's staying at Eric's at the moment, so it's not like he's going to get the benefit of her handing it in at David's.

But when she sees the case lying next to today's copy of the Hotten Courier, with _that_ headline, she just picks it up and leaves. Maybe, while she's there, she can offer a supportive word or a smile. She knows when she was splashed all over the paper, it helped to know people were on her side. Especially since he'd stood up in court and told barefaced lies about her. And so had his wife. It would have been easy for people to believe them over her. They always had before. So knowing she had people who believed in her had been a godsend, even if she didn't always show it.

* * *

When she gets to the shop and sees David, though, doubt sets in. She wasn't exactly receptive to people sticking their noses into her business uninvited. So she decides just to leave it for now. Maybe the next time David comes to the pub, she can play the bartender offering a friendly ear role. She lifts her eyebrows when he looks up, holding out the game in front of her.

"Noah reckoned Jacob left this at ours. I did say he probably had more on his mind than video games." She offers him a tight smile and turns to leave.

"Charity…" His voice stops her. She turns around and sees the defeat in his eyes. She's seen David down before. He's always in the middle of some romantic entanglement gone wrong or other. Almost always of his own making. But this is different. This time his son has been hurt and she knows how deep that pain can go. She walks back to the counter. "Go on."

"Help me…with Jake. What do I say to him?"

It sometimes amazes her, how easily other people can just come out and _ask_ for help. People who haven't had that instinct beaten out of them, usually. People who haven't learned the hard way that sometimes nobody is willing to help and that the only person that can be relied on is number one.

"You're asking me for parenting advice?" She knows that's not what he's doing. But her defenses are old and fortified and are hard to get past. Humour has always been a go to for her to diffuse difficult or emotional situations.

"Well, yeah, because you've been there, haven't you?" He's looking at her like she's some sort of expert, a guru in how to be a victim. Her hackles go up, but she reins in the instinct to snap at him. "In court, like him."

"Well, no, it's not exactly the same." Charity shifts, uncomfortable discussing this so openly, even now after her whole life was laid bare in a courtroom and then in the press. She shoves her hands in her back pockets. "I was in court because _I_ wanted him put away, yeah? I knew what he'd done and I wanted him punished for it." She tilts her head. "That's not where Jacob's head is right now, is it? He still thinks he's in love with her."

He frowns. "Has he said that to Noah?"

Charity winces at her unintentional betrayal of confidence. "Uh, no." She sighs, leaning her hips against the counter and rocking on her heels. "Look, Tracy's been having a tough time with all this stuff too, you know?" She watches his face as she speaks, looking for the telltale signs of anger. "She needed someone to talk to, so she's been speaking to me and Ness."

For a moment, it looks like he might get annoyed at this, but he just slumps forward onto the counter, deflated. "Right. That's fair enough." He nods. "And I suppose you're right. Your situation was different."

"I get it, though. How he feels, I mean," she says, her stomach churning, as it does whenever she thinks back on that time. "At first, with Bails, I was flattered." She nods. "This handsome, mature bloke taking an interest in me? Course I was."

David nods. "But you saw through it, yeah?"

"Eventually, yeah." Charity laughs, sadly. "Again, I doubt it's the same situation." She swallows and meets David's eyes. "The things he did to me...hard to stay enamoured after that."

"Right. Yeah." He looks down, embarrassed. "Sorry."

She looks at the top of his head, the way his hands move constantly, unable to settle and feels sorry for him. If it had been Noah, she has no idea what she'd have done to Maya. But it's even worse for him. It was someone he trusted that did this to his son. She sighs.

"Listen, maybe he doesn't realise exactly what all of this means right now," she begins. "But he will. And when he does, he'll need support. And he'll remember that you were here for him now." She bites her lip. "The only reason I was able to go through with the court thing at all was because of Vanessa." He looks up and meets her eyes and she forces herself not to look away. None of this is shameful. She did nothing wrong. "I'd...I'd told people before. Or tried to. Not all of it, and not the extent of it. Mostly because they hadn't wanted to hear it. But Vanessa...she was the first person who didn't make me feel like it was partly my own fault. She used words nobody else had used to describe what he'd done to me. Abuse. Grooming." He's nodding along now. "She let me talk and talk, and in doing that, she helped me remember that what he'd done was terrible and that I had every right to feel the way I did." She shrugs. "That's what he'll need, when he comes around. People on his side. And he's already got that, hasn't he?"

"Yeah," David blows out a breath and sniffs. "I thought-" He stops and shakes his head. "Well, I _hoped_ that when she was put in prison, he'd...he'd _see_. And that it would be over and we could start getting back to how things were."

"Yeah," Charity nods. "I thought if Bails went to prison, it'd put an end to everything, but it didn't." She shrugs. "That was hard to accept, actually. That him being punished didn't take away what he'd done."

"No." David's voice is quiet and rough. "No, nothing's gonna do that."

"Look, David," she says, placing her hands on the counter and waiting until he looks up. "God knows I'm no expert and _definitely_ no therapist but...for me, I just wanted someone to listen to me and believe me. So, maybe right now, he just needs you to listen and believe that he feels the way he feels." She shakes her head, laughing ruefully. "I'd have killed for a dad like you back when I was his age, you know? A dad that took an interest and wanted the best for me? That was _all_ I wanted."

David points at the cut in his lip. "Don't think he's all that thrilled about me taking an interest right now."

She nods. "During the whole thing with Bails, I lashed out at folk an'all. The wrong people. The ones closest to me." She shakes her head. "The _person_ closest to me." Lifting her eyes to the ceiling, she tries to keep tears at bay so she can finish what she needs to say. "All my life, people have turned away from me when I've pushed them. _She_ didn't." She taps her finger on the counter. "Don't turn away from him. He'll need you. I never had my dad for thirty years and it turned me into a spiteful, angry person." She swallows. "Just...just keep trying, yeah? He'll be grateful of it one day."

He gives her a half smile and a nod. "Thanks, Charity. I think I needed to hear that today."

"No problem." She feels lighter, like she's done a good thing. "Oh, and maybe you could try having a word with Vanessa? She's been where you are. Kind of. It's not exactly the same, but-"

"I'm not really Vanessa's favourite person in the world," he interrupts. "Not after everything, you know, with Tracy."

"You're not mine either, for the same reason," Charity says, plainly. Her gut burns when she thinks of what he put Tracy through. Making her feel dirty and cheap. She shrugs. "Doesn't mean we'd wish this on you, does it?"

"And you'd be okay with her speaking to me? About-" He inclines his head towards her. "-what you-"

"She wouldn't tell you anything I wouldn't be comfortable with her saying." There's a thrill that comes with the certainty she feels in making that statement. It's trust that runs bone-deep and she's never, _ever_ experienced that before.

He smiles. "Thanks, Charity. You've given me a couple of ideas I can try to get through to Jakey."

"I'm glad." She returns the smile and leans in. "Just don't be telling folk how good I am at this giving advice lark, okay? They'll be queuing up at the bar and I already get enough earache off Chas about skiving."

He laughs and winks. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Speaking of skiving, I should get back to the pub before there's a hostile takeover by thirsty punters, yeah?"

"Oh, hang on." He comes out from behind the counter and over to a display of fancy gins. He picks up a bottle and holds it out. "Here. For listening."

She frowns. "You don't need to-"

"I know. I want to, though." He shakes the bottle. "I know it's difficult for you to talk about all that stuff, and, like you said, I'm not your favourite person, so you didn't have to give me the time of day. It's just a little thing to say thank you."

Taking the bottle, she smiles. "Well, I never say no to a nice gin. Ta."

She makes her way back to the pub, entering through the back way so she can stop in the kitchen and hide the bottle with her stash of good stuff that she doesn't want the others getting their mitts on.

There's not as much grumbling coming from the bar as she thought there might be. When she gets her first glimpse from the corridor, the natives look fairly settled. When she makes it through the door into the bar, she sees why; Vanessa's behind the bar serving. The heads on the pints she's pulling are a bit big, but apart from that, it looks like she has everything under control.

Not that Charity's surprised. That's what she does. She keeps everything going, holds everything together when other people can't or won't. She's consistent and reliable and loads of other words that Charity used to think were dead boring, but really were qualities she didn't realise she was craving her entire life.

She waits for Vanessa to place Cain's pint on the bar and then walks up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and pressing her face into her neck, inhaling the scent she's come to associate with home and safety.

"Uh, where've you been?" Vanessa asks, leaning back against her. "When I got here, Jimmy was threatening to jump the bar and serve."

"Thanks, babe." Charity mumbles. "I'm so lucky to have you, aren't I?"

She feels Vanessa tense up in her arms and a gentle hand is at her cheek, urging her up. Vanessa twists in her arms so they're facing each other.

"Are you okay?" Vanessa asks, eyes flitting around Charity's body, looking for signs of distress.

"I am," Charity confirms, taking hold of Vanessa's jaw and stroking a thumb under her eye. "And me saying I'm lucky to have you shouldn't send you into a blind panic."

Visibly relaxing, Vanessa nods, leaning into her hand. "It's just not something you say every day, is it? So what prompted it just now?"

Charity rolls her eyes. "I was over speaking to David about Jacob." Vanessa's face immediately softens with compassion. "And he was asking what helped me through it all." She shrugs. "So that's what prompted it."

Vanessa gives her a little smile. "And are they doing okay? I mean, I know they won't be, not yet, but-"

"I volunteered your services as someone David might want to talk to." Charity steals a quick peck on the lips. "'Cause you're amazing and he could learn a thing or two."

"I can talk to him if he wants, of course," Vanessa bites her lip. "But I'm far from an expert, Charity. I did the wrong things, I said the wrong things, I-"

"You never gave up on me," Charity says. "And that's what's important. You were there when I needed you, even if I didn't know I needed you. And that's what David has to be for Jacob."

"Okay. I...I'll try and help, if I can. If he wants." Vanessa adjusts Charity's lapels and smiles up at her. "I bet talking to you helped him."

"Yeah, well, you know me. On my way to becoming the Wise Woman of the village."

Vanessa laughs and kisses her chin. "That makes you sound like some old, wizened crone who reads the tea-leaves."

Charity wrinkles her nose. "Cheeky cow." She slaps Vanessa's backside. "Just for that, you can go and make us both a brew." She lifts her eyebrows. "And when you're finished your tea, maybe I'll take a look in your cup to see if there's anything interesting on the cards for you this evening."

"Oooooh," Vanessa widens her eyes. "Big things happening in my lovelife?"

"Aren't there always, babe?" Charity says, obliging when Vanessa goes up on her tiptoes for another kiss.

"Any chance of getting served round here?" Ellis calls out.

"Any chance of you shutting up so I can kiss my fiancée in peace?" Charity snaps back.

Vanessa just shakes her head and pecks her cheek. "I'll go and make that brew now." She swipes her thumb under Charity's lip. "Try not to shout at the customers while I'm gone."

"No promises," Charity mutters, narrowing her eyes at Ellis as Vanessa leaves. "Right, what can I get you? Apart from a vastly improved sense of timing?"

He smiles. "Orange juice, please."

As she pours the drink, she thinks again about how far she's come in the past year. About all the good things she has in her life now that she's been able to let go of some of the pain and bitterness that she's nursed and carried for years.

She hopes that Jacob will see that people want to help him. He has a dad who adores him, so that's a good start. Hopefully David can get through to him and show him he's loved and supported. Because, as Charity knows more than most, it makes all the difference in the world.


	63. If I could get another chance

She feels like a spare part, just stood there doing nothing. Vanessa's holding Tracy; rocking her and whispering to her that it'll be alright, that they'll get through it. Megan's bent at the waist, her back heaving with silent sobs. And Charity's doing nothing to help any of them.

It doesn't feel real. How could they go from bickering in the kitchen to Vanessa on her knees by her father's body? Frank's never been Charity's favourite person in the world, but she'd never have wished this for him. Or for Vanessa.

Tracy's jagged, broken sob punctures her thoughts and she looks over at the sisters. Vanessa's been strong for her the whole time they've been together. It's her turn now. She wipes her sleeve over her face and turns as one of the paramedics approaches.

"We, uh, we'll need to assess Tracy," he says, his brows slanted in apology. "By the sounds of things she's inhaled a lot of smoke and we need to get her on oxygen and-"

"Right," Charity nods once. "I'll sort it."

She takes a step and is surprised to find how wobbly her legs are, but she keeps going. She lays a hand on Megan's back as she passes her, but she gives no sign that she's felt it. Inhaling through her nose, she crouches beside Vanessa, running her hand up and down her back. Vanessa turns and their eyes meet. Charity brings her hand up to rest on the back of Vanessa's neck, her thumb stroking gently. She wants to say so much, but she can't right now or they'll both break down and they need to get Tracy moving.

"Trace?" Her throat feels tight and sore and she has to force the words through. "Babe, I'm so sorry but they need to check you over."

"I'm _fine_ ," Tracy spits, between sobs. She twists her neck, looking over at Frank's horrifically still body. "Thanks to him. And now he's-"

Vanessa closes her eyes and pulls Tracy closer, kissing the top of her head. "Listen, Charity's right." She clears her throat. "You need to let them make sure you're alright, yeah?" She lifts her head, waiting for Tracy to look at her. "We can't let this have been for nothing."

Tracy's shoulders jump with another sob, but she nods. Charity beckons the paramedics over and they move in swiftly. She notes that Jai and Laurel have gathered around Megan and are comforting her. That's one less person to worry about.

The bloke who'd spoken to Charity earlier bends down to Tracy's level. "C'mon, love. Let's get you to the ambulance and get you looked at. Maybe help you breathe a bit better, eh?"

Two of them help Tracy to her feet, but she turns to Vanessa, eyes frantic. "Don't let them take him away! I haven't said- I need to tell him-"

"I won't," Vanessa promises. "Go on."

They watch as Tracy makes her way to the ambulance, casting glances over her shoulder. Vanessa make a move to stand up and Charity helps her with a hand on her elbow. She takes the opportunity to look at her properly for the first time since it all happened. There's soot on her face from where she was hugging Tracy, with clear tracks left by her tears.

"Megan," Vanessa whispers. "I better-"

"Megan's being seen to," Charity says, taking hold of Vanessa by the shoulders and turning her away from Frank. "Never mind anybody else right now, okay? Concentrate on yourself, for once." Vanessa looks up at her, almost in a daze. Charity's throat closes up and she shakes her head. "I'm so, _so_ sorry, Ness. I'm so sorry."

She watches reality sink in. With no-one to comfort, no-one to take care of, Vanessa finally has to _feel_ what's happened. And the sight of it breaks Charity's heart clean in two.

Vanessa crumples. That's the only word for it. Her knees give way and it's only Charity's quick reflexes that keep her from tumbling to the ground. Instead, they both fall, landing on their knees. Charity gathers Vanessa to her, holding as tightly as she dares, trying to keep her from breaking apart. Because that's what it feels like is happening. Vanessa's chest is heaving against her own, her face is buried in Charity's neck, mouth open but no sound coming out.

"It's okay," Charity whispers. "It's okay, let it out, babe."

"I...c-can't," Vanessa stammers. "It's...it's too much." She grips Charity's top and some of her hair. "It hurts too much."

The words are barely more than an exhalation against Charity's skin and she can't keep her own tears from falling at the pain in Vanessa's voice.

"I know it does," she says, squeezing Vanessa tighter, rocking them both. "I know. But you can't keep it all inside." She turns so her lips are against Vanessa's cheek. "You'll turn into me, yeah? And we can't have two of me in this relationship."

Vanessa's body spasms with a sob or a laugh or something in between and she grasps Charity harder, shaking her head. "I can't, Charity. I've got to k-keep it t-together for Tracy and-"

"Hey," Charity lifts her head, pushing Vanessa back a little so they can see each other. "You _will_ be strong for Tracy, because that's the kind of person you are. But you've lost your dad just as much as she has. And you're allowed to have feelings too."

Tears spill from the edges of Vanessa's eyes and she shakes her head. "I can't." She looks up at Charity and shakes her head. "If I let it out, it might never stop."

Charity sets her jaw, willing herself not to cry. She shakes her head. "You let out whatever you need to let out, babe." She swallows. "I'll hold you together, I promise."

Vanessa's eyes fill up again and her chin shakes. "Oh, Charity. What am I going to do?"

She collapses against Charity again, but this time her sobs are painfully audible. Charity wraps her up in her arms, resting her head against Vanessa's, and lets her cry.

"That's it, babe," she encourages, nodding. "Let it out." Vanessa's sobs turn to wails and Charity holds her tighter, turning to whisper against her ear. "I've got you."


	64. Right here in your arms is the safest pl

The mid-afternoon lull is in full swing. There's a few punters scattered around, all taking their time with their drinks. Normally Charity'd take advantage of the quiet to read a magazine or do her nails, but can't settle today. She knows it's because with nothing to keep her mind occupied, it'll turn to Vanessa and what to do about this front she's putting up. Charity's worried, if she's honest. Vanessa's usually so open about everything that this bottling stuff up is unnerving. It's like watching a jack in the box getting wound up, tighter and tighter, with no idea when it'll burst open.

She's got plans for the evening that involve a lot of relaxation and reassurance in the hope that she can get Vanessa to talk to her about something other than her fixation on finding who's to blame for the explosion. First Tracy, now Frank. It's as if she thinks that being in possession of the facts gives her control. And maybe, blaming Frank for his own demise is a way of shifting some of her pain into anger.

Whatever's going on, Charity's determined to get her through it. She'd never have survived the previous year without Vanessa's strong arms around her, her shoulder to cry on and her ear to bend. She's going to be that person for Vanessa now.

She's crouched, stacking clean glasses back under the bar, when movement from behind her catches her attention. She twists her neck and is surprised to see Vanessa coming through from the back.

"Babe?" Charity pushes to her feet, wiping her hands on a cloth as she heads over to meet her. "Didn't expect to see you till later. Tracy not with you?" She leans in to press a kiss to Vanessa's cheek, not expecting her to hiss and flinch away. Charity's stomach lurches; Vanessa's never reacted to her like that before. Vanessa's looking up at her, wide-eyed, one hand cradling her cheek. "Ness?"

"It's nothing." The response is too quick to be true.

"I've just suddenly started repulsing you, have I?" Charity asks. She turns and sniffs at her armpit. "I didn't think I'd been working _that_ hard." Vanessa cracks a tiny smile at that, but the movement seems to cause her pain and she closes her eyes. Charity shakes her head. "Right, lady, in the back. Now." She takes Vanessa by the shoulders, much more gently than her command would suggest, and urges her into the corridor.

Vanessa huffs, but turns to face Charity, rolling her eyes. "Don't go mad."

Not the _best_ way to broach any subject, but Charity reins in her instinct to demand to be told what's going on. Instead she nods. "I won't go mad."

With a sigh, Vanessa lifts a hand to flutter by her right cheek. "Tracy...sort of-" She winces. "-slapped me."

There's a moment where it feels like Charity's ears and her brain aren't in sync and the words sit in her head, unprocessed. Because they can't be right, surely. She shakes her head. "I'm sorry. She _what_?"

"Look, I _know_ you said it wasn't a terrible thing that she was refusing to think Dad might've been involved in starting the fire-" Vanessa's words are tumbling over each other as she rushes to explain. "-but I couldn't just let her sit and stew and try and work out what might've happened, so I-" She flicks her eyes away from Charity's, biting her lip. "I maybe got a bit more forceful about it than I should have. And she-" She gestures to her face. "-didn't take it brilliantly."

"And she _hit_ you?" Charity says, because she really does feel the need to clarify.

She's been in Tracy's corner since this all happened. She was the one who persuaded Vanessa to see things from Tracy's point of view and apologise. She was the one who told Vanessa to back off and not force this theory of hers down Tracy's throat. But slapping Vanessa? That's not on.

"I don't blame her, really," Vanessa says, in that weary tone that's weighed her voice down the past few days. "I deserved it."

Charity shakes her head, bringing her hand up to Vanessa's cheek, touching her fingertips to her skin as gently as she can. It's warm to the touch, and now she's looking closely, it's redder than the other cheek. She wills herself not to explode. Because any anger she feels is directed at herself. She's let Vanessa down. She's supposed to look out for her, protect her. The last person who hurt Vanessa ended up in hospital with a head wound, courtesy of Charity.

"No, you didn't," she says, in a fierce whisper, bringing her other hand up to cup Vanessa's unharmed cheek, tilting her face so their eyes meet. "No-one, _ever,_ gets to lay their hands on you like that, okay? Not your sister. Not anybody."

"Charity, I-"

Vanessa tries to interject, but Charity's not finished. She's had plenty of people in her life think it was just fine to hit her when her behaviour didn't please them. Megan being the most recent. And it's taken her a long time to get out of the mentality that _she_ deserved it. That she must have done something that warranted her Dad clipping her round the ear. Or Bails belting her across the mouth. Or Cain half smothering her to death. She always thought it was her that drove these men to their extreme actions. So many of them treated her that way, it had to be her, didn't it?

Until Vanessa came along and showed her that violence has no part in love. That people who genuinely care about you will never lift their hands to you in anger. That there are other ways people can show passion. She's given Vanessa more than enough reason to act the way all those blokes did, but Vanessa never has. Her hands are always gentle, her touch brings comfort rather than pain. And it's a whole new world that makes Charity want to weep for her younger self who never understood it could ever be like this.

"She can disagree with you all she likes. God knows, I do," Charity continues, glad of the little smile she gets for that. "But she doesn't get to hit you. Okay? She lifts her hands to you again, me and her'll have words."

Waiting until Vanessa nods, Charity dips her head, bringing her lips to Vanessa's warm cheek and just letting them rest there for a second. Vanessa's hands curl around her hips, pulling her closer. Briefly, Charity thinks this might be it; this might be where the dam finally breaks. But then the moment passes and Vanessa pulls back, giving her a nod and a smile that quickly fades.

"That goes for you an'all," Vanessa says. "Nobody gets to hit you either, ever again. Not if I've got any say in it."

"Haven't you always got something to say?" Charity says. They share a smile and Charity sighs.

"Right then." She drapes an arm around Vanessa's shoulders and turns her towards the kitchen. "We better get you set up with a bag of frozen peas and a brew. And then you can tell me everything."

Vanessa frowns. "I should go and get the kids off Chas, she's had them all day."

"Debbie's taking them for the night." She pushes the heavy kitchen door open and yanks open one of the industrial freezers. "So don't worry about that now." She locates a bag of peas and wraps them in a dishtowel. With a hand on Vanessa's left cheek, she gently presses the bundle against her right. "How's that?"

Vanessa's eyes drift closed and she nods, covering Charity's hand with her own, pressing a bit harder. "Feels really nice." She opens her eyes and looks up at Charity. "Thank you. I love you."

She's been saying that a lot, these past couple of days. Like she's worried that whenever someone's out of her sight, she's never going to see them again. Charity lets her take over holding the peas and wraps both arms around her instead, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you too. I'll love you even if you get up tomorrow and look like you've gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson, yeah?"

Vanessa's gentle laugh against her shoulder makes her smile. She might not be able to stop bad things happening out there. But at least she can keep Vanessa safe when she has her in her arms.


	65. We could use some love to ease these

It's funny. For a long time after the beginning of their relationship, she'd expected Vanessa to walk away at some point. To see that being with Charity was too much hassle, not worth the effort. She's not actually all that sure when she _stopped_ expecting it to happen. But she must have at some point, because it sure as hell came as a shock today.

She rolls her eyes at herself. _Stop being dramatic, Charity_. It's not like they've broken up or anything, is it? She swallows, wrapping her arms around her stomach more tightly and staring at the bottle of wine on the table in front of her. Unopened, by the way.

It's the queasiness that's stopped her pouring herself a glass, in all honesty. That stone sitting on the bottom of her stomach, heavy and cold. It's been there since Vanessa walked up that path to Tug Ghyll.

To be with _her family_.

Again, it's not like that's factually inaccurate. Johnny and Tracy _are_ her family. Charity and Noah and Moses; they're just some random outsiders, aren't they? Attached by a question and a ring and nothing else. If they broke up now, there's nothing to link them together. Charity knows that better than most. She's stood there promising to love people for better or worse loads of times, and it's all for nothing when it comes down to it. Take Jai. She'd been in love with him, once. And now he means nothing more to her than any other punter in her pub. Less than most, even.

She sits forward, leaning her elbows on her knees, closing her eyes against the rush of nausea that thought brings.

She can't imagine ending up like that with Vanessa. She can't imagine coming into a room and _not_ seeing Vanessa's eyes light up at the sight of her. She can't imagine serving her a pint and not flirting with her and receiving an eyeroll and reluctant smile in return. She can't imagine going back to that place she used to be. Where she was empty and sad and angry all the time. Always up to something, causing trouble just to get noticed, just to _feel_ something.

These days, she doesn't need all that. She feels plenty all the time, whenever she's around Vanessa. Love, joy, concern, compassion and everything in between. It's like Vanessa took her emotions and ramped the volume up to eleven. Which is probably why this bloody hurts so much now.

She sighs. Why didn't she just tell her about Sarah when she told her about the house? She _was_ trying to protect her, not stress her out. But apparently that was wrong? She huffs through her nose. Why's there no bloody rule book about this kind of thing? It was much easier when she just didn't give a toss about people's feelings.

The living room door opens and she inhales deeply, ready to tell whoever it is just to give her peace. But when she turns, she's surprised to see Vanessa closing the door behind her. Biting back her automatic need to go on the offence, she doesn't say anything as Vanessa walks around and sits beside her on the couch, leaving more distance between them than she normally would, Charity notices. Another terrible sign.

The silence goes on too long, and Charity's chest grows too tight to keep quiet any longer.

"Thought you wanted to be with your family?" It comes out more harshly than she intended, but she doesn't look over to see how it landed.

"I'm sorry," Vanessa says, her voice scratchy and rough from crying. Not with Charity, though. "I should never have said that to you."

Charity shrugs, like she's not been sitting here all evening going over the words in her head. "S'alright, babe. You were only telling the truth, weren't you?"

"No, I wasn't." Vanessa shifts a bit closer on the couch. Her hand comes into Charity's view, hovering over her knee, but it retreats. "I was lashing out at you. And I'm sorry."

Gritting her teeth, Charity swallows and finally turns to meet Vanessa's eyes. This would be so much easier if Vanessa was a normal person who didn't just say exactly what she was feeling all the time. "Lashing out? Why? Because of Sarah?"

"Right, let's get that out of the way, shall we?" Vanessa sighs, shaking her head. "This was never about Sarah. Of _course_ Sarah can stay with us. That was never going to be a problem." She shifts closer again, their arms almost touching now.

"Okay. So-" Charity scrunches up her forehead. "It was about me not _telling_ you about Sarah? Because, babe, I just didn't want to give you any more stress right now, yeah? Your dad's just died. You've got everything going on with Tracy and the inves-" Vanessa puts a finger over her lips and she shuts up.

"Yeah, I've got that going on." She nods. "But that doesn't mean I want to be a passenger in this relationship." Her hand falls to Charity's knee, gripping, this time. "This is our life, Charity. And we can't live it on half truths." Vanessa's eyes are shining now, light bouncing off the tears that have gathered in them. "I have to know that you're not hiding stuff because you think it'll upset me. It _might_ upset me, but it'll upset me much more if you're keeping things from me."

Charity nods along as Vanessa talks. Well, that _sort_ of makes sense. She'd stopped listening closely after the 'this is our life' bit, really. Because the wave of relief that swept through her disconnected her brain for a couple of seconds.

"Okay." She bites her lip. "But I really was just trying-"

"I _know_ ," Vanessa says, giving Charity a tiny smile for the first time since she mentioned the house earlier. "I know what you were trying to do, and I do kind of understand why." She bumps Charity's shoulder with her own. "You've been amazing this whole week and I shouldn't have lashed out the way I did."

"You're grieving, Ness," Charity says.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything goes," Vanessa says, now leaning against Charity. She sighs. "I ran out of petrol earlier. Had a bit of a...well, a spectacular cry, really."

"What?" Charity takes her hand. "On your own? Why didn't you ring me?"

"Rhona happened to be passing," Vanessa says, blowing out a breath. "She found me. Gave me a cuddle and a pep-talk and brought me back to the village."

There's absolutely no denying the ugly spike of jealousy that runs through Charity at hearing that. All week she's been here for Vanessa, trying to get her to open up. Trying to get her to feel something. And now Rhona sweeps in and hits the jackpot.

Just as quickly, guilt follows on its heels. If she'd just been honest with Vanessa in the first place, she wouldn't have been out driving around, getting stranded and needing to be rescued by ex-girlfriends.

"Well, good." Charity nods, annoyed that her voice wavers. _More_ annoyed that Vanessa notices it and reaches up to cup her cheek.

"It was just the situation, that's all," Vanessa says. "I didn't pick Rhona to tell all my feelings to. She was just there."

"And I wasn't." Charity looks down at the carpet, furiously blinking back her tears. "I'm sor-"

Vanessa presses her forehead to Charity's neck, her warm breath tickling Charity's cheek. "There's been no rhyme or reason to anything this week. I've said things I shouldn't have. But like I said, you've been brilliant." She lifts her head, waiting for Charity to look at her. "But I need you to stop treating me like I'm going to break if you so much as sneeze near me." She bumps her nose against Charity's cheek. "I'm a big girl."

Charity laughs at that. A choked sound, half cut off by a sob. "No you're not."

They both sober. "No more hiding things, okay?" Vanessa whispers. "Promise me?"

"Promise," Charity says. And finds she means it.

"Okay. Good." Vanessa sniffs and rubs at her face. "And I _did_ want to be with my family tonight, by the way." She smiles. "That's why I'm here."

Charity rolls her eyes, but lifts her arm to wrap it around Vanessa's shoulders, pulling her close. "That was a bit pandery for my liking, but I'll take it."

Vanessa nods against her shoulder. "Were you going to open that wine?"

"Nah. But I will if you want a glass."

There's a pause where Vanessa considers the offer, but then wrinkles her nose. "I don't think I could stomach it, right now." She slides her arm across Charity's belly, settling against her. "Just this is fine."

"Whatever you need, babe," Charity says. Her insides feel like they've been to the gym, all stretched out and loose after being tense for so long.

"I'm going to tell Johnny tomorrow." Charity presses her lips together to keep from commenting. Vanessa lifts her head. "Will you- can you be there with me, when I do?"

"Of _course_ I will." While it's not something she's looking forward to, she knows it's a necessary step in Vanessa moving forward, and she'll be there with bells on if Vanessa wants her to be.

"And then maybe we can distract him by showing him his new room, eh?" Vanessa tries to smile. "We can tell him and Noah and Moses together? Some nice news in amongst all the horrible stuff?"

"So...y-you still want to move?" Charity asks.

"Course I do, you daft beggar." Vanessa settles into her previous position, cuddled around Charity. "It'll do us good to have our own space." She laughs a little. "When _were_ you planning to tell me about Sarah, by the way? When Debbie drove off without her?"

Charity's lips turn up, picturing that scene. "Hadn't thought that far ahead, babe. You know me. Planning's not exactly my forté, is it?" She swallows. "You really don't mind, though? About Sarah?"

Lifting her head again, Vanessa meets her eyes. "Charity, tomorrow I've got to tell my son that he's never going to see his Grandad again." She shakes her head. "I'd _never_ deprive you of seeing your grandkid, or her of seeing you. Never."

Eyes filling with tears, Charity leans in and presses a soft kiss to Vanessa's lips. "I know you wouldn't." She urges her back into their previous decision. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Charity's heart sighs in relief.


	66. And here we are, still holding on

She stands in Charity's arms, wondering why she shrank away from this comfort. Wasn't she the one always going on at Charity about not putting on a front? She adjusts her hold slightly, shifting more of her weight to rest against Charity, and a kiss is pressed to her forehead. She smiles.

"Where do people go when they're dead?" She hears Johnny say.

She opens her eyes, twisting to give him some trite answer, when she realises it's not her he's asking.

"Up in the sky, I fink." Moses nods to himself, as they both keep colouring in. "My daddy says my Uncle Finn is up in the sky. He says he watches us an' he laughs at Uncle Pete when he's bein' daft."

Johnny nods, like this is completely plausible. Charity's gentle laugh blows through her hair and Vanessa tightens her arms, eyes still on the boys.

"My Grandad Frank can maybe be friends with your Uncle Finn up in the sky."

"Yeah!" Moses nods. "They can go to the pub in the sky. And play the PlayStation."

Tears come again and she turns her face into Charity's chest to hide them. A hand comes up to cradle the back of her head.

"Hear that, babe? Frank and Finn supping pints together in heaven." She starts to rock them gently. "You'll need to tell your Tracy that one."

She smiles against Charity's skin, lifting her head and meeting her eyes. "She'll love that." Glancing over at the boys, she smiles. "They're so resilient, aren't they?"

"Yeah. Little soldiers, the lot of them." Charity gives her a smile. She tilts her head towards the couch. "Go and sit with them while I make their tea, yeah? You never know, they might have some more insights into the afterlife."

Nodding, she sighs and squeezes Charity before stepping back, leaving her hands on her hips. "Thank you, for today. For this week, really." She rolls her eyes. "For everything."

"No need for thanks, babe." Charity kisses her cheek. "Go on. I'm gonna do my speciality for them."

"Beans on toast?" Vanessa asks.

Charity winks. "Got it in one."

With a final smile, she heads over to the couch, sliding in behind where the boys are kneeling. She leans forward, looking over their shoulders. "What you colouring, boys?"

"A octopus," Johnny says, scribbling red over the top of green, paying no attention to the lines.

"I'm doing a cat," Moses says. The few months he has on Johnny really show now, in his much neater work. His little left hand is curled around the pen in the same way Charity's does when she's working on a crossword. She smiles.

"They're lovely. You're both doing a brilliant job."

The door opens and Noah breezes in. He hesitates a bit when his eyes land on her, like he's been doing all week. He'd given her an awkward hug the first time he'd seen her after it happened, and then studiously never mentioned anything to do with her Dad again. He gives her a half smile now, coming and sitting beside her on the couch, ruffling the boys' hair.

"What's for tea?" he asks. "Needs to be quick, I'm playing footie with the lads in a bit."

"Beans on toast," Charity calls over, from where she's emptying tins into a plastic jug, ready to go in the microwave. "Or I can do you a jacket potato and beans. The beans are non-negotiable."

"Toast's fine." He looks at Vanessa, and then away again. "You alright?"

She feels guilty all over again at the innocent question. He's spent his life with people coming and going, having shouting matches and then leaving. She bumps his shoulder with hers. "I'm fine." She flicks her eyes to Charity and back. " _We're_ fine."

He shrugs, like it's no skin off his nose, but she knows he needed to hear it.

"Ness?" Moses says, in that sing-song way he has, giving her name an extra syllable or two.

"Mmmhmm?"

He turns around and leans his back against the coffee table. "Me and Dad put flowers for Uncle Finn in the ce-cetem-"

"Uh, Moses, I don't-" She puts her hand on Noah's knee, shaking her head and giving him a smile. She doesn't want the little ones to feel like they can't talk about this, that it's wrong or bad to talk as openly and honestly as they are doing.

"It's alright, love." She turns back to Moses. "At the ce-met-ery." Vanessa sounds it out for him.

"Yeah. We put flowers in his bit and he looks and sees them." He leans his elbow on her thigh. "Maybe we can put a flower there for Johnny's Grandad Frank and my Uncle Finn will see it and tell him about it?"

Vanessa looks over to see Charity watching them, that same soft look she's been wearing for most of this week. She smiles at her before turning her attention to Moses.

"I think that's a lovely idea, darling." She licks her thumb and wipes at a streak of blue felt pen on his cheek. It makes no difference whatsoever. She runs her fingers through his hair. "Maybe we can do that tomorrow." He grins at her, happy that she's pleased with his idea. "Would you like that, Johnny? If we got some flowers for Grandad Frank?"

"Mmmhmm." Johnny's attention is still on the colouring book. "He likes blue, so we can get him blue ones."

His use of the present tense makes her tear up again, but she blinks and sniffs until she's got herself under control. It's nice, though, feeling like she _can_ cry if she needs to. That Charity will be there to hold her when she does and that she doesn't always have to be everyone's pillar of strength.

"Right you two." Charity heads over with two plates. "As a treat, you can eat at this table tonight instead of the big one." Vanessa hides a smile, sure that Charity just wants the boys to stay close to her. She clears a space in amongst the colouring books and pens and Charity sets the plates down in front of them. "And listen, the two of you better not be trumping all night because of these beans, okay?"

The boys giggle and blow raspberries at her and she wrinkles her nose as if she smells something bad. Even Noah laughs, and Vanessa's not sure her heart's ever been more full of love. Charity bumps Noah's knee with her own.

"Shift. Your toast's about to pop, so you can sort yourself out. I've done the hard bit."

"What? Opening the tin?"

Noah huffs, but gets up, and Charity takes his place on the couch, draping her arm along the back behind Vanessa. Vanessa leans into her, watching the boys tuck into their dinner. There are beans all over the carpet already but Vanessa can't find it in herself to get worked up about it tonight. Noah brings his own plate over and kneels at the coffee table with the boys, and starts winding them up about something or other.

"There's some nice wildflowers over by the bridge," Charity says, twisting Vanessa's ponytail around her finger. "Bound to be some blue ones mixed in there."

Vanessa nods, taking Charity's other hand and linking their fingers. Charity's thumb plays with her engagement ring. She had thought about having her dad cremated, but having somewhere to go and leave flowers and talk about him is looking like a better idea. Moses seems to understand just fine about Finn, and she wants Johnny to have that about her dad.

"We should ask Tracy to come with us," Vanessa says. "I think that would be good for her an'all."

"Course, babe. I assumed she'd be coming."

Again, tears spring to Vanessa's eyes and she moves closer to Charity, pressing her face into her neck. Charity's arm curls around her, pulling her in. She lets herself feel the pain and take the comfort.

Of _course_ Charity would include Tracy in their plans. Because she's family. Part of _their_ family; this strong unit that they've found and built from the foundations up. A family that laughs and argues and plays and cries together. She's never really had that before, not properly. She maybe didn't even realise she craved it. But now she has it, she's never going to let it go. She's going to fight for this little family, and for the bigger one that surrounds it. She's going to hold onto them and make sure they know how she feels about them. And she's going to make her dad proud.


	67. I look in your eyes and know I'm right

She finds herself looking at the clock on her phone for the umpteenth time in thirty minutes or so. Time's moving slower than it usually does, that's the only explanation. Something's happened like in one of Noah's superhero films that's upset the space/time continuum, making Charity's evening shift double its normal length. She sighs, leaning her crossed arms on the bar and observing the clientele. Nothing out of the ordinary for a Tuesday. Bob passes her by after collecting some glasses and she's struck by an idea.

"Here, Bob." She sidles up to him at the sink. "How d'you feel about closing up tonight?"

"I feel like I'm due to finish at nine." Bob offers her a grin. "But you know me, Boss, always willing to lend a helping hand to those in need." He bumps her with his shoulder. "Keen to get home to the wife and kids in your new place, eh?"

She narrows her eyes. "I don't have a wife."

Bob waves away her objection with a cloth. "As good as."

That's an understatement and a half. Vanessa's more of a spouse to her than any of her feckless husbands ever were. 'You've got a good partner' Debbie had said. And that's what Vanessa is; a genuine partner. Not a meal ticket or a security blanket or a vestige of her misspent youth. They share a life together, they've got kids they're raising together, they want to spend time together. With everyone else, Charity felt like she existed alongside them. With Vanessa, she's not sure where either of them end and the other begins. Not in a dead soppy way, either. Vanessa's like a leg, or a lung. So much part of her that she doesn't even notice, most of the time, but by heck she'd notice if she wasn't there.

"Fine." She rolls her eyes. "Yes, I want to get home to my fiancée and the kids that haven't moved to the other end of the country yet. So will you close up or not?"

"Yeah, go on then." Bob winks. "Go home."

That sounds weird; to be stood in the pub and get told to go home. This place has been home to her for longer than anywhere else in a good long while. Maybe because it's _hers_. Bought and paid for with her own money and nobody can take it away from her. And yet, she's not felt one pang of regret about this decision to move to Jacob's Fold. It's when she's putting her jacket on that she realises why; her home is wherever Vanessa and the kids are. The building is irrelevant.

All them years she spent craving big houses and fancy things to put in them. Kim Tate could turn up right now and drop the keys to Home Farm into her palm, but if it meant living there without Vanessa and Noah and the little ones, she'd tell her where to stick them. And it wouldn't be in a keyhole.

There's a terrifying joy that comes with these semi-regular epiphanies she's started having since getting in tow with Vanessa. The knowledge that she's given so much of herself to another person, that her happiness is intrinsically linked with someone else's, would've ha her running for the hills not so long ago. But it's not scary anymore. If anything, it's comforting, to feel that safe and secure in someone else's feelings.

On a whim, she grabs a bottle of bubbly from the chiller as she passes. "I'll settle up for this tomorrow," she tells Bob on her way out.

"It's your pub," Bob says with a shrug. "Enjoy your evening, Charity."

She heads out into the soft warmth of dusk. It's that gentle quiet time, where the world is winding down and everything is settling in for the night. She smiles at Eric, out for a walk with Cheryl, as she heads over to the cottage.

She's met with a far more organised room than she expected. Vanessa's in the kitchen area, unpacking a box. She looks over when she hears the door and smiles. Her face is still drawn and her eyes puffy, but she looks happier than she has since Frank died.

"Hey babe." Charity closes the door, hiding the bottle behind her back, suddenly feeling foolish for having brought it. Vanessa's hardly going to be wanting to drink bubbly, is she?

"Hiya." Vanessa heads over to her, confusion creasing her forehead. "Thought you were closing up tonight?"

"Yeah, well, I charmed Bob into doing it instead." She shrugs. "Thought we should spend the first night in our new place together."

Vanessa's smile widens, chasing away a little more of the hollowness in her eyes. "Awww. Get you being all soppy." Her eyes drop to Charity's arms. "What you hiding?"

"Nothing." Charity curses herself for lying, and lying so poorly at that. She sighs and brings the bottle out. "Something that felt like a good idea when I was leaving the pub, and now feels completely insensitive and wrong. I'll just shove it in-"

Vanessa takes the bottle out of her hand and shakes her head. "It's not insensitive, or wrong." She goes up on her tiptoes and kisses Charity's cheek. "Of course we should toast to finally getting our own space."

Trailing Vanessa into the kitchen, Charity wrings her hands. "Yeah, but, with your dad and everything-"

"We can't put our life on hold, Charity." Vanessa looks over at her as she unwraps the foil from the cork. "We've got to keep on going. And this is a good thing. We need to celebrate it." She nods to a cupboard. "Grab us a couple of glasses."

Charity does as instructed, setting them on the counter and watching Vanessa twist and ease the cork out, resulting in a satisfying pop. As Vanessa pours, Charity moves around to stand beside her. When the glasses are appropriately full, they both take one and hold them up. Charity's trying to think of a sensitive toast, but Vanessa beats her to it.

"To us, and our new home. I hope our mad little family is very happy here." She clinks her glass against Charity's.

"To us." Charity nods, returning Vanessa's hopeful smile. "Cheers babe."

They both take a drink. Charity wraps an arm around Vanessa's shoulders as they survey their new domain. "You didn't have to do all the unpacking, by the way. I'd have helped."

"Like you did with the packing, you mean?" Vanessa sways into her. "It's fine. It's better when I keep busy, you know?"

She nods. "Yeah. And, to be fair, you've done a brilliant job." There's the odd box still kicking around, but the living room and kitchen are fairly tidy and put together.

"Thanks."

There's a pause while they both sip their champagne, where something strikes Charity. Or the lack of something strikes her, rather. She takes Vanessa's glass and sets them both down, before dragging Vanessa into the living room.

"What are you d-" Charity places a finger over her lips, earning a furrowed brow.

"Listen, babe," Charity whispers, removing her finger. "What do you hear?"

Vanessa tilts her head, like a puppy listening to some high-pitched noise. She shrugs. "I can't hear anything."

"Exactly!" Charity takes her by the shoulders, grinning like an idiot. "There's no Paddy yelling about losing his glasses. No Bear growling. No Chas moaning about swollen feet. No glasses rattling. No punters yelling through from the bar."

"In fairness, that's usually because you're supposed to be through there _serving_ the punters," Vanessa says, but her smile is growing. "But yeah. It's quiet."

"It's quiet." Charity's hands slide to Vanessa's hips. "It's _just_ us here."

"Oh, yeah." Vanessa eyebrows go up. "All alone in an empty house. Been a while since that happened."

"Hasn't it just?" Charity murmurs, leaning in and brushing her lips over Vanessa's, barely touching. "We really shouldn't waste this opp-"

She hasn't even finished her sentence when the front door bursts open and Noah barges in, yelling over his shoulder. "Literally nobody thinks Justice League was better than Avengers. That's just daft."

Charity rests her forehead against Vanessa's, letting out a sigh.

"Well, _I_ do." Sarah flounces in after him. "Justice League has Wonder Woman, so it's automatically better."

"That's- How can you-" Noah splutters in his indignance.

"I'm allowed to think that if I want." Sarah notices them standing in the middle of the room, in each other's arms. "Oh, hiya. Anything for tea? I'm starving."

There's no time to reply, because there's a knock on the door and it opens a crack, and is them thrown to the wall as Moses and Johnny burst in, screaming at the top of their lungs. Kerry follows a second later. "Hiya. Tracy asked me to drop these two over." She winces as Johnny hurls himself at Noah. "They've...probably eaten a wee bit too much sugar. Tracy was in a bit of a ' _life's short and then you-_ '" She stops, wilting a bit under Charity's glare. "Well, you know what I mean, kind of mood. So they got whatever they asked for, pretty much, all day."

Moses collides with Charity's legs and she looks down to find him wide eyed and grinning. "We got ice-cream for dinner. _And_ sprinkles. _And_ sauce! Can we go back to Tracy's tomorrow?"

Vanessa groans, but smiles down at him. "We'll see, love."

He careens off and clambers onto the sofa, bouncing on it like a trampoline.

"I'll leave yous to it." Kerry slinks out, leaving them in a scene of utter chaos.

Charity looks at Vanessa and they both burst out laughing at the same second, falling into each other and clinging.

"What so funny?" Sarah asks.

"With them two, it's best not to ask, most of the time," Noah advises her.

When they recover enough to lift their heads, Charity wipes the tears from Vanessa's cheeks, heartened that they've come from happiness rather than despair. Vanessa sniffs and catches her hand, squeezing it.

"I wouldn't want a silent house anyway," Vanessa confides. "I'd take this any day."

"Yeah?" Charity looks around at the mad house, before returning her gaze to Vanessa's. She smiles. "Me too, babe. Me too."


	68. And the cow jumped over the moon

Moses is coming back out of the house with a blanket when he sees his mother standing by her car, staring through the window. He heads up the path and tugs on her sleeve, grinning up at her when she turns to him.

"Hiya."

She looks back at the car and then at him. "Why is there a cow in the front seat of my car, babe?"

"Ma, it's _Daisy_." He sighs when she just looks at him like she doesn't know what he's talking about. Mum had told her about Daisy yesterday at teatime. How she'd had a sore tummy and they'd fixed her. "She needs a lift home to Butlers."

"In _my_ car?" His Ma throws her hands up. "How did it even get in?"

"I helped her in." Moses holds out the blanket he'd fetched. "We can put that round her so she's not cold."

Ma takes in a long breath through her nose, with her eyes shut. That's not a good sign. Usually she does that before she yells at Noah. She crouches down beside him.

"Right, bab, first things first, I'm going to need to know where you got this cow from."

"From the Vets." He frowns. That's a daft question. Where else would he have got her?

"Right. Right. So you just walked in and took it?" She shakes her head. "Christ, barely six and already cow-rustling. That's the Barton in you."

"Pearl was there!" Moses protests. "She gave me a sweetie."

"And Pearl just let you take this cow, did she?" Ma asks, an eyebrow raised. She stands back up, pulls out her phone and starts tapping on it before pressing it to her ear. "And where's Noah? Isn't he supposed to be looking after you?"

"He's inside. I told our Johnny where I was going!"

"What have we said about telling an adu-" She stops talking to him and instead starts on whoever's on the other end of her phone. "Don't you ' _hello'_ me, Vanessa Dingle. You need to get your backside home as quickly as humanly possible. Why? Because your son has gone and kidnapped a cow, hasn't he? And it's currently sitting in the passenger seat of my car." She rolls her eyes. "What do you mean, which one? Which one do you think?" She nods and glares at him. "Yes. _That_ one."

He sighs, looking at the blanket in his arms and then up at his Ma. "I just thought Daisy would want to get back home. She's only little. She'll be missing her mum."

Ma looks at him for a bit and then sighs into her phone. "Just...just get home and we can deal with it, yeah? And if this thing leaves any little 'presents' in my car, you're paying to have it valeted. Or maybe buying me a new one." She smiles. "We can negotiate. Okay babe, see you when you get here."

She hangs up and puts a hand on his shoulder. They both look at Daisy, who seems quite happy in the car. "Right, sweetheart, firstly, you can't just wander off when Noah's watching you, okay? Or when anyone's watching you, as a matter of fact. You've got to _tell_ someone before yuo go anywhere."

"I _did_. I told John-"

"An adult, babe." She squeezes his shoulder. "We need to know where you are so we can keep you safe, okay?"

"Okay." That seems fair.

"And you can't just take animals out of the vets'." His Ma shakes her head. "I will be having words with your mother about the security at that place, which is flamin' shocking. But you can't just wander in and take whatever you like."

"Except when I'm with mum?" he asks.

"Well, it's a bit different when you're with mum." She frowns. "But you still can't take the animals. They don't belong to you and they could get hurt. Or they could hurt _you_."

"Okay. I won't take any more animals." He hugs the blanket to his chest. "I just didn't want Daisy to feel sad without her mum."

She tugs him closer, arm around his shoulders. "I know, darling, and that's very sweet of you. But my car isn't a taxi for cows, okay?"

Just at that, the front door bursts open and Noah appears, his eyes wide. When he sees the pair of them, he puts his hand over his chest. "Oh, thank God. Our Johnny's just after telling me Moses had gone to get a cow or summat."

Ma glares at him. "Yeah, you're a bit late." She nods to the car and Noah comes over, laughing when he sees Daisy. "Oh, and you're grounded. Forever."

Noah gasps. "What? How is it my fault that he legged it and nicked a cow?"

"Because _you_ were supposed to be looking after him!"

"But he-"

Daisy moos, loudly, and his Ma points at her through the window. "And you can shut it an'all. Cows should be seen and not _herd_." She frowns, like she's surprised at herself.

Noah grins. "That's Ness, that is. Her terrible jokes are rubbing off on you."

"Yeah, well." Ma rolls her eyes. "Don't mention that to her and I'll think about cutting your grounding down to a week."

"Deal."


	69. So not like the rest of them

"Boys went down fine."

"Eh?" Charity looks up, surprised at Vanessa's voice from behind her. "Oh, sorry, babe, I was miles away just then."

Frowning, Vanessa comes around the couch, sitting down beside her. "You've been miles away all night." A firm hand squeezes her knee. "What's up?"

"Nothing." Charity shakes her head, and tries to conjure up a smile, but she can tell it's not convincing anybody, let alone Vanessa. It's like her face refuses to do what she wants it to, these days. For years, she's hidden behind various masks. Smiles, snarls, whatever the occasion called for. But since Vanessa burst into her life, with her understanding eyes and comforting touches, it's hard to put that front up.

"Is it Debbie?" Vanessa tilts her head. "Are you missing her? Because I know I bit your head off a couple of days ago for saying so, but you are allow-"

"It's not Debbie." Charity cuts her off, covering the hand on her knee. "Honest. It's...it's nothing important."

"It's important enough to unsettle you." Vanessa shifts closer, sliding her arm around Charity's waist. "And that means it's important enough for me to hear about, okay?"

Charity can feel her resolve slipping away, the closer Vanessa gets. She forces a laugh and rolls her eyes. "You'll think I'm daft."

"Oh, I already think that," Vanessa says, with a wink. She scratches the bare skin just above Charity's waistband, under her shirt. "C'mon. What is it?"

With a sigh, Charity gives in and leans into the comfort Vanessa's offering. "You know them obnoxious lads Matty's been hanging around with?"

Vanessa nose wrinkles. "Them ones from the football? He's never still going around with them, is he?"

"Apparently." Charity picks up Vanessa's hand in both of her own. She covers her ring with her thumb. "Well, one of them made a stupid remark earlier, and I...usually I'd have been more than ready for him and gave him a mouthful back, but I just-" She shrugs. "I didn't say anything. And I'm _so_ mad at myself about it."

"A remark? What? About you?" Vanessa's whole body has tightened, ready to attack something. "What did he say?"

"Calm down, Rambo." Charity bumps her head against Vanessa's. "Matty said something about me marrying my girlfriend and one of them offered to video the wedding." She sighs. "As long as he got to video the wedding night an'all."

Vanessa's on her feet, pacing, before Charity can breathe. "What a disgusting little-" She throws her hands up. "What gives him the right to- How _dare_ he reduce our relationship to...to _that._ "

"Oi." Charity catches hold of Vanessa's belt loop as she passes, tugging her into her lap and wrapping her up. "I know, babe. I think that's why it took me by surprise, if I'm honest." She closes her eyes, tucking her head beneath Vanessa's chin. "That _that_ was his first thought. To make a mucky comment. In a way he wouldn't have done if Matty'd said Cain was marrying _his_ girlfriend, you know?" She tightens her arms around Vanessa. "I s'pose I just forgot some people see us as, well, different."

She feels Vanessa nod against her head. "Little idiots like that are part of the reason I never let myself, you know, embrace my sexuality." A sigh ruffles her hair.

Lifting her head to meet Vanessa's eyes, Charity frowns. "I'm a bit conflicted here, babe."

"Oh?" Vanessa sweeps some hair off Charity's forehead, cupping her cheek after. "Why's that, then?"

"Because I hate to think of you feeling you had to pretend to be anyone else but _you_." Charity says, with a sad smile. "I really do. _But_ -" She lifts her eyebrows and tilts her head. "I'm pretty happy that I'm the one you _embraced_ your sexuality with."

Vanessa laughs, planting a kiss on Charity's forehead. "I'm pretty happy about that myself."

"Good." Charity purses her lips, urging Vanessa down to meet them in a soft kiss.

When they part, Vanessa looks at her, blue eyes serious. "And I don't give a stuff about what any little scrote has to say about us." She shakes her head. "I've never been prouder of anything in my life than I am of us and our family."

"Proud, eh?" Charity makes a show of rolling her eyes. "Don't you go getting any ideas about having us marching in one of them parades next year, right?"

"No promises." Vanessa smiles, rubbing a thumb over Charity's cheek. "I think you'd look gorgeous with a rainbow painted right about here."

"Are you implying that I don't always look gorgeous?" Charity asks, the tension she'd been feeling all day all but gone.

"I would never." Vanessa laughs. "Wow, hark at me sat here talking about going to Pride like it's no big deal. My mother's probably clutching her pearls somewhere."

"She another reason you somehow managed not to notice you were incredibly gay?" Charity prods Vanessa's belly gently. Her mother doesn't come up in conversation often, but when she does, it's clear that she's not exactly warm and cuddly.

"Yeah." Vanessa twists one of Charity's curls around her finger. "She'd never stand for her daughter daring to be anything other than _normal_."

"Well, there's another word for people who aren't normal, you know." Charity smiles up at Vanessa. "Extraordinary. That's what you are."

"Oh, shush you." Vanessa looks down, her cheeks a lovely pink colour. She leans into Charity again, wrapping her arms around her so that Charity's face is pressed into her shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too." The words are muffled, but she knows they'll be understood. She squeezes Vanessa tighter.

It no longer seems to matter that she didn't give that little pillock a mouthful earlier, or that she didn't cut him down with a pithy comeback. She doesn't need to justify or explain her relationship to anyone. She knows what it is, she knows what they have. And that's more than enough for her.


	70. When you're too old to sit on Dad's knee

Charity looks at the ceiling, wondering why it's taking Vanessa so long to put away a basket of washing. And why there's no noises to indicate she's walking around. Shoving her hands in her back pockets, she saunters into the living room area. "I'm just going upstairs to see what's keeping Ness, yeah?"

Noah looks up from where he's making Play Doh monsters with the two little ones on the coffee table and wrinkles his nose. "Gross."

She lets her mouth drop open in fake indignation. "Not everything is code for sex, Noah. We're not all hormone addled teenagers, you know."

He scoffs at this. "Yeah right. The pair of you are always at it."

There's really no disputing that. "Not _always_." She sticks her tongue out at his eyeroll. "And certainly not at the moment considering her dad's just died."

"What were you doing last night, then?" He stares at her defiantly, though there's a distinct tinge of red on his cheeks. "Had to put my headphones on just to drown you out."

She lifts an eyebrow, wondering if it's too late to swap Noah into Johnny and Moses' room. She's not putting up with sarcastic comments every morning at the breakfast table. "I never said we'd stopped. I just said we're not _always_ at it at the moment." She narrows her eyes. "And stop talking about this in front of them two." She nods emphatically at Moses. "That one's got ears bigger than that elephant that never used to be out of his gob."

He tilts his head in a challenge. "I'll keep quiet about it if you keep it down a bit."

She holds her hands out to the sides. "Look, babe, I could stand here and say I'll try, but we'd both know that's a lie."

He rolls his eyes. "Gross."

At that, Johnny holds out some green and brown creation for Noah to admire. Her smile grows when Noah responds enthusiastically, acting like it's a flaming work of art. He's a good boy, underneath all the teenage attitude. She leaves them to it, heading up the stairs to see what's keeping Vanessa.

The bathroom door's wide open, so she's not decided to go for a soak. Heading into their bedroom, she immediately sobers when she hears erratic sobs, broken up by sniffing. Vanessa's lying on the bed, arms around her stomach and legs pulled up to her chest. Charity's heart breaks for the thousandth time since Frank died. She can't bear to see Vanessa upset even over silly things. So when it's something _this_ big, when the sadness goes _this_ deep, it's almost unbearable. And there's nothing she can do or say that will take it away. It's not like when Vanessa got suspended, or when David was an idiot to Tracy. There's no light at the end of this tunnel, no coming back.

Wordlessly, she slides onto the bed. She moves in close, pulling Vanessa into her until their bodies are as close as they can be. Vanessa's hand covers her own, her shoulders still jumping with sobs every so often, but Charity knows she's trying to stop herself from crying. Pressing her face into the back of Vanessa's neck, she closes her eyes.

"You don't need to hide away to have a cry, you know." She tightens her arm around Vanessa's midsection. "You _can_ tell me when you're feeling upset."

"I know." Vanessa's voice is rough, just on the edge of breaking. There's a squeeze to her arm. "I know that. I promise."

"Good." She kisses Vanessa's shoulder. "Because I don't like you feeling as if you've got to bottle everything up."

Vanessa's stomach jumps under her arm, and then she's shifting, turning over so she's facing Charity. Her eyes are red-rimmed, but there's a sparkle to them and her brow is creased in amused confusion. "I'm sorry, I thought I just heard Charity Dingle telling me not to bottle things up?"

Narrowing her eyes, Charity slides her hand up under Vanessa's shirt to rest over her scar. She never really noticed when she started doing that. She's sure it's more to comfort herself than Vanessa. That scar is a sign that Vanessa survived. That she's still here in Charity's life, and she's so bloody grateful for that fact. Vanessa used to protest, at the beginning, saying it was ugly and moving Charity's hand away. Now she allows it without question.

"This is the thanks I get for trying to be sensitive and caring, is it?" Charity murmurs, brushing her thumb back and forth over the skin of Vanessa's belly.

Shuffling forward, Vanessa presses a kiss to her lips. " _That's_ the thanks you get."

Charity's hand slides around to her back, holding her close, their heads on one pillow, looking at each other. "You okay?" She rolls her eyes. "I mean, not _okay_ , but-"

"I'm fine." Vanessa smiles, her eyes growing watery again. "I just-" She sighs. "I was putting some washing in Sarah's room, and she's got a photo of Lisa on her dressing table. And I just started thinking about her funeral and how it was such a lovely day." She smiles at Charity, but her chin is wobbling. "Everyone was there, remembering her and thinking about her and telling stories about her and making everyone smile." She draws in a shuddering breath, and Charity pulls her closer, knowing where this thought is going. "And my dad's not going to have that." She presses her lips together and shrugs. "And I thought I'd come to terms with it but-"

"But he's your dad." Charity sighs. Lisa's funeral had been perfect, in the end. It was a celebration of her life by everyone who knew and loved her. Frank definitely won't get that kind of send off. Not with all the whispers and ill-feeling around the village. "Oh, babe, I'm so sorry."

Vanessa sniffs. "Look, I know that he...he might've nicked that charity money, and that's-"

"That's neither here nor there." Charity sweeps a strand of hair behind Vanessa's ear and cups her cheek. "Whatever he did or didn't do, doesn't change the fact that you love him, does it?"

"Course it doesn't." Vanessa looks offended at the very notion, but then she closes her eyes and her next words are barely more than a whisper. "Maybe it _should_."

"Oi." Charity waits for Vanessa to open her eyes and she shakes her head. "No. It shouldn't. Frank was a bit of a rogue, we all know that, but he wanted to change for you and for Tracy. He _wanted_ to be part of your lives." Charity knows more than she should about Frank's shame about his behaviour when his girls were younger. Particularly Tracy. "He loved you both. And thinking badly of him now will only hurt you more, babe."

"Yeah." Vanessa rubs at her eyes. "Sometimes it just feels easier, you know? To be angry at him."

Letting her forehead fall against Vanessa's, Charity sighs. "I've done a lot of things in my life that I regret. Things that I'm not proud of."

"Charity-" Vanessa begins, ready to launch into a pep talk about how amazing and strong Charity is, no doubt.

"No, listen to me, please." Charity squeezes her hip. "I've done things that were wrong. I've hurt people. And for a long time, for most of my life, I thought that nobody could love me. Because I thought people like me, bad people, they didn't deserve love, did they?"

Vanessa's hand is soft against her cheek and she shakes her head. "Oh, Charity."

Reaching up, she shifts Vanessa's hand so that it rests over her heart instead. "But you love me."

"Course I do," Vanessa says, the confirmation quiet, but vehement.

"Right. So people who've done bad things, they can still be loved." She smiles. "And even if your dad did what you think he did, it doesn't mean you can't love him." She lifts Vanessa's hand to her lips, kissing it. "I hope, whenever my time is up, I have people who love me the way you and Tracy love your dad, despite everything I've done."

"You have that _now_ ," Vanessa insists, mirroring Charity's action and moving their joined hands to her own lips. "And you'll have it then, too. I promise."

There's something so solid and final about Vanessa's certainty. Looking years into the future has never been something Charity's done. It never made any sense to do so before. Everything was temporary. Everything was precarious. Everything had the potential to implode at any second, whenever someone saw the real her.

Vanessa saw the real her a long time ago. Vanessa loves the real her. And she can't imagine a future that doesn't involve being with Vanessa. Rather than surrender to the wave of emotion threatening to overwhelm her, she lifts an eyebrow.

"Oh, so I'm popping my clogs first, am I?"

Vanessa laughs, genuinely, and burrows into her arms. She closes her eyes and holds on tight.

"Doesn't matter which one of us goes first. The love will still be there." Vanessa breathes into her neck. "And we've a whole brood of kids and grandkids to carry that on after we're both gone."

"And that's what you and Tracy need to do for your dad," Charity says. "Doesn't matter if it's just us, Tracy and Harriet there on Monday. What matters is that you love him."

Vanessa nods against her shoulder, squeezing her tightly. "Thank you." She lets out a laugh. "You're getting good at this pep talk lark."

"Learned from the best, didn't I?" Charity smiles into Vanessa's hair. "Between you and Lisa, I think I'm in danger of becoming a fully rounded human being."

Whatever Vanessa's reply is going to be, it's cut off when Noah's ever changing voice yells up the stairs. "Boys need their bath. Is it safe to come up?"

Vanessa lifts her head, giving Charity a confused frown. "Safe? What's he mean, safe?"

Charity winks at her before turning to the door to yell back. "No, we're at it like rabbits up here. Keep them amused for another twenty minutes."

"Gross."

"Charity!" Vanessa scolds, pushing at her shoulder when she laughs. "What did you tell him that for?"

"Because I could do with twenty minutes peace to have a cuddle with my fiancée and that's the best deterrent I could come up with." She lifts her eyebrows. "That alright with you?"

Vanessa tries and fails to remain stern, rolling her eyes and folding herself back into Charity's arms. "S'pose so."

"Good." Charity yawns, running her hand up and down Vanessa's back. "Oh, and babe, remind me next time I'm on Amazon to look for industrial strength ear plugs for him now he's in the room next to ours."

"Okay." There's a pause. Vanessa lifts her head, eyes wide, cheeks flaming pink. "Oh my _God!_ "


	71. If we can love forever, that won't be lo

"Yeah, and we all know it's just a matter of time before you screw that up, because _that's_ what you do. You destroy everything you touch. You hurt everyone that you claim to love. Well, you know what? I may have nothing left, but I am grateful every single day that I'm not you."

As Megan pushes past her, Charity lets the enormity of her parting words sink in. She's just had her biggest fears screamed at her in the middle of a funeral. The worst of it is, it's mostly her own fault. If she'd just kept her gob shut, like Vanessa had asked, she wouldn't have been humiliated like that.

No. Actually, the worst of it is that Megan was right. Sooner or later, everything comes tumbling down in Charity's life. More often than not it's her own doing. But she's trying to get better. Since Vanessa came along, she's let go of so much pain and baggage that was getting in the way of her having anything close to a normal life or relationship. All that anger and resentment that made her want the wrong things. Made her push people away before she could be pushed. Made her hard-faced and lonely.

Turning to see where Megan's gone, her eyes land on Vanessa standing by the door. Her heart sinks. It's bad enough that Megan screamed all that stuff at her, but knowing that Vanessa heard it too? That's devastating.

"Babe-" she starts.

But Vanessa just turns and goes back outside. Ignoring the eyes on her, Charity follows without hesitation. Vanessa's almost at their house by the time Charity catches sight of her and she calls out to get her attention.

"Babe, wait!"

Her breath catches in her throat when she sees Vanessa slow her pace and then stop, her head dropping back to look up at the sky. Guilt rushes in and nudges relief aside. Today was supposed to be about Vanessa getting to say goodbye to her dad and _nothing_ else. And instead it's turned into a catfight in the village hall in front of everyone. Vanessa turns to look at her as she draws near and suddenly Charity is without words. There's no excuse for her behaviour, so she'll just have to own it and take the reaction on the chin.

"I'm sorry," Charity says. "I shouldn't have said anything to her. Not today."

Vanessa inhales deeply through her nose and nods. "I specifically asked you not to."

The 'but she-' on the tip of Charity's tongue is bursting to get out, but she curbs it and nods. "I know. And I should've listened to you." She looks at the ground between them, noticing a smudge of dirt on one of Vanessa's shoes. "I'm sorry."

She hears Vanessa sigh, and glances up, terrified that she's gone too far this time. That _this_ is the thing that will make Vanessa realise she's not worth her time.

"I know why you did it," Vanessa says. "You did it because she'd upset me. I get that." She shrugs. "I'm not angry, I'm just-"

"Oh, God." Charity holds up her hands in front of her to ward off Vanessa's words. " _Please_ don't say disappointed." Anger she can take. She knows what to do with anger. Shouting and screaming and whatever else, that's nothing new to her. But seeing disappointment in Vanessa's eyes breaks her flaming heart.

But Vanessa's lips quirk into a smile and she shakes her head, taking Charity's hands in her own and squeezing.

"Tired. I'm just tired." She swallows. "Feels like all I've done for the past month is cry, or try _not_ to cry, or try to be strong for Tracy and I'm just...I'm tired."

Charity nods. Taking a chance, she tugs on their joined hands, pulling Vanessa against her body and wrapping her arms around her. "No wonder." She rubs a hand up and down her back. "How about we go for a lie down, eh?"

"Yeah. I'd like that."

* * *

Charity unlocks the door and lets them in. They both kick off their heels at the door and head straight up the stairs. Charity unzips Vanessa's dress before she sheds her own clothes, glad to be able to rid herself of the outfit picked out specifically to mourn. Vanessa goes to the loo and Charity looks out a set of jammies for each of them. She quickly gets into hers and leaves Vanessa's on her side of the bed.

When Vanessa comes back, she's scrubbed clean of make up and her hair is up. She's painfully beautiful. Charity can't resist dropping a kiss on her cheek as she passes for her turn in the bathroom.

She avoids looking at herself in the mirror. Just in case she sees signs of that person Megan was talking about. She sorts herself out quickly and heads back through to their bedroom before she can get too far into her head. Today is about Vanessa, after all.

Vanessa's in bed when she gets back and Charity wastes no time in getting in her own side. She waits for Vanessa to take the lead on arranging their bodies, unwilling to push anything too hard at the moment. She doesn't have to wait long before Vanessa turns to face her and shuffles closer, tugging Charity's arm around her waist. Charity obliges her, sliding her hand around to her back.

"How you feeling?" she asks, tracing the bumps of Vanessa's spine with her nails.

"Well. It could have gone better." Vanessa sighs. "But I'm glad it's out of the way, at least. Hopefully we can start to heal now, and move on."

"Yeah," Charity agrees. "And I really am sorry for, you know, contributing to it not going well."

Vanessa shakes her head. "It was actually quite sweet, how mad you were at her." She rolls her eyes. "How much of that was on my behalf and how much of it is just because it was Megan, I don't know, but-"

"Hey," Charity interrupts, frowning. "It was _all_ on your behalf." She wrinkles her nose. "Well, ninety-five percent on your behalf." She lifts her eyebrows. "At _least_."

Vanessa's soft laugh settles Charity's heart, letting her breath come just a little bit easier. Vanessa's fingers come to tangle in her hair, tugging gently.

"Well, I'll take that." She moves closer, pressing her lips against Charity's. "Thank you." She pulls back and narrows her eyes. "Don't do it again."

"I'll try." Charity shuffles down the bed, pulling Vanessa further into her arms. She should count herself lucky and leave it at that. But there's a persistent niggle at the pit of her stomach that won't be ignored, even with Vanessa's warm breath puffing a familiar rhythm on her chest. "Uh, babe, listen," she begins, regretting it when Vanessa startles out of a doze in her arms.

"Eh?"

Charity swallows, closing her eyes. "Them...them things Megan said earlier."

Vanessa yawns against her shoulder and then pushes herself up on her elbow so she's looking down at Charity, eyes heavy. "What about them?"

Yeah, what about them? What the hell can she possibly say? "Well, I just-" She sighs. "She wasn't wrong, was she?"

"Charity," Vanessa waits for her to look over at her. "Megan's grieving. And feeling guilty. And looking for someone to lash out at. You, unfortunately, decided to put yourself right in her line of fire."

Charity frowns. "Well, don't mince your words, will you babe?"

Vanessa rolls her eyes and collapses back down onto the pillow. She takes Charity's hand in her own and holds it. "You think that's the first time people have said things like that to me about you?" Charity's stomach clenches at that thought; at people exposing her failings to Vanessa. There's a squeeze to her hand and she looks back at Vanessa. She's smiling. "But they don't know you like I do. Megan doesn't know you like I do. So, yes, she _was_ wrong."

Charity huffs and shakes her head. "No she was right. I've ruined everything I've ever touched. There's not a person close to me I haven't hurt. I can't seem to- even when I _try_ , I always get it wrong."

"You only need to get it right once, Charity." Vanessa smiles at her, eyes tired and bloodshot, but bright and honest. "That's all. Just the once."

Hot tears burn at the back of Charity's eyes and she sniffs. Shifting so that her forehead is pressed against Vanessa's. "I want to get it right with you." The words are whispered and rushed. "I want that more than anything, Ness."

"I know you do." She feels Vanessa nod, then gentle hands cup her cheeks, pushing her back slightly. She opens her eyes and gets a lopsided smile. "And I know you _try_ , Charity. I know you put in effort to make us work."

Sliding her arms around Vanessa's waist, she pulls her close. She's been doing that all week, but that's been to provide Vanessa with strength and reassurance. Now she's seeking her own comfort in Vanessa's embrace. She burrows her nose into Vanessa's hair. "I know you do too. God knows I don't make it easy on you. You try harder than anyone else ever has."

"Don't say it like that," Vanessa says, squeezing her tighter. "Like I'm some saint who puts up with you." She pulls back so their eyes can meet. "You are _wonderful_. I _love_ you. I love _being_ with you. And no amount of ex-sister in laws spouting their mouths off will change that, okay?"

Charity tries to smile and nod, but she has to wipe at her eyes instead and she laughs at herself. "Look at me. Today's supposed to be about you."

"How about we work on making every day about _us_ , eh?" Vanessa says. "And we get through them together?"

"Yeah, that sounds alright, I s'pose," Charity says. She sniffs. "I love you."

"I know." Vanessa yawns and snuggles in closer. "Go to sleep."

Charity's sigh of relief lifts Vanessa's head where it rests on her chest. She closes her eyes and holds Vanessa tighter; eternally grateful to have someone who knows her and loves her anyway.


	72. I can't stay away from you

"What's for tea?"

Charity turns from where she's chopping carrots to the source of the voice, lifting her eyebrows as Noah approaches. "Oh, finally left your room, then?"

He glances at what she's doing and frowns. "Where's Vanessa?"

She returns to her task, trying her best to slice the carrots evenly and managing to do the exact opposite. She sighs. "She's over at Tracy's." Looking up, she tilts her head. "Why? You missing her?"

"No." He wrinkles his nose. "It's just that she usually makes the tea."

"Not _always_ , Noah." Charity huffs. "I do it sometimes. You know, when I'm not slaving away into the night over at the pub to keep you in V-dollars-" She nods to the coffee table where Moses and Johnny are ramming toy cars into each other. "-and them two in felt-tip pens."

"It's V-bucks." Noah grabs a bit of carrot and pops it in his mouth, chewing as he watches her. "Have the two of you had a barney?"

"No!" There's a flicker of relief over his features, before he adopts his usual air of nonchalance. Charity sighs. It's on the tip of her tongue to ask why that's his first assumption, but she knows why; that's been his experience of her relationships so far in life. "We're fine. She's just looking after Tracy for a bit, that's all."

"She still upset over her dad?" Noah asks.

"Uh, yeah." Charity rolls her eyes. "She watched him get blown up, babe. You don't get over that in a couple of weeks."

"So did Vanessa, though." Noah shrugs. "She seems alright."

Charity bites her lip to stop her from snapping at him for his shallow interpretation. "Yeah, well, Vanessa's just better at getting on with stuff, i'n't she? Doesn't mean she's not still upset."

He nods. "So, when's tea gonna be ready?"

"It'll be ready when it's ready, Noah. And it'll be ready a lot quicker if you're not standing here yacking in my ear the whole time." She points with her knife to the living room. "Go and entertain them two."

He holds his hands up. "Fine!"

She glares until he's safely on the couch and away from her. Turning back to the carrots, she sighs.

Should've just ordered a pizza.

* * *

When she gets back downstairs from putting the little ones to bed, she's pleased to see the kitchen's clean and tidy. She'd instructed Noah and Sarah to have it sorted by the time she came back and, for once, it seems like they've listened. The pair of them are on the couch watching a film. Well, at first it looks like they're watching a film, but when she gets closer she sees that both of them are typing away on their phones.

Before she can comment, her own phone buzzes in her pocket and she takes it out to see Vanessa's picture smiling at her. Answering the call, she moves into the kitchen area, away from the noise of the telly.

"Hi babe, you alright?"

"Yeah, fine." Vanessa sounds exhausted. "How are the kids? Did you get th-"

"We've all been fed, the little ones have had their bath and they're both sound asleep." Charity smiles. "The big ones are sprawled out across the couch. And I'm all on my lonesome in the kitchen."

"That's good." There's a pause. "Not about you. I mean about the kids."

"I know, Ness." Charity shakes her head. "How's Trace?"

A deep sigh comes through the phone. "Honestly? I don't know. I haven't been able to get much out of her. She's gone up to bed now, but I think that's mostly just to get away from me offering her tea and asking if she's okay."

Charity blows out a breath. "Poor beggar."

"I know. Listen, I'm just gonna stay over here tonight in the spare room. Kerry's out for the evening and I don't want her left on her own."

"Course, babe." Charity wants to deny the part of her brain that's already telling her that she's going to miss Vanessa being next to her in bed. "You do what you need to."

"I hate to leave you with everything, though. It's not fair."

"Vanessa," Charity says, firmly. "You stay with Tracy and don't worry about what's going on here, okay? I've got it all under control." Noah snorts from the living room and she frowns. "Oi, big ears, shut it."

"Okay. I'll come home first thing and get breakfast sorted and we can give Johnny his presents and-"

"Hey." Charity interrupts. "What did I just say about not worrying about us? I can keep four children and myself alive for a day, you know." She sniffs. "Not making any guarantees about Faith. She's old."

Vanessa laughs, but it's tired and it makes Charity's throat ache a bit.

"Okay, well, I s'pose I'll see you tomorrow, then." Vanessa sighs. "Been a while since I've said that to you."

"It has," Charity agrees. And she hopes it's an even longer while before she hears it again. "You go and do what needs doing there and I'll do the same here."

"'Kay. Kiss the kids goodnight for me, yeah?" Vanessa asks. "And make sure Sarah's finished off them questions about the periodic table. And Noah had a page of vocabulary to learn for-"

"This is _not_ you not worrying!" Charity says. "I'm hanging up now. Bye!"

"Bye. I love you."

"I love you too." Charity narrows her eyes when Sarah makes a gagging motion with her fingers. "Bye."

"Bye." She hangs up the call and moves to stand behind the couch, looking down on its occupants. "Right, Ness says the two of you have homework. Is it done?" They sigh and drone positive responses in union. "Right. Good." That's the parenting bit done. "Vanessa's staying over with Tracy tonight, so I'm gonna throw some stuff in a bag and pop it over to her. The two of you keep an ear out for the little ones, okay?"

Sarah nods, eyes still glued to her phone. Noah acts as if he hasn't heard her at all. She bends and covers both their screens with her hands, earning squawks of protest.

"Yes! Fine. We'll listen for them," Sarah huffs.

"Make sure you do." Charity says, heading for the stairs. "And that involves actually getting up and seeing to them if they're calling out, yeah?"

This time she gets two nods. Progress.

* * *

Armed with a bag from David's shop containing Vanessa's jammies and toothbrush, along with a change of clothes for the following day and a tupperware filled with the leftover stir-fry from dinner, Charity heads up the path to Tug Ghyll. She doesn't want to knock in case she wakes Tracy, so she takes a chance and tries the door, finding it unlocked. When she reaches the living room, Vanessa's halfway through removing one of the banners she'd so thoughtfully put up in celebration of Tracy's birthday earlier. She'd been so keen for them to have a nice time, and it was all for nothing. Vanessa gives Charity a confused smile, tilting her head in question.

"What are you doing here?" She folds up the banner and sets it down, accepting the kiss Charity drops on her cheek.

Charity holds up the bag. "Brought you an overnight bag."

"Awwwww." Vanessa cups Charity's face and draws her into a proper kiss, smiling against her mouth. The smile is still there when they part. "That's so thoughtful."

"Isn't it just?" Charity winks, setting the bag down and wrapping her hands around Vanessa's hips, pulling her in and examining her face, taking in the more pronounced lines on her forehead and the weight in her eyelids. She sighs. "Now, how are you really?"

"I'm fine." Charity stares at her until she rolls her eyes. "Well, I'm more fine than Tracy is, put it that way."

"It's not a competition, babe." Charity tightens her hold, pulling Vanessa closer until her head is resting on her chest, beneath her chin. She rocks her from side to side. "It's not like you need to take it in turns."

"No, I know. But I can hardly look after her if I'm a mess an'all, can I?" Vanessa sighs, her breath warming Charity's chest. "I've got you to come home to and the kids to keep me busy. She's not got anyone but me."

"And you're doing an amazing job at looking out for her," Charity says, eyes landing on the neat pile of birthday decorations.

Vanessa laughs, but there's no amusement in it. "Oh yeah, I'm looking after her so well she nearly bashed Dawn's head in earlier today."

"What?" Charity pulls back, waiting for Vanessa to look up at her. "She never."

Shrugging, Vanessa pulls away, going back to tidying up. "She wouldn't have. I _know_ she wouldn't have." She glances over her shoulder at Charity. "But she scared herself pretty badly."

Having bashed someone's head in fairly recently, Charity can relate to that level of rage and need for revenge. But Tracy's accused half the village of being to blame for the fire, and you can't just go around bashing heads in if you're not sure. Charity sighs. "Right, leave that for now." She reaches for Vanessa, pulling her away from the kitchen over to the couch, waiting until she sits down. "Have you eaten?"

Vanessa shakes her head. "Wasn't really in the mood."

"Well, let's fix that now." Charity retrieves the tupperware and grabs a plate from the drying rack, scooping out a decent portion and shoving it in the microwave. "There's enough here for Trace if she fancies it later." She turns from putting the leftovers in the fridge, to find Vanessa looking at her with such unadulterated love, it stops her in her tracks. She rolls her eyes and moves over to plant a kiss on Vanessa's forehead. "I know, I'm wonderful. Let's not get soppy about it, yeah?"

Vanessa laughs and catches her wrist when she goes to move away. "Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have you recently?"

"Oh, not for at least two days." Charity winks and the microwave beeps. "Ah, dinner is served, madame!"

"Pretty sure I'm still a mademoiselle," Vanessa says, while Charity arranges her plate onto a tray with cutlery and a glass of water. "Since I'm not married."

Charity lifts her eyebrows as she comes back, glancing meaningfully at Vanessa's left hand. "Babe, we're engaged and we live together with our seventeen and a half kids and grandkids. We're as good as married."

Vanessa accepts the tray, matching Charity's eyebrow raise. "If that's you trying to get out of an actual wedding, Charity Dingle, you've got another thing coming."

"Wouldn't dream of it, buttercup." Charity collapses onto the sofa beside Vanessa, watching her eat. "So? Verdict?"

"S'good." Vanessa covers her mouth, smiling sheepishly before swallowing. "It's really tasty." Charity preens at the praise. "You'll need to make tea more often." Charity's smile falls and Vanessa laughs, shaking her head. "Yeah, I thought that might be the reaction."

"Let's not make any hasty decisions, eh?" Charity slides further down on the couch, dropping a hand to Vanessa's thigh and squeezing gently. "What do you want to do for Johnny's birthday tomorrow? We could take him somewhere during the day when the rest of the mob are at school? Give him our undivided attention for a change?"

Vanessa smiles. "That sounds lovely." She sits forward, depositing her now empty plate on the coffee table. She settles back against Charity's side, taking her hand in both of her own and letting out a sigh. Charity closes her eyes, leaning her head against Vanessa's. She could very easily just fall asleep here.

"I was thinking earlier today," Vanessa begins. "About when we get dad's ashes back...we'll need to decide what to do with them and I don't know if Tracy's up to discussing it."

"Well, you don't need to decide right away, do you?" She jiggles Vanessa's hand. "Plenty of time for that kind of thing. You can just shove him in the teapot in the meantime like Uncle Zak did." Vanessa nudges her and she smiles. "I'm kidding."

"It's...it's weird to think of him being in a little jar." She tightens her grip on Charity's hand. "How can a person be reduced to just...dust?"

"It's not him, though." Charity lifts her head and waits for Vanessa to look at her. "Just like it wasn't him we saw that day at the morgue. Not really. It's just his body." She taps Vanessa's chest. "The important bits of him are still in here, yeah?"

Vanessa nods. "Yeah." She smiles. "Yeah, that's a good way to think about it." She sighs and drops her forehead to Charity's shoulder. "There's a tree out by Kilbeck Water that Dad carved Tracy's name in when she was born. We could scatter them there."

Pressing her nose into Vanessa's hair, Charity sighs. "Hey. It can't _all_ be about Tracy. He was your dad an'all."

"Yeah, I know." Vanessa looks up at her. "But, I got more of him when he was alive than she did." She shakes her head. "She missed out on so much and-"

"And you can scatter half of his ashes at this tree of hers." She bumps her forehead against Vanessa's. "What about you? Did you have a special place with him?"

"Not rea-" Vanessa pauses, her forehead creased. "Actually, he used to take me for walks on Sunday mornings. We always passed by this little waterfall and he had me convinced that fairies lived behind it." Her eyes become shiny as she remembers. "He'd make up all these daft stories about what they were doing and what they'd be saying." She sniffs, wiping her nose. "Said that if they laid eyes on me they'd want me to stay with them 'cause they'd think I was a fairy princess."

Charity laughs, catching a tear that's escaped Vanessa's lashes with her thumb. "They probably would have." She leans in to whisper. "You're the right height."

"Shurrup, you." Vanessa says, settling against Charity again. "I wouldn't mind scattering some there."

"That's settled, then. You and Trace can-"

"And you." Vanessa hesitates. "I mean, if you want to." She bites her lip. "I'd like you to come."

"Then I'll be there." The smiles Vanessa gives her in return warms her from the toes up. She sighs. "I suppose I should be getting back over the road. There could be anything going on over there by now. Noah and Sarah might've opened a speakeasy for all we know."

Vanessa laughs, but loops her arm through Charity's and cuddles into her. "Five more minutes?"

Charity smiles. "Five more minutes."


	73. Trouble I'm in when we take that spin

Tracy storms off, again, and Charity knows what's coming even before Vanessa turns to her with an apology lining her forehead.

"I need to-" Vanessa nods in the direction Tracy went. "Could you keep him amused for a bit?"

Charity bites back her instinct to complain about Tracy's martyr act. You'd think she was the only one who'd lost a parent. Instead, she smiles and nods. "'Course, babe." Ducking her head she meets Johnny's eyes. "We'll find something to do, won't we Johnnybobs?" He nods at her, taking her hands and jumping out of the car.

"Thanks." Vanessa's already jogging away. "I'll be quick as I can."

Charity sighs and looks down at Johnny, still obediently holding her hand. "Fancy a go on the swings?"

He grins up at her. "Yeah!"

She can't help but smile back. Kids are so easily pleased at this age. It's when they turn into teenagers that they start to hate everything and think their parents are completely uncool. At least they've got a few years left of Johnny and Moses before they go the same way as Noah.

"Right then," she tugs on his hand. "When we get to the grass, we're gonna have a race to to swings. And I think I'm gonna win."

"I fink _I'm_ gonna win." He's already trying to run ahead, which is quite difficult considering he's still holding her hand.

They get to the edge of the grass and she pulls him to a halt. "Okay, I'm gonna count to three." He nods, bouncing in place. "Oooonnneeeee. Twooooooooooo." She pauses. "Three!" She takes off fast, but lets him catch up and overtake her, allowing him to make it to the swings first. He turns and puts his fists in the air, like he's just beat Usain Bolt at the Olympics.

"Yay! I'm the winner!"

She makes a show of being out of breath, leaning on the frame of the swings for support. "You are. You beat me fair and square." She nods to a swing. "You having a go?" He scrabbles to get onto one of the normal swings, but she grabs him and scoops him up, depositing him in the baby swing. Less chance of him falling off and breaking something from that one and Vanessa's got enough to deal with at the moment. "You can go really, _really_ high on this one, yeah?"

"Yeah. I wanna go really, really high."

"Hold on, then!" She pulls him back and lets go, laughing at his squeal of excitement. She shoves him for a bit, then moves around the front so she can catch his feet and tickle his knees when he swings forward. "So, Johnnykins, tell me about nursery. What've you been doing?"

"We do paintin'. And we do games. And we do the sand. And we do singin'."

"Oh yeah?" She tilts her head. "What's your favourite song these days?"

"Wheels on the bus!" He grins.

"What? Still?" Him and Moses had sung that bloody song every time they got in the car over the summer. "Haven't you learned any new ones?"

"That's my fav'rite." He sucks in a huge breath and Charity closes her eyes, knowing what's about to come. " _Theeeeeee wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round._ " She winces at his monotone delivery. " _The wheels on the bus go round and round. All. Day. Long._ "

"That was lovely babes, but-"

" _Theeeeeee babies on the bus go wah wah wah-"_ That's her _least_ favourite verse. " _Wah wah wah. Wah wah wah. Theeeeee babies on the bus go wah wah wah. All. Day. Long."_

Before he can launch into another verse, she cuts in. " _Theeeee Johnny on the bus goes trump, trump, trump._ " He widens his eyes, obviously unaware that it was possible to alter the sacred lyrics of Wheels on the Bus. " _Trump, trump, trump._ " He realises what's being said and starts to giggle. " _Trump, trump, trump. Theeeeeee Johnny on the bus goes trump, trump, trump. All. Day. Long."_

"I don't trump all day long!" He giggles. "Noah does all the trumps."

"That's true, actually," Charity nods. "We'll change it to Noah next time, yeah?"

"Do Moses!" Johnny says, squirming when she tickles his knee.

She laughs. " _Theeeeeee Moses on the bus goes burp, burp, burp-"_

After a few more verses and a couple of goes on the slide, they head over the road because Johnny wants a drink. She sits him at the counter and plonks a Fruit Shoot in front of him. He gulps some of it down and looks at her.

"When's mummy coming back?"

She glances at her phone; Vanessa's been gone a good half an hour. But she paints on a smile for Johnny's benefit. "Soon, sweetheart. She's just visiting Auntie Tracy for a little while and then we'll head off, okay?"

"Is Auntie Tracy sad?"

Perceptive little bugger. She leans on the counter across from him. "Yeah, babes. She is."

He nods, eyes solemn. "Is it 'cause of Grandad Frank being dead?"

She smiles at his candour. "Yeah. She's sad because she misses him."

"Yeah." He nods. "I miss him. He was good at playing cars."

Charity presses her lips together, strangely touched by Johnny's reasoning. "Yeah, but you can remember how good he was at playing cars, can't you? You can remember all the fun you had with him playing at cars." She taps the back of his hand. "And you've got Moses to play cars with. And Noah." She tilts her head. "Me and mummy can even give it a go too, you know."

He looks up at her, eyes wide. "You wanna play cars wif me?"

Her throat constricts at how much it means to have this little mite want her to play with him. "Yeah babes. I'd love that." She leans in and whispers. "Can I have a red one?"

"You can have my new one I got for my birfday!" Johnny slides off the stool and runs to his toybox. "It's really shiny!"

"You should have your new one!" Charity protests as she heads over to join him. "Give me another one."

"Charity," he begins, seriously. "We've got to share our toys." He gives her the brand new toy car they watched him open earlier in the day. "You can play wif it for a little while."

Looping an arm around his waist, she tugs him close and kisses the side of his head. "I'd love that. Thanks."

* * *

When Vanessa bursts through the door twenty minutes later, she finds the pair of them zooming cars along every available surface in the living room and kitchen. Johnny runs to her, but just uses her thighs as a bit of the road for his car, immediately rebounding and running it along the back of the couch.

"Everything okay babe?" Charity asks, standing up straight from where she'd been driving her own car along the bottom stair.

Vanessa sighs. "Not really." Charity goes to quiz her further, but she shakes her head. "I'll tell you later, yeah?" She turns a brilliant smile towards Johnny. "Because now we've got to head off for Johnny's birthday treat, haven't we?"

"Yay!" Johnny comes and takes Charity's car and puts them both back in the toybox, running back over and taking her hand. She looks down to see him grinning. "Can we sing the trumpin' song in the car?"

Vanessa quirks an eyebrow. "The...trumping song?"

Charity drapes an arm over her shoulders as they head out the back door. "Don't worry about it, babe." She winks at Johnny. "Me and Johnny will teach you the words."

Johnny nods and takes a deep breath. " _Theeeeeee Noah on the bus goes trump, trump, trump-"_


	74. Oh, we just get closer

Vanessa trudges into the Village Hall after making sure the kids are fed and homework is underway. She's had a long day dealing with a suspected outbreak of sheep scab and all she wants is a cold pint and half an hour with Charity. She can't really remember how she used to unwind and remind herself it was all worth it before she was with Charity. Wine and denial, probably. But now she can't really settle until she's looked into Charity's eyes at the end of the day. It's her touch point, her signal that everything's okay and that she can wake up tomorrow and keep going.

The makeshift bar is unmanned, so she casts her eyes around the hall, locating Charity gathering some empties at the far end. She lifts her hand in greeting when she turns around and gets a smile in return. Regulating her pace, she makes sure she arrives at the bar at the same time Charity does, allowing her to steal a quick kiss as they pass each other.

"Hiya babe," Charity says, disposing of the empties and coming over to join her. "Pint?"

"Love one, ta." Vanessa settles herself on a high stool while Charity sorts her drink. She leans her elbows on the bar and watches. "How was shopping? Get yourself anything nice?"

"Few bits and pieces." Charity finishes pulling the pint and flashes her a cheeky smile. "Might even show you some of them later if you're lucky."

Tilting her head, Vanessa raises her eyebrows. "Sounds intriguing."

Vanessa accepts the glass, smiling when Charity moves around the bar so their shoulders are pressed together. While she takes her first sip, Charity shifts, turning her head so that her lips brush against Vanessa's cheek. While she welcomes the closeness and the affection, there's a tension in Charity that Vanessa hasn't seen in a while. It sits below her eyes, just underneath her smile. It shows in her restless hands, turning a beermat over and over. It lifts her shoulders higher than they should be.

She sets her glass down, and lets her hand go to the small of Charity's back, scratching through her blouse.

"Everything okay?"

"Hmmm?" Charity hums against her skin, then pulls back to smile at her. "Yeah, course. Why wouldn't it be?"

Vanessa shrugs. "Dunno. But something's bothering you." When Charity goes to protest, Vanessa holds a hand up. "And if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But you know I'm here if you do."

A small huff of breath tickles her neck. "Taken up mind-reading as well as knitting, have you?"

Hiding her smile behind her pint, Vanessa says nothing, because she knows Charity's going to continue. She's just got to put up a bit of a fight about it first, as if Vanessa's dragging information out of her. She sighs, but drops the beermat and picks up Vanessa's hand instead, turning it over and tracing patterns over the lines of her palm.

"There was an ante-natal class in here earlier, and Paddy was desperate to go, but our Chas was having none of it."

"Oh?" Vanessa nods, watching Charity's fingers dance over her hand. "Well, I s'pose that's understandable, isn't it? She's bound to be nervous with the birth coming up."

"No, I get why she wouldn't want to be around all them yuppie mums, doing weird breathing and talking about cooking placentas." Charity sighs again. "But she wasn't even willing to think about how Paddy might feel, you know?"

"Since when are you Paddy's biggest fan?" Vanessa pushes. Paddy's wishes not being taken into account isn't the cause of Charity's current mood. There has to be more to it. "I mean, it's lovely that you're thinking of him, but-"

"Oh, 'cause I never think about other people, is that it?" Charity snaps, and starts to move away, but Vanessa catches her arm, holding her in place, gently but firmly.

"Charity," she begins, keeping her voice soft. "What's bothering you?"

With another sigh, Charity gives in and sags against her, shaking her head. "It's just...she seemed really caught up on how she was supposed to talk about Gracie if people asked, you know? Like, if someone asked if she had other kids, she'd be able to tell them about Aaron with no problem. But with Grace-." She feels Charity draw in a breath. "She wouldn't know whether to speak about her, or just leave her out, as if she never existed."

Moving closer, Vanessa slides her arm around Charity's waist, pulling her in. She knows where this is coming from now. "Charity, it's not the same thing."

"Isn't it?" Charity pulls back to look at her. "I went years, _decades_ , pretending Ryan had never existed. I never said I had four kids if anybody asked. I never even _considered_ telling folk about him." She lets her head fall forward, chin on her chest as she whispers. "Like he just didn't matter."

"Charity, you were a _child_ when you had Ryan." Vanessa tightens her hold, stroking Charity's hip with her thumb.. "You did what you had to do to keep moving and get on with your life." She presses a kiss to Charity's temple. "With Grace, it was a completely different situation. Chas and Paddy were adults, with security and plans. _And_ they were allowed to grieve for her. They had people around them to love them and hold them and let them cry and talk about Grace when they needed to. You had none of that."

"Not then," Charity says, shifting against her so their heads rest together. "I do now."

Vanessa smiles. "You do now. And you know I'll listen, whenever you need me to." She taps Charity's nose. "But beating yourself up about how you dealt with losing a baby at fourteen isn't going to do you any good. Ryan's alive, thank God, and he's here in your life and you talk about him to anyone who'll listen, don't you?"

Charity nods, although she still doesn't look totally convinced. "I want to be there for Chas, you know? She thinks I don't understand what she's going through." Charity blows out a breath. "And, I mean, I know I _don't_ , but I-"

"But you _do_." Vanessa bites her lip. She _knows_ Chas must be frightened out of her mind right now. She must be terrified of going through what she went through with Grace. But there's still part of her that's resentful that nobody seems to afford Charity the same opportunity to express her own grief and trauma. Charity's just expected to get on with things. Even when they heard what she went through at the hands of that man, they seemed to expect her to carry on as normal. Like they didn't understand how much hurt and anger she'd carried with her for years and how that's affected her. Now isn't the time to go into all that. Instead she bumps her head against Charity's and smiles. "You _are_ there for Chas, even if she's not in the right mindset to notice it now. You've been there for her all along, even when you were going through a really tough time of your own, you were always thinking of her."

Laughing softly, Charity nods. "Oh yeah, proper saint, me."

"I'd never want you to be a saint," Vanessa tells her, happy to feel her relax under her hand. "I'm quite happy with you being you." She rests her chin on Charity's shoulder. "'Cause you are brilliant."

"You sure that's your first drink of the day, babe?" Charity jokes, but gratitude shines from her eyes.

"So," Vanessa says, sensing Charity's need to move on from this heavy topic. "Are you going to give me any more details about these things you bought earlier? Or is it to be a surprise?"

"Surprise," Charity says, dropping a kiss on her cheek as someone comes up to the bar to get served. Just before she moves to attend to them, she leans in and whispers against Vanessa's ear. "A silky, black, lacy surprise."

Heat floods to Vanessa's face, and she narrows her eyes at Charity when she laughs at her from where she's pulling a pint. Vanessa dips her head to hide the blush that's resolutely taken up residence on her cheeks. It serves to hide her smile as well, pleased to be the cause of Charity's laughter. It's this that she craves at the end of each day; that sense of balance that comes from knowing someone so well.

And she has it.


	75. Got a date, can't be late (I can't wait)

Satisfied that Kerry's agreed to accept credit for all the work she did fundraising for the hospital, Vanessa stands up and holds her hand out to Charity, wiggling her fingers.

"Right, come on then. If you're intent on wining and dining me, who am I to say no?"

There's something about the surprised joy that flits over Charity's features that warms Vanessa from her toes up. She's been so wrapped up in moving from one crisis to another lately that she hasn't considered that she's been neglecting spending time with Charity. She was _so_ sweet earlier in the day; coming to pick her up from work to walk the two hundred yards home and offering to take her out to dinner. She remembers being the one trying to cajole Charity into going out when she was going through her own hard time, and she does appreciate being on the other end.

"There's another bit to that saying, i'n't there?" Tracy wiggles her eyebrows and, just for a second, the weight of the last couple of months is gone and pure mischief makes her eyes shine.

"You filthy mare," Charity says with a mock gasp, taking Vanessa's hand and letting her pull her to her feet. Vanessa doesn't miss the lascivious wink she sends Tracy's way as they squeeze past her. "Fancy babysitting the terrors?"

Vanessa squeezes Charity's hand. She'd just been going to ask if Tracy was going to be okay on her own for the evening, which probably would have resulted in some defensive comment. But Charity, bless her, has found a way to keep Tracy occupied and make sure she's not alone.

"What's the wages?" Tracy asks, cocking her head, as if she's considering it.

"Nice bottle of plonk?" Charity offers. "And that cake I just bought you."

"Oh, go on then." Tracy smiles up at them both. "What time should I come over?"

Vanessa looks to Charity, since she was the one doing the inviting. Charity shrugs. "Seven-ish? Or we could bring them to yours if that's easier?"

"So that _I've_ got the mess to tidy up afterwards, you mean?" Tracy shakes her head. "I'm not daft. I'll be over at yours by seven."

"Brilliant. We'll see you then." Vanessa gives Tracy's shoulder a squeeze and smiles at Kerry and Amy as she leads Charity out of the cafe into the street. She swings their joined hands to get Charity's attention. "Sorry I was a bit...underenthusiastic earlier." She shrugs. "You know it's not you, yeah?"

"I know." Charity drops her hand and drapes her arm around her shoulders as they walk. "And if you still don't fancy going out and you're only doing this to make me feel-"

"No, I do want to." Vanessa nods. "Dinner. Just me and you." She smiles. "That sounds perfect."

"Okay then." Charity lets go of her and gets her key out to let them into the house. "Now, you get yourself up them stairs and into a nice hot bath and I'll sort everything out for the kids' tea."

"Which means?" Vanessa lifts her eyebrows.

Charity grins. "Leaving a pizza menu and twenty quid on the table."

"Better make it thirty," Vanessa says, heading for the stairs. "Two teenagers, two little'uns and Tracy? Thirty quid easy."

" _Fine_ ," Charity says, going into her pocket. "Expensive date already, this is."

Vanessa pauses on the landing. "Worth it, though?"

Charity looks over, seemingly surprised at the question. She smiles and winks. "Always, kid."

Feeling a bit silly for even asking, Vanessa nods and continues up the stairs.

* * *

She's flicking through the wardrobe in her dressing gown when Charity comes out of the bathroom after her shower, one towel wrapped around her body and another around her hair. As ever, Vanessa can feel herself react to the sight of so much of Charity's skin. It's a different kind of intimacy than they had to start with. That was all about passion and excitement and stolen moments. Now, it's about knowing what every inch of Charity's body looks and feels like against her own. It's about giving herself over and trusting that Charity will know what she wants and needs. She's never really considered herself a person who wanted to be possessed or owned by another person; she's always been far too independent for all that. But it's different when you offer up your whole self to someone and they accept you without judgement or scorn, and you do the same in return. It's liberating and safe and wonderful and Vanessa's sure she'll never tire of it.

Charity moves to sit at the dressing table, rubbing at her hair with the towel before unwinding it. Vanessa meets her eyes in the mirror.

"So, where we going?" She plucks at a pair of trousers. "Have you booked somewhere or are we just heading into town and deciding when we're there? Just so I know what to wear."

"I _have_ booked somewhere, as it happens," Charity says, running a comb through her hair. Vanessa walks up behind her and takes over, sliding the comb through the long, dark strands and smiling when they bounce back into ringlets. Charity tips her head back, eyes closed. "And the dress code is...what was it now?" She taps her chin. "Oh yeah, tight and low cut, I'm sure it said on their website."

Vanessa smiles and shakes her head. "Liar."

Charity relents. "Nah, I booked that little Italian place in Hotten. The one with that gnocchi dish you like. So no need to dust off your ballgown."

Love sweeps through Vanessa, unbidden. It's so lovely to have Charity book something simply because she knows Vanessa will enjoy it and will be happy. Even though she said she wasn't in the mood, an evening with just Charity where she doesn't need to think about any of the other stuff sounds amazing. Like she's been desperately trying to keep her head above water and she's suddenly found a rock to stand on, letting her catch her breath. And that's what Charity is, she supposes; her rock.

Leaning down, she brings their lips together. The angle is weird and the kiss uncoordinated, but the connection is as strong as it always is, calming her thoughts and making her heart race.

"Thank you," she murmurs, returning to her task of combing Charity's hair. "I'm really looking forward to it."

Charity opens her eyes and smiles up at her. "Good."

She's just finished zipping up her boots and stands up to look at herself in the full length mirror when she hears Charity come back up the stairs.

"Right, that's the taxi ordered and Trace has just turned up-" Charity comes into the bedroom. "So we're about ready to-" She stops short and just stares.

Vanessa quickly looks down at herself, checking that she's zipped and buttoned everything that requires it. She glances back over at Charity, suddenly self-conscious. "Do I look alright?"

Charity shakes her head. "No."

"What?" Caught off guard, Vanessa turns back to the mirror. "Is it the-"

Crossing the room, Charity grabs her hips and pulls her so close that when she shakes her head, their noses brush. "Babe, you couldn't look 'alright' if you tried." She smiles. "You are stunning."

Laughing in relief, Vanessa folds herself into Charity's embrace, pressing against her. "It's jeans and a blouse, Charity. You've seen me in both dozens of times."

"Stunning," Charity repeats. She tilts her head. "You know you can return the compliment, if you like."

Vanessa steals a quick peck on the lips. "You're always gorgeous."

"Very true," Charity nods, hiding a smile. A horn sounds from outside. "That'll be the taxi."

"Then let's go." Vanessa takes her hand and they head down the stairs, saying a quick goodbye to Tracy and the boys before embarking on their evening out.

* * *

"Would you like to see the dessert menu?"

Vanessa is about to say no, when Charity beats her to it. "Yeah, we'll take a look, thanks."

He smiles and collects the rest of the crockery from their main course. Vanessa leans back in her seat, a hand on her belly which is pleasantly full of food and wine. "I'm not sure I could manage a dessert."

"Course you can," Charity tells her. "I won't be having you telling people I never bought you pudding. We're not leaving here until we've eaten something involving obscene amounts of chocolate."

Groaning, Vanessa shakes her head. "Maybe we can share something? Anyway, finish your story."

Charity takes a swig of wine and widens her eyes. "Oh yeah, the great chicken caper." She leans in. "So, Lydia texted to say that it turns out it wasn't Sammy's chickens that killed the old bloke and knocked David for six. It was some cheese from a fancy place in Hotten. So he didn't have to kill 'em after all."

"Oh, that's good." Vanessa accepts the menu from the waiter, nodding her thanks. "That must've been a huge relief for him."

"Yeah, poor sod." Charity rolls her eyes. "Not sure when he got all soppy about slaughtering farm animals, but there you go." Vanessa watches Charity scan over the menu, unable to stop a smile from spreading across her lips. Charity looks up and catches her staring. She frowns. "What?"

"Nothing." Vanessa shakes her head, then decides against her denial. No point in holding things back. "It's just lovely to see how you've become this...well, matriarch, really."

Charity couldn't look more horrified if Vanessa had plonked a cow pat on a plate in front of her. She leans across the table, looking around as if everyone in the restaurant is listening to their conversation. " _Matriarch?_ " she hisses, brows lowered. "I am _not_ a matriarch."

A laugh bubbles over her lips before she can stop it and she covers her mouth with her hand when Charity's glare intensifies. "It's not an insult, Charity!"

"Well, it's hardly a compliment, is it?" Charity huffs. "Makes me sound ancient. And frumpy."

"You're neither." Vanessa rolls her eyes. "I just meant that, you know, you're sort of becoming the head of the Dingle clan, aren't you?"

"How d'you work that one out?" Charity scowls at her menu, but Vanessa can see that it's mostly for show. She reaches across the table, sliding her fingers over Charity's wrist and squeezing.

"Well, look at what you did for Sam, stepping up and trying to get him to do the necessary with the chickens." She waits for Charity to meet her eyes and smiles. "And Chas and Paddy, you made sure they were able to get away from prying eyes, didn't you?" Charity shifts in her seat, but gives a little nod. "And today, you made sure Tracy wasn't left on her own, getting too far into her own head." Linking their fingers together, Vanessa brushes her thumb over Charity's. "And tonight, you knew I needed a break from everything, even if I didn't know it myself."

"That didn't take a genius to work out, babe," Charity says, but she returns the gesture, her thumb pressing against Vanessa's engagement ring.

Vanessa sighs. "I genuinely don't understand how people can't see you for what you are."

Her phrasing could possibly be better, and Charity's eyes flick up, having heard similar things about herself her whole life. "Which is?"

"A caring, compassionate, loving, _amazing_ woman," Vanessa says, glad to see Charity visibly relax. "Who's all mine."

Rolling her eyes, Charity smiles, grudgingly. "Well, I don't let just anybody see that side of me, you know."

"Or they choose not to see it," Vanessa counters. She shakes her head; now's not the time to go on a rant about the Dingles and their shortsightedness when it comes to Charity. Tonight's not for that. She sighs, smiling softly. "I love you. _So_ much."

Charity smiles, squeezing her fingers. "I know that, babe. I love you too."

"I know." Vanessa swallows. "But if these last couple of months have taught me anything, it's that we can't take a single minute with the people we love for granted." She sniffs. "So next time you want to take me to dinner and I say I'm not in the mood, you remind me of this conversation, okay?"

Charity presses her lips together and nods, her eyes sparkling in the low light of the restaurant. She lifts Vanessa's hand and kisses it. "I will. You do the same for me, yeah?"

"It's a deal." Vanessa blinks and dabs at the corner of her eyes, laughing. "Now, did you say something about obscene amounts of chocolate, or was I imagining that?"

"I did." Charity signals for the waiter. "And don't even _think_ of ordering something for us to share, right? One each."

"Fair enough." Vanessa picks up her menu and looks over the top of it. "And afterwards, maybe we can go home and do that other bit of that saying Tracy was talking about, eh?"

It takes Charity a full minute before she can speak to the waiter to give their order.


	76. I know just how to whisper

The door slams upstairs, shaking the light fitting in the kitchen. Charity sighs. She's seen Vanessa angry before, of course, but not on this level. Not where the anger sits on her skin, plain as day, making her vibrate with its intensity. While she realises her words may have sounded trite before, easier said than done, they were still true. Both Vanessa and Tracy _will_ have to find a way to accept this and move past it. They've made their decision not to go to the police and now they need to get on and live their lives.

A muffled sob draws her attention to where Tracy's sat, hands covering her face. Charity stands up and flicks the kettle on before moving over to the sofa and dropping into the seat next to Tracy. She rubs her back, letting her hand rest between her shoulderblades, her thumb swiping back and forth. She tries desperately to think of something to say that will bring comfort, but there's nothing. Luckily, Tracy speaks first.

"I feel like _such_ an idiot."

"Eh?" Charity shakes her head, sitting forward to try and get a look at Tracy's face. "Why?"

"Because!" Tracy throws up her hands, turning to look at Charity. "Them two took me for a complete mug!"

"Trace, you can't blame-" Charity tries, but Tracy keeps going.

"I can! I should've seen through them. I've been lied to and palmed off enough in my life that I should be able to recognise it by now." Tracy shakes her head, closing her eyes. "She was here, constantly. Always with me, telling me it didn't matter what he'd done, that he was still my dad." She lets out a humourless laugh, meeting Charity's eyes again. "D'you know she came with me to the morgue to see my dad?"

"I didn't think you'd seen him, after-" Charity racks her brain, trying to think if Vanessa passed this information on.

"No, well, they wouldn't let me in because of the investigation." Tracy wipes at her nose, roughly. "But she was there, holding my hand, letting me cry on her shoulder and she _knew_ what they'd done."

She hadn't known that detail. That's even lower than she thought Kerry would stoop. "They're the lowest of the low, babe," Charity says. "But it is _not_ your fault that you didn't see they were lying. None of us did. And you believed in him much longer than anyone else, yeah?"

"I knew he was innocent. I _knew_ it, but-" Tracy bites her lip. "It just got to the point where it felt like everything and everyone around me was telling me otherwise."

Including her sister, Charity thinks. That's probably part of what's driving Vanessa's anger; she's ashamed of how quick she was to believe the story Kerry and Amy fed them. Tracy didn't.

"At least you know the truth now, yeah?" Charity tries to smile. "It's not the greatest set of circumstances we're in now, but at least you and Ness know your dad was innocent, and that he died a hero."

"Yeah." Tracy sniffs. "We're the only ones, though. And you."

"I know. It's rubbish." She squeezes Tracy's forearm. "But it is what it is."

Looking at the ceiling, Tracy blinks, a sheen of tears brightening her eyes. "If only I hadn't shoved her. We'd be able to go to the police and everyone would know he died a hero instead of a thief."

"Hey," Charity chides gently. "No point beating yourself up about it, is there? You said she was trying to grab you. You did what you needed to to get away."

Tracy huffs. "You locked me in a cupboard the other day and I didn't put _you_ in the hospital."

"For which I'm very grateful." Charity nudges her. "And, listen, I am sorry about locking you in the cupboard. I didn't think about, you know, the factory."

Shrugging, Tracy slumps back against the cushions. "It's alright. I didn't know it would affect me like that, to be honest. I've never been bothered by small spaces before."

Charity nods. As someone who's been physically chained up and unable to leave on multiple occasions, she really should be more conscious of stuff like this. But all she could think about that day was keeping Tracy from doing something stupid. She blows out a breath and the kettle clicks off.

"D'you want a cuppa?" She stands, making her way to the kitchen and pulls out two mugs.

"Uh, shouldn't you go and check on V?"

Charity glances over her shoulder, lips set in a firm line. "She needs ten minutes to calm down, then I'll head up."

"I've never seen her like that," Tracy says. "Never."

Pausing in her stirring, Charity tries to think if she has. It's certainly come close some of the times Charity's talked about Bails, or Cain, or any bloke who's mistreated her. She's seen Vanessa's jaw work and fists clench on more than a few occasions. But it's never been quite as explosive as it was today. She sighs and picks up the mugs.

"Me neither, babe." She hands Tracy her tea, sitting back down next to her. "Me neither."

They sip their tea in silence for a few minutes, then Charity sets hers down, leaning her elbows on her knees, eyes on her hands hanging between them. "I get it." When Tracy looks at her, confused, she continues. "Wanting to hurt Kerry." She holds her hand up when Tracy goes to interject. "Whether you did it intentionally or not, I get it. I put that bastard that stabbed Vanessa in the hospital, didn't I?"

Tracy nods, slowly. "Yeah. But you told the police you did it. You owned up. Didn't give a stuff if they knew you'd done it or not." Her lower lip quivers. "I've not been that brave."

"No. It's totally different." Charity shakes her head, putting a hand on Tracy's knee and squeezing. "Vanessa was unconscious, bleeding internally, being wheeled into surgery." She swallows through a dry throat. "I couldn't think about anything except her." She bumps her shoulder against Tracy's. "I'm not exactly known for telling the truth to coppers, am I?"

Tracy laughs, then sniffs, wiping at her nose. "S'pose not."

"Like I said, don't beat yourself up about any of this. You did exactly what anyone else would've done in your place. Okay?"

She gets a half smile for that. "Okay." A nod.

"Good." She sighs. "Right. Better go and see to Her Majesty upstairs." She shoves herself up and heads to the stairs.

"Thanks." She stops and looks back at Tracy. "For the chat." Tracy nods. "It helped a bit, I think."

Charity winks. "Anytime, kid."

* * *

She doesn't bother knocking on Vanessa's old bedroom door, choosing not to give Vanessa the option to tell her to do one. She finds Vanessa sitting cross-legged on the bed, and when she looks up, her eyes are puffy and bloodshot. Charity smiles.

"Hey."

Vanessa makes no reply, but nods her head, returning her attention to tracing the pattern on the duvet cover. Charity closes the door and moves over to the bed, sitting down on the edge, far enough away so Vanessa doesn't feel crowded. Silence stretches out between them. After a few minutes, Charity hooks her index finger around Vanessa's, stopping her mindless invisible doodling. Vanessa doesn't pull away, and in fact tightens her finger around Charity's.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs, lifting her eyes to meet Charity's. "For yelling at you. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay," Charity tells her. "You're upset and-"

"It's not okay." Vanessa shakes her head, frowning. "I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"Oh, as if I've never taken stuff out on you before," Charity says. "You're talking to the queen of misplaced anger, babe. You're allowed to yell at me if you need to."

Vanessa blows out a frustrated breath, lifting Charity's hand into her lap and wrapping both of hers around it. "No, I'm not. It's not _you_ I'm mad at."

"Just mad _about_ , eh?" Charity says, hoping to raise a smile. She gets a tiny one and takes it as a victory. Jiggling Vanessa's hands, she tilts her head. "Well, if you don't want to yell, do you want to talk?"

"And say what?" Vanessa asks, her nose wrinkled. "What's the point in talking about it when we can do nothing about it? They've just walked away scot-free and talking about it isn't going to change that, is it?"

"No." Charity sighs. "But if you keep all that anger bottled up inside, I'm worried you'll explode, babe."

Vanessa yanks her hands free, returning to pluck at the duvet. In the silence, Charity can hear how uneven Vanessa's breathing is. It makes the air between them tremble with tension.

"I believed he'd done it." The words are quiet and low and unexpected. Vanessa looks up at her, eyes full of tears. "What sort of person does that make me?"

"Oh, babe." Charity's heart lurches at the pain in Vanessa's voice. "The sort of person who looks at the evidence in front of you and makes a decision based on that?"

Shaking her head, Vanessa dislodges a couple of tears, letting them drip down her face and off her chin. "Tracy never thought he did it. Not till I browbeat her into it. She believed in him all along."

"Yeah, but your dad had just rescued her from a burning building, hadn't he? Of _course_ she didn't want to think he could have done what people were saying." Charity dips her head to meet Vanessa's eyes. "She was thinking with her heart, babe, not her head."

"Oh, and I'm cold and heartless, am I?" Vanessa snaps. "Some logical robot person?"

Charity shakes her head, taking Vanessa's hand in her own, holding on when she tries to pull free. "You are the furthest thing from cold and heartless. But you're not daft, either. You looked at the information and you made the best judgement you could. You weren't to know you were being fed a pack of lies off Kerry and Amy, were you?"

"I _hate_ them, Charity." Vanessa's voice is no more than a whisper. She bangs her free hand against her chest. "I hate them so much it's burning me up in here, and I don't know how I can stop it."

"Maybe you can't." Charity swallows. "Maybe you'll always hate them. Like I'll always hate Bails." Vanessa looks over at her now. Charity lifts her eyebrows. "I've hated him since I was fourteen. My dad an'all. So believe me when I say I do understand how it feels to have that twisting inside of you that you don't think you can get past." She covers Vanessa's hand where it rests on her chest. "But you can find ways around it, babe, I promise. You can find ways to stop it burning quite so hot."

"Like what?" Vanessa whispers, only this time it's not a challenge. It's a plea.

"Like focussing on what's good in your life. That's what your dad would want, isn't it?" Charity rubs her thumb over the stone in Vanessa's ring. "He'd want you to be happy, wouldn't he?"

Vanessa nods, shoulders hitching in a silent sob.

"And I know it doesn't feel like it now, babe," Charity begins, through a tightening throat. "But you _will_ get past this. You will be able to feel happy again."

"No, I know." Vanessa manages a wavering smile. "And I know I'm lucky to have everything I have. You and the boys and Tracy and my job." She nods. "I _know_ how amazingly lucky that makes me. I just-"

"You just want your dad back." Vanessa nods, eyes brimming with tears again. "And that's totally understandable and you're allowed to feel like that. He was taken away from you so suddenly and unfairly, of course you feel that way."

"And he'll get no justice." Vanessa shakes her head. "Everyone will always think he died stealing money from sick kids."

Charity lets her forehead drop to rest against Vanessa's. "I wish there was a way for you to get justice without implicating Tracy, I really do. I'd frogmarch Kerry and Amy to the copshop myself if that was the case."

"I know," Vanessa nods, pressing her forehead harder against Charity's and twisting their fingers together.

"And you never know. Things could change, yeah?" Charity tries. "I never in a million years thought Bails would ever end up behind bars." She bumps her nose against Vanessa's. "Until you believed in me."

"So I just need to wait thirty years, eh?" Vanessa asks, but there's no bite to it and she lets her head fall to Charity's shoulder.

Charity lifts a hand to the back of Vanessa's neck and kisses her temple. "Whatever happens, I'll be here with you, okay? Whatever you need." Vanessa nods against her shoulder and sits up, meeting her eyes.

"You were right, earlier. About moving on. And I do want to. I know I need to." She shrugs. "I just don't know how to."

Cupping Vanessa's cheek, Charity smiles. "Well, how about we try and figure it out together, yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd like that." Vanessa's lips twitch into a sad smile. "But for now, I could really do with a cuddle."

Charity opens her arms. "Come here, then." Vanessa shuffles across the bed, falling against Charity and wrapping her arms around her. Charity responds in kind, closing her eyes and holding Vanessa as tightly as she can.


	77. All day through and all night long

"-and that's about it, really. Not much else going on." Tracy shrugs as she finishes relating a story about Jimmy throwing up in the street.

"Lovely." Vanessa wrinkles her nose at Tracy's image on her tablet. "And that's all that's been going on, is it?"

"Well, I assume you know more about the Robert stuff than I do," Tracy says. "I'm guessing someone's called Charity."

"Lydia's been keeping us up to speed, yeah," Vanessa sighs. "Poor Aaron." She shakes her head. "But I was meaning with you and Pete. Weren't the two of you going out on a hot date last I heard?"

Tracy narrows her eyes. "We went for lunch. At the café. Nothing exciting."

"It's a start, though," Vanessa says, with her best encouraging smile. It feels a bit weird to be pushing Tracy on Pete so soon after him and Rhona split up, but Rhona's got that thing with Graham going on. "How was it?"

"Bit of a downer, really." Tracy inhales deeply through her nose. "It was the anniversary of his dad's death."

"Oh." Vanessa frowns. "Yeah, okay, not the _best_ day to pick for it, but that's hardly your fault, is it?"

"No. I was quite relieved when he told me th-" Tracy stops and squeezes her eyes shut. "Oh my God. I just saw Charity starkers."

"What?" Vanessa spins around and, sure enough, Charity's padding around the living room, completely naked. "Charity!"

Charity looks over, brow creased. "What's up, babe?"

Vanessa holds up her tablet, where Tracy has resorted to covering her eyes with her hand. "I'm Facetiming Tracy! Put some clothes on!"

Charity stands up from where she's been putting some toys away, hands on hips, displaying herself completely. Everything in Vanessa's abdomen liquifies at the sight, even after all this time, and even with Tracy on the line. Charity tuts. "Well, how was I to know? I thought you were just talking to her on the phone."

"Is she still naked?" Tracy asks from behind her hand. "I don't want to look and be traumatised all over again."

"Oh, give over," Charity huffs, heading over and leaning down so she's looking over Vanessa's shoulder, her body hidden behind the couch. "I bet you've seen a lot worse than my naked body in your time, lady."

"Charity," Vanessa scolds. "Go and put your dressing gown on or something. Our bedroom's just there." She gestures vaguely to the hall.

"Fine!" Charity flounces off with a sigh. "Pointless if you ask me. I'll just be taking it back off when you hang up anyway."

"Right, you can open your eyes, drama queen." Vanessa hides her smile when Tracy does so one eye at a time, like she's not sure whether to believe her.

"Does she prance around in the nude a lot?" Tracy asks, biting her lip when Charity flops down next to Vanessa, tying the belt of her dressing gown and scowling.

"Here? Quite a lot, yeah." Vanessa swallows and nods. "You know, with the hot tub and that."

"And that's the first time she's asked me to cover up." Charity smirks. "Didn't realise you were such a prude, Trace."

"I'm not!" Tracy protests. "I'm just not keen on having your bits shoved in my face."

"That's weird." Charity quirks her eyebrows. "Your sister loves it."

"Charity!" The sisters' voices blend together in horror, while Charity cackles.

"Right. I'm going now." Tracy rolls her eyes. "If anything happens with Pete, I'll let you know."

"We'll be on tenterhooks, babe," Charity drawls.

"Ignore her. Keep us informed. Bye!" Vanessa waves at the screen before hanging up.

Charity takes the tablet out of her hand and deposits it on the coffee table before lying down with her head in Vanessa's lap, looking up at her. Vanessa winds a curl around her finger, trying to look stern.

"You enjoyed that."

Charity shrugs and grins up at her. "She's easy to wind up, your sister."

"Hmmmm." Vanessa leans down and pecks her lips. "Boys asleep?"

"Yeah. All that sea air's worn them out again." She closes her eyes. "D'you think we could get it shipped to Emmerdale in tanks and pipe it into their room at night?"

Vanessa laughs softly. "I think that might be a tad extravagant on our income." She moves her hand to Charity's stomach, stroking back and forth. "Think we'll just need to make the most of our time here instead."

"Yeah, fair enough." Charity catches her eye. "And you know what the best bit is, babe?"

"Tell me."

"We've still got a whole week of this. Just me and you." She rolls her eyes. "And the Kray Twins."

Vanessa slaps her belly. "Don't call them that." She shakes her head.

Charity catches her hand, holding it against her chest to stop further attacks. "What would you prefer? Bonnie and Clyde? Burke and Hare?"

"Moses and Johnny will do fine." Vanessa smiles as Charity's eyes drift closed again. She watches her face for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet and the closeness. She's struck, from nowhere, by a memory of their last holiday together. They'd had a nice time, and she'd enjoyed the experience, but it was nothing like this.

"What you thinking about?"

She looks down to find Charity staring at her, curiosity creasing her forehead.

"Nothing." Vanessa shrugs. "Just thinking back to when we were in Ireland last year."

A large and entirely fake shiver runs through Charity's body. "Bloody freezing, it was. Not my finest destination choice."

"Mmmhmm." Vanessa strokes her thumb over Charity's knuckles. "I just- I remember thinking, when we were packing up the car, that two weeks in a cottage in Ireland would make us or break us."

Charity tilts her head. "Really? How come?" She lowers her eyebrows. "You'd seen me at my lowest long before then."

Vanessa shrugs, picking at a chip in Charity's nail varnish. "I s'pose I thought it would let you see if you could put up with two weeks straight of it just being us. With no pub to run home to or Hotten to slink off to whenever you fancied it." She swallows, suddenly wishing she'd never brought this up. "Sorry, I'm being daft."

"No." Charity sits up and shuffles closer to her, draping an arm around her shoulders. "Did you really think that I wouldn't be able to spend a couple of weeks with just you?"

"It wasn't that. Not really. Just-" She sighs. "Up till then, it felt like you needed your own space still. And I was a bit worried that not being able to get that would-"

"Would make me walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me?" Charity interrupts. "Babe, if I made you feel like I didn't-"

"No." Vanessa shakes her head, taking hold of Charity's hands. "No, you never. It was just me." She tries to smile. "I know we'd been through a lot by that point, and I knew I was in love with you then. But I didn't- I wasn't really sure if you were quite on the same level as me and I didn't want to push it." She blinks and rolls her eyes when she feels the sting of tears. "I don't know where this is coming from now."

"Hey," Charity coos, squeezing her hands. "It's alright." She bumps her shoulder against Vanessa's. "We made it through them two weeks just fine, didn't we?"

Nodding, Vanessa sniffs and smiles. "I know. And I think that's probably when I started to feel a bit more certain that you felt the same way I did."

Charity blows out a sigh and nods. "Everything up till then had been so mental. I'd spilled my guts to you and-" She bites her lip. "And I think somewhere along the line, I'd convinced myself that you were only sticking around out of pity or duty or summat." When Vanessa goes to interject, Charity covers her lips with a gentle finger. "And I know that's not true, now. But it...it probably stopped me from admitting what I was feeling, even to myself, for longer than it should have." She shakes her head. "I loved spending time with you, right from the start. You do know that, yeah?"

Despite the developing lump in her throat, Vanessa smiles and nods. "I know you did." She leans in quickly and brings their lips together. "And I'm long past worrying about all that now. It was just sitting here brought it back for a minute, that's all."

Relief brightens Charity's eyes and she repeats Vanessa's action, the kiss lasting longer this time before they part. "Good." She lifts her eyebrows. "Next time we go away for a fortnight, though, can we please pick somewhere warm?"

"This was your choice!" Vanessa says, batting Charity's thigh. "So was Ireland, come to think of it!"

"Well, they were both last minute things, weren't they?" Charity huffs. "Next holiday, we'll put some thought into it and plan it."

"Maybe it'll be our honeymoon?" Vanessa suggests. "Imagine that? Two weeks somewhere hot. No kids. Just me and you."

"Keep talking, babe."

Vanessa grins at the way Charity's darkening eyes have dropped to her lips. "I'm thinking...secluded beaches, bikinis, cocktails, letting the sea wash over our feet as we walk home from a sweet little restaurant we've found." She tilts her head to let Charity nuzzle at her neck. "King size bed. Soft sheets. No interrup-" She's cut off when Charity's mouth covers her own, hands framing her hips and urging her up and onto Charity's lap. Her own hands quickly shove Charity's dressing gown off her shoulders as they kiss before one slips into Charity's hair, the other moving to cup her breast.

Charity lets out a moan before pulling away, one gentle hand on Vanessa's face so their eyes can meet. Their breath is coming fast and deep. Charity swallows thickly.

"Shall we move this to the hot tub, babe?" She strokes her thumb over Vanessa's cheek. "At least for round one?"

"Round one, eh?" Vanessa smiles and kisses the tip of Charity's thumb. "Sounds promising."

"Let's start there and see how we get on." Charity winks. "Unless the sea air has tired you out an'all."

Vanessa climbs off Charity's lap and stands in front of her. Their eyes remain locked as Vanessa slowly undoes the buttons of her shirt and lets it fall loose, hanging off her shoulders. She hides when Charity's face slackens as she lets the shirt drop to the floor and pops the top button on her jeans.

"I'm wide awake." She holds out her hand for Charity to take. "Sounds like _you're_ planning to tire me out."

Charity smiles up at her, taking her hand and standing; her dressing gown left behind on the couch. She leans in and kisses Vanessa far more sweetly than the situation calls for, whispering against her lips afterwards. "Always."


	78. If I'd known the way that this would end

There's a moment, a split second, where she considers closing her eyes and letting Charity kiss her. It's an attractive thought. She knows how it feels to be kissed by Charity Dingle and she's well aware that it can make the rest of the world seem insignificant, even if just for a little while. Charity's hands clinging to hers, Charity's hand on her face; every single brush of skin on skin is intoxicating and her body leans into it on instinct. It's what she's done, all she's known, for over two years. Charity's touch and Charity's body mean comfort and safety and home.

Not anymore.

She gets a hand up just in time to land on Charity's shoulder, pushing her back as she shakes her head.

"No. Charity, no."

The heartbreak in Charity's eyes is almost enough for her to cave, to lean in herself and complete the connection. But she has to stay strong. If she caves now, they'll only end up back here in a few weeks, or months or years. And Vanessa will have dedicated more of her life to this relationship, invested more of her heart in this woman. If that's even possible.

Charity draws back, turning and covering her face with her hands, elbows on her knees. "I'm sorry, I-"

"It's alright," Vanessa assures her. She reaches out, her hand hovering over Charity's back, but she clenches her fingers into a fist. Touching in any way is not going to be helpful right at this moment. She swallows. "And, listen, you can always come here if you need to. Not just because you've got nowhere to go, okay? I said the same to Noah and Sarah when they came over yesterday. Just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean I don't care about you all."

Charity twists her neck to look over at her, frowning. "Noah and Sarah came here? Yesterday?"

"Yeah." Vanessa'd assumed they'd have said something, but maybe with all the stuff with Moses it never came up.

"What for?" Charity asks, and Vanessa can see her steeling herself for whatever's to come.

"Oh, you know." She shrugs. "They were just...asking me to come back ho-" Her voice catches on the word and she clears her throat. "To come back."

"And you said no." Charity's voice is small and Vanessa hates it.

"Yeah." She swallows. "They didn't know what had gone on." Charity lifts her gaze, once again looking terrified. "And I didn't tell them, before you ask."

Relief flickers across Charity's eyes, only briefly before she slumps. "They'll find out soon enough anyway. Since you shouted it across the pub in front of all and sundry."

For the first time since Charity arrived, Vanessa feels the anger that had consumed her earlier in the week prickle inside her chest. " _Charity-_ "

"No, no. I know. I deserved it."

Vanessa grinds her teeth together and breathes to keep the nausea that rears up at bay. She hates it when Charity feels like she's such a bad person that she deserves bad things to happen to her. And she _hates_ that she's now the one making her feel that way. Even if she _did_ kind of deserve this.

"I could have handled that better," Vanessa admits. She throws off the quilt covering her lap, turning to mirror Charity's position, both of them staring at the floor. "But, Charity, I was just so _hurt_."

"I know, babe." Charity's voice is now a whisper. "And I don't know what I can say that will make up for it, but-"

"Nothing." Vanessa cuts her off. She has to be firm now and not give Charity false hope. The two of them sitting on this sofa, having a heart to heart, it would be so easy to slip back into old habits. But everything has changed. She sighs. "It's not so much the lies-" She stops and frowns. "No, actually, it _is_ the lies. It's you feeling like you had to lie to my face. To swear on our kids' lives when I asked you a direct question." She shrugs, unable to look over at Charity right now or she might not be able to get this out. "How can I-" Her throat jams and she swallows. "How could I ever know you were telling me the truth after this?"

"Ness-" Charity begins, but Vanessa's not finished.

"And it's not just that. Like I said the other day, you could have been hurt and I wouldn't have had a clue where you were." There are tears freely running down her face now. "Or this guy who turned up looking for Mandy and Vinny; what if he'd turned up at our house looking for you? What if Noah and Sarah had been in on their own? What if they'd been looking after the little ones?" She does look over now and finds Charity's crying too. She sniffs. "Moses got caught up in one of Cain's schemes, you said, but we all could very easily have been caught up in one of yours."

Charity's brow creases, like this hadn't occurred to her for a second. "That's...that's not-"

"I can't live my life wondering if you're lying, Charity. I can't watch you walk out the door of our house and not know if you're going off to rob a casino when you've said you're going to the Cash'n'Carry." She swipes at her face with the sleeve of her cardigan. "I watched my dad lie to my mum, and to me, for years and years. I watched her grow bitter and twisted because of it, and I can't end up the same as her. I just can't."

"It wouldn't be like that, Ness." Charity turns to her more fully, reaching out and touching her knee. "I promise. I wouldn't lie to you, ever again."

"It's not the first time you've lied to me though, is it?" Vanessa shakes her head. "You lied to me every time you went and stalked Bails. And I understood that. You lied to me when you went up to Scotland to see Lisa. And I got that, sort of. You lied to me about Sarah staying with us." She closes her eyes. "Every single time it's happened I've told you that you can tell me anything. That we could get through _anything_ if you just talk to me and are honest with me."

Charity's hand falls away from her knee. "I know, but I can change, I can...I can-"

Vanessa opens her eyes and meets Charity's desperate gaze with a sad smile. "I never wanted you to change. I only ever wanted you to be honest with me. I wanted us to be in this together; equal partners. Not me sat at home oblivious to whatever you've decided to get up to."

Sliding off the sofa, Charity's suddenly on her knees in front of Vanessa, grasping both of her hands. "How can I fix it, Ness?" Her eyes are huge and watery and Vanessa can feel her heart cracking in two. "Tell me what to do and I'll do it. _Please_."

"God, I wish it was that easy." Vanessa laughs through her tears. "I wish I could look at you and _know_ that you were never going to lie to me again." She shakes her head. "But I can't. And I can't live like that. I need to know you're honest with me. I need to know you're safe. I need to know our family is _safe_." She squeezes Charity's hands. "And I don't feel like I could be sure of any of that."

It's so hard not to reach out and wipe the tears from Charity's cheeks, like she's done a hundred times before. Charity shakes her head.

"Noah was right." She sniffs. "I've ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Charity, don't-"

"No, Ness." Charity interrupts. "You _are_ the best thing that's ever happened to me." Her face crumples. "And now I've lost you and I don't know what to do."

Pulling one of her hands free, she gently places it on Charity's cheek, tilting her face up and smiling. "Just be you, Charity. Be the brilliant person you are. You don't need me for that. You made it through plenty before you even met me, and you'll get through this."

"I don't _want_ to though," Charity says, rearing up so their foreheads are touching. "I don't _want_ to think about the rest of my life if you're not in it."

Vanessa pushes her away again, unable to be this close with such big emotions so near to the surface. "You're making this harder," she whispers. "Why do you think I didn't open your texts yesterday?"

"Because you didn't give a stuff about me?" Charity bites out.

"No. The exact opposite." Vanessa stands up and walks away a few paces, wrapping her arms around herself. "I didn't open your texts because it was too hard seeing your name on my phone and knowing it wasn't going to be some daft flirty message or a picture of Doug asleep at the bar." She turns back to face Charity. "Just because I can't be with you doesn't mean I magically stopped loving you."

Charity blinks up at her. "You...you still love me, then?"

"Yes, Charity." She inhales a shuddering breath. "And I probably always will." She shakes her head. "But I can't trust you."

Getting to her feet, Charity rubs at her face, sniffing. "I'm sorry for everything. And I'm sorry for making it harder on you." Her eyes drop to Vanessa's left hand and there's a tiny quirk at the edges of her lips. "I'll, uh, I'll give you some space, yeah? Time to think?"

Vanessa's stomach sinks. "Charity, don't go getting your hopes up about anything. Just because I love you doesn't mean-"

"I know, babe." Charity nods. "I know that." She gives Vanessa a watery smile. "Like you said, I'll just need to get on with it, eh?"

"We both will." Vanessa nods. "I told the kids yesterday they were welcome here any time. That goes for Moses and Ryan too. And Debbie, if she wants." She takes a couple of steps closer to Charity. "And you. Don't ever think I won't be here for you if you need me to be. But just...not how it was before."

"Yeah." Charity lets out a shaky breath. "Not how it was before." Her eyes once again fall to Vanessa's hand and Vanessa knows that she's looking at her engagement ring. She knows she should take it off and offer it back. That would make it really clear how she feels.

It would be final.

She leaves the ring where it is.

"Right, well," Charity straightens her shoulders and, if Vanessa's not mistaken, she sees a glimmer of a plan coming together in her eyes. "I best be off." She nods at the coffee table. "I'll leave you to your popcorn and-" She wrinkles her nose. "Worms."

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Tracy picked them."

Charity nods. "I bet she's up there chomping at the bit to get down here and badmouth me some more."

"I won't let her do that," Vanessa says, trailing Charity to the door and leaning against the frame as she heads out. Charity turns back to her and shoves her hands in her back pockets.

"Well...bye."

"Bye," Vanessa says.

"Bye," Charity says again, then turns and heads up the path.

Vanessa watches her go across the road. She twirls the ring on the fourth finger of her left hand, pulling it up over her knuckle and then stopping. She shoves it all the way back on, glancing up to find Charity looking back at her from the door of Jacob's Fold. She lifts her hand and Vanessa does the same.

"Bye," she whispers.


	79. Baby the way you love me

Charity slowly drifts towards consciousness, turning onto her side and wincing at the delightful ache in her back. After almost a month apart, she and Vanessa had certainly made up for lost time the night before. Slow, thorough, fast, desperate, loving, dirty and everything in between. It was definitely well into the wee hours when they finally gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep wrapped around each other. She stretches out, eyes still closed, but the smile curling her lips freezes when her hand meets nothing but cool sheets.

Opening her eyes confirms it; Vanessa's not there. Her chest seizes in panic, heart clunking against her ribs like some old machine in need of oil. It feels like her heart is expanding with every beat, squeezing her lungs into a smaller and smaller space until she can barely suck in any air. She tries to swallow through a dry throat and shuffles into a sitting position, looking around the room that's far too dark for her to make out anything other than vague shapes. She flings her hand out, feeling for the lamp on the bedside table and flicks the switch, illuminating the room.

Vanessa's jeans are in a crumpled heap on the floor. Her jumper's thrown over the chair in the corner. Relief slams into Charity so hard and fast it makes her feel lightheaded. Her heart is still racing and she lifts a clammy hand to cover her mouth, trying to get her breathing back under control. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Counting as she does so. Like Vanessa taught her to do.

After a few deep breaths, she throws off the duvet, shivering as the cool air hits her skin, and grabs her dressing gown. She doesn't stop to put it on and is still tying the belt as she heads down the stairs, rounding the landing to see Vanessa in the kitchen, peering into the toaster. She turns and smiles at Charity.

"Hiya. I was gonna bring you up a brew." She nods to two mugs on the counter. "I woke up parched." She wiggles her eyebrows. "Wonder why, eh?"

Charity makes no reply. She just walks silently over and slides her arms around Vanessa from behind, closing her eyes and pressing her lips to Vanessa's cheek and then burying her face in her neck. Vanessa's hand comes up to scratch at her scalp.

"You okay?"

Tightening her arms around Vanessa's waist, Charity nods and swallows. She lifts her head and rests her chin on Vanessa's shoulder, letting out a choked laugh. "Yeah, babe. I just...thought you'd come to your senses for a second when I woke up, that's all."

Vanessa leaves the tea preparation and turns in Charity's arms, looking at her in concern. A gentle hand cups her cheek, thumb swiping under her eye. "Did it happen again?"

There's a fleeting second where she considers painting on a smile and shaking her head; the instinct to cover up weakness is still strong in her. But she promised she wouldn't lie ever again. So she nods once.

Vanessa's forehead wrinkles in worry. "Oh, Charity. I'm so sorry. I should've woken you. You just looked like you were in a really deep sleep and I didn't-"

"Don't be daft," Charity interjects, unwilling to let Vanessa take any blame for this. "You came downstairs. Not your fault I'm a basket-case, is it?"

They started happening after Vanessa was stabbed; the panic attacks. Those nights spent in bed alone when she was in hospital were plagued with sporadic bursts of panic when she woke from fitful sleep to find no warm body beside her. It had happened when Vanessa was at her mum's too. One episode was so bad she'd had to call Vanessa at some crazy hour just to hear her voice and be reassured she was okay.

"You're _not_ a basket-case." Vanessa frowns. "Did...did it happen when I was-"

"Didn't sleep enough for it to happen then," Charity tells her. She rolls her eyes. "Anyway, I'm fine now. You're here and I'm here and it's-" She stops and smiles. "It's amazing."

There's still a hint of concern on Vanessa's brow, but she returns Charity's smile and nods. "I missed you." Her eyes shine with tears. "I missed you _so_ much."

"Me too, babe," Charity says, leaning in and capturing Vanessa's lips in a soft kiss that grows deeper when Vanessa pulls her close.

"What's going on?"

Noah's deep voice startles both of them and they pull apart. His eyes flit between them, like he's trying to work out if he's somehow being deceived.

"What's it look like's going on?" Charity asks, yanking Vanessa back into her arms by the belt on her dressing gown. Vanessa melts against her, resting her head on her shoulder. "We were having a snog until you clomped in."

"You're back?" Noah directs his questioning at Vanessa. "Like, you're moving back home? Seriously?"

Something loosens in Charity's chest at the tentative hope in Noah's voice. She knows exactly how he feels. She went through the same emotions just yesterday. Vanessa squeezes her waist, like she can read her thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm home."

The words cause Noah to break out in a grin that Charity hasn't seen on his face in a long time. Maybe ever. And it's all because of the amazing, wonderful person in her arms. Vanessa brought them all to this place. She brought them together as a family. She made them see how things _could_ be. She showed Noah what it's like to have a stable, calm influence in his life. And now he craves it, the same way Charity does.

He takes a step towards them, like he's going to hug them. Or maybe just Vanessa. Probably just Vanessa, now she comes to think of it. But he seems to remember that he's a teenager and hugging his parents isn't cool. So he shrugs and nods.

"Cool."

"Super cool!" Vanessa says, earning an eyeroll from Noah. She laughs in response and Charity presses a kiss to her head, just because she can. "There's toast if you want it."

"Nah, I'll grab a butty from the cafe on the way to the bus-stop."

"I'll take toast," Sarah says, arriving at the bottom of the stairs. She's typing on her phone and doesn't even cast a glance in their direction.

Vanessa shakes her head and squeezes Charity's hand, moving out of her hold to spread a slice of toast for Sarah. Charity lifts her eyebrows at Sarah, who's still not looked up from her phone.

"Nothing to say about Vanessa being back, then?" she asks. "You had plenty to say about her being gone."

Sarah meets her eyes and shrugs. "I'm glad she's back. Might make you less mental."

"No chance of that," Vanessa pitches in, moving over to give Sarah a plate with her toast. Noah goes to steal a slice and Vanessa slaps his hand away. "Oi, you. I'll make you toast if you want it."

"Nah. It's fine." But Vanessa shoves two slices in the toaster anyway and he grins. "How come you didn't wait up to tell us you were back last night?"

Charity glances at Vanessa and finds her smiling back at her, a hint of a blush on her cheeks.

"Why d'you think?" Sarah says, as if Noah's a complete idiot and then it's Noah's turn to blush. She turns to Charity, smirking. "We just thought you'd gone to bed early to cry again."

Vanessa's face falls and Charity scowls at Sarah. "Uh, yeah, okay Sarah."

Sarah, at least, has the good grace to look chastened. She addresses Vanessa again. "I am glad you're back, though. You were much cooler than Gran about the other night."

"That doesn't mean she approves of it," Charity puts in, before Vanessa has a chance to get swept up in being described as 'cool'.

Handing Noah his toast, Vanessa moves back into Charity's arms. "We both just want you to be safe, Sarah." She shifts her gaze to Noah. "We want _all_ of you to be safe."

Sarah rolls her eyes, but she's smiling. "Right. We better go. We'll leave you two to do whatever it is you do when we're not here."

She dumps her plate on the counter and sweeps away to the door with her toast hanging out of her mouth, phone in hand again. Noah goes to follow her, but hesitates. He turns back to face them, eyes on the floor before looking up at Vanessa.

"It's ace that you're back."

He doesn't give her a chance to reply before he's out the door, slamming it behind him. Vanessa sighs and looks up at Charity with a soft smile, her fingers playing with the neckline of Charity's dressing gown.

"Remember when he used to hate me?"

Charity shakes her head. "He never hated you. He hated the idea of getting attached to you only for me to go and stuff it up like I always do." She falters. "Like I just did."

"Hey," Vanessa's voice is as warm as the hand that comes to rest against her cheek. "We're past that, yeah? We're moving on, together."

Charity smiles. "Always."


	80. Home, where my love lies waiting

With Charity's arms around her, she feels like she can breathe properly for the first time in over a week. Her body knows what her mind had fought against; this is where she belongs. Charity tightens her hold and Vanessa has to go up on her tiptoes so as not to be lifted off the ground. She laughs in relief as Charity rocks her.

Much sooner than she'd like, Charity pulls back. But when she goes to protest, Charity shakes her head, yanking off the bright green marigolds and then lifting Vanessa's bag strap over her head, dropping it by their feet. Their eyes meet when Charity pushes her jacket off her shoulders, letting it fall as well.

"There was too much _stuff_ ," Charity explains as she fits her hands around Vanessa's hips and pulls her in again. Vanessa knows what she means. Without all the obstacles, she can feel all the familiar curves and bumps on Charity's body against her own. Charity's hand slips up underneath her jumper to rest against the bare skin of her back. The sensation is what she imagines being defibrillated feels like; a shock of electricity and then her heart is set back to its proper rhythm. She buries her nose in Charity's neck and breathes in the scent of her, willing herself not to cry.

"I love you so much," Charity whispers. "Thank you, for giving us- giving _me_ another chance."

Vanessa lifts her head and finds Charity with tears in her eyes. Her own efforts to keep from crying are pointless in the face of that, so she gives in and lets her tears flow, lifting her hand to wipe Charity's cheeks. She uses her thumb to rub the last of the hoover dust off her nose and smiles.

"I love you too," she says, because it's important for Charity to hear it. She swallows and looks up at Charity. "I love you, and I want to be with you, but I meant what I said; I need you to be honest with me. We can get through whatever we need to if we just _talk_ to each other."

Charity's nodding before she's even finished speaking. "I promise, babe." She widens her eyes. "Even _I'm_ not daft enough to lose you twice."

"Good." Vanessa sniffs. She leans in, brushing her lips over Charity's and closing her eyes at how right it feels. "There's nothing, _nothing_ , you could tell me that would make me stop loving you, okay?"

Charity's shoulders loosen under her hand and a hand comes up to cup the back of her head, pulling her in until her forehead meets Charity's. They stand like that for a long moment, just drinking in the closeness and the comfort. Charity takes her left hand and brings it up to rest against her chest, looking down at it. She presses her thumb to her engagement ring.

"Every time I saw you, I was terrified to look at your hands in case this was gone." She lifts the hand to her mouth and presses a kiss to Vanessa's knuckles. "I...I don't know what I'd have done if-"

"I tried to take it off," Vanessa confesses, in the interest of honesty. Even if it hurts to see the pain in Charity's eyes when she says it. "Every time I tried to make myself believe it was really over, I tried to take it off and I couldn't do it." She laughs through a new wave of tears. "I think I knew in my heart that it wasn't the end." She looks up at Charity. "I missed you _so_ much."

"Me too," Charity whispers, kissing her hand again before wrapping both arms around her waist. "I hated every flamin' second you were gone."

"Well, I'm back now," Vanessa assures her, tugging gently on her hair.

Charity's eyes drop. "Are you- I mean, no pressure or anything. But are you gonna, you know, come back right away or do you want a bit more time to-"

"Charity," Vanessa cuts her off. "I'm coming home." Her throat tightens when Charity's eyes light up. "I'm going over the road to get the bits and pieces I took to Tracy's, and Johnny, and then I'm coming home."

"I've missed him, an'all," Charity says. " _So_ much. We've all missed him. Moz has asked for him non-stop. And you."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you both during that whole ordeal," Vanessa says. Her heart clenches every time she thinks about it. About how when Johnny was taken, Charity was the one to go after him and bring him back safely. And she couldn't even take the time to read Charity's messages at the most frightening time of her life. "I should've-"

"Hey." Charity shakes her head. "It's over now. Everyone's safe. Everyone's home."

Vanessa kisses her softly. "Well, we will be soon."

"Can I-" Charity coughs. "Would it be okay if I came over to get him with you? I know your Tracy's not my biggest fan at the moment, but I'm just dying to see the little mite."

Another surge of love washes through Vanessa, leaving her warm and happy. "Course you can come with me." She slides her hand down Charity's arm and links their fingers. She's glad Charity wants to come, because she doesn't actually want to be apart from her right now. They've been apart far too much recently. She tugs Charity in the direction of the door.

"Don't you want to put your coat back on?" Charity points over her shoulder at the garment, crumpled on the floor.

"It's only over the road." She squeezes Charity's hand as she leads them outside. "And don't worry about Tracy, by the way. She might've seemed a bit hostile the other day, but that was mostly for show. She does really like you."

It's colder than she remembers it being when she came over and a shiver runs from her shoulders and right down her spine. Charity lets go of her hand and wraps an arm around her shoulders, rubbing at her bicep. She looks up at her and smiles.

"What?" Charity rolls her eyes. "Look, I just got you back. I'm not having you dying of hypothermia straight away."

"So gallant," Vanessa says, with a soft laugh.

They make their way up the path to Tug Ghyll and Vanessa lets them in, smiling at the sight of Tracy and Johnny doing a jigsaw on the coffee table. Johnny looks up at the sound of the door, and when his eyes land on Charity, his whole face changes.

"Charity!"

Charity grins. "Hiya Johnnybobs. You gonna come and give me a big cuddle?"

She crouches down and opens her arms, while Johnny scrambles to his feet, climbing over Tracy, who mutters some mild protest at being stood on, and races round the couch to throw himself at Charity. She catches him and stands up, eyes closed, arms locked around his little body. His arms are around her neck and he's babbling away in her ear about missing her and asking where Moses is and if she wants to come and do his jigsaw with him. Guilt hits Vanessa square in the chest for keeping these two apart. She vows never to destabilise the kids again over something that got sorted in a week. It's not fair on any of them. And she knows what it's like to have parents that come and go.

"It's all back on, then?" Tracy asks, coming to stand by her, lifting her eyebrows. "I take it the two of you talked? You didn't just-"

"We talked, Trace," Vanessa assures her. She meets Charity's eyes over Johnny's shoulder. "We know where we all stand, yeah?"

"We do," Charity agrees. She tickles Johnny's side, making him giggle and squirm. "And we're going home."

"Yay!" Johnny puts both hands in the air, like he's won a race, and Charity laughs. Vanessa moves over to kiss his cheek, and then Charity's.

"Right, I'm gonna grab some stuff from upstairs and then we can head out, okay?" She looks between Charity and Tracy, leaving a warning gaze to rest on her sister. " _Be nice._ "

"When am I not nice?" Tracy asks, with a far too innocent smile. "I'm sure me and my future sister-in-law can chat for a few minutes without you here to referee. I'n't that right, Charity?"

"Course." Charity winks and nods at Vanessa. "Go on, kid. We'll be fine."

Despite the unease in her stomach from the determination on Tracy's face, Vanessa heads upstairs. She grabs the hold-all that she'd hastily packed when she'd left Jacob's Fold last week and stuffs the few things that aren't in Tracy's washing basket in it. She does the same in Johnny's room, chiding herself for calling it that. It's not Johnny's room anymore. Johnny has a room over the road that he shares with his brother.

After a final glance into both rooms, she heads out onto the landing, pausing when hears voices from downstairs.

"I mean it, Charity. She was proper devastated."

"And I wasn't? Listen, I know when I'm onto a good thing. And your sister is the _best_ thing that's ever happened to me. I'm not...I _can't_ lose her again. I'm not daft, Tracy. "

"That's debatable."

Vanessa bites her lip, waiting for Charity to respond.

"Yeah, well, maybe so. But I'm daft about _her_ more than I am daft in general. Okay?"

Tears prick at Vanessa's eyes for what must be the hundredth time in the space of a week. But they're good tears now; happy tears. Deciding she better get down there before Tracy decides to grill Charity any further, she makes a point of clomping along the landing and down the stairs, so they know she's coming. Charity turns to face her, Johnny still on her hip. They're both smiling up at her and she's not sure her heart could be more full. Charity lifts her eyebrows.

"Got everything, babe?"

Vanessa makes it to the bottom of the stairs and links her arm through Charity's. "Now I have."

Charity shakes her head. "Soppy cow." But she presses a kiss to Vanessa's lips anyway before turning to Johnny. "Right, Johnny lad. Say goodbye to Auntie Tracy."

"Bye Auntie Tracy!" He waves at her. "We're going home now!"

Vanessa squeezes Charity's arm. "Yes, we are."


	81. I can see a better time

She heads back to Noah's room after her discussion with Marlon. Though she's bone tired, there's a new current of energy, fuelled by hatred, running through her veins, making her fidgety and unable to settle. She pushes the door open.

"Right, that's everyone gone home now, so-"

"Shhh," Noah says and she glances up in surprise.

He nods to the foot of his bed, where she sees Vanessa with her head resting on her arms; she's fast asleep. Charity smiles and looks back at Noah, lifting a questioning eyebrow.

"One minute she was talking to me, next minute she was spark out." He smiles. "I must not be very interesting."

She knows he's joking, but it sends a pang of regret shooting through her chest. If only they'd paid him a bit more attention. If only they'd noticed he was sad, or scared, or whatever he was. But now's not the time for that kind of discussion, so she smiles back and rolls her eyes.

"You and me both, kid. Never known anyone who can fall asleep as fast as this one." She trails her hand along Vanessa's shoulders before dropping heavily into the chair by the bed. They both regard Vanessa and Charity sighs. "I better wake her up. She'll do her neck in sleeping like that."

"You both need to go home and get a _proper_ sleep," Noah says. She looks over at him sharply.

"And leave you on your own on Christmas Eve?" She shakes her head. "No way. I'm stopping here."

"Mum, I'm knackered. I'm just gonna be sleeping." He sighs. "You can't leave the little 'uns to wake up on Christmas morning without you being there. It's not fair on them just because I've been-" His eyes fill with tears and he swallows with difficulty. "Because I'm so stupid."

"Hey," Charity soothes, on her feet immediately. She sweeps her fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his forehead and rests her hand against his cheek. "You are _not_ stupid, okay? Yeah, okay, you did something daft." She closes her eyes, pushing away all the horrible thoughts she'd had about how this might end during the interminable night she'd spent by his bedside. "But it's okay now. You're okay and we'll talk about whatever we need to talk about when you're better, yeah?"

He nods and sniffs, leaning his head into her hand. She presses a kiss to his forehead, leaving her nose buried in his hair, just for a moment. His hand slips into hers and squeezes and she pulls back to look at him.

"Please go home and have Christmas morning with Moses and Johnny," he begs. "You're both too old to spend another night sitting up in these chairs."

"Oi, you," she scolds, earning a smile.

"Like you said, I'm okay now. I'll have a sleep and you can come and see me tomorrow." He tilts his head. "Maybe you can sneak me in a turkey sandwich."

She laughs. "Fat chance, babe. Turkey's still in the freezer. We haven't really had a chance to think ab-" His face falls and she immediately feels guilty. "Hey, don't worry about it. We'll sort something out. Lydia's bound to be cooking for half the village, yeah?" He sniffs, his lower lip trembling. "Listen, the _only_ thing that matters right now is that you're alright. We can order a takeaway or shove a pizza in the oven tomorrow. We'll have our Christmas dinner when we're all together, okay?"

"Okay." He nods. "But go home and see the boys. Please?"

She's about to argue again when a snort from the bottom of the bed catches both of them by surprise and they look down as Vanessa lifts her head in bewilderment, blinking. She turns to look at them and winces, a hand flying to her neck.

"See?" Noah whispers. "Too old."

She shakes her head and plants a kiss on his cheek before moving to stand behind Vanessa, gently pulling her hand away and massaging her neck and shoulders. Vanessa groans, letting her head fall forward.

"Was I asleep just then?"

"Going by the amount of drool on this bed cover, I'd say so," Charity tells her, winking at Noah.

"Shut up, you." She tentatively turns to Noah again. "I'm sorry, what were you saying before I drifted off?"

"I was saying that the two of you need to go home and sleep in your own bed tonight," Noah says. "And spend Christmas morning with Moses and Johnny."

"What? No! We're not leaving you here on your own!" Vanessa twists in her chair, looking up at Charity in confusion.

Charity shrugs. "Reckons our old bones won't take a second night in these seats." She hides a smile. "And that he won't get a decent kip with you snoring."

"I'm not the one who snores, lady!" Vanessa protests.

"Don't- don't make me laugh," Noah says, holding his chest. "Everything hurts." Charity's at his side again, hands fluttering around, unsure how to make it better. He shakes his head. "I'm fine. Honest."

She nods. Vanessa moves to his other side, taking his hand. "You've been so strong and brave all through this. Proper fighter, you are."

He flushes, eyes flitting away from Vanessa's earnest gaze. "M'not."

"Yes, you are," Charity agrees. "And after all you've been through, you're thinking about the terrors and their Christmas before your own."

"Christmas is for kids, i'n't it?" he says.

" _You're_ my kid," Charity tells him, running her thumb down his jaw. "No matter how much bumfluff you get on your chin, you'll always be my kid." Her eyes burn with tears when she thinks how close she was to losing him. If he hadn't be found when he was. If he'd taken more. If he'd wandered further away. She shakes her head. "I love you."

"I love you too," Noah says. He turns to Vanessa. "You an'all."

The shock on Vanessa's face brings Charity's tears out in earnest and she covers her mouth when Vanessa leans down to kiss Noah's head and whisper that she loves him too. He clears his throat and blinks far too much.

"Right. The two of you need to go. I'm tired. You can bring the boys by to see me tomorrow if you can drag them away from their pressies."

"Oh God," Charity says, closing her eyes. "I can see it now." She nods to the medical equipment still beeping away by Noah's bed. "Moses swinging from them tubes and Johnny pressing every button he can reach. It'll be carnage."

"It'll be ace," Noah says. "Go on."

They both kiss him goodbye, and wave until they can't see him anymore. Vanessa's hand slips into hers, their fingers intertwining. "I might need to stop by the coffee machine if we want to get home in one piece."

Charity smiles, turning to press a kiss to Vanessa's head and holds out her free hand. "Gimme the keys."

"No!" Vanessa straightens her shoulders and widens her eyes. "You're just as tired as me, if not more. I'll drive."

"Coffee, then," Charity says, pulling Vanessa over to one of the machines and shoving a quid into it. Vanessa's phone beeps in her pocket while the coffee's dispensing and she pulls it out, smiling at whatever's on the screen. She turns it around to let Charity see; it's a picture of Johnny and Moses sat on the sofa in their Christmas jammies, eating cookies and transfixed by whatever's on the telly.

"Tracy's got them bathed and watching Elf," Vanessa tells her. "If we hurry, we'll be in time for a cuddle before bedtime." She smiles. "And once they're all tucked in, we can get ready to take Christmas to Noah tomorrow."

Charity hands Vanessa the cup of coffee, tilting her head and smiling. "That sounds amazing, babe."

Wrapping an arm around Vanessa's shoulders, they head out of the hospital together, secure in the knowledge that Noah's on the mend, and that they'll all be spending Christmas together.


End file.
